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Bahamut's Light: Chapter 19 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-08-05 22:44:21
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

In which Nivra tries to figure out the dragon-fear resistance, getting odd suggestions. Meanwhile we check in on a certain red dragon...

Comments

Cryodrake

She groaned and twirled her raven hair, the word of storyteller on her thoughts but afraid to be said. (pretty sure this is a me thing but does this sentence sound right? Pretty sure its right but i want to know what you think) I can choose what and how much drink I injest (ingest) But I feel though you don’t remember is so well. (But i feel as though you don't remember it as well as i do.) She shifted, resting a tender hand upon his foretalons. There she stroked the surface, firm but conforting. (fore talons, comforting) His thumped (He thumped) Spreading them up so they might not all be rescued from his paws. (spreading them up or splitting them up?) He thanked the gryphon when he offered a chunk of ice wrapped in a towel. (I'm going to assume this ice came from outside because its the middle of winter? Because if not i was going to ask, where did they get the ice from.) She’d managed to pluck a hair from his ear, gentling moving away as his half-hearted attempt to swat her failed. (so question on gryphon anatomy, do they have fur near their ears? Because i dont think they do and it should instead say, she plucked a feather near his ear.) See, sounds like times back home. (Im not entirely sure why i have this line on my error list but i believe its because i felt it might be out of place. Not completely sure, you should double check it regardless) Perhaps. Those activities you mentioned, they all produce a chemical in our brains, blocking out other things. Like how adrenaline ignores pain? How booze turns ya into an idiot? (again like the galaxy and vitamin comments, kind of advance for their time, yes nitpicking here but i just want to point pieces like this incase it feels like they are out of place.) the orb of dragon kind his father had laid. (the word, laid, feels a little odd as this sentence implies the emperor, a male dragon, some how laid an orb. Also is this sentence implying the emperor had put the orb there and is it also implying the emperor created these orbs when i thought from book 4 the sunelf and the goldness with Ossais help created them? Anyways, i would just reword this sentence to something like, an orb of dragonkind.) But yes can Urrag (But yes, i can Urrag) Give it a few minutes and the gryphons brains would be splattered against the flor. (floor) Playthings, my sex toys, my pets, you exist to obey my every desire. (did you intend on starting the first one as well with my? My playthings, my sex toys, my pets,) I do believe the will be one less gryphon to call this world home. (there will be) So not sure how you plan on addressing Nivra solving things but one thing i suggest you should add is a line like how Mr. Freeze from Arkham city does. https://youtu.be/ieN79csGliE?t=23 Basically she finds a spell to counter the fear but it wears off to quickly, she needs to find a restorative proxy for the spell to let it last longer in people for it to be effective. Also i suggest adding comments about the bowl of gold, like how it contains a spell like arcs of energy or an orb of energy in there that appears when she castes the spell and then have her add something to see if it lasts longer only for it to fail, because right now shes just staring into an empty gold bowl. I enjoy this chapter, i liked seeing Nivra try to work out the spell and the gold bowl was a nice touch, Voidwing was cute and adorable as ever and its cute to see him defensive of Nivras ass from Krotos. Krotos and Merlia were a silly duo and i enjoy seeing those two at it again. But o boy was Dreadflame quite brutal and i worry what awaits our comrades.