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First Draft: Detective Alexandra Bates (Patreon)

Published:
2019-10-24 16:38:09
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

So, here is the first idea I wanted to write something about. I was frustrated after trying out a certain game, which explored a female cop getting blackmailed and generally involved in sexy or bad stuff, despite her being honest. Since I liked the base idea, I wanted to see what I could write based on that premise.

It's pretty short so far (after all, it's meant to be a little extra I can write while still working on the game without worries), so it might be hard to figure out if you like the current path, but this is all very experimental, so I am willing to listen to suggestions.

Also, this is the only part that will be public, future chapters will be behind the 3$ tier (I started this to see if I could get some extra support, since the patreon has been under the 2500$ goal for several months now).

Anyway, boring explanations aside, please, enjoy!P.S.

Poll for 3$ tier will be coming soon today.

Comments

Samantha Louise

I think I know what game you’re talking about. Was it an rpg maker game with the protagonist named Miranda? I wanted to like it too but it didn’t click with me. Anyway I like this would love to see you work on it more! Had fun with the brief amount of content there.

mdqp

The one I am referring to would be Manila Shaw (it's an RPG Maker game). I don't think it's a bad idea, but the game seems to purposefully waste your time with rote repetition (and to top it all off, with ssslllooowww animations, transitions and interactions whenever possible). When the scenes arrive, instead, it's all ultra fast as far as text goes, we get very little in the way of descriptions for what the protagonist is feeling. At first I thought it was a free version, but then I realized I was actually playing a pirated version, and decided to stop playing (there are more websites with pirated games than I would have imagined, even for small porn games like ours), so I am not sure if it gets better, because I stopped there (but it seems unlikely).

Samantha Louise

Yeah That is the one I was thinking of. From what I remember Those complaints sound right. I like your take so far on the concept!

Auril

Great start :) would love to see an option to turn this VR on the captain. Make him pay

mdqp

I guess I can consider turning the tables on some of them as an option. We'll also see how the polls go. ^_^

WiredRM

It's nice to enjoy your writing in this format again. I'm looking forward to getting to read more of this!

Ell_123

Have you tried playing Detective Girl from Clymentia?

Narf

Can't say anything about the content because I didn't get that far.<br><br>2 major flaws I noticed:<br>the Mode and the dangerous combination of Mode and possible/suspected xxx content.<br>GM Mode / Director Mode sux.<br>Lost interest after the 3rd sentence.<br>Both 1st and 3rd person are so much better when it comes to Reader Immersion.<br>GM Mode is nice and good when you actually have OTHERS playing a game, but that's exactly it:<br>Game Masters are NOT supposed to have a character. They say You this, You that, You like this, You like that, You do this, You do that, But they are not supposed to make choices for any player character.<br><br>For those not familiar with those terms, it's like movies:<br>The word "You" places you into the shoes of the Director, who sits behind the camera on a chair and yells CUT! and effectively prevents you from developing any feelings for the character/s.<br><br>That is because of how the human brain handles reading: By converting strings of letters into words which result in thoughts, in (internal) speech. Even external speech (reading loud). Why is why GM Mode is only good for reading TO someone else. <br><br>"dangerous combination....." Now what is that?<br>Let's just say I cannot recommend reading out loud <i>"You are dripping wet and you know it, you need it, you crave it"</i> on a bench in public when there's a horde angry looking women with baseball bats walking by. Not if you ever want to have offspring. You can read "I" and you can read "She" but if you read "You" then every single one is gonna feel targeted.

mdqp

No, but I saw the steam page. The protagonist looks a little too young (and flat) for my taste, so assuming she was going to be in adult scenes, I didn't bother. Is the game itself any good?

mdqp

Since this is interactive to an extent, I went with 2nd person like I do with my games. If this had no choices at all, I'd probably go with 3rd person, however. I didn't think it would be such a big deal, to be honest. XD

mdqp

Thanks! ^_^

Ell_123

Personaly I loved it. Was like all stars aligned for me, steampunk, detective story, tomboy protagonist. I think it's very solid game, much better than most of the RPG Maker games. I also liked it a lot from the visual perspective, dunno if it's custom assets or setting, but it wasn't typical look of hundreds of other games on this engine.

mdqp

I can see that. Maybe I'll try it in the future, a friend of mine also had good things to say about it, so I was already thinking about it. If the game itself is solid, I can probably go past the protagonist not looking as I'd prefer. Well, assuming I find the time for another game, that is. XD

DramaCoach69

Since this is interactive AND just a sampling, I am fine with what is presented so far. Use of 2nd person is consistent with standard practices in CYOA stories and, essentially, that is what this is. I am hoping there will be some media included at a later date, but the story has possibilities. On a side note in reference to the original post, "Who would be reading this out loud---in public! Actually, reading out loud is an excellent way to proofread, but this is way to early to focus on minutiae when you barely have a story.

mdqp

I wasn't thinking about it too hard, but I could actually get some media in it, perhaps. I wanted to keep this lightweight, so that it's easier to produce without putting too much time into it, and I always worry about possible legal issues, so maybe that would be too troublesome, though.

Anon

I prefer second person, just chipping in

Vitreous Humour

I agree with some other posters, this should be in Third person POV as the narration includes details a first or second person POV would not know about.

John Smithe

I would prefer second person, as it is the usual standard for CYOA games, but it is up to you.