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Hello loves.

Greetings from pre-dawn, where my thoughts are escaping in wispy clouds, Ash still sleeps, and I am dawdling over to you to say something larger and wandering.

At the risk of staying the obvious, and in relative terms:

This is a slow season for me. But, I am also finding, for many. I am not alone.

There’s a massive amount of pile-up and reckoning.

I have been on patreon for almost 8 years now - the anniversary is coming up in March - and I am still baffled and delighted and confused on a daily basis by my own ability to dance and improvise through my workday in a way that most artists do not. I am still making this shit up as I go along. It’s an honor to be able to do that.

The last three years of my life have been, on many unseen and unshared levels, an unprecedented (there’s that word) struggle.

I’ve witnessed an epic amount of unbelievable darkness and I am only just starting to piece it all together.

The pandemic threw us all into different fires. Mine burned with a heat I’d never quite had to handle; as most of what I was experiencing could not be shared. Sharing is my superpower. I was cut off at the voicebox. It created a resilience I could never have imagined.

It’s also lonely.

Like many of us stumbling though the pandemic, my own life story wound up adjacent to the collapse, breakdown and suffering of so many others; and I’ve been wondering what to do with all of it.

I have spoken with many people who work in various kinds of mental health care, or have partners with severe mental health issues, and this is a good time to remind us all.

It is it’s own strain of trauma: being on the other of the phone for the suicide threats, being the one who catches the meltdowns and calls 911, being the witness, bearing the meds, hiding the meds, calling the rest of the family, avoiding the rest of the family, wondering if you are helping, wondering if you can help, wondering if you should help.

In the wake of all of this: learning to move more slowly.

I am learning to - literally and figuratively - release less. I am a release expert. Less release at the moment, more breathing and waiting.

Ash’s story is bound up in mine. Like all the children of the present day, his story is also bound up in the pandemic. What he lost, what he gained? We built one community in New Zealand and are struggling to find our footing back at home with the pieces of our old one. The tatters are wide over here in America. People are so tired and fragile.

A friend who just had a baby was giving me a emotional report a few days ago, and it resonated.


She spoke to the loneliness within the greater exhaustion. She said a lot of people were offering to help - to cook, to babysit the older kiddo, etc - and then backing out, feeling too overwhelmed to follow through.

She’s getting texts along the lines of “I know I said I was going to cook for you but I just am so busy... I’m so sorry”. She then has to calm and reassure them that it’s okay, and assuage their guilt. She told me people had big, bursting desires be part of a supportive community …. with no emotional/economic/time resource to follow through.

Oh, this hit me to my core. I know that whiplash from both sides.

I feel this all around me in America, and I also felt it to a certain sense in New Zealand, even on the best of days. Covid opened and shut the doors in ways that made no sense in the olden days.

My old way of functioning - to race from town to town creating a party, whipping up a circus tent, connecting with endless people - still feels like a core, innate ability. A power; like a well that just flows and never dries. It feel like those days will come again, by necessity. World needs bread and circus.

But right now it feels like the moment to hold this this child very still, introducing him to the important players in his life ever so slowly as we emerge from the wreckage of the last few years, and set aside my personal desire for release … for a while.

It is always hard to tell what is poetry and what is coincidence and all that. But not off topic, I am meeting and having deep discussions with more and more survivors of sexual assault, domestic abuse, and childhood sexual abuse. Quietly, in safe spaces, we share our stories. And these stories I am hearing - and the tales of how these survivors manage to navigate life having seen and experienced the unspeakable - are part of the threads I am braiding together for the rope I’m tossing out my own tower window.

The bravery of these survivors. My god. The sheer bravery in the face of what horrors they have lived. To go on. To speak the truth. To abide. To not seek violent vengeance. To hold the story without letting it eat you alive. Biggest; To not permit the cycle of abuse to continue. To say Enough. To live Enough.

And also. Too many stories that feel they cannot be told, they are too taxing, too damaging, too frightening, too exhausting, too expensive.

So many women I met on tour in 2019 - and I know the pile is growing - just carry a freight of seemingly untellable secrets through the landscape of their lives. Baggage so heavy you can feel it buzzing in their very skin when you hug them.

Yes:

It’s going to stay a slow season.

….until we find our footing.

The entire world is exhausted. The glaciers are melting.

My job - what is my job? What is any artist’s job right now?

I am watching, waiting, slowing, listening. Becoming my own glacier. BYOG.

Listening for what notes and songs to birth into the world. This seems to be my calling for the moment. Just listening for the notes.

The glaciers have a song, a frequency. Quiet. They’re singing. We translate. The artists are also exhausted. We all need a nap.

Meanwhile ….

I listened to you all (thank you again for your comments on that post about what’s needed at the moment) and I think so have found the perfect release for the month.

It’s beautiful, and simple, and strange, and it warms my heart, and I think you will love it.

It was a light worklift for the team and it’ll come out tomorrow/Monday, followed by the Althing, in a classic “Oh Shit It’s The End of the Month” release squish.

But I’m happy. This slowing and stilling is what I know I need.

I’m finding my footing, and I’m doing it barefoot, which is how I like it right now.

Before you hoist the circus tent, you need to level the field on which it’s staked.


Love to you, my safety net patrons of wonder. Trapeze training begins at 6:30 am today.

If it is - or needs to be - a slow season for you, my darling …. oh, you are not alone.

You are not alone.

(I’m reading and responding to comments right now, til Ash wakes up. I’ll read the rest later tonight. Write to me.)


x

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Comments

Allison B

Still here, still reading and listening. Supporting where I can. Protecting myself and not overextending unless it’s critical. Enjoying nature. The seasons. The end of summer. Every day we are given is a gift 💝

KarenD

Amanda, you are spot on. This is a liminal space between times. In the great cycle of the universe it’s a point of endings and beginnings- so can be creatively explosive or gentle. Like all times creation and destruction roll on and what happens on our own level can depend on how we approach it. So I tend to be very hot high energy and need to be mindful to go slow, not rush, do the work. Keep your spotlight on your close relationships, be there for Ash, show support for loved ones and do your part to keep the peace. You nailed it… right now you’re preparing the ground. This too shall pass.

amandapalmer

An impossibly beautiful gift. I have a good story for that. I have a local friend - in his 70s - whose family was recently given a house. They were friends with an older couple who had no children, no heirs, and they were close friends. So they inherited this beautiful house by the sea and moved into it. And I said to my friend: “You literally live in a gift.” And then I realized: we all sort of do. Our own bodies, in a way, are all that house. That gift. Just need to see it that way every day. xx

Lucy

This resonates so deeply with me. Before the pandemic, and through the first year or so, the people I am friends with and I were quite good at shifting the load the between us and taking it in turns to hold and be held. The thought has kept coming back to me over the last two years or so that we can't do that anymore because no one has spare. We're all operating at a deficit of resilience and strength and not one of us has the energy to hold anyone else, because we all need to be held. And friendships are wearing thin because no one can offer a hand, because we're all staggering under the weight of what we have to carry just for ourselves.

Sparklewomb

Thank you. A timely reminder that it's OK to go slow. I wonder sometimes "am I even me if I'm not creating something?". I've been telling myself recently that my greatest work is raising my son, and its ok if I only do that for the next few (10, 20, forever?) Years. It seems impossible that in not too long the space that is taken up right now by being a mum will be free again and I'll have time to fill it up with all the arts and resting and healing, and that I'll so miss having mother as my main profession, hobby, responsibility and joy. And that drive to be there for others, while at the same time needing so much help and having so little resources feels uncomfortable. When you're a giver it's so hard to take, knowing you might not be able to give back straight away - I'll come Cook for you in a decade. As always thank you for sharing what you do. It helps so much not to feel alone in this.

Schmeecosis

Thank you for these thoughts. I finished moving yesterday, I woke up at four this morning full of too many things. This year has been so hard. I ended up in a state of psychosis and in the hospital for the first time due to trauma and grief in july. The last five years hurt so much, but I'm here. I made it. I'm free, I'm finally fucking free and I can start to heal. From all of it. The childhood sexual assault and exploitation all the way up to this past month. I'm going to eat some birthday cake for breakfast and have a good cry and celebrate everything I've accomplished this past year. I hope everyone has something to smile about today.

Megan Elizabeth

“people are offering to help and backing out” Yeah. We’re spread so thin. My Mom just diedand some of my closest friends offered help then… forgot. Never followed up. My MOM *DIED* and even still. and I keep wondering, like, where is the parade of casseroles- of people physically by my side- but that moment just isn’t coming and I don’t think it’s because people don’t care. I think it’s because we’re at capacity and we forgot how to be there for each other in real space. People send door dash gift cards and I feel guilty that on some level this feels insufficient but the thing I keep coming back to is that *I can’t hug that kind of support*. I need deep, slow presence and space but no one’s got it to offer. I want breathing compassionate human bodies around me wanting to grieve together, but that’s not on option here. What do we do, what do any of us do with this…? I just don’t know.

amandapalmer

I am finding that the “Am I even me….” is the great confronting of the ego. You are, you know you are, and yet: there is your ego, ready to eat you for breakfast, wanting to be defined that selfish way it wants. :)

Cate Whitehead

I have not been here for a while, Amanda, but I'm always here...what you write and say resonates in every cell. About 4 months ago I committed myself to writing a history (50 years) of our Friends of Hamilton Gallery (Western Victoria). Somehow I believed I could take it on, still believe, and I dove deep into it with a deadline. In the midst of this, friends we haven't seen for 20 years came to visit 3 weeks ago - he's a painter and she's a poet and he's just sent us an image of a painting he's done of our river which runs through our little village. Beautiful. Inspiring. Joyous. I need to read slowly what you've written, over the last few weeks and tonight. I love you all people; sorry I haven't been here to say so.

amandapalmer

Yes. I am hearing so so much of this. And I too feel guilty. For all the time I pour into Ash and feel pride, there are the casseroles I am not making for my neighbors and the hasty gift cards for birthday gifts and the paucity of love and care in other departments. Everyone is spread thin. It’s not working on many levels. For what it’s worth, Megan, I am hugging you in your grief. Through a screen, but it’s all I got. I know the hugs you need. x

Lynn Robinson

Yet another beautiful and poignant post . Reading it makes imagine you are hibernating with Ash - just getting enough nutrients to sustain you both till you - and only you - are ready to embrace the new world you wake up in ; new challenges, new relationships, new routines and joy in as yet unknown places . Your community is watching over you both and keeping you fed ❤️

Vicki Callanan

So much of this resonated for me. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. It’s brave to embrace the quiet. Somehow the loud and clamour feels more active. Like it might manage to push the bleakness back. But it doesn’t. So much more I could say that I can’t say here. I am writing a book which touches on some of these things. It is hard. It’s hard because I want to make it loud and triumphant but there is a stripped but vital truth in the quiet. In the small. Sending so much love to you as ever x

amandapalmer

So much love back. The grief dictates it’s own volume. You are such an incredible writer, and brave one. I cannot wait to read your book. x

Nicole Werner

Wow. You always say the right things. You always make me cry, but they are tears of love and just gratitude. For your voice and your honesty. I love you and I will see you at Campersand and (hopefully) all 3 Denver shows.

Jen

Beautifully said. I will reread this and sit in some of the metaphors for a bit. I thought of Ani’s freak show with the inside and outside of the circus. I am working on finding footing and your words help with that. So, thank you and may you find your footing as well. ❤️❤️❤️

Drag Queen Jesus

ASCA Stages and 21 Steps Stage One – Remembering 1. I am in a breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse. 2. I have determined that I was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child. 3. I have made a commitment to recovery from my childhood abuse. 4. I shall re-experience each set of memories as they surface in my mind. 5. I accept that I was powerless over my abusers' actions which holds them responsible. 6. I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against myself or others. 7. I can sense my inner child whose efforts to survive now can be appreciated. Volunteer Reader Two Stage 2 – Mourning 8. I have made an inventory of the problem areas in my adult life. 9. I have identified the parts of myself connected to self-sabotage. 10. I can control my anger and find healthy outlets for my aggression. 11. I can identify faulty beliefs and distorted perceptions in myself and others. 12. I am facing my shame and developing self-compassion. 13. I accept that I have the right to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live. 14. I am able to grieve my childhood and mourn the loss of those who failed me. Volunteer Reader Three Stage 3 – Healing 15. I am entitled to take the initiative to share in life's riches. 16. I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem. 17. I can make necessary changes in my behavior and relationships at home and work. 18. I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to the extent that is acceptable to me. 19. I hold my own meaning about the abuse that releases me from the legacy of the past. 20. I see myself as a Thriver in all aspects of life - love, work, parenting, and play. 21. I am resolved in the reunion of my new self and eternal soul. This program changed my life. ASCAsupport.org . I am a trained facilitator and can answer anyone's questions and help get you into meeting if you are interested, or I can just provide emotional support. Rainbowsandhuman@proton.me Please share this with anyone who you know who has experienced abuse in childhood. ♥️

Anna Branscome

I don’t usually write in. But I woke up at 5 from crazy dreams, so here I am. The anniversary of the most terrifying week of my life is coming up. March 5, 2020, my ling-distance SO of three decades called to tell me he’d just found out he needed open-heart surgery ASAP. He’s an athlete and had never even spent the night in the hospital before. March 7, my beloved father just… dropped dead. Went for a bike ride and never came back. A few days later, the pandemic was declared, and my newly widowed mother and I locked down here in Florida. (Florida! Oh my god.) In less than six weeks, I’m going to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but never quite dared be independent enough to do—I’m renting a bedsit in London for a month and I’m just going to walk all over the city. My mother and I have had a complicated and fraught relationship all my life, and the past three years have been… intense. She doesn’t want me to go. I’m severely hearing impaired, and I suffer from depression and anxiety. But I love London. And I need this time to go and be wholly on my own schedule, with no one else’s needs to account for. To explore. G.K. Chesterton, in his essay “On Running After One’s Hat,” talks about needing a childlike wonder in life—“An inconvenience is only an adventure considered wrongly; an adventure is only an inconvenience considered rightly.” I want to try, at 52, to see everything rightly again. I discovered you because I’ve been a Neil fan for years, and stayed for you. I’m also a “sharing” person—WYSIWYG. An open book. And the aforementioned SO is an extremely private, what-the-fuck-is-going-on-in-there person. He’s 29 years older than me, married but estranged, and was my professor in college. (Did I mention I’m 52?) I know what it sounds like, and this is not how I saw my life, but it mostly works for us. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Although I’m terrified he’s going to die. That’s another subject. London will be my first time abroad without him. We’ve traveled together every year or two for the past sixteen years. Anyway. I have a ticket for The Ocean at the End of the Lane my first week in London. I remember Neil wrote it to “explain” some things about himself to you early on. I’ve picked at it, wondering about it, over the years, and have some ideas. But it’s not my business. And it’s one of my favorites of his, because the emotion in it feels so true, however disguised. So I’ll go and enjoy the play. This is horribly long and meandering. Sorry. I felt moved to write, for whatever reason. Thank you for everything. Take care.

Marie O'Reilly

Thank you for bearing witness, connecting and listening. And our conversation on the webchat helped me so much. Yes of course my head and heart are a mess. I just lost someone. Sometimes our hearts are so messy someone else has to help us understand them. I did that for my father in laws family, you helped do that for me.

Allison B

So sad to hear your precious Mom died. That’s a hurt so deep and being let down by friends after such an important loss just makes it harder - I hope you know as we all read your post we’ll each send you a hug from wherever we are / wishing it to surround and hold you through these days. 🤗🤗💐🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💐🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💐🤗🤗🤗🤗💐

Jemima Louise Johnson

Wondering if it would be possible to create a studio/performance space in your home. I like lo-fi simple sound as long as it's held well. There is no need for a massive tour but I would enjoy local gigs or like basement broadcast gigs filmed and thinged. Adapt to your capacity. I'm so stuck in the young children loop it's barely possible to access real time performance but I can chase recorded performances.

amandapalmer

Oh babe. Enjoy London, and the play. Whatever darknesses are tended and untended, healed and unhealed in this world, at least we have the art when all else is lost. ♥️

amandapalmer

I have been hoping to do this for a long time and have just never found the moment or the tools. It’s time. Soon. After I spend some time recovering.

Bijan J. Hosseini

How to Comfort Anyone Find one small arm of sunshine even when they don't want the light on their face. Requirements: maybe a fence to meet at, a door to leave cracked. Maybe do nothing bigger than pointing out the obvious. I am here in the trudge of darkness. I am listening like an enormous shadow. And still, you are bigger than sorrow. If on any given day you are this lonely mountain, go ahead and be the sound I will be the echo. -Katy Luxem

Erin Beggs Wilson

My little is one year and one day older than Ash (or one year, less one day. They're a year older and their birthdays one day off! Lol). I have been... Struggling as a mother. Winter is my bad season. November is my trauma month, and seasonal depression is my nemesis, and the cancer and the treatment and the and the and the... Winter, winter is so fucking bad. I've cried every night for at least a week, I feel like I am failing my little. They are so small and I ask too much and I see only too late. To remind me to be still, to hold and love and let us both be sad and broken. I cannot rush my healing and I cannot rush theirs.

EmVT

Hi Allison and Amanda, this idea of a gift resonates with me in a deeply personal way because the way I ultimately resolved my grief about the death of my parents is to realize that what they gave me is this body. To use the gift to help others, however I can, is to honor their memory. They gave me so much besides, but fundamentally, they gave me this body to be a steward of. Thanks for this comment, I had to respond.

Jo VanEvery

We live in a culture that values speed. Speed is killing us. Literally. Learning to slow down is so important. For me, yoga has helped. Supporting each other to do less is maybe a key part of community. I wonder, for example, if those people backing out of cooking for someone feel like it has to be a “nice” home cooked meal? What happens if we offer to feed someone instead of cooking for them? Does that change our sense of what’s required? Would a mother of a tiny baby appreciate someone coming over and making boxed Mac and cheese? Or heating up a frozen pizza? I bet she would.

Nicholas

Steady as she goes, AFP. Steady as she goes. ❤

Julie Steele

Everything you’ve been saying has been so spot on. I really hope you and Ash have a beautiful day.

Sahrami

Oof this really resonates. Im on a verge of a bipolar episode due to a thunderstorm of stress about my cats health and moving and an enormous amount of grief of my grandmother with aggressive alzheimers, and i really need to take. it. Slow. As slow as i can, even the stirring of peppermint tea. I know i can do this but boy i need mutual aid and radical empathy but it really isnt available/ dont know how to ask. Have to read your book again. Wishing you amanda More serenity, faith and strenght for solo parenting, im sure youre doing just fine with it xx More than fine, you powerhouse <3

Justine Rydzeski

I think many of us are grieving, and it’s hard to be there for other people when you’re just hanging on. Because my mom lived in NY and I’m on the gulf coast, we couldn’t see each other during Covid 2 years the longest we’d ever been apart. Then she had to have surgery, and something went wrong. I was recovering from a serious illness, but as soon as I could I got on a plane. But the airline screwed up andI spent my mom’s last conscious day in the Baltimore airport. By the time I saw her she was intubated. We never talked again. I I was there alone for weeks, a 3 hour drive each day to the hospital, watching her slowly decline. She was a professional opera singer, so I sat by her bed and played arias in her ear on my phone in case she could hear. - for weeks. Then I stood there as she was unplugged, and just faded to grey. Alone. It was all unexpected that I had to immediately pack up her house for sale. When I got home my friend hanged himself. I wasn’t there for other people because breathing was hard. Eating was hard. Sleeping, reading - everything was hard. It was crazy lonely, and I think it changed me. I come at things more slowly. I have to be careful to stay in some sort of balance, and to move deliberately. To move at all, to cope with never being able to go home again - not to the place I love most, not to my mom. The house I thought I’d retire to is gone. The world has changed. And so have we. But one very sleepless night I watched the O+ benefit and it went deep. For the first time in ages I felt a spark. I could see the community that was there. Since then, people and music and even fun have started creeping in. I feel less numb. You’ve helped unstick me. Thanks Amanda. It was really rough, and oddly enough, this Patreon has helped me deal with it all and find some joy tucked into the corners and crevices, peeking out in promise. Thanks for reading us Good Night Moon. - helped me sleep! lol Sometimes we just need to go at our own pace, so please don’t apologize for doing it! Love you Amanda 💙😎

Karin White

So relatable. I keep thinking slow is around the corner…like next week or month or …but it doesn’t happen. On the other hand after two horrid and expensive breakups this past year (still in court for a restringing order with one) I’m concentrating on me and making/strengthening my connections with people around me. My soul family. I’m trying to give more of me to them at the same time that I’m trying to heal myself ….sometimes my healing is actually through helping others…which is a learned thing from my childhood…both good and bad in its truth. The hole that the men I’ve loved left behind is vast and I’m filling it with things. I need to get back to my creative pursuits …they elude me but I know they are still there waiting for the slow time. It will come. Thank you for your words this morning. My day is full of things but mostly happy things I’m doing for other people. Big breakfast for two of my kids. My 25 year old son comes home for my food and to see me and his sister once a week. Makes me so happy. Then some work and a birthday dinner for my impossible mother. She’s so impossible. Have a wonderful slow day with your beautiful boy. Waking up to this made me smile. You make me smile. Looking forward to campersand makes me smile.

Thomas Herlofsen

Like you I have had to question all that I am and all I can be, especially this last year. For me it has resulted in an art explosion, I still putting out stuff at an enormous rate, GOOD stuff. A band, two poetry collections (a third is just beginning to take shape), a novel that a major publishing house is circling, my art collaborations with my fellow patrons, especially Phoenix (we did a frggin' ALBUM, did ya see?), a solo album of my electronic stuff, a poets performing together thingie.. so, so much stuff. I need to create to function right now. It started as a real lotus from shit situation. My hurt is as gone as it will be now, but my creative energy is still neverending. My time is limited though. I wonder where this race will take me.

Damian Masterson

I like this time of year. A core sensory memory of mine is walking out by myself in my teens on a snowy winter night in the village I grew up in. I I remember walking without destination, down empty streets and sidewalks. It was cold enough for slowly falling large flake snow, but not so cold that is was uncomfortable. It was that kind of cold that feels clean and invigorating. My wandering led me down to a small dock on Wappingers Lake, next to the park I played baseball growing up. I remember walking out onto the dock, and finding myself with a feeling I had never had before. I could see all the lights of the warm houses around the lake, but the only sound I could hear were the snow flakes hitting the water. So peaceful. That’s what the idea of the slow winter season makes me think of; a pleasant chill, a warm coat, and that quiet, unhurried sound.

Wendy S. Katz

I'm so grateful to you for articulating the things I didn't even know were simmering in my subconscious.

Laura Wellner

I see you, and I see everyone who is out there going through this lonely, stressful time—shit is fucked up, and no one seems to know how to address any of it because no one escaped it to have a clear head to make an effective plan—there’s no “How To Fix This Shit” playbook for a global shitshow. My Fred commented yesterday while we looked out the window at the birds visiting our feeders in the yard, “You take care of all of us—the birds, the cats, the donkey, the goat, your sister, our house, and us.” It was a lovely thing for him to say. My Fred and our son take care of me, but I rarely ask enough for help. I’m struggling but making do. I’ve had my own demons to battle and my share of crises from the outside as well as inside. The pandemic had its impact on my life in a strange mix of WTF toxicity at the workplace and a peculiar quiet that wasn’t exactly silent after I retired. I’ve had years of brewing emotions and experiences that I need to address. Making art is my way of coping and disseminating/dissecting everything that has happened since my world got tipped upside-down in a glacial progression that I didn’t see coming, but yet, I did, and I knew there was nothing I could do about it. Come what may—bridge crossing when I get there, with a generous dash of fuck this shit. The cost to myself was both tragic and freeing—I’m making art, and that’s the best thing for me to do for now, and I'm taking it slow. Patience, practice, persistence is my mantra to get to wherever I'm going. March is coming, the cold winds will come and go, I look forward to spring and summer, and being warm again. Hugs and love to you, Amanda and to all.

Sandra Marek

Thank you, yet again for distilling what so many of us are feeling. I feel “slow”, like walking through molasses. My heart aches, and my head is laser focused on trying to get my shit together, and the shit of my family so we can all breathe. My kiddo is Ash’s age (almost exactly), and the level of fear and anxiety from a child who did not have an upbringing like mine (by design) is truly awful. Last night, before bed we read a story. She crawled up into her bed to be tucked in. She tells me that she is having anxiety and I give her some rescue remedy to help calm her for bedtime. She confesses to me that she’s overwhelmed and struggling. I tell her to come down and meet me on her beanbag chair, where we cuddle and talk until she feels ready for sleeping. We all need that person, that “mom” to cuddle us and stroke our hair, telling us we aren’t alone and that our feelings of sadness and overwhelm are VALID and we are going to be ok. We’ve just got to breathe through it. Breathe through the silence and know that it’s always darkest before the dawn. We all need a good, long nap. 💜

Anna McCotter

Some things take the time that they take. And I will always love you. Always . And I understand, relate and I see YOU. always Amanda, all ways. 🤍

Lauren Wilde

A few days ago my daughter started crying and saying she missed the pandemic because we weren’t so busy and rushed then, and we all had time to sit together and read books and watch TV. Even though we all hated being quarantined, and it was in many ways completely miserable, in this one way - everything being cancelled - we were able to slow down as a family. So now I’m trying to figure out how to handle this as her mother and as myself. This past year has been the worst one of my life, and I feel intensely like I want to disconnect from everyone, even my kids, but I can’t. I don’t feel like I’ve done a good job of mothering this past twelve months, and I don’t know how to change it. All my family (except the kids) now know that I was sexually assaulted as a child and I absolutely hate it. It’s the most stressful, overwhelming feeling. I wish I had never said anything and kept it a secret. I stayed quiet about it for over thirty years - I wish I’d kept it secret. The knowledge of it was almost sacred, and now I’m just left feeling watched and dirty, even though I know there’s nothing to feel dirty about. I know it, but I don’t know it.

Jared Allyn Decker

Waking up to this was a warm hug. Sending you love and wishing for everyone to struggle a little less today. 🤞

Something (rather than nothing) Podcast

Hi Amanda 😊 The Art of Asking’ means the whole world to me! I became an artist/podcaster/painter because of it. I do this after my “day” job as union organizer/advocate for teachers and education support professionals K-12. It can all be so wondrous but also deep and dark. I’ve been doing WAY too much. I was in a meeting 2 weeks ago with 2 men not much older than myself (I’m 50). Both of those men are now in the hospital directly related to stress I actively saw on them in that meeting. It has scared the shit out of me. Shaken me. Reading your words reminds me to talk even when it is not comfortable 🙏🏼 Thanks for guiding me. I will recognize this Tao. Ok. How about this? I got the thrill of a lifetime by meeting you once at Mary’s Club in Portland, Oregon. But it ain’t just that. You walked into the bar amidst LOUD CHEER 👏 A few moments later you looked over at me and just smiled a warm comforting smile. You then sat next to me at the front rail and were my insta-buddy for a couple minutes : - ) (the smiling sigh of remembrance) I am going to start listening to your audiobook again right now. Thanks for writing. It changed my day ❤️ Ken Volante

emptybliss007

I’d love for it to be slow. The onslaught of health problems, moving, and basically starting over simply won’t allow me to slow- and my bills certainly aren’t slowing down either. However, when there is a moment for quiet, slow, practice for non-existence, etc I relish in it. I’m also working toward not feeling guilt for taking whatever I can as slowly as I can- but mannn its hard trying to keep up in this end-stage-capitalistic hellscape. I want to take more time to create my art- to draw, paint, get my hands into the clay, to make gender affirming photo edits for my trans/enby friends who need extra love- because those are the activities that my soul yearns for. But right now I have no financial, emotional, energetic means to do all of those things. So I’ll keep it to singing regularly and creating whenever I can. I’m so excited and thankful for most of the changes coming in my life, but I am so damn exhausted.

Dianne Pater

Amanda, i thought of a thing you could thing that could maybe help people heal. You led a meditation at that thing a few months ago. It hit me hard, since I was already emotionally fragile. And i wonder sometimes if I could sit with it again without all the fresh cracks in my psyche if it could hit differently. Could you thing a meditation? Like, record it for everyone?

Meg Higgins

Things are slow and not slow for me. Moving to get out of an abusive housing situation; expanding my therapy practice so I can afford my new apartment; coping with the increase in secondary trauma that the new practice size has brought; trying desperately to heal from a recent sexual assault while marking the anniversary of a previous assault (CSA and two assaults as an adult feels like an awful lot to carry around); increased mental health symptoms because of all those things; none of that is precisely slow. Yet there are many many moments where I find myself with nothing to do but be with myself, be here, be now, move more slowly. It's an awful lot of hurry up and wait. And I think the wait parts are crucial for me to survive the hurry ups.

Amy Wiechart

My partner and I have plans to move this summer and take an unofficial sabbatical of our own making. He especially needs the time to slow down, way down, and reconnect with the vital people of his life. What you said that resonates the most though, is about survivors of abuse. My very best friend is waiting on a judge's decision that will hopefully allow her and her 3 young girls to move across country and away from her abusive ex-husband. I imagine her coaxing them like you are with Ash. Helping them to rebuild relationships with family their dad has kept them from. She is tired though, Amanda. She also needs to be able to slow down. But there's no slowing down for a single mom in the midst of a custody battle who is also working out the technicalities of moving herself and 3 children back to her hometown on the other side of the country. I'm hopeful that once she is able to move she'll have the support she needs in order to slow down. Thank you for your words, for taking the time to type them out and send them to all of us.

Yvette Perez

I wish it could be slow here. I wish I had the luxury of slowing, of stopping, of resting. Of putting my knife pieces together into some semblance of a whole... But too much is on my back. Too much is required of me, so much I cannot really stop and see who "Me" actually is, what she feels. I'm glad we can afford you the luxury, Amanda. Looking forward to what you'll share with us.

Rebecca Starodub

Yes, this is a slow season. I have been feeling this for awhile, but just recently being fully conscious of. I am finding that I must create the slow season by how I organize my life to reduce the overwhelm which is always close at hand these days. Sifting through to find what's important to bring more joy.

Madison

I remember that feeling. The raw, exposed feeling of knowing that everyone around you now knows your secret. I promise you it does get better (although I wouldn't have believed it if someone had said this to me at the time, either.) What you experienced as a child was absolutely NOT your fault. The fact that we have to feel the trauma all over again when we tell the story is the most unfair part. I have found that most people who have not experienced sexual violence do not know what to say or how to respond when they find out, and their silence often leaves us feeling dirty or shunned. The best advice that I can give you is to not worry about making the rest of your family feel comfortable about your past experiences. Focus instead on how YOU can make peace with your past and move forward. Because you are the one that matters most in this story. You are the one who survived the violence, you are the one who lived with the secret trapped inside of them for years, and you are the one that needs to find peace now that the secret has been released. It is never easy, but I promise you that you CAN do it. You are so much stronger than you realize. Sending you so much love and support ❤️

Pamela Kirsch

The line about bodies vibrating trauma hits deep! When we hugged this summer I could feel yours and I’m sure you could feel mine but together maybe the vibrations create something new and beautiful 💕💓

Pamela Kirsch

Also also if there’s anyway to get involved in the trauma deep dives please let me know :-). I have the perspective of being a trauma therapist and a survivor which I’m sure is actually not that unique as I’m typing this :-) anyway I specialize in working with lgbtqia+ survivors of domestic violence childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault ❤️❤️❤️Also if anyone ever needs to talk ❤️❤️❤️ Feel free to message:-)

Lindsey Lubow

Thank you so much for these timely words. I'm currently getting over shingles. I got diagnosed & onto medication within 24 hours of the rash, but it still knocked me on my ass... but because I've gotten into various care habits and attitudes from managing chronic illnesses (plural) I had forgotten what to do for acute ones. Everybody kept saying "be sure to get some rest" and I regret not taking them seriously sooner... I didn't even notice I was different tired, between the newly identified sleep apnea and the weather-worsened migraines and the bipolar disorder's depressions (which probably isn't especially active right now, at least not as depression) because I had DEFINITELY (in retrospect) misattributed the fighting-a-virus exhaustion for quite some time and I had the good sense (and even more important, the privilege) to get other people to cover my work shifts that first week. So most of what I did was sit home and try to remember "how did I get through Mumps quarantine as a kid without resorting to climbing the walls?" (answer: the adhd influence was smaller then and I was able to read several books in between naps) In happier news, I've found that my ability to sit still is greatly enhanced by having something going with my hands, so I watched a public library copy of "Everything Everywhere All At Once" yesterday while winding about 2 lbs of yarn (after that, my fidget needs were small enough that I could just sit) GAME. CHANGER. I'm used to doing rug work or crochet with something in my ears, music, a podcast, or using a digital paint by nunber when people are trying to hold an important conversation with me, etc. but I very much needed my eyes to follow this one, so shoutout to my best friend for the idea that got me through. Less happy news- it's scary seeing the anti-trans / anti-queer legistation coming out of Tennessee. I wrote to a not-my-current-local-one library that has advertised a teen lgbtq+ affinity group to thank them and ask how they got it started. I want to try and encourage my current local library to do something similar. I'm bracing for a possible No. But to get a yes, someone has to ask. So I guess it'll be me. I'm staff. I'm not explicitly out at work. I expect there would be a lot of "Oh, that actually explains a lot." and the occasional person going "you really thought I wouldn't pick up on it at all?" I hope I don't have to change that for this. I don't want to have my hand forced. I want to be FREE to out myself publicly, not FORCED to do so in the interest of helping others. ...this is literally the stuff of nightmares, these days. Had a dream around that topic 2 nights ago, and a couple anxiety spirals interspersed with my most recent sleep.

Janet in Georgia

Wow…8 YEARS ALREADY?! I’ve been here from the start and I have to say I love it here. As I’ve said before I’m not on any other social medias and literally have zero friends really haha so the patreon -and your emails- are my only source of any and all afp info. I used to be a higher tier, wish I could still be but alas moneys tight. Just wanted to say cheers to coming upon 8 years on patreon and here’s to another 8!! I’ll be here for it as long as you’ll have me :) from the bottom of my little heart, thank you for being you and for everything spoken and not spoken. Love you ❤️

Natalie Rose

I'm struck by the glacier metaphor, because even when they're not melting due to climate change, glaciers are not static. They're constantly moving, just very slowly as to almost be imperceptible (except when they move fast kine a river!). I dunno. I don't feel like I've got much to contribute these days, but I'm always lurking about.

Lindsey Lubow

Thank you for your intentionality around honoring your trans & enby pals. Even when the person can't actively do the Thing, knowing that it's en route can sometimes behave as a mini-Thing.

Ashleigh M. Ferreira-Bartlett

I don't have anything meaningful to add, just that I love ya- and I understand the feeling of forced quiet and the sensation that your jaw has been metaphorically wired shut. When you meditate, focus on your throat. It might help, a little. xx

Erika Blumberg

I am amazed by your ability to be so grounded and eloquent in the middle of the night! I think slowing down is what almost all of us need. I hope all of your patrons' comments can help release you from the pressure to produce something. You will when you're ready.

Linda

I was just writing to myself about surviving and a lot of these things, some of it I carry with me daily and knowing I'm not alone is both comforting and disturbing. Not forgetting love is important and showing that love to yourself is just as important to showing it to others, I haven't told a lot of my story to anyone other than professionals and that's okay - I feel in time I'll be able to tell loved ones but it's also okay if I can't do it. I still manage to not be completely bitter though sometimes I just stick my middle finger up and call it a day. I still haven't lost my sense of humor or the joy of hugs from a friend or sister/family/chosen family. I don't need to be an example for my family but I'm doing my best and am finally the happiest I've been on my own despite having a hard time leaving my house sometimes but things are going to be okay and I truly believe that. It's getting easier and I plan to relocate when I can for a fresh start and bringing the work I've put into myself along with me will help greatly. Thank you for being you and we will all make it through this if we just keep going and taking breaks along the way

Elizabeth Gunn

You are brave as heck and I support you. I'm down in Louisiana and have some of the same fears.

Regina Holt

Stop. Center. Set intention. ^>.<^

Elizabeth Gunn

I'm scaaaaared. I just made an appointment with a pelvic health therapist. I have shit, old trauma, pain, fear, a lot of deep mistrust of myself and others all piled and bound up in my, well, not just my actual vagina, but the bottom of the belly, the front thigh crease, the butt muscles, everything is tight all the time trying to defend us. And I talked to someone this month who went, you know, it doesn't have to be this way. And I don't want it to be this way but it's also so so so scary to let go because if I relax my muscles I feel like I'll die or someone will kill me or I'll just be exposed to the winds of my own grief and maybe that will kill some part of me. I'm tired of forcing myself to do things. I'm tired of tightness and pain. I'm looking for new little sweet roads, deer paths instead of freeways, trying to scrape the spiderwebs out of my eyes so I can understand that the soft thing is the best thing, the kind thing is the mighty thing, extravagant permission is a better way to become free than rigid control.

Elizabeth Gunn

For me! Not for everyone, I know what we all need is vast and various. If what I'm describing above is the opposite of what you need, don't let it make you worried!

Drag Queen Jesus

I'm not sure what to say except it sounds like you are finding your piece of the Thrive and I'm truly glad for that Linda!

Karen Krebser

I feel this, so so hard. Sending love and blessings to you, Yvette, and to Amanda -- everybody who *can* stop and those of us who can't right now. <3

Drag Queen Jesus

The main thing I want to say is that my immediate thought following reading your post Lindsey was 'That's probably someone I would like.' Just wanted to make sure you feel seen, heard and empathized around your having to deal with multiple chronic illnesses and because of that not being able to intuitively/easily understand how to deal with an acute illness? Am I hearing that right? And you are feeling pressure around having to out yourself to make a difference? That sense of Autonomy is a big one and I hope it gets met for you in other ways if not this one. If you need a pick-me-up and have instagram consider looking up @dandyandfriends and specifically their post titled "we interrupt this scrolling for an important test!" I laughed so hard. I hope you do the same. ♥️

LJ

Thanks for these Sunday morning reflections, Amanda! I could say more but most importantly I want to recommend the book Tree by Melina Sempill Watts. I’ve been reading it this last week and the way she writes has reminded me countless times of your writing and the questions you’ve been asking lately - like “what are the thoughts of the glaciers”. I think you would just bask and rest and heal in the beauty of this book, and it feels divinely important that I earnestly recommend it to you.

Robyn Pearson

I love you my dear. I'm still here to help when you need me. I can't believe 8 years have passed. Happy that I've been a part of this journey, however winding it's been. ❤️❤️❤️

Rebecca Brisbin

I feel this so hard. The last year, I have shed so many toxic relationships as I learn how to make, hold, and embrace boundaries. I find myself alone on my island and learning that it’s better than sacrificing my soul for the sake of fitting in. Slow season for sure. The world spins round and instead of trying to watch and track everything, I stand still and focus on the patch of grass I’m standing on. Learning how to belong every and nowhere as I let the words of Maya Angelou and Brene Brown hold me. Your words too fit so perfectly at times. I love you. I am sorry life is life and at the same time I’m grateful life is life, the bittersweetness of it all. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but if I an lucky enough to greet it, I will do my best to keep breathing through it and know that I am enough. You are enough. We all are enough. And if things aren’t okay in this moment, it will be in the next, because everything is temporary and it’s okay.

LJ

Here’s a toast to your birthday and your freedom, Chelsea! May the next year of your life be full of healing and freedom and whimsy and love. May you celebrate that you have survived and the possibility of new beginnings.

Tehya W.

Hello, Amanda and everyone who reads this. I am a new patron and, until now, a silent one. I am in my early 20s and have only just begun to understand how much anxiety I have carried with me for ages, anxiety I never knew how to communicate because I didn't realize it was anything worth talking about. During the pandemic, my social anxiety started veering towards agoraphobia, so I'm challenging myself to participate in this community, to let myself believe I am allowed to speak. I've spent a lot of time thinking I wasn't being fast enough. I move slowly; I need time to sort out my thoughts and feelings and put them into words. I spent a lot of my childhood trying to act like an adult and now that I'm out on my own with my first real job, I still feel like I'm some kid pretending to know what I'm doing. It's all moving very quickly, and I feel simultaneously as though I'm moving too quickly and too slowly. A little while ago, my fiance told me that his perception of time seems more rushed now that he's working full workdays, and he can't see it stopping. I had recently expressed something similar to my mother, who told me that new stages of life often seem to move very fast, but they'll slow down again. I told this to my fiance and he seemed so relieved. I almost cried because I'd been feeling the pace of our lives growing alarmingly faster and I never looked up from my own fear to see that he was feeling it too. I suppose the point of all this is to say that I have only just started moving quickly through life and I already want to slow down. I hope we can all find the glacial moments we need soon.

LJ

Yes sending you a big long slow consensual hug.

emptybliss007

I hadn’t thought of it that way, thank you. 🥰 As part of the lgbt+ community, I just want to give support in a way that is within my wheelhouse and hopefully meaningful. I appreciate your perspective and will look at is as such. Thanks again!! 🥰

Lindsey Lubow

Thank you. I'm loving the makeup and hair the presenter has. I wish I could trust my company to take me seriously when I mention potential overlooked needs for marginalized communities. We have an awful habit established from before we renovated of putting the free items cat out near the door... which now translates to "near the automated door activation button" I've brought it up previously. I've been told "it's probably fine" but not by anyone who has routine use of a wheeled mobility device. Like, I don't have one either, but I'm noticing a decided lack of people meeting that description during my shifts. We're doing better, for sure, but also we've got room to be more conscientious & mindful and I feel like my input has been ignored or disregarded specifically in regards to my efforts around improving access & a welcoming atmosphere to marginalized communities I have partial insight to. (I have a good friend from college who uses a motored scooter chair thing to help her get around and I don't think our ramp is compatible due to topography, for example. Otherwise I'd offer to pay her for a metaphorical flyby and some insight.) perhaps I'll mention it to her casually, since other people I've brought it up to are coming up blank on how to explain "this could really be a problem". I just don't want to undervalue her time & energy. 🤔 I appreciate your patience for this wall of text because I'm on mobile phone...

amanda pallay

I feel guilty writing. Every time there's an opportunity to share our lives, our comments and what's happening in our own little spaces I immediately come to join in the harmony of voices sharing their own notes....but I can't get the words to come out. I have my own set of heavy weight I'm dragging along - am I a fair mother? am I teaching them healthy skills? am I a lazy mother? am I a good wife/friend? am I good to myself? do I know who I am? - but they don't feel important. It feels more important to listen and support everyone else who shares. I don't know. I want think of myself as important enough to have my voice join the rest of the choir. And maybe soon, I will. Just know I'm a pillar of strength for you (and for the rest of you) and I'm so damn eternally grateful for you, Amanda.

Kris Smerick

I often describe myself as having a hummingbird mind: I’m speedy, I flit from one flower to the next, I’m impressive (sigh) in how much I can do, I can get done. When I was young, I had a cycle: I saw myself as a boulder racing down a hill, faster and faster, knowing the crash was inevitable but having no way to stop. Busyness was my drug. Is my drug. And then life as you say fell apart and I’m now remarried to my Delight in life, who has MS and is now in a wheelchair. His speed is slow. He models slow. He revels in moments. He’s the most positive person I know. He doesn’t need to learn to hum and flutter and crash. I need to learn slow. I am so grateful to get to learn it now. Glaciers and mountains and SLOTHS and spousal consorts with slowness built in.

Jen Lang

This is my first comment; I joined your Patreon last week!! ugh. this post speaks to me so much. I happen to live reasonably close to you . And I can feel these words whether I lived in NY or in Florida. I'm a therapist and yes!! people are having an exceptionally hard time. I think the only way to combat this funk is too move slow. I am trying to learn something new every couple of months. Right now I am learning the art of mindfulness based stress reduction. Each week we meet as a group online and practice together.. Community is everything, I need community. So glad to be here.

amandapalmer

Hi Tehya - so nice to see you here, and thank you for sharing. May I recommend a book? “In Praise of Slowness” by Carl Honore. There are a lot of us - me included, now more than ever - who think the pace of life nowadays is actually its own tragic pandemic.

Drag Queen Jesus

Ugh...that part about it being "to expensive" for people to tell their stories really hits home. After the abuse; Who get's legal representation? -> People with money. Who get's quality psychotherapy - people with money. Who get's access to the best medication -> people with money. Who gets to have service dogs? -> People with money. Who get's safe and stable housing? -> people with money. I am living in a psych ward now, waiting for a group home and I am trying to get the hospital to allow me to have a service dog, as federal law demands, and make sure I can have it in the group home I am waiting for. I am being told by everyone that they don't know of any other patients in group homes who have service dogs. Why? Yup you guessed it money. A person has to raise, or have, upwards of $85,000 to make sure they can afford the dog and care for it for the lifetime of the dog. This is survival for me, plain and simple. If I want to survive I have to have enough competency as a patient to fight the system legally and raise 85 grand. Most of us die miserably.

Drag Queen Jesus

Eek. I don't want to leave it there. I want to say too that I fully intend on living fully regardless of what the future brings and, although I would NEVER choose to go through the trauma to get these same results, I like who I am because of it.

Taylor

There is strength in stillness. In a country that so highly prioritizes doing, I am forever convincing myself that it is not weak to do nothing and allow things to proceed at a natural pace.

Superball

Is it okay if I quote a snippet or two of this—with a link and credit—in my own upcoming Patreon post? The slowness question is spot-on relevant to my own experiences of late.

Emily W

It seems to make light of everyone’s comments here, but hear me out. When April Ludgate from Parks and Rec (Aubrey Plaza’s character) said, “I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things,” it struck me. That single, almost flippant phrase written by some mildly depressed comedy TV writer with the misfortune of being locked in a room with other scruffy comedy writers sums up the last 3 years of my life. It still echoes around in my noggin as a reminder to hone my focus and continue to be mindful of where I put my energy. Sage wisdom, April Ludgate. 💜

Emily W

I hear you and—as a co-parenting mother of two elementary age kids—I feel this.

amandapalmer

Oh Justine …. comments like this keep me alive. Something about music and community and all the things that teach the places they do. Even when my little world is filled with difficulty, knowing that my dandelion seeds whip around out there and create moments like this … it’s everything.

Jen G

I have to go slow right now. My body demands it. I had neck/spine surgery at the beginning of February. I’m in the US & I was supposed to have it in January, but insurance pre-approvals got f’d up & cancelled my original date, put me in a holding pattern too scared to leave my bubble for fear of testing positive for COVID & pushing surgery out even further. My life feels on pause. I’m not supposed to drive, so I can’t get to scheduled friend stuff & I don’t live close enough to ask someone to get me. I’m between jobs, so money is tight (the extra month off before actually having surgery is an blow I hate, but I have to let go). I’m learning to let others do for me, but I’m not wired that way & this growth period is very hard.

Evon Marie Tice McKown

Amanda, as I sit here listening to the new love in my life sleep, I can’t help but recoil in fear of what hell I have come through. I trust this man. He too, has been hurt. But this trust...how do I trust it? How do I ever trust myself again? I am still reeling from a shocking event that caused the end of my marriage. This life I have known and loved for almost 14 years. The pain and anger associated with this loss was almost to great to bear... and how I have beared before. I have seen trauma. I have lived it. Sexual assault. Mental abuse. Lies...so many lies. These secrets I’ve kept for so many years, holding onto them like I was somehow protecting the world from my pain.. but why? Who am I to decide who gets protecting when I have never been protected myself? And I still found myself in that same place. Protecting the world from the truth. The truth that the man I loved attacked my child. OUR child that we had raised together for 14 years. He told me, though. 14 years ago. He said he didn’t think he could be Jacob’s parent. And he was right. But I didn’t listen. Why didn’t I listen? These years have been the best and the worst times of my life. Living with a true narcissist can have that effect on you. And looking back, now that I’m free...I see so much. So much that I never saw before. That I didn’t want to see. That I didn’t want to feel. He told me what I wanted. He decided what to see. What to feel. What to tell the world. He took my voice box, too. And now that I have it back, I don’t know how to function. Like learning how to speak for the first time. And it hurts. My throat is sore from all the quiet screaming. All the choking. And I am tired. So tired.

amandapalmer

I just met a mom (in Boston) of a trans teen, and they’re thinking of leaving America. I mean. This shit is insane.

amandapalmer

It goes two ways. Thank you. I’m sending love to your friend. In many ways, I have it easy. A big financial safety net. Only one kid. Music in my head all day. x

amandapalmer

I understand this. There is a really awful thing about being an object of pity. The confusion. All around. x

Rose Elle

this one resonated a lot Amanda. thank you. after a traumatic couple of years for myself and the 11 year old (in very different ways) I've pulled her out of school, left the workforce and we're trying our hand at homeschooling and being broke. it'll be a slow year. it's an adjustment. it's been hard, and will continue to be so. but I think finding our level ground will be more than worth it. fighting the guilt on the slow going. this helped. thank you. sounds like there's a lot going on for you, inside. I wish I could offer a hug. sending hug vibes. real hug to be delivered next time you come to Australia. 💙

Dana

thank you for giving us a safe place. ♥

Tracey Stokes

Hey Beautiful. There is much going on that's for sure. The Weather everywhere seems to be keeping it's promise. Politics is always kicking off hey? Even between "The People" toward each other as well as our personal opinions on our Politicians who unless we are in full knowledge of who these people are that we vote for. Which I wonder how we all really get to know Politicians when most do not have time to do that but we vote anyway. There is just so much going on. I think many good things happened because of Covid we had to slow down & look. Forced to do so. The Multiverse has it's way. In other ways I think it is a extremely exciting time where the Climate is concerned. I do not want anyone hurt yet most people can see & will start to vote a little differently to make sure Earth is taken care of as they/we realise that Earth is what we turned to when we were stopped in our tracks (covid19). Earth Matters & we all grew much closer to our magnificent Planet (i think?) Not to try to smooth over People's pain at all. This is a reminder for me also, however . Earth talks & sings to us in all times we just need to remember we are made of the same stuff(certainly not easy) Amanda Fiona Palmer, I will always love you.

Jule

Oh Rose, slow is gentle, kind and honest. It's us. Well done xx

Stephen Elcheshen

So much of this resonates with me. I'm a part time theatre actor (bread and circuses), and the pandemic made me think that part of my life might be over. I had finally booked a professional gig with a company I had been trying to get into for 20 years, then the show got kaiboshed, never to be mounted. But more than any personal disappointments, it has just killed my soul seeing how many experiences my teenage daughters have missed out on. Seeing them cope with a world that is tearing itself apart. It fills me with guilt. To have brought new humans into such a broken reality. As I read your post, my random Apple Playlist ironically went from The Smiths Asleep, which lived in my brain in those dark times when I wished I was never born, into your song Lost. It was a beautiful reminder that everything comes around. I may never tread the boards of a professional company, but in the last year I've been constantly busy doing community and semi-pro theatre. And my 13 year old is becoming quite the Highland dancer, cleaning up at a lot of her competitions. Life goes on. We just can't set the pace. Or give up.

Elisha Rivers

Slowness is an invitation to go into the unknown of our lives. This season matches the cycle of the “underworld,” much like the myth of Persephone. Growth has many dark nights and awakening many more. For those of us facing the intangible aspects of our lives, we know creative tending, waiting, inaction is a part of being human,, a person of depth, and a figure of compassion. I watch the Mendenhall Glacier melting less than a mile from home, and in the reckoning, we awake.

Zoé Grin

I feel too tiny to unpack words. Maybe too tired. I'm unpacking a lot of words right now as I write a letter to a friend telling the tale of my whole year 2022. But it is a slow season indeed. My cat is sleeping on my chest. Whenever he comes I stop moving and I take the stillness. Thank you always. 💙

Hunca Munca

You and I met up in a dream last night, Amanda. Good morning from Australia by the way! I woke up and I just felt like I had to share some of our conversation with you, and then the first thing I saw was this patreon message with the call to write to you at the end of it. So I thought there it is, that's serendipity for you I'm not the best at articulating dreams, and of course the further I get away from the dream the more of it slips away, so I'm just gonna do my best. You and I were were at some sort of small cultural festival or something, in the street. And you were telling me something about your grandfather, about how whenever you're here you always think back to when you spent the festival with him when you were young. And then something to the tune of, "Do you think those things matter still? All the way back from 1986?" And I said, "Of course they do" And then someone came running and said, "I need you Amanda. Someone's died" and immediately you went with them, no hesitation. As we were walking together the person said something along the lines of, "The grief spills out of the small communities and it spreads" We got in a small truck with a group of that person's community to go with them to their home. We were sitting together at the front of the truck, but not in the driver's seat. And we were talking more about those places you go and they're just full of memories. I said, "You know when you go back to a place and everywhere you look you go, 'oh remember, this is where this happened! and over there's where that happened!' and so on and so on." And then, "Do you feel like after a while the ghosts start to leave?" And you looked at me with a certain sort of expression and you said, "That's exactly how I feel" I don't know if this is relevant to you, but it was just so that I felt I needed to tell you somehow. So I figured if this is something you needed to see you would. And if it isn't, well it'll just be an interesting thing that happened haha I love you Amanda. Your art has meant a lot to me for over a decade now. You have so many little pearls of wisdom. Your authenticity and openness about all the aspects of life really makes you feel like a kindred spirit. Thank you 💕 We'll find our way through xx

Howard Scherr

Jennifer—I feel you. I had spinal surgery in 2018, and it was more than a year until I could walk unaided again. You lose little parts of yourself when you undergo something like that. Independence, dexterity, physical integrity. I can’t help you get those things back, but… maybe you’ve got a GoFundMe out there? At least I could drop something in there that might help with the few things that can be ameliorated by money?

Howard Scherr

My friend—I capture quotations that open new frontiers of understanding to me, or point to places inside of me that would benefit from extra work or love that I might bring to bear. With your understanding, I’ll be holding on to “Most of us die miserably.” In such a world, I need to remember to love more. Thank you for the dark poetry.

amandapalmer

I have a fuck ton of overdue hugs in both directions when I get to Australia. Sending love and luck. x

Dahlia

BYOG 🧊❤️

Jen Lang

I am running an in-person grief group. I got certified in grief counseling. I am a therapist but anyone can get this certification. I hold the group monthly. That is all I have time for but It is my offering (and honor) to the community that is hurting and NEEDS to be with each other. This is not to toot my horn but this thread really strikes a chord regarding going that one extra step to create community. Very sorry about your mom , Megan.

Howard Scherr

We are all enough. Amen. Our value resides in our inherent qualities, not in what we produce. We are all enough, all the time.

Hunca Munca

I had trauma related pain for years! Everyday, so much pain. And one day I was visiting my sister and conversation turned to some problem I was having, and she asked my permission to try a bit of kinesiology with me. I have always been a bit of a sceptic to more spiritual practices like that, but I figured if it wasn't real it wouldn't hurt me, and if it was it could help me. So I tried it. It was pretty incredible, and I have to say it took me a while after to realise it but my years long pain had gone! I didn't notice cause I wasn't in pain. This was only just last December I tried it. I've played around with it a bit more and one of the exercises she's done with me recently was muscle unjamming, with some pretty amazing results. It's a lot to do with all the ways our minds and bodies are so connected, when you work through a mental block it can affect your body too. And during the process you do nothing without consent, you don't even start the process without consent. It's very, very gentle, is what I'm loving so much about it. Anyway, this may not be the thing you need but your description of all your locked up muscles and trauma brought it straight to my mind. So I thought I'd tell you about it just in case it was right for you. Good luck with your new therapy, I'll be rooting for you 💖

Lynn Parlett

Good Morning dear one. Going slow... yep seems to be resonating. I made a huge decision a couple of days ago. I'm retiring (again) and selling the shop. The shop that I got through the dangerous phase 'when most small businesses fail'. I enjoyed a few months of breathing and then the world blew up. I got through initial shut downs and was blessed to be in Tasmania where, like NZ, we were covid free for over a year and I was breathing again. THEN, we opened our safe little island to the world and of course covid came with it and the bottom dropped out again. Made it through that and I finally could afford a week off and shut the shop - only to contract covid a few weeks later and lose another 2 weeks. Bounced back a bit into our Aussie summer and realised how tired I am. I've been working alone now for almost a year, 6 days a week. I love my work and the people I help with books or tea or words or pretties or hugs. But I'm tired and I'm going slow... but businesses don't like slow, they need energy and new ideas and spark which I don't have. So doing what's best for me and my shop and selling up. I'm passing my baby along and I don't know who will catch them yet. We'll see. I've made the decision and it's the right one. I turn 66 this year and I think it's time for me time. Going slow. You never know who'll you meet or what you'll see when you slow down enough to look. <3

Drag Queen Jesus

I suppose in the bush it would have been a vital survival mechanism..."procrastination" that is...

amandapalmer

Oh man. I so wanted to GO. It was never to be. I have felt like I have been there, though. So - ghost shop. I love you. Here’s to the next right things. x

Lucy

Exactly this. But a small piece of synchronicity: I wrote this comment this morning (UK time) and this afternoon I happened to watch Jonah Hill's documentary Stutz and the part where Phil Stutz describes the hierarchy of working on your "life force" really chimed with this issue. For anyone who's not seen it, he talks about how you have to work on your relationship with your body, then your relationships with other people, and then your relationship with yourself. I think maybe after 3 pandemic years everyone is just trying to reach equilibrium with our bodies again, trying to find a way to eat enough and sleep enough and move enough and nurse our aches and pains after all the fucking trauma. Maybe when we've all done enough work on that we'll all be ready to hold our hands out to one another again.

Miriam Krause

This resonated with me so much: "She told me people had big, bursting desires be part of a supportive community …. with no emotional/economic/time resource to follow through." Knowing others are going through the same thing provides a perverse kind of community in and of itself, but I don't know what the answer is. I appreciate reading everyone's comments, and thinking of ways to incorporate slowness, even in tiny increments, into the incessant rush and overwhelm of life.

Rebecca Brisbin

Howard, could you imagine what the vibe might be like if all of us who stress over all the things we’re not doing when we’re already running at full capacity and doing everything we can suddenly realized that we are enough and okay in what we are doing and actually believed it completely? I imaging a wave of relief would flood the world.

Kaleigh

The exhaustion is very real...but it's lifting. Sending warmth and love. Thank you for sharing the early morning thoughts and perspective. BYOG....this <333

Meghan Sutherland

In the last 5 years I have gotten married, become a first time parent to teenagers, moved three times, lost 100lbs, gained 25 lbs, gotten sober and gotten promoted. And, lived through a pandemic. Like you, I keep hearing my intuition whispering-Do Less, Do Less. It’s so hard, doing less, with so much fear of losing what I have gained or….something. I am trying to surrender to the urge to do less, to slow it down and allow what is meant to come next to come. I am glad I’m not the only one

Melissa Ann

My youngest went off to a college in the fall, 6 yours away from home. And although I initially didn't even want kids when I got married, I have defined myself as a mother for the last 21 years. And now I have to discover who I am without the day to day role that userped more than half my life. I am trying to find my purpose all over again. And it is a lonely place. Sending so much love to you, Amanda, and this community as we all fumble our way through. xx

Llaura Sanacore Rubin

This past year, as I continued to work in the Petrie Dish (the ER), on the First Day of Summer, I showed up to work the overnight and ended up being a Patient. My Charge Nurse made me sign in because my Heart was racing and I was Gray. My skin was, that is. A Multitude of Tests later, I discover that I have A-Fib and Pneumonia, PLUS, the Added Bonus of Breast Cancer. But at least I didn't have Covid. Had the Partial Mastectomy in September and I'm still healing. Finished Radiation Therapy last month. Now I see Doctors Forever. Besides the ones I see at work every night. But, I'm here, still working, still breathing.

DebbieG

Good to read this post today. Amanda, slow is good if it is what you need. I think I may need the opposite. I feel like I spent the first two years of the pandemic going very slow, almost at a standstill. Now I feel like I need to speed up. I have decisions to make and decluttering to do, and I can’t get moving on anything. Self-created stress. Nothing is the same, people are gone and there is a sense of stability I will never get back. But I want to get unstuck. Meanwhile I am here and sending light and hope to everyone here who is struggling or in pain. 💕

Justine Rydzeski

Sometimes all we have are dandelion seeds, and they seem like bits of nothing flying aimlessly - but they grow! Yes it’s everything. Thank you my dear.

Dolly

Fuck...I wish so very much you could talk about it. All of it. I understand that you can't and why... I've been following you and reading everything you've written and blogged about since I was 13. I'm 32 now. You walked and guided me thru all kinds of shit in my life and have helped shape me into who I am. You've been a mentor to me thru my whole life and continue to be. Your words and stories are very important to me. thank you so much. For everything. You've taught me a lot of things and you've helped me be a compassionate person.. I've learned more from you than any other person in my life. Thank you for guiding and navigating me through this life. I love you.

Hanne Munkholm

I wrote on the shadowbox a few years ago "what if my story is not mine to tell?" Because it's someone else's story, too, someone mentally unwell, someone more fragile then me. I got many good and loving responses (and told my story to my therapist, at least). I have just read a book about someone's traumatized childhood and I wondered once again about the people he wrote about. So maybe the bad guys deserve it, and maybe the good guys won't mind, but what about the in betweens? How many relations did he break with his book, and how many did he strengthen? I wonder about this every time I read such a book. I read a lot. I am not nearly as good at sharing as you are, but when I really feel the need to share, it is usually because it is something emotionally important. And then it is most likely something I can't share. So a big hug from here. I feel the rumbling of the volcano underneath the things you do write, and even though I don't know the details, I can still see the resulting emotions. So you are not invisible. You are seen. Does that make any sense?

Jozias

When I read this I feel like loosing a part of you. It hurts and you are hurting too. When we were friends, like friend friends, I would come over and have a chat. That is really what I think you need. You need more local support and reflection of where to go. We all have our sound boundaries for that. It seems like you're in a swamp and I can relate to that. I think your fans, we, we all understand what you came through. You have so much to recover from of your own already. I have to keep this short. You need a lot of talking to a friend, a coach. Don't be your own, that doesn't work. Don't expect it from fans. They see you from a different angle, you know. Your rockstar face will prevail. I know it's like cursing in the church, I don't make myself popular with this, but I care and I think you need this. We need to be there to help on a local base, family friends and nearest neighbours. We have to live our lives as well though. And that means we can't take it all on our shoulders. Part of the growing crowd in the shrinking world. A danger to see we will loose perspective and selfcontrol to live sound and supportive to our children. We know we're best when we're living a live with balanced nutrition and balanced physical exercise aso, aso. So we do well to realise when in a swamp we shouldn't try to get someone out of it. Ask(...) for help from the sound. Get sound to help. Mind the ditches near the swamp, stay out of them. Show the way to our children how to get uphill. Your songs like Sing and Lost help me whenever I go there. Take a good dose of them every day. Like eating an 🍎 to keep the doctor away. I only get over the loss of my child when I go there with love and flowers and take care a lot of her children. Of which the latter helps me the most. They're the future. They need us to show them the way. And I hope they eventually will also...

Jozias

I wasn't done yet and doubted to send this. And there it went...

Jozias

You know I wanted you for president. So I have great confidence. I thought to give you a push in that direction again. It sounds like a paradox, but I mean it. You have it all in you, but it won't work from out of the swamp.

jessica conley

I feel as if every week passes in a blur, just doing what is required for my child to have what she needs. Beyond that, I can never focus. You are not alone.

Ashleigh M. Ferreira-Bartlett

Just wanted to say I love you somewhere else, too. Things are getting rougher with my health- I'm 32 and I'm starting to really wonder if it's trauma eating my body from the inside out. Cervical cancer? What next? Maybe death. Sometimes it's really nice to have a little post like that one earlier from your kidhood. It's a break from living inside my head and kicking myself in the ass. Really excited to hear the new music. Thank you for everything, xx

Sean Dennison

Another survivor here. Still, all these years later, (40 or so) working on it, metabolizing it, transforming it. You helped me connect the dots with this. About why it’s so hard when my newly ex partner asked me not to tell. Obvious, but I hadn’t put it together. Like you, I built my life and career around talking about life in all its terrors and glory. Holding things in is the thing I’ve fought and healed from. Isolation. Secrets. Shame. So being asked to not share is so so hard. And in our context, it is necessary. At least for this moment. So I have to grow, to stretch myself until I can see and feel that there is more than immediate release vs. secrecy and shame. There is also slowing down, holding, quietness, respecting boundaries, a smaller circle, and something somehow deeper.

Jen Kiaba

Just commenting to send love. I have my sleeping baby in my arms and so much of this resonates. Having to sit with the stillness, needing to burrow into it while also calming the inner self that has been driven to create for so long. I’m hoping spring will bring a sense of rebirth after so much darkness this winter

amandapalmer

I think the take-away is: speed is wonky. Maintain the vehicle you're driving, and drive at the speed needed. Don't let anybody else dictate your pace. Only you know. xx

Len Tower Jr.

And: If you haevn't already, you might also post this on the shadowbox, & the Official & Unofficial Facebook groups. Best, Len

Sam McCrory

I have so much love. And the thing that's been a constant through my own underworld journey has been that the love finds a way to connect me others that not only hold space, but allow me to do so for them in balance. We're all holding each other and sharing and growing through this connection. I am in wonder; in awe in the classical sense. All that surrounds and holds me and tears at me is part of this extraordinary existence, and I have so much gratitude to be able to go through it. I have gratitude that I am afforded the luxury of the space and resources and support to grow. I truly hope your slow season unfurls for you in the ways that you need in this moment. I am grateful to share the love with you and with the world where I can. Here's to a wonderful slow season ✨️

Rebecca Ryan

So so beautiful A…slow lonely.. hurt hugely, massively, but here I am keeping it together..most of the time. Sort of..sending love and big hugs 💕

Stephanie Quinlan

As always Amanda, you articulate so beautifully what is often lurking in the back of my heart, mind and soul. I'm a writer, but so often struggle to find the right words. I feel so tired and heavy lately, so matter how much I sleep, how much yoga I do, and I've been so impatient with myself. Wondering what's wrong with me. But of course I'm tired, living in a world that is so fractured. Thank you for giving me permission to slow down.

Stephanie Doran

So so much truth in this. I wish we would all give ourselves space for what we’ve experienced the last 3 years. 💗

lee barron

HMM, Seems a universal question I have been askin tor years- WHERE ARE THE OTHERS? IF I be my most sublime self, or just be me, a simple not-normal human, at my place in my life continuum... and of course...others was/is- the nature of things will have manifested versions of our common quest- to be united and experience viscerally the connection to iknow ..we are not alone. but then what do the others want from us? what is this separation us/ them...no its a contuiuum all in different tines and spaces doing the things we do...