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Hello my loves.

I WROTE. 

A THING. 

A really good, heartfelt Thing.

And I just published This Thing - a hall-of-mirrors essay/poem/howl - over on Substack, it's called "Breaking the Stained Glass Ceiling: Two pieces of writing about art". Embedded above is a video of me reading the piece aloud. Just to make it more thing-like.

You can read it here, its about 1,600 words - that's a 5-to-10 minute read depending on your speed:

https://amandapalmer.substack.com/p/breaking-the-stained-glass-ceiling

Please, if it resonates, share the link.

And, please, comment over there on the piece itself, and feel free to continue the meta-patreon-discussion over here. I'm reading comments in both places.

This is one of those wonderful moments where patreon kicked my ass into gear to actual work on my writing.

It began with a little post I saw - just one of those little delightful things on the internet (posted by one of my own patrons, Angel Rosen). I shared that image, and the image turned into a metaphor, and the metaphor drew a criticism, and the the criticism inspired a poetic howl.

In the old days, I would just write, and write, and sometimes work for dozens of hours on blogs and posts that never saw the light of day. I didn't have a publisher. My writing wouldn't make any money. I didn't have a deadline. I didn't have a copy-editor. I didn't have a system.

Now I do.

I took this entire pile of writing and worked on it for a day or two, send it to a copy-editor, and am calling it Real

I am doing this because I can.

And that, my loves, is why the patreon is revolutionary to me. Because I can. And so I do. 

It sounds so crass, but, now: I can, therefore I write.

Thank you so much for being my patrons. I wouldn't be writing without you....I just wouldn't. You are helping me exist, survive, persist, right now. 

Thank you.

Thanks to my copy-editor, Rina Bander, for doing the qork so quickly.

And especially: thank you to Angel. 

You threw the pebble. I love you, you poet of life. Small things lead to everything. Nothing is insignificant. Everything is real.

Believe in me, and I will believe in you.

And I do.

xx

AFP

P.S. I've got the Althing coming, it'll be out on the 31st. Stand by. I'm also planning the next webcast (finally) for August 3rd, at noon. Webcast patrons: please save that time/date...I'm juggling everything, but that's the plan, and you'll get an invite ASAP (and I'll nail it by the time the Althing goes out).


———THE STUFF I SAY AT THE END OF EVERY POST———

1. if you are a patron and new to my work, don’t forget your patronage allows you access to ALL of my patreon releases to date. HERE is the link to download my latest big solo record, “There Will Be No Intermission”, and HERE is a link to download the PDF of the art/essay book that goes with it.

2. if you’re a patron reading this post via an email notification, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading.

3. see All the Things (almost 200 of them) i've made so far on patreon:

http://amandapalmer.net/things

4. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

5. are you new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

6. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net



Comments

Janet in Georgia

I will definitely read it later when my eyes can focus better. We currently have Covid. Again. Just wanted to say hi from the Covid bed. ❤️ love you

Laura Morland

Dear Amanda, Because I subscribe to you on Substack, I'd already read the piece on the stained-glass piano, and the one that touched me more, your response to the "heartbroken" fan who claimed she was "unfollowing" you after learning how little your fingers have touched the ivories over the past three years. I thought that you were going to share a bit of your reaction to her post in the introduction just now... but of course, your piece speaks for itself. P.S. Just last night I looked at the calendar and I said to myself, "Amanda must be working on her Althing: she's only got three days left to post it!!!" Looking forward....

Robin McFadden

Yesterday a new friend asked me if I'm a writer as well as a painter, and I said (and realized it was true as I said it): "Well, yes, but only as an aftereffect of having so many stories to tell."

Angel Rosen

Amanda, I feel there is a thread between us sometimes. Like... for the last fifteen years, so many things have just had perfect timing. Almost like when I get too heavy, the thread gets pulled & you unknowingly do something that is good for me. Full transparency... I feel like shit today because my therapist canceled again (she has covid!), my driving lesson canceled again (she's also sick!). I feel like my effort isn't good enough because I'm trying to outrun my dogs' death with productivity. I even considered hurting myself today out of frustration... but...a Facebook post I shared was enough to matter and create a conversation? I appreciate so much your little note at the end of the Substack post. I am so grateful for you. Part of art is just experiencing things that will later be the art's subject. Experience, heal, make the sandwiches. I am babysitting 3 babies tomorrow (my "nephews") with my other friend for a few hours, so I'll be making a sandwich & a bottle & I'll be thinking about the art of it because of you! Also!! Your band is my art's greatest influence. So that one time you played piano 20 years ago is still making art...

Katherine Bentley

Goodness, I am so grateful for the ways you have let us look at the way The Artist and The Mother co-exist in your being. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! The world is just too damn hard right now. But/And I ground myself in the joy that I get to be a mother at the same time that you, Amanda, are a mother, and at the same time that my friends (painters, musicians, writers) are mothers too. So thank you, thank you, and thank you again. xoxo

Joni

Oh Mama... That "why can't I do more" thing... I don't think it's limited to artists, I SO know that feel. Accepting lack of capacity is... Impossible?, feels that way sometimes... very difficult for me. I want to do all the things for all the people all the time... And still need hours alone to just process and be... And I can't. Real simple. I just can't. To see creators and PRODUCERS (not the same thing) like you admit limits is a gift beyond price. You are always reminding me that I may feel broken, but that healing is always possible. I love you for that. ❤️❤️

Monica Byrne

Needed this today, Amanda, thank you. I feel so so bitter sometimes.

EmVT

epic, oh my god, and I'm not even a parent. parents' heads will explode with joy at this, no doubt. :) commenting more over on substack. thank you for reading them aloud, I wondered if / hoped you would thing it. I mean, this truly feels like a ted talk, picturing a life-sized stained glass piano. I feel like I just experienced a ted talk, maybe better.

river rowan stone

wow, this really hit home today... I'm a music therapist and spend a surprising chunk of my work hours convincing people of the validity of playing just to play, regardless of how it sounds; of the innate rhythm & harmony that we all embody, and that one's worthiness is not measured by the expertise with which the sounds come out. There is joy, community, care in musical expression, regardless of age or training or experience. At the same time, I have my own complicated relationships with my instruments, and creativity as a whole. And when I feel lost or confused among them, unsure about what to pluck or strum, I lean into this wisdom as life being inherently creative. The words I say to those I love, what I choose to wear, banter among strangers... we are in a constant process of creation/destruction and who am I to be the judge of that? All we can do is play on, one note after another, for "art is how we decorate space, music is how we decorate time" - just one note, word, sigh, after another.

DrWex

Please read us more things, Amanda. This was special and lovely.

POTU David Nelson, Author

So much that could be said. Living life in this bizzare world of our is an art. Contextualizing - living life as practicing your art is beyond...simply beyond because I do not have the language to properly inflect the meanings that overwhelmed me with the thoughts of what you just shared. Keep on, living your art. I'm thinking of the film the Exorcist 'The Power of Art Compells you! The Power of ART COMPELLS YOU!' - and I don't know where that came from but, I found it funny.

Issa Rodri

gotta say that I appreciate how you take an entitled, whining fan and turn it into a dialogue about the power of resting, because lord knows we're all surviving day by day. love to you and yours- can't wait for the day when I see you (and your drummer!) again.

Coila

I love this! You have so much power and the trouble comes when we forget, lose sight of or fail to see it. You haven't. Rock on, AFP

Len Tower Jr.

a your writing is moving, your reading of it magnificent. thank you & love, len

amandapalmer

it circles and circles and it never stops. i'm so proud of you...for living, for surviving, for sharing, for poeming. keep going. you'll be looking at the ripples of the stones you threw for years and years to come. xxx

Doug Ryan

Holy shit. This is incredible. Your strength and resilience continues to be an inspiration to many, I’m sure. “Play the chords of life” /“a noise so inflammatory so holy so deafening so honest…you will question what music even means” / “imagine me” I mean the whole thing is mind blowing. You’re an incredible musician and an incredible artist and an incredible human.

Jeffrey

My dear Amanda, Thank you for writing and for reading. That’s a good prayer, isn’t it, though I barely know what praying is, in any conventional sense at least. At most, I pray daily when I smile at yet another coincidence that has been thrown my way, or some grace unexpectedly falls in my direction. Though I am older than some, at 70½ I have finally been diagnosed as having a pallet-full of various learning disabilities, which when I started having them shortly after birth, did not have names, let alone respect. And they had no cures, no meds and fewer helpful guides through the brambles. Now, today, and for the past few weeks I am clearly finding myself on so many spectrums that feel more like floating, multi-hued gaseous spheres than mere volume-knobs or rainbows. Now I can at last imagine writing songs featuring verses about Assbergers, non-typical behavior, and enjoying rather than obsessing about interesting compulsions such as always having nail-clippers nearby, ‘just in case.’ And you, Amanda, speak so fragrantly about your own bad smells and what many believe are shortcomings. You, Amanda, see those things as your powers, and indeed they are. You are a dragon-lady of words and sounds, a fierce mother and a good friend, an idol to some and muse to many, many thousands. Be gentle on yourself, but don’t forget to rip your heart out from time to time for a cleansing in the summer or winter air, any day of the week. I sure hope to be able to see you and Brian in Woodstock in November. I’ve saved the date and have my four wheel drive ready in case of slippery roads. Don’t practice piano before that day, please, just bang on the keys with all your heart and soul, which is a tune that is said to be fun to play but I cannot keep any known tune, instead preferring to attempt to memorize all the words to Ukulele Anthem after seeing the vids of you with white wings atop Sydney Opera House. As long as you keep being alive, free, and in relatively good health; every day is the best day ever.

Daniel Allen

I needed to hear this today. Not necessarily this specifically. But I needed to hear something positive. And powerful. Thank you.

Lauren Wilde

Ahhh by the end this made me laugh and feel like I could imagine writing again. It’s been years, but I should do it again anyway.

Lynn Robinson

Just love listening to you and watching you. You may feel battered but you look 🤩. The piano images and where this has led you is such an amazing insight into your mind. You think and feel sooooo deeply. I feel like I live on the surface of life compared to you. This shows the huge difference between you, the artist and me! The opportunities you see naturally, everywhere, to create is stunning. Please never stop! Much love to you & Ash xxxx

shishirin

Dear Amanda, I’ve been in the throes of burnout and depression these past years (three? Five? What is time even?). I am slowly so slowly, crawling myself out of it again and I need the constant reminder of exactly what you’re writing about. Art will still be there. There is time. To give oneself the grace to not be Art-making, reading, writing, is no easy thing, especially not in a society obsessed with constant progress above all else. Thank you so much for the reminder and for giving space to not fall in to frustration when it’s so easy to get lost there. Perhaps this will be my new mantra: There is time. Lots of love

walter ray brock

Great writing / reading and fantastic smile for viewer to watch and contemplate for as long as it takes after the vid ends. Thank you.

Zoé Grin

Thanks Amanda! I've been struggling to write these past months, not because I don't want to write (I painfully do) but because life has been relentless. All my time and energy went to caring - for myself, for family, for friends - and working on my dayjob. I love my job but it regularly brings crisis like "am I a Real Storyteller if I work amongst Professional Storytellers and Artists without being a Professional myself??". I often remember that line in The Art of Asking where you talk about hitting yourself with the wand of legitimacy and looking stupid doing so. Anyway thank you for these pieces of writing. They help. Life is part of what grows inside and becomes art. Or sometimes life is just life.

Lisa Sophie Beck

Thank you so much for this essay! I work at a music university (I do choir and orchestra management and I'm a gender equality officer there) and the feelings you expressed echo the pressure that our students sometimes mention - not very often though and when they do it is in a very personal conversation + always accompanied with a bit of shame. I wish they all would read your text and feel a bit of relief from the pressure that society and they themselves put upon them being artists. I truly wish for them all to understand that mental and physical health must always come first and that mixed feelings towards your instrument are absolutely okay. In my idealistic state of mind I hope for a music scene that will become less of an elbow society and instead celebrates the variety of expressions that "art" can have.

SewTara

Being creative and making art is such a kick in the pants sometimes isn’t it? I sew and love to make things. I’m a teacher and had no energy/drive/focus to do it while school was in, like I used to. School ended a month ago. I haven’t touched my studio area. I actually ended up piling stuff all over it. I dug it out one day, intending to sew. All I’ve done is mended my hubby’s hoodie moments before he went out the door to catch a flight. I don’t know where my groove has gone but it’ll come back. Also I’ve been doing what I need in this month off clearly - decompressing, being a mom, relaxing, being a caregiver to my mom, reading, being a partner . . . It ebbs and flows. My creativity will come back in some way at some point.

Len Tower Jr.

a one of your art form is transforming criticism. love, len

Camila Espinosa

Loved reading both of these pieces, can't wait to hear the nextness

tess

I loved reading this, and needed it at the moment. I'm currently rediscovering my love for my own art form after studying it in college during a pandemic in a less-than-healthy learning environment sucked the joy out of it for me. Thank you, Amanda <3

Pedro B. Gorman

Dear Amanda, Before anything else, allow me to start at the end: “(…) and also…remember…I’ll have a drummer!” BEST Superapocalyptoexpialadocious REAL musical impending, gracious, sawed-off-melodious-shotgun-to-the-hypothalamus-threat E-VER, by the way… . (YES!) But that’s a mere side note. Again, what I adore about your spirit, on the off-chance that I have never stated it thus succinctly is this: that your high-level alchemy on WHICHEVER of the Instruments of Life you are, by circumstance, allowed to play at any given moment—and you are Mistress of Many (not “mistress,” as in “slutty, but as in Female Master)—are wholly able to transport me, within a matter of seconds, from the wild, sobbing tears of Seen-ness; to the Dionsiac abandonment of equally-wet-cheeked, yet belly-clutching, full-bodied-laughter! You are manifold (or “womanfold?” but that sounds weird), and i love you, and you know that! But the whole point of my over-adjectivized “companion-text” to your Sonu, (beautiful metaphor from b4, btw) Expressive-Yet-Zen-Glorious-Two-piece on Art is Art is Art is Not-Only-Fucking-Palmer-Hard-But-Generally-World-Hard-is: The world is a far, far richer place with you in it, even if you’re just breathing and being! :) I REALLY so needed to not only hear, as imbibe, as DIGEST this piece of wisdom, because, I, recently have almost questioned my identity if not creating. Sometimes, we forget to allow ourselves the generosity of just being as is, as the moment requires. What we did before, and know we can do, we will not lose. What is good and wholesome NEVER goes away. It may get temporarily or accidentally swept under a rug. But, its essence is rarely dimmed. Love to You, to Ash, and to ALL Patrons, P. :)

Pedro B. Gorman

Because, Bright Angel of the Rose, it was SO much more than a FB post: it was your essence,it was what makes you enchantably and intrinsically, unapologetically, wholly YOU! :) Know that i, too, as an artist, am deeply inspired by you: “Aurelia” and “Blake” are true, soul-filled-hand-in-mouth-light-in-dark-Works of Art, but also beyond that, and more than the sum of their parts, they are your personal map, which you thankfully chose to share with the world, and we too are the richer for it, and to read them, as I have bought and loved and lolled each word upon tongue, is to truly know and feel that there is always so much strength and deep wisdom in sharing vulnerability, and that THAT is in itself a source of POWER. There is always a connective thread between (of course, You and Amanda, for years,) but also in us all, and through the commonality of our frailties we spin bigger, better, gossamer, shinier velvet, ultra-connective webs between us! You make a difference, Angel! You really do. :) Perhaps without realising, you have crossed the Atlantic ocean all the way to Portugal and have become, through your life and through your work, not only a friend but an artist I deeply care about :) Love, aways, & even when it seems unlikely… It’s here! P.

Catherine Hannah

I need you to be there proving to me that POTENTIALITY is ok. I'm trying to create against generational fury (IF THEY COULDN'T HAVE IT THEN NEITHER COULD I). I am afraid.

Caren Helms

YES, all of this. ALL working mothers who are also artists can only do what we can do. No one can or should expect more!

mary b merryman

mary here from San Francisco. The piano will be there when you’re ready! U are among thousands of Single Mothers who were also artists, revolutionaries, world-class athletes, etc. I wish you the support you need

mary b merryman

also, check out a band called Rising Appalachia. I’ve been following them more then 10 years, and thety played a sold-out show in Berkeley

mary b merryman

Thursday night. They are 2 sisters, originally from Atlanta, GA. I love their music and their activism

Wendy Oakden

This was so amazing. I want to give it more than one heart! <3 <3 <3

Coila

"the never wanting to practice and always wanting to play" I feel this so hard. Thank you. There will be time... I'm craving playing the piano and I can't... I need to. I will. It's just not happening now. It will. I'm sorry you were wounded. People get so scared. It's often a matter of having triggered a scarier and more vulnerable/dangerous time in their life that their brain tells them is The Now. That doesn't make it ok. I know you must know this... All heroes are flawed. You *are* powerful. Thank you for reminding us of who you are so that we can more clearly see who you are AND remember who we are. <3 I crave making art. I don't think of myself as an artist, but I play piano, I sing well enough, I play flute. I want to learn drums and have a ukulele gathering dust because I'm intimidated and just don't have the time mostly... I want to work on tracings. That's a Thing in my mind lately. They suck. They will continue to. But they are something. Something I like. I'm learning. I'm growing... when I can... ok... done talking at you. I love you, Amanda.

RogerD

I wish Patrick Rothfuss would hear this and get inspired to finish the Kingkiller chronicle (or not). Because damn that was so powerful and soulful and touching that this old man half a world away had to stop and just listen and now I’m going to restart it. Thank you wonderful lady in a land far away:)

Tammy Meier

I love you. I love your realness. I love your answer.

Deborah Geffner

Just keep surviving. We're here for you. Standing in awe. And PS You'll have a drummer!

Stephen Foster

Like I said on the Facebook page being a parent is a very intensive job and you have to fit your art around that. There is no other way to do it don’t worry about that one disgruntled person, they clearly don’t see the bigger picture. I have x2 high functioning autistic teenagers in my house, some weeks it takes every once of energy my wife and I have to get them through their week standing up. Love to you friend x

Elina Tserlin

Oh I love this so much!!! ART is ART is ART is ART is ART is ART is ART is ART…. ♥️♥️♥️

Lori Kitzing

I read these when they were posted. But, damnit, hearing them read with the passion in which they were written...Fuck Yes! Thank you.