Ash is 10. I’m Pretty Dead. Gwar is awesome and has a thing in LA. And BOSTON: I’m in the IgNobel Prize ceremony tomorrow (and Friday we ALL have a webchat). (Patreon)

Hi my loves

I’m reading all comments tomorrow, lay it on me.

Me. On my bike. Killing the jetlag.

I barely emptied by bag from your and it was straight into birthday land with 7 people in the house. My brain was already melting. I have been popping little things onto Instagram and frankly I always feel like I’m weirdly cheating on you when I put too much personal stuff on IG and don’t manage to come over here to digest it all for you and say something more long and meaningful. I’ve been at this fucked up internet job for 25 years and still get confused.

…….

While looking at photos this algorithm shit slipped into my iBalls.

I feel fine twisting me like a pretzel.

I made it home for the Birth Day preparations. I wanted to sleep more than anything.

I learned how to tie the knot. Not that knot. The important not. The right knot.

Ash’s main desire this birthday season was a clubhouse. I wanted to be the kind of mom who could build one or at least arrange one. I failed and yet succeeded. Knot not.

I wrote this upon waking and posted it to Instagram. This old photo popped up.

4 years ago old to be exact. It’s traumatizing to remember this happening.

Time. It was the second level four lockdown in New Zealand. I was paralyzed and finding out - right around then - things that would undo my entire understanding of the world. I’m still wrapping my head around it. I’ve learned to understand when women, mothers, start talking like this. I get it now. He was turning 6.

I had to do the things.

Back then I went to the only stores open on the island and found what I could. There were streamers. I bought him a bag of tools to make traps with. I tried.

This time round, I forgot to buy streamers for the birthday-morning kitchen - i meant to, it dropped off the list yesterday in the jet lag haze - so instead, I grabbed some string and I festooned the kitchen with flowers and leaves and branches and Brendon made an acorn scavenger hunt up to the attic where the presents awaited. Ukuleles were played (ok that’s a lie, only one ukulele was played).

We lit the candles.

Pancakes were eaten. Lunch was made and the lunchbox contains treats and hastily scrawled birthday love notes with half-dead pens.

A found a copy of Spirited Away.

You know …..

A for effort.

Our life is ever-rhyming.

I remember that level 4 lockdown in New Zealand birthday and I remember doing these late-night make-it-delightful tasks entirely alone.

The scavenger hunt was a trail of seashells, not acorns. I remember feeling so lonely, and frustrated, and I remember wanting so badly to feel resentful. And I remember resisting. I remember feeling seismically changed that night, in a sort of a zen way. Finding okayness.

And the shape always changes and changes again. I was alone then, but the shape of help around me, the village, it changed and grew.

It was a glacial process. It still is.

Man.

To the parents out there trying their best, especially the solo parents: just remember, it may never look like the picture in your head, but as long as you’re trying to create something, anything, out of whatever, your child will feel it. Love is time.

This is Ash, once upon a time, in Lee’s apartment at the Cloud Club. He’s 1? 2? 1, I think.

Lee is gone now.

My feelings about every character in this play of life only get more layered with time.

Ash is ten years old today.

Everything changes.

Instead of a clubhouse, we erected a tent.

It’s a fucking fab tent.

It’ll do. I filled it with pillows and books.

I’m tired. I didn’t know if he would love it or not. I would have loved it.

Help came and keeps coming in the most unusual forms. Help is what it is. I’ll take it. My heart breaks open for what is possible.

He loved it.

Trust time.

Plot twist slash lyric reference: yes…he is the one who holds my heart in his forever.

It was here all along.

More when I see you all Friday, hopefully, online.

…..

On that note

HOUSEKEEPING

Tonight I took Ash and some of his friends and fam to the tech rehearsal for the IgNobel!!! It’s such a great show and tradition. I’ll be on stage being silly with the nerds and Nobel laureates for the whole thing if you wanna tune in online - 6pm EST tomorrow Sept 18th - streaming link is on the main page below.

AND there are still tickets for the show!!! Come!!

https://improbable.com/the-35th-first-annual-ig-nobel-prize-ceremony/?amp=1

……….

SHORT ALL-patron WEBCHAT ON FRIDAY, SEPT 19th @ 11:11 EST

It’s meant to be a book club catch up but you know me, it’ll be about the books and I’ll also talk about…..everything else. The books are just an excuse to talk life, as usual.

Please join me, it’s open to all patrons. I’ll send a reminder post.

You can all RSVP and start dropping questions and chatting here.

https://www.crowdcast.io/c/8wb3sho8mxt1

……

If you’re in LA, check out the GWAR exhibit -

LET THERE BE GWAR!!!!!

I know there MUST be some Gwar fans here!!!

GWAR just happened to be down the street from where The Dresden Dolls played in LA a few days ago (@hwdforever) and they let us sneak into their exhibit early to see their, erm, “marital aids”….

Go see the exhibit! It opened this weekend and it’s BEAUTIFUL AND WEIRD AND INSPIRING TO ALL. And the band was honored - truly - that some of the guys in Gwar came out to support the show….

🩸 BEYOND THE STREETS PRESENTS: LET THERE BE GWAR 🩸

A MONUMENTAL RETROSPECTIVE CELEBRATING 40 YEARS OF INTERGALACTIC CHAOS

September 13 – November 2, 2025 | Los Angeles | FREE ENTRY

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📍 434 N La Brea Ave, Los Angeles, CA🕚 Wed–Sun: 11AM–6PM | Mon–Tues: Closed

…..

Speaking of insane perversity

I was quite pleased to see these protestors in Lexington, MA, this morning. Most of them were over 60.

Hope springs eternal.

X

A