Rogue - Jericho's Boys #2 - Ch. 6 (Patreon)

This is a long long long chapter. Hopefully you like it. My insecurities continue. Shiloh Shiloh had to force himself to remember to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Was he about to have a panic attack right there? He really was useless. He could barely bring himself to look at Levi, who was staring at him, eyes full of pain. He looked at him like Shiloh had betrayed him, but worse than that, he looked at him like he’d expected it. Like everyone in the world disappointed him but he’d hoped Shiloh was different.Shiloh wasn’t any different. But what choice did he have? None of this made any sense. None of it was fair. He’d resigned himself to a life spent appeasing Micah, to pain and obligation. Life had been easier that way—so much easier—because he had those pills. And if he ever got to a point where he finally gave up, he would just go to sleep and never return. There was a comfort in that.But now there was Levi, someone he’d known cumulatively for about an hour, but who’d given him something he’d never had. Hope. Possibility. The notion that there was more to life than just pain and obligation. And Shiloh had chosen Micah.No, he’d chosen Mal. Mal loved him. Mal protected him in all the ways he could. Shouldn’t someone protect their family over a stranger? Mal had put himself between Micah and Shiloh dozens of times. He’d taken beatings, braved Micah’s wrath. Hell, he’d gone to prison to protect Shiloh. So why did Shiloh’s chest feel hollow every time he’s eyes met Levi’s?“I’m…sorry,” Shiloh heard himself whisper.Levi sighed, flopping down beside him, knees falling open as he sort of melted into the ancient couch. “How are you a spy? Like what does that mean in this context?”Shiloh pinched his lips between thumb and forefinger, twisting them painfully. How did he explain? Could he? His tongue felt glued to the roof of his mouth and his heart hammered loud enough for Levi’s friends to probably hear it. He wanted to give Levi what he asked, but doing so meant Micah’s wrath.Shiloh’s stomach lurched at the thought of another rooftop session so soon. But it was already too late. He’d blurted out the truth. He might as well just put it all out there. “Micah wants me to get close to you. He wants to find out more about your boss’s operation.”Levi slow blinked at him like he was processing his words. Shiloh could only sit there, acutely aware of the way their bodies pressed together from shoulder to thigh. Levi was so warm. Shiloh wanted to burrow into that warmth, snuggle up under Levi’s arm and make a home there where it was safe. Levi felt safe. He felt like…promise. The promise of safety, security, love. Or maybe Shiloh was as crazy as his brothers.“Jericho doesn’t have an operation,” Levi said. “He’s a mechanic. Sometimes people around the neighborhood come to him for help when others take advantage. That’s it. He’s not on the take. He’s not some secret criminal mastermind. He’s not a superhero. He’s just a guy.”Shiloh didn’t care. If Jericho was a vigilante planning Micah’s downfall Shiloh was all for it. Micah could die screaming for all Shiloh cared. But not until Mal was safe. He wouldn’t survive much longer in that prison. Not without doing something that guaranteed he’d never walk free again.Shiloh swallowed the lump of sand in his throat, croaking, “I believe you.” He gave a little cough, then tried again. “I believe you. But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Micah is just toying with me. He’s toying with Jericho too.”“But why? What’s his end game?”Shiloh scoffed. How did he explain the unexplainable. “Micah is smart. Scary smart. But he’s not…sane. He’s not rational. He’s impulsive and violent and mean. And right now, he’s bored without Malachi. So he’s acting out. Making everyone’s life miserable.”“Didn’t he throw Malachi in jail?”Shiloh nodded. “Yeah. He did. That doesn’t mean anything. Not really. When Micah feels slighted, he lashes out…often violently. But sometimes, like this time, he punishes us in different ways. Mal hurt Micah’s feelings, so he threw Mal in jail where he wouldn’t be able to protect me anymore. That way he could punish us both in the worst way.”“What do you mean?” Levi asked, a crease forming between thick brows.“Mal doesn’t care about pain. He likes taking it, he likes giving it. But only with consent. Only in a controlled environment. When Micah realized that, he was no longer able to use that to punish him, so he found a new way…by hurting me. Mal has spent his whole life playing the buffer between me and Micah, but now he can’t. He’s stuck in prison and I’m out here and knowing he can’t protect me is killing him. Micah found the ultimate punishment for us both.”“But you said he’s bored without Mal?” Levi said, like he was trying to make sense of something that was irrational.“Oh, yeah. He is. Like I said, he’s impulsive. Without Mal to torment and bat around like a cat with a mouse, he’s acting out, looking to make trouble on a larger scale. He misses him. He probably even thinks he loves us. He knows we hate him. Which he thinks makes him the real victim in all this.”“So Micah threw Mal in prison so he could hurt you more?” Levi asked, voice thick. Shiloh nodded. “And now Micah wants to use you to get to me so that he can get to Jericho?” Shiloh closed his eyes and nodded once more. “Is that why you were so desperate to sleep with me?”Shiloh’s eyes flew open, snapping his head in Levi’s direction. “No!” he cried, then deflated. Wasn’t it? Sort of? But not really. “I wanted to sleep with you. I did. So badly it hurt,” he said, gripping Levi’s hand, letting the warmth bleed into his skin.“But…” Levi muttered, eyes dull, like he’d already prepared himself for the next blow.Shiloh could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes. Why did this hurt so much? Why did it already feel so heavy between them? “But…I get…nervous.”Levi’ turned towards him, his fingers closing around Shiloh’s. “Nervous?”Shiloh nodded, suddenly wanting to look anywhere but at Levi who now gazed at him with such earnestness it shattered Shiloh’s heart. “Sex has never been good for me and what you were doing-” He cut himself off, heat creeping from his neck to the tips of his ears. “It felt so…good. Too good. And I was trying so hard to get out of my own head. When you hit pause I-I panicked.”Levi stared at him until seconds dragged like minutes, Shiloh’s misery gathering like water behind a dam, threatening to break free and drown him. Did Levi not believe him? Why should he? What if he told Shiloh to leave and never come back? The thought of not seeing Levi again was like a piece of glass stuck in his ribcage, pain stabbing with every breath.“You panicked,” Levi echoed.Shiloh’s heart did shatter then. Levi didn’t believe him. Of course, he didn’t. Why should he? They were strangers. Beyond strangers. They knew nothing about each other. All Levi knew was that Shiloh was a criminal and a liar and a spy. But why did it have to hurt so badly?Still, Shiloh clung to the fact that Levi still held his hand. That had to mean something, right? He just wanted to rewind time and start over again. He wanted to go back to yesterday in Levi’s bed when he was looking down at him like he was something special and worthy. He wanted his hands on him, his lips, wanted to feel him press him into the mattress once more.Shiloh was so lost in his thoughts, he almost forgot Levi still waited for an answer. He owed him the truth no matter how humiliating. He dropped his gaze to their joined hands. “Yes,” he whispered. “I panicked. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want you to keep going. When I’m nervous I just say stupid stuff. I just didn’t want you to be disappointed in me if the sex was bad. And it probably wouldn’t have been great.”Shiloh sucked in a breath as a finger trailed over his cheek, then Levi gripped Shiloh’s chin gently, tilting his face up to look at him. Shiloh’s already galloping heart tripped over itself, the air suddenly felt to thick to breathe. Shiloh ached to close the distance between them, the need for Levi to kiss him, to hold him, to reassure him that they were okay was clawing at his insides. Not having his arms around him suddenly felt like a punishment. A small half-bitten whine fell from his lips.Levi’s eyes widened, his pretty brown eyes shifting almost imperceptibly until Shiloh started to feel a little like prey.Levi sighed, leaning in close, breath hot against Shiloh’s ear as he rasped, “What am I going to do with you?”Shiloh was almost positive he stopped breathing, he had to concentrate just to whisper, “What do you want to do with me?”As soon as the question escaped, he snapped his mouth shut. Levi’s thumb stroked over the seam of Shiloh’s lips, now laser focused. “That’s a loaded question, dimples. There’s a lot of things I want to do with you.”“Like what?” Shiloh asked in a voice he didn’t recognize.Levi closed the distance between them, tongue tracing the same path as his thumb, humming his approval when Shiloh’s lips parted. “That’s good,” he said, tongue dipping inside.Unlike yesterday’s kiss, there was nothing slow or lazy about this one. Levi kissed him like he needed it, like he needed him. He bit at sucked at his lips, swallowing every one of Shiloh’s gasps and moans, fingers dragging into his hair to tilt his head as he liked.Kissing Levi was heavy, all-consuming, dizzying in the best possible way. It made him forget everything but the taste of his lips and the stroke of his tongue and hands that seemed to be everywhere.Shiloh squeaked when Levi manhandled him onto his lap without even breaking their kiss. This was better. This was so much better. Levi’s thighs trapped between Shiloh’s as he straddled him. Levi’s hands gripping his ass as his mouth broke away to explore new territory. Shiloh’s eyes fluttered, hands spasming in the fabric of Levi’s shirt as he tilted his head to give him better access. Just like his kisses, he was all teeth, scraping and sucking the skin at Shiloh’s jaw, his throat, even biting at his ear until goosebumps erupted along Shiloh’s skin.When Levi rolled his hips, Shiloh gave another obscene moan. He was so hard beneath him, the pressure was so good against Shiloh’s own aching cock. He wrapped his arms around Levi’s neck as he buried his face, nosing at the spot where his throat and shoulder met. The next time Levi ground up against him, Shiloh found himself pushing down experimentally, gasping at the shock of mind-numbing pleasure that rocketed through his whole body. Had it felt this good yesterday? Had anything felt this good in his whole life.Levi found his lips again, sucking Shiloh’s tongue in a way that made him feel a little faint, when he pulled back to tug his bottom lip between his teeth he asked, “Are you okay?”Shiloh’s chest felt tight. He was worried about him. “Yes. This feels so good. Please don’t stop.”Levi made a sound akin to a growl, kissing him once more. This time it was Shiloh who canted his hips, whining at the sensation. “Feel good?”“So good,” Shiloh whispered, finding a rhythm to his movements, addicted to the stab of bliss that shot through him each time he worked himself against Levi’s hard length.Levi held him tighter, lips against his ear. “That’s it. That’s so good. You’re doing so good. Fuck. Make yourself feel good.”Shiloh trembled as much from Levi’s voice in his ear as the pleasure of his movements. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from rocking against him, from clawing at his shoulders, rubbing his cheek against Levi’s scruffy jaw. He wanted to roll around in his scent, live in his skin, burrow inside his heart and make a home there.It was all too much. His eyes watered with unshed tears that he did his best to blink away. He couldn’t be that weirdo who cried during sex. Was this even considered sex? He pushed his face into Levi’s neck inhaling his scent, forcing his thoughts back into the corners. He just wanted to feel. Thinking only led to bad things.“I didn’t come here for this,” Shiloh heard himself say.Levi captured his mouth in another harsh kiss, more teeth than tongue, then asked, “Then what did you come for?”“I just…I just needed to see you…to explain. Something. I just wanted…” he trailed off, eyes rolling and another needy sound falling from his lips on a particularly delicious roll of his hips.“Wanted what?” Levi urged, gripping his ass and grinding their cocks together until Shiloh cried out. “Fuck, that’s it. I love the noises you make. They fuck me up in the best way. Now tell me why you came.”Shiloh floundered, the truth right on the tip of his tongue. “I-I just needed…”“Say it,” Levi demanded, tonguing the hollow of his throat.“You,” Shiloh blurted, grateful Levi couldn’t see his face.Levi leaned back, gaze hungry, voice raw. “Open up for me, dimples.”Shiloh should have been embarrassed by how quickly his lips parted, but there was no time for that. Levi’s soft mouth was on his, tongue sweeping inside, swallowing Shiloh’s cry.Shiloh’s lids slipped shut and he just stopped thinking. He let Levi have him. He clung to his shoulders, caught up in the sensation of Levi’s tongue fucking into his mouth in time with the roll of his hips, the way Levi would all but growl every time he prodded another moan or whine or whimper from Shiloh. It was all too good, too much.“Fuck, that’s so good, baby,” he praised between kisses. “Does it feel good? You like rubbing off on me?”Shiloh couldn’t speak, he felt like his heart was lodged in his throat, he was so hot, he wished he could strip off his clothes, their clothes. With their zippers in the way it was just this side of painful and Shiloh couldn’t get enough, couldn’t get what he needed.Then it all stopped.Levi gripped Shiloh’s hips, forcing him to hold still. Shiloh whimpered, trying to work himself free from Levi’s grasp, but he held firm, meeting Shiloh’s gaze, the tiniest hint of amusement in those pretty brown eyes. “I asked you a question.”He had? Shiloh stared at Levi’s lips, they were red and swollen. Did Shiloh’s lips look like that too? Did his neck? Levi had been biting and sucking at it. Would Micah know what happened when he got home. Something curdled within him at the thought.“Hey,” Levi said, capturing his gaze and holding him hostage. “Stay with me.”Shiloh’s heart squeezed. “I am,” he mumbled. Levi rolled his hips, startling a gasp from Shiloh. “Oh,” he said, sounding awestruck.It made Shiloh dizzy just thinking about it. “Please,” he whispered, grinding down on Levi’s cock once more. “Just…move. Please…”“Not until you answer my-”The door to the office flung open. A older man with dark hair and broad shoulders stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised. Jericho? Jericho!Shiloh sucked in a breath, diving off Levi and scurrying to the corner of the couch, yanking his hoodie down over his obvious erection, then tugging his legs up for good measure. He looked down at Jericho’s couch. Did he want feet on it? He dropped them back down to the floor, then stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket.The man smirked at Levi, jerking a finger in Shiloh’s direction. “That is Shiloh, I presume.”Shiloh startled. Did everyone know who he was?Levi adjusted himself, looking disgruntled at having been interrupted just when things were getting good. “Shiloh, meet Jericho. Jericho, meet Shiloh… the world’s worst spy.”Shiloh was on fire as he gave a faint wave in Jericho’s direction, looking anywhere but at him.“So I was witnessing what? A new interrogation technique?” Jericho teased.“Like you haven’t banged your husband on every available surface in this office,” Levi said, sulky enough to make Shiloh’s mouth twitch upwards at the corners.“Yes, the key phrase being my office,” Jericho noted. “I can bang my husband in my office all I like. You can rail your little spy all over your apartment if you like…well, once I’m done with our little talk anyway.”Jericho moved deeper into the office, dropping into his chair, before turning his full attention to Shiloh, his deep brown eyes not unkind. “So, Shiloh the spy. What is it your brother wants from me?”Shiloh found the drawstring on his hoodie, twisting it between his fingers as he stared at his lap. “I don’t know specifics. But from what I hear, he just wants to fuck with you for a while before he kills you. He needs you out of the way.”“Out of the way of what?” Jericho asked, leaning back and frowning.Shiloh flicked his gaze back up to Jericho briefly. “Micah is an opportunist. He wants to expand his business here now that you’ve chased off his competition and he thinks you’re what’s standing in his way. He thinks killing your guys, then killing you will scare the neighborhood into accepting the new regime. He’s done it in other places. He always gets what he wants.”“If your brother is going to try to run girls and guns in my neighborhood, he’s right. I am standing in his way,” Jericho promised. “But if he’s got a problem with me, he needs to keep it with me. Leave my kids alone.”“He went after Levi because he was the easiest,” Shiloh said, eyes darting to Levi,, hurrying to add, “Access wise, I mean. Working the graveyard shift at a convenience store made him a target even I could take out.” He flushed to hot. “Theoretically, at least.”“Why did you have to kill Levi? I’m assuming he has people for that?” Jericho asked, frowning.Shiloh shrugged. “I don’t think it was as much about killing him as it was forcing me to do something I would hate. He thinks I’m weak. If I managed to do it and Levi died, great. One more thing for him to hold over my head. Threaten me with. But if I didn’t, he had another excuse to beat the shit out of me. Which he did.”“Can’t we just kill him?” Levi snapped. “He definitely meets the code. Look at Shiloh’s face.” To Shiloh, he said, “Can you show him your bruises on your stomach?”Shiloh looked at Levi in horror. “What? No. I’m fine. It’s fine. I’m used to it.”Levi looked at him with…something. Pity, maybe. “You shouldn’t be used to it. Show him,” Levi insisted, giving him a little push. “Please.”Shiloh swallowed loudly. Was there ever going to be a final stop on this humiliation train? He stood, sliding up his t-shirt and hoodie in one go, doing a slow spin so he wouldn’t have to do this again. When he was back where he started, the muscle in Jericho’s jaw ticked, pulsing like a beating heart.“What did he use?” Jericho asked, his voice a terrifying low rasp.Shiloh dropped down onto the couch, this time drawing his knees to his chest, Jericho’s sofa be damned. “It doesn’t matter,” he said faintly.“I’d like to know,” Jericho said, his tone soft, almost like he was talking to a child.Shiloh let his head fall back, trying to gather himself. Did they have any idea how embarrassing this was? “My brother used to be a baseball player.”Levi and Jericho swapped glances. “What are you saying?”.“Sometimes he still likes to play,” Shiloh managed.“Those marks didn’t come from a bat,” Levi said. “No way.”Levi was right. They didn’t. Tears pricked at his eyes for the hundredth time that day. He tried to speak but the words didn’t come. All he could hear was Micah’s crew laughing as Micah smiled, adjusted his stance, then waited for the ball to release, staring at his target—Shiloh—with laser focus.Micah always swung for the fences.“The baseballs,” Jericho said, understanding dawning.Shiloh’s eyes darted to Levi, watching him put the pieces together. “Wait. Are you saying he hit you with baseballs?”Levi’s fury was instantaneous, he went to his feet tugging up Shiloh’s hoodie again, his fingers dancing over the marks like he had to see them again to verify Jericho’s words.“It looks worse than it is,” Shiloh said, sounding unconvincing even to himself. “Like I said, I’m-I’m used to it.”“Used to it,” Levi parroted, aghast.What weren’t they understanding. This wasn’t as bad as its ever been but it also wasn’t easy. Micah had spent years perfecting ways to hurt Shiloh, physically, mentally, emotionally. When it came to making him suffer, Micah was an expert. It wasn’t the physical pain of the roof that really fucked Shiloh up. It was the psychological warfare. The threat of Shiloh ending up on the pavement below, head cracked like an egg, blood and brains flowing into the cracks towards the gutter.Just like their mom.His stomach lurched but he tamped it down. He had to get through this. “He was really mad I couldn’t do it. Or maybe he was just mad that I made it home alive. Usually he doesn’t tie my hands and he lets me have some padding sometimes. I can usually try to get out of the way. But this time…”“But this time…” Jericho pushed.“But this time he had me stand on a chair next to the edge. Not close enough that I actually could actually, but just close enough to believe I could, that it was possible. Micah needs me to believe it, needs me to think my death is a possibility. It’s no fun if I’m just hurting. He needs to make sure I’m afraid. And he knows how much I hate the rooftop.”“You’re afraid of heights?” Levi asked.Shiloh shrugged, then shook his head. “Not all heights. My mom…when she killed herself…she jumped off the roof.”“She…” Levi trailed off like he didn’t even know what to ask or what to say. How could he? What did someone say when faced with the knowledge that the stranger they were making out with had a mother who’d died by suicide?Shiloh felt the need to explain, to defend, her actions. “She wasn’t well, mentally. She was schizophrenic. She heard voices. Micah…exploited that. Tormented her constantly from the time he was young. For as long as I can remember, really. One day she decided the only way out for us was death. When Mal realized what she meant to do, he took me and ran. She hit the ground right about the time we did.”How long had it been since he’d told another person that? Had he ever said it out loud?Levi was fuming, fists clenched at his side, his face a storm cloud. “Seriously, Jericho. Let’s just kill this fucking guy.”“What? No! You can’t,” Shiloh cried, looking back and forth between them. “You can’t. Please. If you kill him, Mal is never getting out of jail. Ever. And he can’t be in there much longer. It’s not good for him. It makes him…worse.”“What does that mean?” Jericho asked.“Mal goes a little crazy when he’s bored. And jail is really boring. Right now they have him in solitary because he’s a self-harm risk, but if he goes to gen-pop, he’s not getting out.”“What? Why?” Levi asked, confused.“Remember I told you Mal isn’t like Micah?” Levi nodded. “I meant it. He would never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. But my brother…”“Your brother…” Jericho urged.“Look, my brother doesn’t look crazy. He’s…pretty. Innocent looking. Almost feminine sometimes. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the type of attention he’ll get in gen pop.”“You think people will hurt him,” Jericho said.Shiloh barked out a laugh. “What? No. You’re not listening. Malachi isn’t like other people. He has no fear. He never hesitates. If someone comes after him, he will defend himself, and that person will die. And then Mal is going to jail for life. People don’t hurt Mal, not more than once. He will defend himself by any means necessary. That’s why I have to go back. Micah will never let him out if I run.”“You can’t go back there,” Levi said, “He’s going to kill you.”“I have to,” Shiloh said simply, not willing to have the same conversation again.“Jericho, tell him he can’t go back,” Levi said, looking at his boss with pleading eyes. Jericho stared at Shiloh for so long Levi prompted him again, “Jericho. Tell him. You can’t let him go back.”“Text your brother and tell him that I invited you to my house for dinner, along with all the other kids. Tell him you might not be home until morning.”“What?”“Your brother wants you to get in tight with me, right? An invite into my home—around my children—that will be irresistible to him. He’ll want all the details.”“You want me to tell him where you live? About your family?” Shiloh asked, eyes wide.Jericho’s expression was grim as he laced his hands behind his head and leaned back in his office chair. “Do you know what a double agent is, kid?”“Yeah, I think so,” Shiloh said.“Well, congratulations. You are one. You work for me now. You tell your brother only what I tell you to. If he thinks you’re making in roads, he’ll cut you some slack on when you come home. In the meantime, I need to get some information on your brother, Malachi. I’ll look into this case myself.”Shiloh’s stomach churned, head spinning. “If-If I’m not going home, where am I staying?”Levi scoffed. “You’re staying with me.”