The Best Laid Plans... (Patreon)

Today is a very bad day. So I'm just going to vent. If you are also having a bad day and just aren't in the headspace for it, please just ignore this post.

I had every intension of keeping my writing streak going today. I really did. Then last night I opened a letter from the IRS threatening me over something I was assured by my accountant had been handled three months ago, then this morning I found out my HOA charged me a $450 fine for something my RENTAL company was supposed to deal with and assured me they had and then just for funsies, I got a message on the online portal from my doctor saying they needed additional imaging on my mammogram.

As a former oncology nurse, I know that's not uncommon. I have no history of breast cancer in my family but between that, the IRS, the HOA, three new medications that are making me feel absolutely crazy and a tiktok video that congratulated me on finishing out a 300 year cycle of karmic debt, I feel a bit like the universe if fucking mocking me.

If this is my reward after 300 years maybe I'm just a bad fucking person.

Seriously, I'm trying very hard to just keep bodying every single hit that keeps coming but they just. keep. coming. I think the only thing keeping me alive right now is that thanks to years of trauma, my body lives in constant fight or flight so its just like, this is totally normal. Everything's fine.

But today I don't feel normal.

Today, I feel really fucking sad and have pretty much been crying since I opened my eyes.

So I'm not writing today. I'm going to eat donuts and watch a BL and pretend my eyes are just leaking due to allergies because I've fucking had enough. I really have.

I'm so tired.

Tomorrow I'll wake up and put on my big girl panties and cry to my therapist and Wednesday I'll go get those additional images but today I am just going to wallow.

Thanks for listening.