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Therapy Deep Dive: Parentification (Patreon)

Published:
2026-08-19 15:00:17
Imported:
2026-08
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  • 719765872.mp4

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Content

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker dives into what qualifies as parentification and how children can heal from it.

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Comments

PhantomthiefZ

Idk to what extent ive healed from it and I still feel the after effects but growing uo in a single parent home, my mother constantly "vented" to my brothers and myself. Whatever was going on, whatever she was stressed about, every negative emotion and would be angry if we didnt have answers. My older brother received the massive bulk of this but at 10 or 11 this role shifted to me when my brother moved, I believe I was 9 or 10 at the time I find myself trying to do everything myself because im not sure why. It feels like everything is my responsibility but this stresses me out but than I worry that im stressing someone else out by not doing everything This goes on in my home life, my work life, so on and so forth. Idk if this counts but its my experience and I wanted to offer it

Sterling Rose Ray

Hi Jono! Thanks for your thoughts today. This hit home for me. My parents were young parents who didn't have a solid role model or support system to help them parent so parentification did happen from time to time because they were just two people trying to figure things out for themselves and raise good humans. I'm working with my therapist to untangle those bad habits taking care of my parents thought me and learning that it is okay to be taken off the 'support team' and just be their kid. It's uncomfortable and hard but it's a vital part of the work I need to do to fill my cup to be able to care for others. Thanks again for the work that you do!

Amanda Cook - Writer/Artist/Cosplayer/Etc.

Thank you so much for this video, Jono. Everything you said hit home for me. I was the eldest daughter in my family, and at a young age, my dad, when he wasn't working, started teaching me how to do all the things to take care of our home, including watching my younger siblings as a too young tween/teenager. I thought it was because my mom also worked outside of the home, but I came to realize over time that she wasn't doing these things even when she was home. My siblings and I didn't know until I was in my 20s that our mother had/has severe mental health issues. Somehow, our dad and her parents never told us. But as I got older, learning more about her struggles made me understand her relationship with me. Not only was I expected to keep our house clean, I was my mother's "best friend" or confidante. She complained to me about my dad, especially, and would talk about other people in a gossipy way with me. I was once even asked to step into an argument between my parents. I also began to understand the abuse she wrought on my brother, especially, as a young child. As an adult, when I had each of my children, we invited my mother to come stay with us for a short time to help with our newborns, because my husband has a demanding job that kept him away from the home a lot during those years. Unfortunately, both times, I ended up not only taking care of my babies (post c-section each time), I also had to take care of my mom. She couldn't carry my newborn in a carrier when we were out when I shouldn't have, because I was post surgery. She never tried to make meals or clean a little around the house or run errands, so I could take care of myself and our babies. She just sat and complained about life at home with my dad and siblings. When this happened after my second child (because I naively thought things might have changed by then), I ended up taking a break from my parents and went no contact for a while. My dad was very upset about it, but I think he understood more when I explained my reasons. We have had more contact with my parents since then, but we don't make it a point to spend a lot of time with them, especially since my mother is now so disabled, my dad is taking care of her full time (and won't accept the help my siblings and I have tried to offer). My siblings and I are closer than ever because we all have come to understand our mother's continuing struggles and how we have to be there for each other, because we will never have the mother/parent we should have had as young children.

Manny

How will you think Katara fits