the view from right here: a plane, december 18th, 2021 (Patreon)

oh my loves

the view from right here: a flight from auckland to the south island for the holidays.

ash, 6, draws a character named ADHD from dogman, while neil works on a script about an angel and a devil on his phone, while i await the drying of my book. the book got wet in the bottom of my backpack because my water bottle wasn’t properly fastened. i pried and fanned the wet pages open, reached up to the air nozzles above our head, and held the book there to dry.

we almost didn’t fly. ash had a cold; we delayed our trip to queenstown; i took ash to the drive-through covid testing center; he cried and struggled when they swabbed his throat and i had to hold him down and fight him and my heart got so tight tight tight in my chest like a clenched fist with nothing to hit but air.

the test came back negative.

we got in a cab, onto a ferry, into a cab, to the airport. soon, the mountains. the lake. the clear water and air and clarity of light and time that makes my degraded mind ecstatic and my deep soul sigh.

glenorchy. i’m coming back to you.

on the plane, the flight safety video brought me to tears.

the kiwis joking that aotearoa is the eight wonder of the world. i asked neil for a handkerchief to wipe my eyes dry; he didn’t notice i was crying. that made me even sadder. the air new zealand flight attendant came over, looked at my copy of “the evolution of god” by robert wright held aloft against the blowing air nozzles, and said: “is there anything i can do to help?” i looked at her, not able to use my mouth to express my feelings because i’m in a mask. i think we both knew the answer.

i showed the draft of this text to neil and he said no no it’s 80HD. i said i wanted to leave it because that’s what i’d believed.

he also said

and you didn’t see me crying, either.

xx

afp

p.s. i’ll post more soon. it’s been an insane couple days. althing also coming.