Home
Creators
Search Recent Missing Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

new cancellations, i don't want you to die, and other news. (Patreon)

Published:
2020-04-10 02:55:10
Imported:
2026-06
haven't archived this post yet. have a subscription? use the importer!

Content

{public post}

hello loves.

news on inevitable cancellations below (upshot: no omega retreat, no boston pops symphony hall shows in boston).

just a quick post, while i work on a few longer ones.

things are hard. 

our friends are losing friends and parents to COVID. neil lost his cousin the night before last. michael lost his grandmother. my friend emily just lost her dad. we are all just paddling in the dark.

i am about 60% of the way through reading these now-1700+ comments on the last post, and i gotta say, if you're looking for something to kill the time, it's re-assuring. everybody out there, hundreds of mini-stories, we are all in the multi-colored shit. also, i was using a system ofclicking-on-the-heart as i read each comment, but patreon's tools (desktop, mobile and app) as so EXTRAORDINARILY SHITTY that i had to give up on that system. the post that is long and painful that i am drafting will be in response to everybody's comments, and about the furstration of not being able to connect better even though it's supposed to be the Future, and the poetry is endless. i'm hoping to get our community forum up in beta in the next few days. sorry it's been slow. everything's been slow. i'm also looking into using discord. everything is just...slow. i don't apologize. i'm making one meal at a time over here and it feels like the dishes and the laundry take all day.

you still have a chance to go comment if you haven't. i'm reading the newsest comments last: https://www.patreon.com/posts/35384346

i also want to encourage you all to go over there and comment away. it's a living document, at least for the time being.

..........

there are still almost no hours in the day by the end of every day. 

this shit aside, i have a great view here from this goddam hill. 

this was the fog in havelock north, new zealand, early early yesterday morning. 


then i went inside, and ash woke up and told me very sweetly that he wanted me to die. he was just so matter of fact about it.

he's been saying that a lot lately. he wants me to die. he wants xanthea to die. he wants ONLY A DADA. he wants me to be in a grave. he wants to chop my head off. he wants to chop xanthea's head off. he wants to make a guillotine that is a REAL guillotine so he can chop my head off and chop xanthea's head off. 

on a good day, he'll finally relent and say he wants EVERYONE to die and that he also want to chop neil's head off. then i am overjoyed. it's amazing, when things become that relative. i am just so relieved when he tells me he also wants neil to die. i'm like THANK GOD it isn't just me. that's weird.

i'm a good mom. i'm like, eh. 

i don't take it personally. 

i know he doesn't want me to die. 

he's four and hasn't seen a friend his age in a month. 

i would want everyone to die too.

...........

i love all of you. your comments and stories are healing and carrying me, and make me feel not alone.

i also know i don't want you to die. so even though things sometimes seem obvious. it's worth saying them.

don't die.

at least wait for my next post. it's a good one.

also, the whole of team AFP is working on text for the Althing. we are all biding our time in different ways around the globe and everyone is in a strange place. it's a good time to let you know how we're dealing with the inner workings of the company while things are on pause. though, they aren't on pause. i said on twitter last night:

........

CANCELLED:

THE UPCOMING RETREAT FOR ALL PATRONS AT THE OMEGA CENTER IN RHINEBECK NY, that was supposed to take place over memorial day weekend in may, is CANCELLED. no big surprise there, and we hadn't put it on sale yet (thank god, i guess), but man, that's sad. we will find a time to do it when things are up and running again. we will need each other more than ever.

.......................

THE BOSTON POPS. me and neil's shows on june 11 & 12th with the boston pops at boston symphony hall are CANCELLED.

more news here

https://www.broadwayworld.com/boston/article/Boston-Pops-Spring-2020-Season-Canceled-20200408

  • Customers are being asked to consider donating the tickets back to the orchestra and receiving a receipt for a tax-deductible donation equal to the total ticket value.
  • They can also get a credit towards a future performance.
  • They can also get a refund for the value of the tickets purchased.

let's not ignore this important detail:

"A near-unprecedented moment in the 135-year history of the Boston Pops, the cancellation of the upcoming season is the first time an entire season of the famed ensemble has been canceled since 1890; that year there were no Boston Pops concerts due to the fact that the managers at the time were unable to procure a liquor license."

YEAH, HOMETOWN. I JUST LOVE YOU.

i can just see the entire boston symphony in 1890 being like

NO BOOZE? NO BEETHOVEN, FUCKERS.

.................

meanwhile, if you are struggling the way i am to get a single thing done and are overwhelmed that the world expects you to do fuck all right now other than survive, i give you this:




back soon. 

feel free to comment over here as well, i'm readin'.

hang in there, everybody.

this is one fuck of a ride.

easy, easy, easy does it.

xxx


afp.

 

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. A NEW IMPROVED FORUM IS COMING BUT FOR NOW…..please join the official AFP-patron facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/afpland

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net


Files

Previews only

Comments

Martha Mountain

I'm not sleeping well. I get through the days reasonably well - my job right now is trying to make sure all our members get paid something during this crisis so I've got lots to do, so I do deep breathing exercises, qi gong, reiki, all the things to keep grounded and sane, and it works, Until I try to sleep and then all the demons come out and it's endless nightmares of being powerless to help anyone. The ONLY upside to this weird sleep schedule is that no one really cares what actual hours I work, only that the work get done. So I'm coping. I think. And deeply grateful for my balconies.

Jenna Tomlin

Ash wanting to build a guillotine made me laugh - it's macabre and adorable. So Addams Family. I feel terrible for him; this is a world upside down. I'm going a little nutters myself over here in the States. Working from home is not healthy for me. I like not talking to people too much and I'm super becoming a hermit. Days are a construct. Dishes multiply in the sink and I keep washing them. What even is this. At least my cat is used to this and is leading me by example.

Claire
>>35022147

I feel the same way. I am trying to catch up in school (online college, obviously I've fallen behind - time doesn't exist, so what's a due date?) and can't concentrate today. Asked my cats what we should do -- they wandered into the bedroom. I suppose it's time for a nap.

Birdy McGinnis

I commented on the other post, so wasn’t going to comment on this one, but if we’re creating a record for later I suppose things like what just happened in my household are important to write down as well. My partner and I just had an enormous row. It did not resolve. He manages a large grocery store just over the state line. He comes home overstimulated and exhausted every day. His allergies were acting up, so he’s been sleeping on the couch to keep from coughing into my face in the night. But our son had left dishes on the coffee table today, and my partner was twitchy when he got off his ten hour day, and he said to our eleven year old son that now was when he needed to step up to help us. Now was when he needed to be productive. Now was when he could go through his toys to clean some out, now was when he could do more during the day in the absence of school, and he couldn’t say my partner was wrong. I sent our son to my room so he could shut a door and not hear. And confronted his father to say no, you are wrong. The world is experiencing trauma and he is allowed to be as freaked out and unproductive as he is. My partner argued with me, and I won’t recount it, but it boiled down to I’m killing myself on the front lines of this every day, and the two of you can be stepping up to help me more. And he refused to acknowledge how hard it is to do anything when our trauma responses have been engaged. He didn’t want to hear about depressed brain function and how we’re not choosing this. He did want to hear what our son was going to do when he turned 18 and had to grow up. Because apparently, not putting pressure on him to clean house during a worldwide traumatic event is raising him weak. Why were we fighting about this? All he did was asking him to clean up his dishes. You don’t need to defend him from me. If we’re going to fight, why can’t we do it about something important. OKay, it’s not important. Good night, love you, sorry you think everyone needs to have it hard if you have it hard. I walked away. Now is not the time to be putting pressure on anyone. I’m not going to fight him. I’m not going to put pressure on him. I’m ready to take our son and go somewhere we no longer have to put pressure on him, if he’s going to bring up that he’s doing what he’s doing for us to have this roof over our heads, but we have nowhere else to shelter in place. And it’s an immediate anger response anyway. But his lack of sympathy is getting very old, and I’m not planning anything, but I’m understanding why so many people are splitting up in China after being quarantined together. This is not an unexpected vacation. This was not a boon of productivity time. If you come out of it without new hobbies or companies or projects or accomplishments you do NOT lack discipline, no matter what’s being passed around social media. Be gentle with each other, and gentler than the ones with power want you to be. It doesn’t have to be hard for other people just because it was hard for you. And accounting for your children’s traumas will not make them weak. I love you, Miss Amanda, thank you for the record and the space to spout of. I love you reading this. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is for you. Love to Neil, Ash, Xanthea, and the chickens. <3~Bird

Ofel Epicorus

Thank you for the reminder Amanda. Somehow, no matter how little I need to do, I am still overwhelmed. I know I would be understanding if it was someone else, but when I look at myself... I struggle to be kind. Thank you for existing.

Rhissanna

Why is it, during the Great Plague Staycation, that everyday tasks take forever and we’re busier doing nothing? Like, I have things I want to do, art and writing and sex and listening to music but the stupid everyday stuff is there and needs to be done first. I am not a conscientious person, I am usually spectacularly idle ( and good at it) but this daily ennui is getting to me.

Anonymous

yes. exactly. I feel like everyday is not prductive enough. Like if I run faster in place I'll get there sooner somehow.

Jerry Peckery

All I needed 6 months ago was time to do the things most important, that are piling up. Three surgeries later I am finally healed up enough to go out, enter spillover virus. I am afraid human greed had made our Mother Nature this cruel. Thanks Patreon - that took 15 clunky mins...

Krista Maney

Donated. Disappointed but understandable! Stay safe!

Nico Padden

Thank you for these updates, Amanda. I'm glad you aren't taking it personally about Ash "wanting you and Xanthea to die." Just wanted to chime in my two cents--if no one said this to you already. I learned in graduate school for education that little boys around his age (4, 5) are going through a developmental thing where they are forming their male identity based upon separating themselves from the female-identified people in their lives. The context we learned about it in is that they tend to "misbehave" much more for female-presenting teachers, parents, etc. It was helpful to know that they're not just "being bad," they're trying to distinguish their identity from you as female and the only way they know how to do that at the moment is to act out in your direction. Anyway. Probably something you already knew but wanted to chime in, in case no one had ever said it!

Anonymous

LOL my comments were the only ones unliked. Unfollow.

Anonymous

So sorry for all of your losses and hurts, everybody. And also for our collective losses of the plans we are grieving and the identities we are changing ... the non-death grief that we carry at the moment.