the bags under my eyes, what we show, a morning voiceramble, and other delights (Patreon)

{patron-only}

hallo loves. 

greetings from the backyard in havelock north, aotearoa new zealand, land o' the long white cloud and the eternally homesick yet wending-her-way-out-of-the-dark american artist.

there are a whole lot of new patrons who joined in the past few days: to all of you, welcome. welcome. it's been a weird time lately. 

no.

you don't say.

so good morning, from over here, it's already september 6th where i am at the edge of the world's time zones.

i awoke before ash this morning so i stole away to make you a little off-the-cuff voiceramble...also because the dawn bird symphony outside my house is, in itself, worth a listen. CHECK OUT THIS HOT NEW TRACK FROM THE BIRDS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.

you can listen to it here, or here it is on soundcloud, downloadable. as always, i'm not very precious about you sharing links like this with the public, but i never post them to social media:

https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voiceramble-sept-6th-2020/s-AyETawRt51b

the patron post i mention - where i asked you guys how you're doing - in the voiceramble is here:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/40652350

there are 646 comments, and i'm still going to be reading new comments for the next 3-4 days, so if you didn't already weigh in to give me your emotional and COVID co-ordinates, please do. i want to keep track of where y'all are at, it gives me great pleasure...and i might even write something or make some art out of the collective stew.

...............

speaking of the bags under my eyes (were we?) i also wanted to share this thought about the bags under my eyes. they're talking to me.

ever since lockdown happened, if i don’t get eight hours of sleep i wake up with real-ass bags under my eyes. 

sometimes they’re red and puffy. 

i show my face often on social media, i feel the temptation to filter out the truth. 

i have known and worked closely with so many people - thousands, now that everyone is showing their faces to the world via the internet like never before - and i am fascinated by vanity, and especially by the pains people will take to hide the trith our their faces and bodies from the world. i have plenty of my own experience in this realm. 

i wrote about it a lot in the new artbook introduction (if you're a new patron, or you still haven't read it, i'm really proud of that fucker, and you can download and read it in PDF form here.)

nowadays, with a million ways to render yourself 30 years younger by pressing a button on a screen, our own faces can kind of feel like a kind of mundane betrayal. if we have a history of insecurity (and i am sure none of you have that), the aging and tiredness that shows in our faces can feel like a shameful and stressful added fuck-you on top of whatever has happened in our lives to make shit stressful in the first place. 

it's so fun.

i have been encountering a lot of people in my life lately - over the past few years especially - who are afraid of the way they are looking, and many who are afraid of aging. 

they joke about it, but the fear, deep anger, resentment and attachment is so fragile and real. i also officially started having to wear reading glasses every night about 4 months ago, and two days ago, i started having to wear them during the day. it’s happening so fast. everyone: don’t forget that excessive stress, plan-upheaval, lack of sleep and general heart and brain hardship speed up the aging process. 

my life has been a chaotic challenge lately. i’m in a foreign country during a global pandemic trying to raise a small child. it’s been really hard and stressful and my body is bearing a lot of the brunt. 

but remember, please, i beg of you: don’t be afraid. of any of this. we are all gonna get old, and we are all gonna die. we have a few days to enjoy on this gorgeous earth. hardship happens. embrace it all. your eyes will bag, your tits will sag, your ass will flab, you will lose your hair or sprout hair out of your thighs, it is all meant to happen this way. 

eventually, your body will be gone. 

it is good to remind yourself of this, often. so look at your sagging face and embrace it. go. age. flab. own it. it’s fine. and it’s more enjoyable than being upset and resentful all the time. also remember: i love you. 

i don't care what you look you. to me, you look fucking beautiful, and like a hardworking human. 

just in case you needed the reminder, and you know i always say what i most need to hear:

you. are. beautiful. 

the way you are, always. 

♥️🙏🏼♥️

and meanwhile, on the other hand, i took this fierce selfie in our driveway yesterday after attending a birthday part for a 5 year old named gracie at the local pizza parlor.

the necklace was given to me by my favorite family, the farquhars...it's a talisman of strength.

ash is jealous of it and wants his own.

there was pizza, bedazzling, a frozen frozen cake, and a piñata. part of my taking pictures lately is just as a human history record for myself. this all really did happen. or was i dreaming? or did i wind up in new zealand during a focal pandemic able to attend a 5th birthday party at a pizza parlor, knowing all i knew? i think i was dreaming.

on the way home, i wrote a song about the pinata.

someday i'll have time to write all the songs in my head.

someday i really will, and i will record them, because i have this patreon.

someday i will.

someday.

someday.

somewhere, out there.....

i love you all so much.

x

a

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

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1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading. 

2. see All the Things (over 100 of them) i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

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