i crushed it and i crushed it because of you (Patreon)

my loves

greetings from a cafe in auckland where i am having my second coffee and very very tired and very very happy

the samantha bee / judy blume / library video shoot last night didn’t wrap until after midnight after a 5pm load. everyone worked so hard…film crew, sound crew, light crew, hair and make-up, the LIBRARIANS (three of them!!) who all stayed into the wee hours to get this video made on our tiny island for the big american TeeVee.

we crushed it.

we nailed it.

we slaughtered it. i did about five takes of the song. i think we are using take three. i also did a bunch of little monologue comedy bits for the show. you’ll see.

i am fucking exhausted but i gotta say something important even though i am exhausted.

if you missed the post (https://www.patreon.com/posts/63694206) and poll yesterday about whether to Thing this Thing, the majority was insane:

i have never seen a vote like this. usually there’s more of an 80/20 or 70/30 vibe.

i was overwhelmed by the show of faith.

but also:

something more important happened that i was not expecting.

as you may know from reading my ukraine post from the other day … i have been at a low ebb, things have been really difficult lately. it’s all stuff more or less out of of my control, but it’s just, you know, hard to be around suffering and darkness even if it’s not your darkness.

i think a lot of people are feeling this right now.

and i’ve been just …. exhausted in general and finding it very hard to rally the energy to work.

i posted that poll yesterday expecting some thoughts about patronage and money and whatever blah blah.

but reading your comments before i got onto that film set, and sat at that piano and microphone, it lit a fucking fire in me.

a fire i needed.

i haven’t had very much physical support around me. i’m going on two years of going it almost entirely alone without any family support and a small, wonderful, revolving number of new friends around me, trying to encourage me if they can. but i’ve had no immediate cheerleaders in my life to get me through these moments where i need to rally and shine. i haven’t been in new york, where i have intimate friends right by my side to hug me before i go on stage, i haven’t been on tour with brian where i have a comrade to high five and hug and hold before and after shows as the adrenaline surges and falls. i have had my own two arms wrapped around me, and that is it. two years of that had become exhausting. i haven’t wanted to play shows partly because covid is making it impossible, but also because it is just too goddamn lonely.

but

yesterday, you stepped in and became my arms.

you ALL did.

all of your comments about truth, and censorship, and hope, and libraries, and and and….i read them in this little room in the library and just REMEMBERED.

remembered it all.

it all reminded me who you are.

who we are.

it filled me with a sense of calm, and a sense of purpose, and i took all of your faith in me, all of that outpouring of trust and love, and i delivered it straight into the belly of that goddamn grand piano.

i found a flow i have rarely felt sitting behind a piano with a collection of cameras around me.

you reminded me. you reminded who i am and what is important.

i left the darkness far behind me.

i didn’t even know i needed it, you guys.

but i did.

and you gave it to me.

these are moments in my life and in my career that i will never, ever forget.

you are here with me.

and this - not the money - is why the patreon is so powerful. a thing or a paycheck, whatever, yes, it’s important and i have to pay my rent.

but to feel like you believe in my and what i am doing

i cannot put it into words….

it is different. it is priceless. it is love.

i’m making myself cry, writing this.

thank you all

for being here and for believing in my work.

when you see this performance, when i send it to you, remember this post.

it was you.

it was you.

it was you.

i will thing the thing. aura and i also took the opportunity, now that we are thinging, to grab tina of funny footage for a little doco video, which your dough will lay aura to edit together. they were amazing (and took all these photos).

the whole thing will be out sometime in early april.

i fucking love you all so much today.

thank you.

x

a

ps REQUESTING PICKUP PLEASE