moving day. a voiceramble stream-of-leavingness (Patreon)

{patron only}

hallo loves.

i don't have a ton of time to write, this seemed like a perfect moment to make you a long recording about what's going through my head. 

if you can't access the embedding audio in this post, i also uploaded it to soundcloud, where there's a private link for patrons (and also, you can download it if you wanna save it for later. it's a long one, about 26 minutes):

https://soundcloud.com/amandapalmer/voiceramble-feb-1-2021

.....

oof. you may have been wondering why i've barely been posting, aside from the fact that i'm spending time mostly focusing on family. if you missed this beautiful photoset a few days ago (i posted it on twitter and instagram), here's neil reading to ash's pre-school. ash was so proud of his dad, "who writes books".

..................

i talk about it in the voiceramble but in case you don't want to listen: today, we're moving house. we're staying in new zealand but we're headed out of hawke's bay. 

i've been in this house for nine months now. 

one thing i did forget to say in the recording: i am so thankful for the people of hawke's bay for being so, so welcoming to me. i have plenty to write about this beautiful place, but it'll have to wait. today is just about the melancholy leaving of it.

here are some photos...including the drums i mention. 

this was the hills hoist this morning at 6am, when i awoke and turned the recorder on.

see: the moon.

a little white dot illuminated behind the ghosty sheet.

goodbye moon, see you over some other tree.

oh and dora the explorer helped me wrap up the bass drum.....

i miss brian.

one more thing....

i just went searching for these portraits on my phone. 

i took them on a rainy dawn morning the week i moved into this house.

it was,,,yes....almost exactly 9 months ago.

i remember that day, vaguely. that month. i remember not being able to sleep, and being more heartbroken than i've ever been in my life. i remember not being able to think very clearly. i remember wanting to add to the stream-culture of the pandemic lockdown, i remember thinking every morning, "this is going to be the day that i do a marathon stream of kate bush dancing on this beautiful lawn".

it's been nine months. i never did it. there's a lot of things i haven't been able to do.

i't's okay

...........

i posted this one up to instagram the day i took it, with this quote from rumi:

"Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."

i think i posted it up to the patreon too.

it's true.

i still believe it.

i mean, grieve, yes. sometimes you gotta. some people argued. yes, sometimes you gotta grieve. but you know what i mean, and you know what rumi meant. don't be so totally literal, guys. 

...............

for whatever reason, about a week ago i was thinking about that post, and i went back to the photoshoot on my phone, and found this outtake.

i often take 20 or 30 pictures in a self-portrait session like this for every one that i post, and i was curious about the rest of the photos.

and i found it oddly touching that the one i'd chosen was the very introverted one, when this one was so much more, i dunno, powerful. 

or was it? 

anyway, i posted this one up the other day, about nine months after i took it, with the same quote.

the different pose changes things, doesn't it.

"Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."

don't grieve.

anything you lose....

comes round.

in another form.

........

sometimes that form is you.

............

i'm hoping to be less busy in a few weeks, and then i can finally hang out more.

i've missed you. it's been good here in family land....but i've missed you. 

there's a lot to do and say.

i love you all so much.

wish me luck with the move.

x

afp