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hello loves.

my heart is in a lot of pain right now. fit to burst.

it’s in pain for the world, for me, for you, for the exhausted people of earth. for those who cannot and are not ready to leave the dark realms of suffering and who continue the mindless and hunger-driven endless cycles of pain, fear and abuse.

i look at ash and i already see the uphill battle written on his own heart’s map.

it is hard to wake up every day and just see people inflicting pain on other people.

it is hard to keep hope alive inside you.

it is hard to imagine that these deep habits can be somehow relieved, released, forgiven, evolved.

and still i have hope.

this is the circle i went to, here on the island, for international women’s day.



together, we sang, we chatted, we shared prayers for the war-torn, and we collectively sent the message out:

change,

please.

happy international women’s day, everybody.

my friends. i’ve had a more exhausting week than i expected. every project has been pushed to the future. i am glad i have patronage. things will have to wait.

a lot of things are waiting. it’s okay. i need to rest, still. i have had the hardest two years of my life and just when i think a reprieve is coming, the universe sends me another storm.

we will all get there in the end ….

won’t we?

i love you all. tell me how you are.

x

afp



























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Comments

Leila H

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Rebecca Sunshine

Keeping on trucking. Some days it’s zombie-like, some days feels close to human. Just waves and waves of storm-tossed life.

Amanda Catton-Johnson

Done. I wish you some peace to your weary soul, and love always. ❤

Len Tower Jr.

a yes we will one foot in front of the other. -len

Coila

Things are going well here. (Feeling very lucky.) After floundering for a while, I have family reaching out and really being there for me. My husband and I might get to dance the way we did when we met. And I'm being a more present parent. Most of the time. Healing is happening even during this time. And we're holding out hope and love for those still suffering so much. <3 I'm sorry you're hurting, Amanda. I hope you find peace. It's a hard time to be empathic...

Lindeee59

Trying to listen to Nadia Bolz-Weber and figure our "what is mine to do" we can't fix or focus on everything. Our brains aren't made for it.

Stacy Belinsky

❤️❤️❤️ I love what you wrote. Feel about the same as you described and I yearn for my own tribe. I'm in the preparation week of an Ayurveda Spring Cleanse. It's perfect timing, even with the to do list adds. Thanks for checking.

Len Tower Jr.

a i'm just catching up on the Ask Amanda videos. this idea is almost a month too late. but you're right a webcast with the substack 200 would be a good thing to do. after the 4th reading. if the moment hasn't past.... -len

Angel Rosen

Amanda, I wish I could ease your heart. Trust that we come into the ache with you no matter what shape it is. I'm the same as always. Hopeless, but I take ownership of it and I think that counts for something. I've just been reading poetry books and editing mine. A bunch of people in the community gifted me poetry books for my birthday and I'm almost done with the birthday stack. I feel really proud of myself which isn't something I normally experience, but my book is really good and I feel like I earned that. But still, things are unnecessarily hard with no clear end in sight. I'm holding on for dear life, but the ride itself is out of order. Take care of yourself. I am proud of your resilience.

Laura Payne

Exhausted. Trying not to watch too much news, but constantly feeling the need to catch up with the news. It is maddening. I feel so deeply for the Ukrainian people and what’s happening to their country and them and yet, there’s really nothing I can do for them except keep them in my prayers, and donate where I can and when I can. Everything is in sharp relief, perspective is everything right now. In other words, I really have nothing to complain about. I see you. I hear you. I love you. Thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts with everyone here, Amanda. You are truly a light, shining in a dark times. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Brevemike

If I was anymore exhausted, you wouldn't be able to wake me. You'd have to resurrect me. I work with a few independent contractors in Kyiv and haven't been able to reach two of them since last week. They're young men (mid-20's), so it's probable they were conscripted. I hope to find them safe soon...but the hope is tenuous.

EmVT

yesterday I was thinking about you, because I know Ash is not with you, and although I'm not a parent, I understand how a mom's heart wants to be with her baby. especially when the world is at war. i'm so sorry for the things you are going through, and will send you some love when I sit later! don't worry, it won't always feel like this. I love you! we love you! we are proud to support you, always ❤️ work will wait. we are here. everything will be okay. I'm doing great! Spring is around the corner here. The garden beckons... did you hear how the Norwegian navy put bar codes on all their ships? it's how they Scandanavian :)

Erin C

Thank you for you, Amanda. I’m in a focused time of learning mindful self-compassion and it’s been the most timely practice just as the world cried out, again. Returning again and again to my body, being soothing and affectionate, blessing myself with mindfulness and kindness before I send out compassion to the oh-so-many who need it. I’m actually able to be present with people going through this shit. I don’t have to be dealing with my shit when I’m out serving others because I’m dealing with it compassionately all the time, as it comes up. It’s remarkable, raw, and freeing.

Jemima Louise Johnson

I was just on the ICAN website (the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons) when I got this notification. And just before that I was ordering a changing bag for my second child who is due in four weeks time. I didn't get one last time just used rucksacks and whatever bag was handy and regretted it. I got the momentary what if the baby dies speculative anxiety. Like what will I do with this stupid single purpose new baby changing bag? But then I think I probably wouldn't care about having wasting money on this shit. I probably wouldn't care about much at all for a while. And then the parallel anxiety of what if everything just tipped over into global Nuclear catastrophe. What then? Well then nothing. It's fine. We'll be fine. Or we won't.

Damian Masterson

Did you see the video of the little girl singing ‘Let it Go’ in Ukrainian in an underground shelter? That’s broke me for a little while. There’s something about seeing a little kid being a little kid in the middle of all this that just turns the knife so hard. She was happy in that moment. The people listening were happy and happy for her. It could have been an anecdote from Frankl’s book, people creating their own meaning in the hardest times.

Tony Ivanova

We will get there, Love. We will. Did you know that Zelensky was an actor before he became president of Ukraine? And a pretty good one. He was a main character in a Ukrainian TV show where he as a simple history teacher become a president. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Servant_of_the_People_(TV_series) . Watching it now. Don't know if there's a translation on English, but I think there must be. It is so fkng good and heartwarming.

Andi Stern

My best friend for the past 45 years is probably entering hospice this week and I am just gutted at how wrong this is and how it didn’t have to happen like this. We need universal healthcare, we need ways for people to communicate with their doctors that don’t involve needing a computer, tablet, or smart phone, we need so much that she and her family weren’t able to access through no fault of their own. I was able to visit her three years ago the day after we saw you play your first show of the tour, and I am so grateful you played at a venue close enough for me to attend and also where I grew up. Closer to home my son’s future mother in law emigrated from Ukraine, and there are still family members there, so I’ve been dealing with the general sorrow and horror of this time as well as the more personal connection of knowing people in harm’s way.

Sandra Marek

My heart just breaks. Every day. I’ve been beside myself. I know people with family in Ukraine specifically. I have friends who just returned to Romania. I know a young woman who is on a contract in the US, who may not have a home to return to in Ukraine. Some of my ancestors were from there. I know war is nothing new, and it will go on until we wipe ourselves off the face of this marvelous home we have. We don’t deserve her, this earth. Our collective mother. I see so much pain, from every corner and it breaks my heart to splinters. The weight is becoming unbearable. I’m sending all of the love to people who are suffering in whatever ways you may be. 💜

ChrissyB

Thank you for reaching out. I think we are all feeling the same thing on some level, the bone-wrenching exhaustion, fear for Ukraine, and such sorrow.

Sara Nelson

I'm tired but taking it day by day. My 3 yr old keeps me going through and I'm thankful for her every day. COVID is still a thing and makes my work life miserable but it's been much worse!! I really would love it if we didn't follow a pandemic with a world war. Sigh.

Bellana

I'm okay. I'm not as motivated as I should be, but my bullet journal keeps me moving. "Just get one more dot filled in today" is kinda keeping me hanging on. I wish it were prettier. Writing in my actual journal, but nothing useful. More just random useless things that are sitting in my brain until I write them down so they will go away. But there's pen ink on my fingers, and that always makes me feel better about myself, for some reason. I love you.

Catherine Miley

I am not so ok. Painful memories this week, nightmares, stress, worry. Valium is my savior. I am not worse off than so many, but in my own little box I am far from ok. I haven’t been outside in days, or reached out to anyone because my issues seem so insignificant comparatively speaking. I get by. I’m safe. Just sad.

Anna McCotter

Fuuuuuuuckkkk. I think I accidentally deleted the comment I wanted, needed to say. 😭 oh man, that … that just broke me…there’s no way…. Universe please bring it back. Please. Fuck Amanda please forgive me for deleting it. I cant believe I did something so wreckleas. I’m gonna try again…. I wish to say something to you….may I try again? I am so upset and devastated with myself right now…. Just please believe me that you are seen by me , that this post, your words, have been known and i literally feel YOU. I love you so deeply and Thank you for resurfacing long enough to let your reach touch. We will make it . We will. Is there anything I can do for you? Or is there anything you need? I am here. Please Believe this. And don’t let yourself suffer in solitude. You deserve better than loneliness. And god I hope I can forgive myself for deleting the comment from my soul. There’s no way I can make up for it being gone. I hope you can feel me. And believe. Maybe a sad Crowdcast in our pjs ease some of this?

Jeanette-o-saur

Weary. Sending everyone blankets woven of comforting hugs, thoughtful mugs of tea, and peaceful dreams. Rest. The world will be there tomorrow, and so will we.

Kate Solomon

I have an uncle in Kiev. It's been a while since we heard from him, he's nearly 70 but fiery and refused to leave. Lately its ...just so hard to NOT wish the dormant volcano in your backyard just blows. But hey im making burritos for dinner and i love burritos

Kathryn

My physical pain is growing. Some nights I go to bed afraid I won't wake. Some nights I'm afraid I will.

Kim Bowie

I'm tired. My heart hurts for Ukraine and I'm scared of madmen at the helm. On the other hand, I've never been happier to have adults in the White House! Even though I don't unilaterally agree with every decision, I know they are being made with facts and a basis in reality. Never knew how much you can miss those things until you don't have them for 4 years. Went to a funeral Saturday and got to watch my adult daughter snuggle on her 80+ year old aunt - and I regret not taking a picture. I should have, but it felt too intrusive. Some moments are meant to be remembered with your heart, not your phone. I hope your world treats you well and allows you rest. Much love!

Quinn

so much love to you afp and everyone else reading this

Laszlo Szidonya

I got the news today that my father died. Even though it wasn’t unexpected, I feel broken. At least I got to see him in December…

Yana

* Insert Lighthouse Icon Here*

Laura Wellner

I'm really tired. Physically and emotionally. It seems my last COVID shot caused me to have Tinnitus. Each shot I got gave me a head ringing headache each time, and this time, the ringing never stopped. It's more like white noise. Thankfully, I'm in no pain, and I don't really give it much thought until there's silence, and then I'm like - "ugh, fuck this buzzing white noise shit," so I turn on music. I'm still hopeful that it will clear off eventually. I'm also in the midst of a FMS flare up, with the weather being so up and down my body is like a barometer, so the pain has peaks and valleys. Mostly peaks, I call it "being in the trash compactor." I could spend all day soaking in hot baths, or wrapped in an electric blanket to help ease the flare, but I can't be that way, I have too many responsibilities. There's only so much I can do about all the things that come at me over the course of the day, at home or at work. Sometimes, it never seems to be enough, no matter what I do, or how much I accomplish, it's never enough. I carve out time for me to do the things I love, I must, just for peace of mind, even if it is only 10 minutes to scribble in a sketchbook before I go to bed. I count my blessings, I have a good job, I have My Fred, our son, our house, our acre of the world, my kitties, my wee donkey, and tinier goat. I keep going forward. Live or die. I choose to live, fuck the pain, if it still hurts, I'm alive. I laid down on my porch floor in the sunshine for the first time since last fall, it was glorious! Spring is coming, and I'm ready for it. (I'm saving coffee grounds for my roses!) Take heart. Don't forget to breathe. Yeah, I know, shit is fucked up and stuff. It will be until it's not. (Which I don't know if and when that will ever happen, there's always shit out there getting fucked up.) For now, just breathe. Love and hugs.

Lisa Jacomos

My partner died on the weekend and the world is spinning out of control

Anna McCotter

… gosh, I don’t know what to say, but reading that , just knocked the breath out of me. I can’t imagine what you are going though right now. I am so sorry sweetheart. I just want to hug you. What is your partners name? If you don’t mind me asking?

Lisa Jacomos

Her name's Emma. Our anniversary is next week

Anna McCotter

Yes! That! I see you completely. Thank you for finding the words and hitting submit. I am with you on everything . except My Xanax isn’t covered so my cat is my savior. My cat and this. But hearing you say that your issues seem so insignificant . I feel like that every day and there doesn’t seem to be a point to even consider them “real” issues, or worth mentioning. I’m just sad but I’m safe . But damn the sad fucking hurts…. & I love you forever Catherine. Thanks for making me feel not alone in my insignificant sadness 🤍

Anna McCotter

Right before COVID and Australia burning from existence, I had a strange panic attack, it was like a psychosis vision panic attack and i knew that I was about to experience and understand death…. And in my psychotic state I saw this death sweeping through like a plague and the world burning . I thought I was about to die… but I knew that I was just obviously going crazy and had a mental break down cause there’s no way what I saw knew felt was possible. … long story short… I was so scared to go to sleep cause I knew that I wouldn’t wake up, but that was not logical and silly, so I decided not to be afraid . And that’s when my body literally started refusing to go to sleep. I was fucking terrified , I’ve never experienced such a fear, I can’t describe it. I after a couple of days the delirium I said to myself , well if you keep this up you will die , so I had to figure out a way to bring myself out of whatever state that was. I was scared that if I didn’t get some sleep I’d die and if once I go to sleep I’ll never wake up. ….. so I decided to go with it…. It took 5 days for me to make peace with the fact it was the end and I had to make peace that once I close my eyes everything I love, everyone I love, everything I didn’t get a chance to do, the deck I didn’t finish painting, the un finished poem is scribbled on 20 pieces of napkins, my cat, Amanda…. I will never see them again and nothing would exist….I said goodbye to it al, and finally let my regrets go, and I closed my eyes for the last time of my life….. Obviously I woke up, I didn’t die. When I woke I was like shit, I didn’t end…. soooo I hope this doesn’t mean the world is going to die… And then the burning and the COVID and well you know the rest…. But what Im trying to find a way to say is…. Don’t be afraid . Most importantly don’t be afraid of them BOTH. And of you have to pick one…. Pick the one that forces you to make peace with not waking up. And let the pain go and let the fear go and just for a min make peace with the end. And know that your words here, now, went out into the universe and deeply touched and made a difference to another soul. And if you wake up, I hope you get some dreams checked off on your bucket list. Eternally grateful, Anna

Anna McCotter

I have never even attempted putting that story into words until right now. I don’t know why but I apologize for the chaotic effect it had on me. Thank you for letting me tell my story of this bizarre experience I still won’t accept. 🤍🎡

Katja van den Doel

From here I have little else to offer but a virtual hug... It won't change anything but i hope it helps to slow down the spinning a bit.💜

DebbieG

I am so sorry. I was you last year when my dear wonderful friend died suddenly and my world completely changed in a second. It is hard and horrible so sending hugs and strength. 💗

DebbieG

I am tired still. I watch the BBC World News coverage of Ukraine (it’s better than CNN) but it is so sad and scary. And we have already had two years of a different sad and scary. It’s exhausting. Thank you, Amanda, for sharing the photos from your International Women’s Day celebration. It looked like a very nice event. I hope it helped your heart today. Hugs and 💕 to everyone here, I see you all. Blink blink.

Marieke Ormsby

Love. Togetherness looks so inviting, so heartwarming, so genuine and real. Hugs to all of you beautiful people with your collectively powerful hearts and minds radiating purposeful love and intention across our world xo

Jane France

Tired, still. I think we thought the worst was over and now Ukraine. It’s hard to fathom the depths humanity can sink to and I can’t see a way for it to end anytime soon. I’ve sent money but it doesn’t seem enough. I try to stay positive for my students who think we’re heading for WW3 - they’ve already missed so much through Covid- and now this. I have to believe love will win in the end.

Kateřina Daňková

Thank you, that's a lovely image and wonderful event 💗 I hope change comes. I couldn't take my eyes off the war news on Ukrainian channels and few days ago it broke me. I wish I wasn't so fragile and useless. I pray for peace for all of us 💗

Els Van Haute

Looks like a wonderful day, it gives me hope for the future. I am scared, for the world. And myself. I had a hysteroscopie yesterday and a curation, I have to wait a week for the results... Big hug from Belgium, Els

Fanny Froeliger

My partner got covid on Sunday morning and I got it yesterday morning. He coughs a lot, I got a nice bout of fever, which I didn't mind, cause I actually kind of like fever (39)... I was able to cancel a big I had to do this week, which was a relief. My client was very understanding, it's nice to work with compassionate people. It's cold, but very sunny here in the north-east of France. I bought some narcissus in the market on Saturday and they brighten my days. We're taking things slow and taking care of ourselves. I hope you all have the opportunity to do so even a little. Take good care, all of you.

Alexis Mai

Looks like a beautiful event! <3 I reckon Ash growing up in an environment that appreciates compassion and mindfulness will best set him up for uphill battle, which is timeless and inevitable anyways. And you do you, Amanda, that's what we're here for, I'd say. No comparisons, no tacit expectations. There's no point in harvesting before the workers are rested and the crops are ready. I noticed at the clinic that I respond to guided meditation much more profoundly compared to practising mindfulness meditation by myself, so I downloaded Insight Timer. Now, I take time in the morning to meditate and follow up with a couple of yoga exercises as needed, to relieve some tension. I feel more balanced during the day, and if something happens, I'll just do another meditation. That's been immensely helpful. Thank you for sharing that particular tool. :)

Lauren Wilde

I got Covid a couple of weeks ago. I’m vaxxed and boosted, but it was still awful. I still have trouble breathing if I’ve been reading out loud to my kids or talking for a long time. I feel physically exhausted in a different way and my brain is running wild with long covid worries. I think I will probably be fine within a couple more weeks, but illness has been a big trigger for me for a long time. Just have to keep getting through it. I’m sorry you’ve had a tricky time that has stolen your rest from you. It can be easy to feel hopeless when we see the world in its current state, but there are so many people helping in all these situations - sickness, war, refugees, death. I think when there is a crisis, a lot of people can find strength they didn’t know they had. I think a lot of people have. War is as much a part of life as peace. The time of peace has passed for the moment, but it will return. It won’t feel like this forever, though it may feel like this for a longer time than we can imagine coping with.

Jane Sharp

I hear you! I too am tired. Exhausted. I try not to let the looming fear overwhelm me. I try not to forget to remember to be conscious of my breath. That thoughts are not reality. That there is a way out of this. Perhaps this way of being will also act like a virus and spread from person to person. To overcome the other virus of anger and hatred against the ‘other’. Our actions are our only true possessions We cannot escape the consequences of our actions Our actions are the ground upon which we stand ♥️

Ellie Tudhope

Hey Amanda, thank you for your words. Take time to rest. I am tired and trying to retain some sense of hope. I have to hope for my children. If I surrender to despair, there’s a big black hole I’ll fall into and I don’t know if I’ll get out. I’m having trouble understanding how daily life still seems to be going on, yet everyone I speak to voices the same sense of fear and exhaustion and longing for change. So please can’t we STOP with the grind, sit in circle, and weep and collectively grieve and then see what we can do about it? It’s not supposed to be like this.

Ellie Tudhope

Thank you for this Anya, I can’t quite verbalise how it made me feel but I’m grateful to you for sharing

Lynn Parlett

We'll get there dear one. We will. I'm okay, okayish... nah, I'm tired. I haven't often said that in my posts. I'm keeping the shop open 7 days a week - trying to make what I can each day. My offsider who usually does Fridays so I can get a day off, just came down with covid, so no day off for me this week. And I didn't take one last week... the week before I did a festival all weekend. But I still have my business, struggling - but still here. I have a home and my family is safe. I am blessed. Two years ago Australia was on fire. This year we're having horrendous floods - so many houses are being lost. It's going to unprecedented levels never seen before. Those who have houses left - have no belongings. Queensland and NSW. And the Ukraine. Sometimes trying to hold things together in real time, in my business - doesn't leave me the energy or the heart to spend there. I'm blessed. I have friends. My home and business are safe, dry and not under attack. My family are healthy. Doesn't mean I'm not fucking exhausted. We'll get there, we have to.

tracey tofield

Ho’opono’pono Amanda🙏 Earth school times very choppy at the moment.

fi oakes

I see people saying 'we'll get there' I'm not sure where 'there' is anymore.im losing hope and incredibly depressed.wisg I could be more positive,but it's just not possible right now

Parker

A friend who has many more health challenges than me (including cancer. Tho she’s ‘lucky’ to be on a drug trial that’s, so far, keeping it at bay) finds that if people confide any of their fears/anxiety to her they immediately start to apologise saying their worries are nothing compared to hers. To which she always responds “it’s not a competition.” Your/our feelings are all valid and real. We need to feel them. Be gentle with yourselves. Everyone reading this. You matter. Your compassion matters. To yourself and to everyone else. We’re doing the best that we can with what we have right now. And that’s enough. I write this to try to convince myself it’s true… Hugs, love, and light beaming outward whenever I can manage it. X

Parker

Oh. Lisa. Like others have said I have little to offer but virtual hugs and compassion. I’m so so sorry. Much love. Hoping that the universe blesses you with what you need to help you get through this. X

Lynn Robinson

On the outside I look happy & content with life . Inside I feel burdened, overwhelmed, helpless. Going to make myself do some yoga & send positive thoughts to everyone here & the 🇺🇦- I’ll send out as much love and strength as I can 💕🧘🏼

Marija Milisavljević Grdinić

I tried to be more creative in my replies earlier but nah, I will just go with tired today. Ironically, while the world is falling apart, the company that ai work for is thriving, which means tons of work and not enough rest. I say to myself that I am lucky and I know I am, but being in a better position than all those sufferring people around the world does not mean that you have it good. I hope we all find peace, figuratively and literally. ❤ for all

Parker

Likewise, with gratitude to afp for the insight timer recommendation. Tho I’m the opposite - I’ve tried multiple guided meditation apps/channels etc and they help for a bit…then suddenly my non neurotypical brain refuses to comply/cope with it. I use the timer with chimes and a stream sound and together with the consecutive day tally (that I don’t want to break!) I’m managing once or twice a day. Though since my brain became accustomed to the practice it’s started to bring past traumas to the surface so…I’m kind of flailing around ‘in there’ at the moment. Luckily I’m managing to see my therapist most weeks and she’s taught me some ptsd coping strategies. I ramble. Glad that the timer has helped you to find a practice that works for you.

Alexis Mai

Doesn't sound like rambling to me, Parker. You're sharing your experience, and I'm glad you are, cause a lot of it resonates with my experience. I've tried various skills, tools, practices, and usually they somewhat wear off over time. Perhaps it's a plateau thing, where you cannot see the progress you're making, or what's holding you back for a while? For now, I'm grateful I have a new tool available, something I can make good use of besides therapy. Though I wouldn't want to miss therapy right now, either 😊💖

Melissa Ford

I'm wrecked. I live in Florida.

Sahrami

I wish there was something I could say or do to help and ease the pain, sending love and hugs, you are not alone I see you❤

Sahrami

I talked to my therapist yesterday how meaningless everything feels, about wanting to destroy all my accomplisments with addictions and start hurting myself and drinking and misusing medicine. Then she said something that changed me. She said this war could end within weeks or days no one knows, but i have wrecked my life for much longer and have to live with it. I repeat to myself "it could be over tomorrow" like a small prayer to end this war and suffering. I tell myself that last thing when i go to sleep and the first when I wake up. All my love for you amanda, all my love to you all❤

Ellie Tudhope

This. What is ‘there’? When will be finally sit back and say “see, we got there?”. I have an idea but it feels extremely far away and unlikely these days

Melissa Ford

No matter how much progress, there's always horrible backlash and backsliding. I am trying to find safe places for rest among those whom I am in solidarity with. I hope you can find the same.

Cate Whitehead

We WILL get there, Amanda...we WILL. Believe it. Yes, there is tragedy and human suffering all around the world. In our little corner of southwest Victoria it is peaceful enough, but still there are tortured and sad souls to look out for. We saw one today, in Hamilton (our nearest big town) running and ranting and threatening to do harm, to do harm to himself. Two policemen were looking for him, not to do him any harm, but to get him into a safe place. This started a conversation with others in the street, and we all wish the same thing: peace. A picture on Instagram of a line of baby strollers left at a Polish train station for those mothers arriving from Ukraine rendered me speechless for its humanity. I am strengthened. I suffer pain most days, but art and music is my balm. Tomorrow I am going to make art, with paper, silk, leaves from the garden and whatever other flotsam I can find. I will send you one when they're finished, Amanda. All my love to you.

Cate Whitehead

I need to share this too. A neighbour of ours, a talented man in his 80s, invited us to lunch a few days ago. It was lovely and spirited and we talked art for hours. He is a stained glass artist and at some point in the afternoon gave me a small piece he'd made many years ago in the style of 13th century English stained glass - mother and child. Why? For friendship. Now it is sitting in front of my little window above my music-making machines. And it is beautiful. Love. Friendship. Peace.

Molly McEnerney

Seeing people in New Zealand wearing masks gives me a paradoxical feeling - regret that the virus is now spreading even there, despite how well the whole country did keeping it under control by following the rules and going through all the sacrifices of lockdown, and also relief that people there are being good citizens and just wearing the masks instead of acting like they out to be an exception. Here in California, a lot of mask mandates are ending, even as the evidence shows the virus is still spreading. Deciding not to wear masks in public places doesn't give us more freedom; it takes away the freedom of people who are at high risk by making public spaces unsafe for them.

Elvi Dalgaard

Hey, on the subject of women, and new zealand, I just found out (through a fascinating talk on Knitting in Code) about a woman now living in New Zealand who is the oldest living female British spy! I bet she would be pretty interesting and inspiring to talk to, while you're there. :-) Her name is Phyllis “Pippa” Latour Doyle, and she is 101 years old. Happy International Day for the Rights of Women (as it's called in french around here), sending love and courage.

Jozias

This hurts so much. There can't be happiness anymore. No happy people. We all hurt. The apocalypse has never been closer. Madness took place and has settled in this world and won't go away anymore. You ask us how we are doing and I got speechless. Impossible to share laughter because there isn't any. Impossible to share sadness because we're all in tears already. Beside that, there's a big chance your grief is deeper than mine. Shame would blur me out. The only hope we can have, is that the end may come fast. I see much madness from close and big ones from far. Not just random madness. So much structural madness this world was built on anyway. So much, that it is no wonder it's starting to fall apart midst these disasters going on. Panic is spreading among us. We don't listen to each other anymore. Many will jump off the ships. Others will just sit and cry. Others will turn on steers while they don't know where they take them. Crowds will move and jump of the cliffs they were challenged by for years already. No wonder I discovered both my daughters are alcoholics. I went back to Europe but Europe is in a war. Madness of all madnesses. Many got so paralyzed they put their jobs and tasks down and many will follow. The system that we thought would safe us, no matter what, is braking down fast or broke already. Part by part first, tumbling down soon, so we realize how weak it was. How vulnerable we are and how fragile we were shaped with no brakes built in. Money lost every value, because there is nothing to order and no people to realize any. Trains and planes will stop for ever, with people in them. No boats will leave the harbors anymore. Many will be drifting on the oceans though, out of fuel and filled with sick and starving people. Houses have been plundered and left behind with the inhabitants murdered in their beds. The only ligitemit hope we have is, that the end may come soon. A message has never been so useless. Our end is coming anyway, without real comfort for anyone. (I know you may consider this unrealistic. Then see it as a piece of dark art.)

Katja Schmid-Doyle

I too am exhausted. My great grandmother, my baba and her family fled Ukraine in the earlier half of the 20th century (being of two undesirable ethnic minorities, Jewish and Tartar) and some of my earliest memories are of her spitting at the television in a language I couldn't understand at the Putin and Kuchma on the television. I was usually taken for a ride in her wheelchair by my grandfather when she was watching tv, so this was more on my periphery, coming more to the center of my understanding after conversations with my father and grandfather about her. and about the state of the world. Meanwhile, I have seen some of my fellow leftists demonstrate great ignorance and borderline hypocrisy, bitching about NATO and excusing/ downplaying the acts of aggression and the actions of Putin, which is frustrating and a little offensive and frightening. The acts of resistance bring me hope-- we see indomitable spirit and courage displayed by the Ukrainian resistance and the Russian antiwar movement. I have some things in my personal life which bring me joy and peace-- last weekend, I welcomed Shabbat with a close friend, who is a fellow spoonie (chronically ill) and Jewish Lesbian. It felt so affirming, to say "enough. This 24 hours is for restoration. we are going to celebrate and talk and not be productive as much as possible and refrain from doomscrolling," and to bracket off that intention with candle lighting, brachot (blessings) and singing.

Laura Morland

Thank you for all the beautiful photos! I'm with Molly McEnerney in admiring the civic-mindedness of the lovely masked women... BUT YOU ALL WERE OUTSIDE! Studies have shown that the wind will blow away the virus when you're out-of-doors... unless you're in a mosh-pit or a packed-to-the gills demonstration where everyone is singing our shouting. All that is to say: the Waiheke Women's mask-wearing is endearing, but from a scientific point of view, it wasn't necessary. Too tired to address the meat of the matter. Kia ora. I'm praying for Ukraine.

Catherine Hannah

I love your images of togetherness and strength - I love this energy put into the word - do what you need to do dear heart, we are here

mary b merryman

Last night I saw a video of a girl singing in a bomb shelter. This young thing (probably no more than 8) had dreams of singing in concerts and grand places. She definitely had a captive audience as she sang the local version of “Let it Go” from the Frozen movie. Beautiful, strong voice, obviously gifted singer. in a Fucking Bomb Shelter!!!!!! There is hope for us, I think. My Reiki class sent Reiki healing to ukraine the other evening. I don’t know if it helped anyone, but we tried to do Something

Emilly Orr

There's a lot I could say here, but I think, tonight, others have said all I would more deeply, and more eloquently. So for once, I'll be the light touch. I adore the lady in the flowered mask. She makes me happy. If people can still coordinate flowers and masks in this world, we are not lost. It's the little things, sometimes.

Andy Leeke

Is it just me or does march this year feel like a month that really wasn't ready for itself? Since it started I don't think I've had a single day I would consider peaceful... And globally that's even more true. I wish we could all pause for a while and take a breath, calm down or open up. It would save so many lives. Love you all

Koglekirtel

She even coordinated flowery pants as well, you can see them in one of the photos.

Lindsey Lubow

Me: I'm going to be really gentle on myself at work tonight and focus on the people right in front of me that I can help directly by doing my job. Also me: [opens NPR, BBC, and The Guardian in turn when things slow down at work]

Lindsey Lubow

Thank [insert choice of deity or similar intensity level force] for internet friends. Had someone reach out to me from a mutual Discord server and the resultant conversation led me to contact my psychiatrist and try to move my upcoming appointment earlier. There are no openings before my existing appointment in mid-April. The thought of reaching hospital-worthy levels of symptoms (let alone a prospective hospital stay) has long been a tremendous fear. But my best option for preventing that sort of thing is facing the question head-on and doing the "GONDOR CALLS FOR AID" thing. So I had the scheduler staff person forward me to my clinician's voicemail on the off-chance we can tweak stuff before I'm scheduled to be seen next. But uh, yeah... check in with your internet friends. Never know who'll notice what. I had what is probably top or second from top worst nightmare of my life last weekend. Won't go into the content. But I'm physically exhausted and my brain just... won't let me stop looking back at the dream... I'm not sleeping enough. I know it, and it interferes with my falling asleep to know that I need to sleep. I don't need to worry which piece is from what yet. I just have to get myself through long enough for my psychiatrist to figure out what our next plan is going to be to pull me back out of whatever piece(s) in my brainbox keeps flaring. For now, I'll reassure everyone (including me) that I'm still doing better with my current protocols of not-quite-ideal meds than without them, and nap when I can so my body will be ready when it's time to meet with my healthcare team. (I'm also in individual therapy, which is neutral or helpful in turns... not like I'm all on my own until mid-April, you know?) I can only do what I can do, and expecting more from myself is unethical. So I'll do what I can, for now. [shrugs] But the shortlist of likely culprits is bipolar disorder and ptsd, and they can both fuck right on out of here any time with my full endorsement for an efficient departure. ^_^;

LBU - LeatherbeatenU

Yes Happy IWD!! No marches for March here in Ontario Canada, so I held an impromptu protest / celebration in the park outside of our city hall, where the local anti-vaxxers have moved in. They've taken over the public space with their messages of hate and paranoia in the name of nationalism. Our little protest was the first time in months that anyone other than them have been in this (or any) prime public space. Passersby now assume anyone actively occupying public space are those people. We were given the finger (many times, by anti-vaxxers - who are also anti-feminist presumably), accolades, and double takes. Some folks came up to thank us for not being those assholes. For being there on IWD. It felt good to be out there on IWD, reclaiming the space. I recommend it. Don't let the hate-mongers take over public space.