off i go...one final post. because of course. (Patreon)

one final wave. it’s hard to say goodbye, isn’t it?

welcome to all the new patrons!! please settle in and make yourselves at home. i hole you love it here and it means the world to me that you’ve joined in. hi.

i just posted this beautiful photo of neil and ash dropping me off at the ferry, on instragram and facebook, with this text:

....

one final strawberry ice cream, one final hug...and i’m out. as soon as @neilhimself touched down on new zealand soil in january after nine months away, one of the first things i did was book a totally off-grid retreat for myself. today, i’m going on it. alone.

i worked my ass off on an 80-show tour that took me around the globe and plopped me for four final shows in new zealand the week covid hit. i wound up spending the next year being a single mother in a foreign country during a pandemic. i put together an entire life from scratch. i have lived this fever dream without ever putting my phone down for more than twelve hours at a time. i have not been able to relax, because my kid has had almost no safety net. it’s just been me. i have been vigilant. i have been desperate for news from the states, for news from my loved ones, for news about immigration, for news about whether or not the world fell apart while i slept. i am proud of myself. and i am goddamn exhausted. i’m taking my phone with me, but i’m powering it off when i get to where i’m going, and i won’t turn it on for over a week. no photos. no texts. no calls. no emails. no patreon. no social media. no to-do list. just me and the trees and mountains of this beautiful country. there is nobody else on earth i’d leave ash with for that long, not after what we’ve been through this year. two years ago, i was leaving ash easily for a week at a time. for the past year, i’ve been with him almost constantly. we have barely spent more than 24 hours apart.

neil and i have both been through hell this year. but we have each other’s backs, our love for ash flows like a torrent. he is the circuit that connects us, and we will do everything in our power to make a beautiful world and life for him, wherever we are.

to my patrons: i hope you read the long post i published yesterday about all this. i’ll link it in stories. you all got me through this year, emotionally, financially, energetically. what you do for me, you do for ash, and you do for neil. neil: thank you having my back. everyone else: thank you for having my family’s back. if the world falls apart, i’ll be with the trees. see you in a couple weeks. 🌲🌿

.....

i went to check the comments, and whole instagram was predictably supportive and placid, there were multiple comments on the facebook post calling me a bad mother, a tone-deaf spoiled brat, and so forth.

good grief.

i posted this comment in response, and i thought i’d share it here:

whoa!! i just came to shut down and took a look at these comments. i love you all so, so much. thank you for sending me off with love and grace. as to the comments about ash, my tone-deafness, parenting and connectivity, i’d just say this: parents are allowed to and should disconnect and take it in turns, especially during difficult times.

going off grid to fill your own well gives you the nourishment you need to come back to fight another day. good parenting, i think, involves a real tightrope of attachment and detachment - and always depends on the kid in front of you. it’s up to every parent to figure that out and bow to all other parents and their personal choices.

and as for the tone-deafness...please remember that i know - oh god do i know - how very, very lucky i am. not only do i have the usual privileges as a white cis woman in this world, but i have the added massive privilege of being in new zealand, land of no covid, where ash has still yet to see another kid in a mask. we have not had to weather certain storms. but that doesn’t mean our personal storm hasn’t been difficult.

the spectrum of good and bad days here in NZ is at cultural odds with the spectrum my friends overseas are facing. whether you are in the states, or UK, or south africa, or iran....no matter where you are and no matter what you are facing (and we are all always facing something, often very quietly and privately, be it a failed pregnancy, or a suicidal friend or family member, or stinging words from a child or parent, or a strange lump in your breast....name your private heart-ache) we all, all, all deserve to take a pause in the madness to reflect.

we spend our lives on screens. unplugging is hard. to unplug takes effort and community, and that’s a privilege i am deeply grateful for. that’s what this post was about. without my husband and my community at my back, i could not do this. so much love to you all, and thank you for always being part of my life. wherever you are, whatever you can do to take care of of yourself...goddamn it, do it. do it. do it. ♥️

.....

and this, people, is why i’m going off the internet for a couple weeks.

meanwhile....i just got a text from neil and ash has already located the scissors and given himself a haircut.

ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD!!!

i love you. see you on the other side lovers.

xxx

afp