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The New Ron: Edits (Patreon)

Published:
2022-09-17 11:21:26
Edited:
2024-12-25 05:01:07
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Okay, I think that's it.  I've added a fair amount of extra content to the story, highlighted for your benefit in RED TEXT to show where edits are.

Feel free to leave comments and criticism as you guys are supporting me and my writing so I want to give you content that befits your contributions.

Which, again, I very much appreciate.

If all goes well, I'll post the edits to the general thread in a day or two, add a change log threadmark, and we'll move on.  Expect a new chapter pretty soon regardless.

Files

The New Ron

The New Ron 1: I yawned and popped my neck as I walked out of the counselor's office. "Gotcha, thanks again for the advice Ms. Ofacheck." "You're quite welcome Ronald, and do think about what was discussed. You're a smart boy, I'd hate to see that go to waste because you didn't qualify for th...

Comments

Chris

Overall, I really enjoyed the edits. However, one of them just seemed off to me and I am not sure if it was intentional or not. I have really been enjoying the interaction between the two of them and the out of context thoughts from Ron have had minimal impact on the what is going on. This line here though just struck me as being completely manipulative and against the tone of the rest of the story. It shifted from doing what was best for Kim, as even though he is not the original Ron, she is still his best friend. To being a complete outsider manipulating her for his benefit. "need to set her up with Josh Mankey soon and have her get a relationship under her belt. " Not sure if that was the intent or not, but it is how I read it with the rest of the paragraph that was added.

Xisaro

Yeah, NTR is one fetish I can't really get behind, even if it seems like a soft version of it. If it was just up to the petting and kissing I can probably ignore it but the fact he is setting up that train reck kinda grates. Also, since she has already been introduced to the addiction that is sex during the body swap it could radically change how her relationship with Mankey goes... Anyway, other than that I really like this story

Slayer Anderson

I've reworded that section and added some lines in Chapter 12. Try it now.

Slayer Anderson

Good to know, though it's less about NTR and more about Kim getting sexual experience from someone who isn't Ron. I added some stuff to the section in question as well as Chapter 12 to make things clearer.

Xisaro

Can the thing with Tara count as experience cause I don't mind girl-girl experience getting, would help with the harem anyway? I just think it would suck if she punched her girl V-card with Mankey, especially if Ron sets them up. IDK, my territorial ape brain reflex just wouldn't be cool with that whole set up. Honestly, the only thing I remember about Mankey is pretentious/cool artist.

Slayer Anderson

I'm not sure if Josh and Kim are going to go all the way or not, but think of it this way instead... Ron gets to fuck Kim later and prove he's the better lover and ruin her for other men completely, since now she'll know the difference.

Xisaro

Eh, personally not interested in him having to prove anything if he doesn't have to so I'm hoping for not. I don't really mind that angle if the other relationship happens before the MC catches feelings but after... My sappy side wants the good feels without the drama. I might be projecting from that era but i just get CW vibes of the beta male MC pining after the girl, Smallville comes to mind. Anyway, you do you, if it does happen I'll probably power through it just cause I like the writing overall.

Chris

That reads a lot better. It still sounds a little manipulative on the Mankey part, but the reasoning is more sound. Hoping it does not go to far, I have been really liking the angle of how much Ron\Kim mean to each other, beyond sexual. Tara actually seemed to get it when it was described to her. I actually expected Tara to be the one to push for a more open relationship as she would want to stay with Ron, but at the same time really likes Kim and does not want to get between them. The way you have it worded now, it leans more towards Ron helping her with Mankey if that is what she wants. Which is a much better angle I think, with him helping her, it may cause her to rethink things once she actually has one of her starry eyed romances and compares it to what she already has with Ron.