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and she’s down for the count. (Patreon)

Published:
2020-03-31 22:15:25
Imported:
2026-06
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turns out all my best and exhausted efforts to get my shit together and get fully online and streaming and making and fixing things and helping people have been answered by the universe with a big fat fucking no. 

i awoke in the middle of the night last night  with a splitting level 10 headache, throbbing right where my head got honked by ash; i probably have a concussion; they say full rest and no screens. 

i am cheating right now but i had to tell you all. 

that’s it , i’m down for the ducking count , and i’ll come back when the universe decides i’m good and fucking ready. 

in the gratitude dept. 

neil is going to try his best to take of me and thank god for him and xanthea being here. i was on the phone with one of my single mom friends yesterday and if i had to mother a four year old wirh this headache i think i would be locking myself hourly in the bathroom for a weep

and 

i don’t have COVID-19

and 

ive worked hard all my life and you know i love you. 

it’s all gonna be okay. 

mum gonna go read some books for a few days. 

and maybe i’ll cry anyway. 

i’ll read comments when i’m back online. i may send neil and hayley over here to check the comments in case anybody has good advice about concussions besides rest. 

i love you all a lot. 

please take care of yourselves. 

i am trying hard not to be angry at myself for not being more careful when things are so critical. but guilt serves nobody. 

let it go

let it go

x

a

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. A NEW IMPROVED FORUM IS COMING BUT FOR NOW…..please join the official AFP-patron facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/afpland

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net



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Comments

Sue Sylwester-Rice

Heal well taking all the time you need! Much love directed your way!

Darren Robinson

Get better, stay safe & stay sane. 🍀

itihas

I want to hear about what you dream. Migraine dreams. And fever dreams are both horrible, and I wish you the chance to wash clean of them how you can. Reminded of yesterday's brainpickings https://www.brainpickings.org/2020/04/01/tocqueville-democracy-in-america-stillness/?mc_cid=45735c8063&mc_eid=a5f833db93: … But between these epochs of misery and confusion there are periods during which human society seems to rest and mankind to take breath. This pause is, indeed, only apparent, for time does not stop its course for nations any more than for [individuals]; they are all advancing every day towards a goal with which they are unacquainted. But between these epochs of misery and confusion there are periods during which human society seems to rest and mankind to take breath. This pause is, indeed, only apparent, for time does not stop its course for nations any more than for [individuals]; they are all advancing every day towards a goal with which they are unacquainted.

Anonymous

Hi Amanda. I'm in Darwin. You know that weird place you came and performed in in February? Feels like eleventy billion years ago. I was there. I loved it. In the Northern Territory we aren't doing so bad because we have to protect our most vulnerable; our Aboriginal people.

Anonymous

I hope you feel better soon Amanda!

Anonymous

Hi Amanda, I’m in Leeds UK and we’re all on Government enforced lockdown. Our Prime Minister Boris Johnson (don’t get me started) has the virus, as do many of the Cabinet. I’m a biological scientist, and I made flu vaccines back in the 90’s, so me and many of my colleagues have seen this coming for years. It was always a question of when, not if.

Anonymous

Something else I’m finding really useful is learning Reiki. I trained with a Master Teacher here at the beginning of March. My spiritual being is fully awake now, and I see signs everywhere I look to guide me onwards. I know that Love, caring and kindness are the answers to everything. People have to learn to love and forgive themselves first. Whatever errors were made in the past, mostly when we were kids, have happened. We didn’t know any better then. Repeating those mistakes as adults means we’re emotionally stuck. I went through 10 years of professional counselling to understand how and why I am who I am now. It fucking hurts, but it’s necessary to reach truth. I know me so well now. This means I can heal others too, by offering them love and kindness. It’s always a personal choice. If they don’t want to accept it from me, I cannot force it. I love them anyway. I’ve been told by a Reiki Master, an NHS doctor, that in this human life I was born to be a healer. I believe her. It’s all coming true for me. She said 2020 is the start of a new Spiritual Age, and this current chaos is essential, there are too many people who are driven by greed and the lust for power. The planet cannot cope anymore, so a natural rebalancing is required. This is happening for a reason. She said there is no such thing as coincidence. I am now full of hope, for a better future. Millions are dying, however the Phoenix cannot rise until the flames have burned. This is my truth, I’m seeing it and living it each day. I am sending you love and Universal energy, take care of yourself my dear. Namaste 💜

Anonymous

I'm in the City and County of Denver, Colorado. The office I work in moved to work-at-home on March 23. Denver called for stay-at-home effective 5:00 pm on March 24. Three other metro area counties announced they were heading that way when the governor put a state-wide stay-at-home on the books, effective 6:00 am on March 26. The statewide lockdown is set to expire 4/11 pending reassessment. I can't see how it would be lifted. I'm at home by myself, no pets, no people. I email daily with my dad and brother, and some friends started a Zoom happy hour last Friday that we plan to keep up for the duration. For me, it's been surreal. I'm still working full time, which is good because I'm a contractor, so if I don't work, I don't get paid. I'm not sick, and nobody I know of is. I'm very lucky, and I'm very aware of that. But I still feel impending doom, both personally and externally. Selfishly, I put down earnest money on a new home that's due to be finished at the end of August. My home has to go on the market by the end of May. I don't see how I'm going to get it ready for showings, I don't know how I feel about having strangers in my house at this time, and I'm not sure what the market will look like when I do go to sell. It's more stressful than it would be in the beforetimes, and real estate is stressful enough. On a larger scale, I have friends around the world in various states of distress and danger. I have one Twitter friend who's disappeared, and I'm in DM daily with a couple of her mutual friends (we quickly discovered none of us knows much about her IRL) shoring each other up and hoping she's just taking care of someone in her life and offline. I feel like I don't know what's really happening. There are so many numbers, and people saying, "This is just the beginning," like we haven't already been knee-deep in it for... ffs, has it only been 2 weeks?

Aimsel Ponti

Good Bones BY MAGGIE SMITH Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.