Paladin - Jericho's Boys #1 - ch. 4 (Patreon)

Unbeta'd, unedited, subject to change. Poor baby Ever is going through it and Levi is still a little bit of a jerk. EverJericho felt…good. Ever didn’t know how to explain it. Whenever he was around someone like Jennika and her friends there was a heaviness to them. A weight that just sat on Ever’s chest stealing his breath. It didn’t feel that way with Arsen. It didn’t feel that way with Jericho either.When he called Ever gatito and smiled, it didn’t feel fake or like he wanted something from him. He’d been gentle when he’d talked to him last night. This morning? Ever wasn’t even sure anymore. Everything sort of blurred together. Maybe it was because Arsen trusted Jericho and Ever trusted Arsen. Arsen also felt good. His energy was happy and light and bright. It was like nothing Ever had ever felt before. And he just wanted to be near it.Whatever the reason, when Jericho had beckoned him to his office for pizza, Ever had started to follow without thought, placing a foot on the ground.“No!”Even with his headphones on, Arsen’s panicked shout startled him, making him flinch hard enough to almost fall off the stool. His heart hammered against his chest and he closed his eyes, slamming his fingers over his ears.Rough palms covered his hands, tugging them away gently and Arsen’s voice carried over the headphones. “Sorry. Sorry. I don’t mean to scare you. But you can’t walk barefoot. You’ll hurt yourself. Hold on. One moment. Okay?”Ever opened his eyes, but remained frozen, afraid to move, watching as Arsen darted across the shop, disappearing behind the same magical door he had last night, this time returning with black sandals with white stripes across the top.He kneeled before the stool and slipped each one on Ever’s sock clad foot, then grinned at him. “Okay, there you go.”Ever looked down at the slightly too big sandals on his feet and then the hand Arsen held out to him once he was on his feet again. He didn’t take it, but looked over at Jericho who stood in the open office door watching the two of them carefully. He stood with the other boy, the loud one who asked too many questions and looked at Ever like he couldn’t be trusted.Finally, he took Arsen’s hand. The way the tension bled from Arsen’s face made Ever’s insides feel hot and squishy. He wanted Arsen to be who he appeared to be. He wanted to make Arsen happy. Especially if he belonged to him now. If he was nice, maybe he would keep him? Then Ever wouldn’t have to learn anyone else’s rules ever again.Learning Jennika’s rules had cost him a lot…his dignity…his flesh. He could do it one more time for Arsen, but he didn’t know if he could handle it a third time. The not knowing was the worst part. The second guessing every single thought. It was exhausting. Like…standing in quicksand, afraid every movement might be the one that sank him deeper, trapped him further.What was it that would make Arsen angry? Would he be angry enough to hit? To kick? To punch? Would he whip him? Withhold food? Sell him to others? Ever could handle anything but that. It was too hard to fake liking it. Not that they cared if he liked it. Mostly they seemed to want him to hate it, hate them.Ever studied Arsen. He didn’t seem quick to anger. He’d shot Jennika though, he’d said she deserved it for what she’d done to those little girls. Ever shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that…about those girls. They were so small, so helpless. He’d tried to protect them but he was rarely allowed out of that room.Arsen couldn’t be that bad. He felt safe. He felt warm. It made Ever long to be closer to him in a way he’d never even imagined. He didn’t like to be touched, but he’d wanted Arsen to touch him, had wanted to roll around in his scent. He’d slept so hard in his arms and when he’d told him to go back to sleep, he’d gotten to bury his face in his pillow that smelled like him.He let Arsen guide him to the sofa in the office. When he handed him a paper plate with a piece of pizza on it, he took it, setting it in his lap. He watched as the loud one and Jericho ate, scarfing down the food like they hadn’t eaten in weeks. He looked down at his plate, chewing on his lower lip. He’d never had pizza before.It smelled good.Really good.But it looked kind of…drippy.He watched from beneath his lashes as Arsen took a slice and folded it in half, eating most of it in one bite. When he realized they were all watching him, he picked up the pizza, folded it in half and took as big a bite as he could stomach. The flavors exploded on his tongue and he couldn’t help but moan at the taste. When was the last time he’d had something that wasn’t just soup or bread?He was used to only eating once a day, sometimes not even then, but never food like this. It was definitely going to give him a stomach ache if he ate the whole piece but he couldn’t stop. When it was gone, he made a sad noise, then blushed when he realized they were smiling at him.Jericho slapped another slice on his plate. He just stared at it forlorn, then looked to Arsen in askance.Arsen tilted his head, his pizza halfway to his mouth. “Are you not hungry, little one?”He opened his mouth to answer, then stopped. He didn’t want to answer wrong. He didn’t want to answer out loud. He hated his voice. He didn’t like the way it sounded when it left his mouth. Jennika said he sounded like a girl. That his voice was too high. Too breathy.Besides, he didn’t know the right answer. What if he wasn’t supposed to want it. What if he wasn’t supposed to refuse it either. He wanted to close his eyes and cover his ears and just make it all stop.“I’ll take it.”Ever watched as the loud boy’s hand crossed in front, grabbing his pizza. Ever didn’t mean to do it, didn’t even remember grabbing his hand, wasn’t aware of what he was doing until he felt his teeth digging into the fleshy part of the boy's palm just beneath his thumb.“Ow,” he yelped, pulling his skin from between Ever’s teeth and rubbing the spot. “What the fuck, dude? The little shit bit me.”When Arsen crossed to him, Ever recoiled. But he just sat beside him and cupped his face. “Are you okay? Did he scare you?”Levi gaped at them. “Is he okay? What about me? I’m the one who just got bit. I think he broke the skin.Ever nodded, watching the other boy warily.Arsen glared at the loud one. “You cannot just grab at him like that, Levi. He has trauma.”Levi rolled his eyes. “We all have trauma. I just wanted pizza too.”“Don’t touch other people’s food,” Jericho said.Arsen grinned at Ever, petting his cheek in a way that made Ever want to close his eyes and lean into the caress. “He’s food aggressive. I don’t blame him. He scared you, huh?”Ever nodded.“Food aggressive. He’s a person, Arsen, not a dog,” Jericho said around a laugh.Levi flung his arms in the air. “That is not a person. That is a feral little gremlin in a human suit.”“Levi,” Jericho said sharply.Arsen took the pizza from Ever’s plate and folded it, holding it up. “Can you say sorry to Levi, besenok?”Ever chewed on his lip, glowering at Levi. Finally, he said, “Sorry.”They all looked at him, appearing surprised.Ever flushed, looking away. “Bite.”Ever complied without thought, letting Arsen feed him the pizza.“What the fuck. You’re babying him, dude. He’s going to think if you bite people you get rewarded,” Levi said, sulking.Arsen booped Ever’s nose. “Good boy.”Once more warmth bled through him at Arsen’s purred compliment.Levi made a disgusted sound. “You’re all fucking weird. I’m out of here.”“Don’t forget you have a job tonight,” Jericho called.“Yeah, yeah. Just keep the gremlin on a leash.”###Ever spent the next few hours watching Arsen work. Whenever he was doing something that didn’t make noise, he would talk to Ever, just keeping up a running commentary about whatever was on his mind. He talked about where he was from—Moscow, which was apparently in Russia. He talked about how he came there when he was a kid. He talked about his friends, about Jericho, how Jericho was married to Atticus and how they were thinking about fostering kids. How Atticus had five brothers. How Arsen was an only child.Ever didn’t know any of them, but he enjoyed Arsen’s voice. His accent and smooth tone soothed something within him. He didn’t tell Arsen that though. He didn’t say anything at all. He kept his headphones on, but without the music, just listening to Arsen talk as he moved around the shop.Jericho was still there but he stayed inside on his computer, popping out periodically to ask Arsen questions about the cars he worked on. When he opened the door the final time, he looked at Arsen and said, “Knock off for the day, kid. It’s getting late. I’ll handle anything left before I go. Take Ever upstairs so he can shower and eat.”Arsen nodded, going to the sink to scrub his hands until they were red, then he crossed to take Ever’s hand, pulling him from the bench and leading him upstairs. Ever felt shaky, unsure what he was supposed to do next.“You hungry, besenok?”Ever didn’t know what that meant but it made him blush when he called him that. It wasn’t said with any meanness, so he hoped it was something nice. Arsen seemed to enjoy calling Ever that. So if it made him happy, that was okay with him.Ever wasn’t hungry though. He wasn’t sure he could eat again for another day or so. He’d had two whole pieces of pizza and they sat like a rock in his stomach. He shook his head.“You should take a shower first. I’ll use up all the hot water trying to get myself clean.”Ever shook his head violently. There was no way he was using all of Arsen’s hot water. He could take cold showers. He was used to it. Just taking a shower at all was a luxury to him. Jennika had made him use the hose outside. He’d scrub in the sink if Arsen asked him too.“No arguments, besenok. Just do it.”Ever flushed so hot he thought he might start sweating. He followed Arsen to his bedroom, unsure what else to do, standing in the doorway as Arsen rifled through his drawers. This time, he gave him a pair of gym shorts and a pale yellow t-shirt from his own dresser.When he turned his back, Ever brought the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. It still smelled like him. Or maybe Arsen smelled like the clothes. Either way, Ever wanted to be wrapped in that smell again. He’d take a shower because Arsen asked, but he’d make it really quick so he didn’t use all the hot water.Ever did his best to scrub himself quickly, washing his face and hair and body with as much efficiency as he could, keeping the temperature luke-warm at best.Still, when he emerged—dressed but hair still dripping—Arsen was clean, hair also slightly damp, wearing a pair of black joggers and another oversized hoodie, this one a blinding neon green. How many sweatshirts did he own? Had he showered in the sink.Ever must have looked confused because Arsen gave him a smile. “I just ran and showered next door. There’s communal showers over there. I figured it would be easier. That way we both got hot water.”Ever flushed. He’d made Arsen shower with other people just so he could get clean. Shame pooled in his stomach like acid. He was making a burden of himself.“You’re hair’s all wet,” Arsen said. “You’re going to catch a cold.”Ever’s eyes went wide, his gaze darting to the bathroom then back to Arsen, his pulse starting to thud hard in his ears. Was he supposed to dry his hair before he left the bathroom?Arsen took his hand and led him to the sofa, pushing on his shoulders until he sat. Before he could even guess what Arsen intended to do, he was sliding into the space behind Ever, his whole body surrounding him just like last night, his thighs warm as they pressed against Ever’s hips.“Is this okay?” Arsen asked softly.Ever chewed on his lower lip, goosebumps erupting along his skin. Was it? Being this close to Arsen felt…nice but it also made him feel shivery inside in a way he’d never really felt before. The more Arsen touched him, the more he wanted Arsen to touch him and he didn’t know what to do about that. Was that normal? Was anything about this normal?Finally, he nodded. What else could he do?Arsen took the small towel from Ever’s shoulders and began to rub it on his hair. Ever closed his eyes, enjoying the heat of his body and gentle friction of the towel against his hair. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but suddenly Arsen’s gentle touch became slightly more aggressive until Ever realized he was no longer drying his hair but just messing with him.Ever snatched the towel from his head, without thought, turning to glare at Arsen, before realizing what he did. Fear spiked through him, but Arsen just laughed, looking down at him, then picking at the pieces of his hair.“You look like angry baby chicken.” Ever glowered at him, lips forming a pout. “Very cute baby chicken,” Arsen clarified.Ever didn’t know why but that distinction nullified him a bit, but it did. He faced forward once more, afraid to look at Arsen’s face for too long. He let him finger comb his hair until it parted down the middle. When he dropped his hands, Ever stayed where he was, unsure if he was allowed to leave, but also not really sure he wanted to.When Arsen didn’t ask him to move or leave, he found himself relaxing against him just a bit. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek, waiting for…something. Instructions. An order. Some clue as to what he was supposed to do next.“Are you okay?” Arsen asked after a few moments.Ever jolted. Had he wanted him to move? He tried to get to his feet, but Arsen’s hands appeared at his hips, holding him in place. “Don’t run away. I wasn’t trying to scare you off. But you can sit next to me if you’re uncomfortable…If I’m making you uncomfortable.”Was he uncomfortable like this? No. He liked it there. But he wasn’t sure he was supposed to. He stayed as he was, stiff in Arsen’s arms, as he tried to figure out what Arsen was saying.Did he want him to sit next to him or was that the compromise to him not staying in his lap? Did he want him to move? If so, why had he stopped him? Tears formed in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He was such a big baby. He just wanted to be normal. What did normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation? Did people sit in other people’s laps? Adult people?“You’re okay,” Arsen said again, his hand soothing over Ever’s hair. “You can do whatever you want, besenok. You know that, right? You don’t…belong to me. You don’t have to follow my orders.”Ever whipped his head around, turning his body just enough to study Arsen’s face, trying to decipher his words. What did that mean? If he didn’t belong to Arsen, who did he belong to? Was there someone else? Was there someone else coming for him? The tears brimming just moments ago broke free, spilling hot down his cheeks as he shook his head. “No.” Arsen frowned, but Ever just shook his head harder. “No,” he said again with more force.Once more Arsen’s hands were on him, this time on his cheeks. They were big and rough and still smelled faintly of motor oil. Ever wanted to bury his nose in that scent but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know anything. He was overwhelmed. He hated this. He hated this so much.“No what?” Arsen said, his face a mask of confusion. Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”“I don’t want to belong to someone else,” Ever said, panic welling within him. “Can’t I just stay with you? I’ll do whatever you want. I can cook. I can clean. I can run errands. I always come back.” Ever’s mind raced. What else could he do? “ I-I can do…other things…” he trailed off hoping Arsen understood what other things he was willing to do to not go anywhere else.Arsen’s confusion turned to…something else, disgust maybe. Did Ever disgust him? That somehow just made him cry harder.“Shh, don’t cry,” Arsen soothed, his thumbs swiping at Ever’s cheeks. “You don’t belong to anybody. You’re never going to belong to anybody again. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You decide what you want to do. Do you understand?”Ever shook his head. He didn’t understand. How was he supposed to survive on his own? He could read, he could sort of write. But he had never gone to school, never learned things like math or science. He didn’t have a real name or a place to live. How was he supposed to survive alone?“You don’t want me?” Ever said, hating the way his voice cracked.To his horror, Arsen’s eyes filled with tears. “What? No. I-” He shook his head. “It has nothing to do with that. You can stay here…with me. I am not making you leave. But you don’t have to do anything to stay. You don’t have to cook or clean or be my…servant. You can just…be.”“Be what?” Ever wailed.“Be yourself. Whatever you want to do, you can do it.”Ever shook his head, his chest feeling like it was being crushed. How was he supposed to do that? “I don’t know what you want from me,” he finally said.Arsen tilted Ever’s head up to meet his gaze. “Nothing. Nothing you don’t want to give me of your own free will. You don’t have to do what you’re told anymore. You can just do what you want. Do the things you like.”“I don’t know what I want or what I like. I just want to do what you want me to do,” Ever admitted, frantic.“Shh, besenok. “We’ll figure out what you like. Okay? We try everything and keep what works and get rid of the rest. Okay?”Ever’s brows knitted together. Everything? How could they try everything? There was so much everything in the world. The world was just so big. Even this space felt too big. If he could have chosen to live just as he was, cradled between Arsen’s thighs, his big warm hands on his face, he would. It felt safe there. He felt safe there.“I don’t want to leave,” Ever whimpered.“Then stay,” Arsen said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “Just stay here. With me. But only because you want to. Not because you think I want you to.”Arsen released his face and Ever mourned the loss, turning to face forward again. Could he really do whatever he wanted? He decided to test his theory. He sagged back against Arsen, some of the tension leaving him when he didn’t protest. He reached for his hands, which were on his thighs, taking them and wrapping his arms around his waist, waiting to see if he would pull away. Praying he didn’t.Instead, Arsen tightened his grip just the tiniest bit, hugging Ever from behind like it was something he wanted too, his uneven breaths puffing against Ever’s hair.“Tighter,” Ever said.Arsen complied. “Like this?” he asked, voice raw.Ever nodded. He didn’t know why the tight band around him was easing the tension inside but it was, it was soothing the panic trying to well back up inside him. They sat like that for a long while. Not speaking. Not doing anything but breathing in each other’s space.“I like your voice,” Arsen said, dipping his head to speak the words directly against Ever’s ear.Ever turned his face into the sound without thought, shivering when Arsen’s lips brushed against his skin.Ever settled his head against Arsen’s chest, his head tucking just under his chin. “I like your voice too.”