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mornin’… (Patreon)

Published:
2022-01-13 20:10:14
Imported:
2026-06
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dear dear loves


well good morning from aotearoa new zealand all you beautiful and diverse billions of human beings in the impossibly strange world of today and no other day but today..

woke at 5:30am full of love and quiet ecstasy and took this in the back yard with a timer on my iphone ….

it’s 9am now and i’m about to plough through a massive impossible workday with a gargantuan and intimidating to-do list and also try to get to the goddamn post office and goddamn grocery store and clean the goddamn whole house AND work on the substack opening article AND get the althing written and a poem recorded and video out before picking ash up from camp at 4pm

there is no way it’ll all get done

this is fine

i submit to the will of god

how are you doing my beautiful friends around the globe

i’ll energize myself throughout the day by reading your comments

a

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Eva Bellmann

Numbers skyrocketing in Germany, but in the personal space I begin to find calmness again. 4 weeks of working for two (because teammate desperately needed a long holiday) in a time where there was 4 times the amount of work than usual are done, I somehow managed, while kids where at home during Christmas, and I was having no day off beyond what's normal and but instead had an ear-infection and a bad cold in a row. Now there is weekend, I feel nearly healthy, schools aren't in lockdown and I am feeling okay, which in itself is so amazing and unexpected, that I feel great. I am learning to care for myself. I am even learning how to teach the puppy allowing me to do yoga without constantly nibbling my toes and fingers, jumping on top of me and licking every inch of skin in his reach.

Anonymous

Good morning from Minnesota! Laying in bed next to my coughing three-year old niece Prairie. Came up to visit and she’s home sick today ,so we will lay in bed and diffuse the good oils and relax. I will try not to bring whatever she has home. Love to everyone!

AJ

I got my Covid booster today!

Ana Silva

I am feeling great, as I regained the confidence and the will to continue studying my accounting course. I needed a "sabatical" of a few months, but I'm back at it now. And it feels awesome!

Andrea Hasenberger

I took my son to hospital on Wednesday, although he was protesting, was angry with me, told me I'm overhysterical ... I'm very glad that I followed my feeling ... we spent the next 20 hours in the ICU, he was diagnosed with Diabetes... the immediate danger is over now, son is in hospital and in very good care and I concentrate only on the next step , day by day. We will cope, we will learn to live with this (not so welcome) new family member called Diabetes, son is alive! Funny how quickly priorities change in the face of desaster...

Vera Huber

My daughter will stay with me. She'll come tomorrow ❤❤😍

Vera Huber

One night. But I'm very happy 😍😍❤

Bruce Cooper
>>75681840

I remember the shock of my diagnosis with type 2 diabetes, hard to believe but factual but at first in denial! Nice thing is that there is help now and it’s understood better so hope your journey with your new family member isn’t a bumpy one!

Cate Whitehead

Interesting times (an understatement). On the eve of his birthday (65) and our 33rd wedding anniversary, my husband Peter had a major nosebleed. He's never had a blood nose so this was dramatic. He is on a drug called Xarelto (a blood 'thinner' in common language) and diagnosed over 20 years ago with a thing called Factor V Leiden Mutation. which in the main causes blood clots (serious ones). As a result of his current medication (previously on Warfarin, for life) his nosebleed was spectacular and dangerous. I called the ambulance and was encouraged by the very calm person on the other end of the phone as we waited for Ambulance Victoria to answer. In the current state of all things Covid, Victoria is experiencing long delays with ambulance availability and in Melbourne they have had two Code Reds in the last week. Fortunately, for us, living some 20 mins out of Hamilton (southwest Victoria) the ambulance was here within 20 minutes. I do not drive (eyesight) and Peter could not drive. He spent about 3 hours in A&E (Emergency) which included having two 'balloons' inserted up his nose into his sinuses. He was collected and driven home late in the evening by a wonderful friend in our little village and had to suffer the nose furniture overnight, then back to A&E yesterday morning at 9am - on his birthday/anniversary and we didn't leave the place for nearly 5 hours. Friendship is everything. Our aforementioned friend, Canadian Ed and his wife Julie, are gentle and supportive care personified. We shared Christmas dinner a few weeks back. The world, including our little world, is pretty crazy. We have to wait a month before we can have our Covid boosters. We have Covid in our village. We are all wary and careful and staying at home as much as possible. Love to all of you. Stay strong.

Pedro B. Gorman

Dear Amanda, You asked how we’ve been doing, so here goes me . I am now at a stage where I am so, so grateful for where my life and my mental health are at—and where they’re going—that I can feel nothing but blessed in the midst of this global CatastraClusterFuck, yet not one day goes by that I don’t put my heart out there, and send my thoughts to all those for whom this fucking invisible serial killer has changed their lives for the worse. From when the Pandemic hit Portugal on the precise date of March 2nd 2020—with the confirmation of the first two carriers having arrived on Portuguese soil, and the ensuing panic (and bizarre disappearance of toilet paper from all supermarket shelves); to March 18th, the date of the first lockdown; to now, almost two years later—I can say that, despite its dips and climbs; impassable abysses and negotiable mountains…my life has changed for the better, and it breaks my heart that that of so many has not. I think the main realisation that the last year and eleven months have taught me, is that the existence of a Plan B In one’s life excludes the fruition of one’s plan A. For too many decades, I hung on to my plan B, which was working at pretty much everything family and friends suggested I should do (without any ill intent on their behalf); paths and directions I took simply because I didn’t believe in my creative capacities; for that reason, I’d never actually sat down to seriously practice and develop my craft(s) of writing and music. I could do them, sure; I’d even admit I was okay at them. But it never occurred to me that I could eke out a living from them. So, when lockdown cost me my Plan B job (working in Hospitality, or as a friend of mine so aptly calls it: the “Hostility” industry—namely, restaurants and bars), I had to reinvent. That’s when I turned to the Plan A I had always relegated to the sidelines: writing. I got an unexpected MM Romance ghostwriting gig via Upwork, and in the space of four months (from February 2020 to June), I produced one novella, and two full-length, 300 page plus novels. I could do this! And I was good at it! I studied the genre, and wrote two guy-meets-guy/guy-loses-guy/guy-gets-guy-and-they-all-live-happily-ever-after novels in a genre that, though not one I ever cared to read, I made my own, and that I was actually very proud of. The samples my client gave me to read were dull as fuck, and SO poorly written. What I gave him, were two literary novels in the vein of raunchy, gay, British existential comedies. In writing for another person, I had actually found my voice—my style! And the two novels, both set in London, were semi autobiographical (drawing on my years and experiences there) and, if I may say so myself, funny as fuck. The client payed me a measly 100 bucks each for my efforts, and then at the end concluded that while they were in his own words “very good, and you do have clear talent, I’m not entirely sure our readership will get them.” So I got released from the gig and the binding non-disclosure agreement, as he would not be using them. “Great!” I thought at the time. “I have a novella and two novels I can serialise on some platform, or a blog, or self-publish, or put on Patreon, or Substack, or approach a publishing house via an agent. Whichever path I now choose, I hadn’t relinquished my children. Because, let’s be honest: I enjoyed the process and the result so much, I actually cried at the end, at the thought of giving up my children for adoption. The rejection of the finished products on behalf of my Upwork client was quite possibly because his demographic of MM Romance novels were married American women who want easy-to-read, escapist romance; while ultimately, I had just written three hilarious, raunchy, and slightly existential gay comedies (my style of humor being essentially British,) even though I followed the genre’s conventions down to a tee. I guess my novels just weren’t sufficiently predictable, tropey, dull and formulaic as the genre (or client) demanded. Long story short: I got started on Medium, writing daily on all topics under the sun to acquire “platform” and an audience, until financial reasons dictated I get a “real” job again, which broke my heart, because I was actually starting to make money from my writing. All in all, I had just spent nearly a year of my life doing nothing but writing (living off some savings I had), and I was never happier. So when I got a job in a restaurant again at the start of summer 2021—the same one I left when they closed for the first wave of Covid—I found myself becoming so deeply enraged, so deeply depressed, and bitter, that I relapsed into drugs and drink again (I was an addict for years, and though I’ve eliminated class A’s like Heroin et al, I still struggle.) I got accustomed to feeling miserable again, and self-medicating to mitigate the rage. My best friend kicked me up the ass, and didn’t get off my case until I found a new job more aligned with something I at least liked or could learn from. Now I’m working remotely for Facebook, helping users navigate its business side—advertising their pages, how to reach the right audiences, best practices regarding self-promotion—which are all skills that will serve me well in the dissemination of my own artistic endeavours, now that I am ready to go back to Medium, and also migrate all of my content from there to Substack. So, Amanda: yes! We’ll both be on Substack (along with Patti Smith, whose Substack pubs are fucking BEAUTIFUL, and which I highly recommend!) Here’s my substack handle: https://pedrobegorman.substack.com Hit me up, and I will instantly subscribe to yours. And also, if any of you Patrons are there, tell me, and I’ll subscribe to yours! Let’s help each other grow! What I mean to say in regards to how I’m really feeling: fucking overwhelmed, for sure; tired, yes; but essentially very hopeful, and for the first time in my life earning a wage which makes me feel valued in what I do eight hours a day. It’s funny, how a job can give one the self-esteem to “get back on the horse,” so I fully understand you when you say that re-starting creative work (writing, for me) and a new job after a hiatus (Facebook, for me) is as overwhelming as it is exhilarating, and often incurs bouts of spastic, flailing, relentless “can-I-do-this-ism.” Though I’m currently racked with self-doubt and Impostor Syndrome, I’m simply accepting that, and doing the work on all fronts regardless. There, that was my little-big summary on how I’ve been doing! I am so sorry to hear about your father’s disastrous losses, and also for the loss of your fan/friend, who herself lost hope and didn’t make it. Any member of this community of ours who doesn’t make it is one less brother or (in this case) sister. And that shit hurts. We’ve all been through so much together; we’ve all kept each other company and offered solace where, at times, it seemed there was none to be taken. To all of us, and, by extension, to you, Amanda: strength, my dears. Resilience. Elasticity. Love. Self-compassion. Compassion for others. Acquiescence. Vision. Patience. “Strength Through Music.” Yours, as ever, Pedro B. Gorman

Adrienne Jones

One of my bandmates has Covid, but is managing not too badly so far, thank goodness. His wife, my other bandmate, is okay at this point, and they are distancing as well as they can in one house. Another friend in upstate NY also has it. "It's getting even the careful people," she says. It's five degrees outside today, sunny, gorgeous. The earth remains beautiful in spite of what comes and goes. I heard in a guided meditation the other day, "You are the space in which things come and go." I love that, don't you? We're holding space for all this. Not being pushed around by the movement, just being the space for it. Reading your posts, and the comments of all these loving people, I feel like we're on a sky jump, holding all our hands and feet in formations, holding our fractal in the sky as all this air goes by in a rush. Hold hands and feet and jump with some people you don't know! It makes me want to make some art today. Thank you.

Pedro B. Gorman
>>75731813

P.S. When I mentioned I had a relapse, I managed to get clean again, and have been fully clean from opioids and benzos now since September. To anyone else out there suffering from addictions, and if you need/want to talk to someone in the know, who will not judge, hit me up on any of the social media channels: FB: Pedro B. Gorman IG: Pedro B. Gorman Twitter: @pedroBgorman All my social media are public, so no need for friend requests. Just msg me privately and say you’re an AFP patron, and that you saw this post, and hey…bang! I’ll know immediately who you are and why ur messaging me, and we can talk. :) We’ve already lost one of us recently (as Amanda sadly revealed)…let’s help each other out & spread the love :) I love you all, and want to be here for and help as many of you as I can :)

Jo VanEvery
>>75731813

It just happened that your comment was at the top when I read this post and I read it. I love this story. Well maybe not the relapse bit (and I'm glad you are clean again) but the whole story about finding your voice and writing funny m/m romance, and finding a way to BE a writer. Thank you for sharing. And good luck with your writing adventures. (BTW, I have found the Alliance of Independent Authors rather helpful for navigating self-publishing and making money at writing.)

Gabrielle Motola

Went Iceskating today with my friend and her daughter. A man fell and bashed his head open on the ice. There was blood. Everyone stared as they skated past. I could not help myself either. Negativity bias. We humans have it. Tending to look longer at the car crash than the flower seller on the side of the road. Can not remember which book I read that analogy in because I am reading so many at the moment. “Stolen Focus” by Johann Hari is one. Irony not lost on me. All things considered I am doing well. Much better than I was at the end of 2021. Much better than perhaps I’ve been doing for a long long time. And I’m not ‘up’ or happy particularly. Just coming into a new space of sight and feeling. Sitting more still with discomfort when it comes. Enjoying the lighter patches when they come. That may be the biggest difference.

Anonymous

Melbourne is weird and tired and there's a lot of anger in the air. I started the year out with covid and a trip in an ambulance to the ER. I was alone at home and it was scary and the most isolating experience I've ever had. I survived three suicide attempts last year and was hopeful for a better year this year but now that seems unattainable too. I'm exhausted. Everyone's exhausted.