About to Take Stage (Patreon)

Hallo loves

Waving from covid-land, where I am fully on the mend. Just did a test and there’s the faintest of lines. I thought about joining Manta and the others for this morning’s Shintaido gathering in the fields - even though by CDC guidelines I’m probably fine to be running around outside - but thought better of it. Went for a walk with Holly and the doggo instead. There are so many beautiful shots from last weekend but this one from Krys is so intimate and gorgeous. Just cross-posted this to the socials:

About to hit stage, April 28th 2023, Bardavon Opera House, Poughkeepsie, New York. Photo by my undeniably beautiful soul-mending art brother KRYS FOX Photography.

For contrast: the same woman, this morning in bed.

The shows last weekend were such a glory. And such irony/poetry in finally returning to the stage after so long laying dormant…and being sent immediately TO BED by the universe. It’s humbling. Again. This is a theme.

But

I’ve been lying here in this non-glamorous bed, basking in the opportunity to think about these larger themes, where to put my time and energy, where and how to publish work, how I can use this stage, this microphone, this platform, these fleeting earth moments. Wondering how to set my ego aside and wondering how to make this world, y’know, a better place. A less lonely place. A more just place. I am skimming through the gazillions of comments and “Ask Amanda” letters and seeing common themes. Isolation. Fear. The disintegration of trust. Rape. The mistreatment of women. Gaslighting. Anger.

Then I read the news. The dissolving of reproductive rights. The left eating itself. The upcoming election. The mounting evidence against Trump. The fact that there is almost nothing that this narcissistic tyrant can do that will stop his enablers. The fact that the arc of justice is moving too slowly for most of our tastes. The attachment to a binary and broken system. The folly of a winner-loser world. The general lack of compassion.

Feeling lost and naive in the belief that the world can heal.

So. I slow my heart down and try to figure out what I’ve actually learned - about when to stay still, when to fight, when to speak truth to power, when not to bother. When to take a nap.

A wise person said to me the other day: but your career as a writer is just beginning. In a way, she is right. It is.

It’s been an accidental gift, this bout of Covid. I’m gonna pay for it, but sometimes having a moment to reflect on the bigger themes is just what the doctor ordered.

I’m still recovering from the last wisps, soon to emerge swinging.

Keep sending love.

I am sending all my love to you.

Wherever you are…

about to take stage.

…..

I love you all so much.

xxx

AFP