Chapter 36: A Fun Night Out (Patreon)

Stepping into the crowded O’Shanahans bar was like entering a tacky, corporate version of a themed bar. First, I was hit with loud stereotypical Irish music, but also the smell of freshly cut grass? The pleasant and the obnoxious came together to knock me off balance. Four-leaf clovers and Irish flags adorned the walls, along with various leprechaun figurines sat on shelves. It was as if an ignorant tourist described the country to someone and then that person designed a bar around it. But if all that wasn’t enough, the next part was.

A pleasant feminine voice said, “hey, I’m Geminy. Just take a seat anywhere and I’ll come by soon for your order.”

I turned, and my jaw dropped. Standing in front of me was a beautiful woman with long light brown hair holding a tray with some empty glasses on it. She wore a barmaid outfit that looked more like an Oktoberfest costume, but those weren’t the things that shocked me. No, that part was the cat ears and matching tail.

Is the System making cat girls now or is she an alien?

She smiled at me and her eyes sparkled in a way that seemed to suggest that she enjoyed my shocked surprise. As she turned away, her fluffy tail gently waved to and fro.

A nearby patron stared at the tail and then started to reach out towards it.

Geminy stopped and without turning around said in a chipper, upbeat voice, “anyone who touches my tail is losing a hand once we’re outside of the safe zone. Mmkay?”

The man retracted his hand and turned back to his drink while Geminy went on her way.

“So that was weird,” I said to Hugo. When he didn’t respond, I asked, “uh Hugo?”

“Oh my god, her ears are so fluffy!” Hugo exclaimed.

“Alright, settle down. I don’t need my animal companion losing a wing over it. Come on, let’s look for Earnest.”

Hugo looked at his wings in horror. “She would never!”

We walked through several rooms, scanning the crowd, until I spotted Earnest sitting at the bar in regular street clothes. The only thing marking him out as different was the fancy pistol that was still sitting on his hip.

I slid into the seat next to him while Hugo hopped up onto the bar.

“Interesting new look,” I said to Earnest.

He grunted. “Helps me blend in. Nobody notices me if I look like every other low-level idiot who got lucky and stumbled into town.” Earnest looked back over the jovial crowd of drinkers at various tables, and a flicker of disdain crossed over his face. “End of the world, and they’re treating it like it’s a party. I bet half of them aren’t even past level 2 yet.”

“Don’t they need to earn money for those drinks?” Hugo asked.

Earnest’s eyebrows rose. “Your bird talks?”

I nodded. “This is Hugo.”

“Well Hugo, to answer your question ordinarily yes, but it seems that Martin has been very generous with his own money lately.”

“He’s keeping them weak,” I realized. “By throwing money at them in town, they have no reason to leave and get stronger. Meanwhile, as he grows more powerful, the rest of the residents become easier to control.”

“Bingo,” said Earnest.

“But why?” asked Hugo. “You’d think with the apocalypse we could all band together as Earthlings.”

I snorted. “Earthlings? Really?”

“Hey screw you. This is my planet too,” Hugo protested.

“I don’t know why exactly,” said Earnest. “Maybe he wants to be in charge so bad that he’s not thinking of anything else. One thing I do know is that it’s a form of weakness because if he’d focus on getting his followers stronger, then he’d be unstoppable.”

I saw what he was getting at. “Right, but because it's just him and maybe those twins of his, then he’s more exposed when he’s outside of town. You thinking of striking first?”

Earnest shook his head. “Not yet. Not until the sides have become more defined. Right now, it’s just him and his group pretending to rebuild society, and a whole lot of other people staying out of it. We have to be smart until we know what level he and his lieutenants are at, or at least until we have an overwhelming force that we can bring to bear.”

I nodded and tried to hurry him along for information. “Okay, makes sense. Anything else? What about the town founder thing?”

“Why are you in a rush? Have a drink first,” he said and signaled Geminy.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

Before I could say nothing, Hugo spoke and said, “two beers and a side order of fries.”

She smiled. “Coming right up.”

Staying in this bar irritated me. Knowing that there’s a ticking clock on this tower and there were so many floors left to clear. I felt restless just sitting here, pretending to relax. Every time I stopped moving, I’d start thinking about what could be happening to my world outside of the tower.

Changing the subject, I asked, “so how are you doing with the whole alien thing?”

He shrugged. “It takes some adjusting. She might not even be the strangest one we find in the tower. Still haven’t figured out why they’re here yet, though.”

“I spoke to another one, and he sounded a bit like a tourist on vacation,” I said quietly.

Geminy returned with two beers and a basket of fries. “I can hear you, you know,” she said, gesturing at her pointy ears.

“Okay, so why are you here?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “I’m not allowed to say, but I came here with good intentions.”

As she started to leave, I asked, “does that mean you’ll change this awful music?” It had gone from mildly annoying to grating and I’d rather have nothing at all than the same song over and over again.

“Nope!” she yelled back.

Hugo pushed the basket of fries forward a bit with his beak. “You want one?” he offered Earnest.

“No thanks,” he replied. “I’m trying to stay away from carbs.”

“I’m not sure if stuff like that even matters anymore,” I said, thinking of our constitution and vitality stats.

He patted me on the shoulder. “Feel free to experiment for the rest of us. I’m gonna go take a leak.”

“Wait, what about…” and he’s gone.

“Forget the tater hater,” said Hugo. “Just means more for us. Besides, we’ve earned it after today.”

“Okay, but there’s no need to keep crowing about it,” I smirked.

Hugo sniffed. “I think bird puns should be beneath both of us, don’t you?” He then dove his head into the basket and proceeded to scarf down multiple fries in rapid succession.

“I don’t even understand how that’s physically possible. Where are you even putting it all?” I muttered.

I took a sip of beer and nearly cursed. It tasted really good. Despite my best efforts, I found myself beginning to loosen up. I even managed to snag a fry or two off of Hugo who was too slow to stop me.

“Hey!” he whined.

I shrugged. “Benefits of being a dex build.”

Before I could say more, the blonde, muscular male twin that was working with Martin casually leaned up against the bar. He was still carrying the axe on his back from before, but this time he was also wearing a blue leather jacket that didn’t strike me as what I would call pre-System. I wonder if it carries an enchantment?

“Another round for table seven, if you please,” he told Geminy. He glanced around and then acted like he just noticed me for the first time.

“Haven’t seen you before,” he said, with an easy smile.

“I’m not interested,” I replied curtly.

He scowled. “I haven’t offered you anything.”

Geminy hustled over with a round of drinks on a tray. “Here you are Anders. There’s no need for trouble.”

I turned away from him and raised my beer for another sip when Anders slapped it out of my hand. The glass shattered on the floor and everyone stopped. Even the music finally paused.

I guess since he didn’t make physical contact with me, the safe zone buffer didn’t activate.

I got out of my seat and stared at him. “You owe me a drink.”

“Why don’t you fight me for it outside?”

After he said this, a group of men from what I presume was table seven stood up in support. They just saw me as one man with a bird who, frustratingly enough, was still munching on his fries instead of backing me up. But if it came to a fight, then I felt confident about winning. Those at the table only wore basic swords and axes. I doubted any of them were above a four. The only threat would be from Anders, but it was now night and there were no lights outside of town.

I smiled coldly. “Yeah, let’s take this outside.”