Rogue - Jericho's Boys #2 Revised ch. 5-7 (Patreon)

Just like chapters 1-4 there's been some changes, embellishments, POV changes. Still unbeta'd and  unedited. I'm almost finished with the final 2 chapters I'd already had written and then you'll be getting all new stuff after that. Unfortunately this is what happens when you read as I write. LOL. Sometimes I have to make some major changes. I hope you enjoy. 

Chapter 5

Levi

Levi locked the convenience store’s double doors, then pulled the metal awning down over them, securing that as well. He moved on auto-pilot, relying strictly on muscle memory, his mind too occupied with thoughts of his mother. Despite telling them he wasn’t interested in updates, they called every day.

Even when he didn’t answer they left messages letting him know that she was still very sick, that her liver was shot, that they had extended her medical hold. That when she wasn’t sedated, she had to be in restraints to keep her from attacking the staff. He didn’t even know why he listened to the messages. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t want to care anymore.

It seemed unfair. The woman had tormented him his whole life. She’d beaten him, starved him, sold him…she had no redeeming qualities. She wasn’t a person. She hadn’t been for years. She was a zombie; her organs pickled in beer. Yet, he couldn’t leave her to die. He just couldn’t. And he hated himself for it. He hated her too. He was tired in his bones. In his soul. He just wanted to be free.

“Levi?!”

He jumped at the hesitant cry, stopping in his tracks to look in the direction of the voice. There, slotted between the broken ice machine and the even more broken newspaper dispenser, sat a figure. They were curled up, like they were attempting to make themselves as small as possible. Their jean-clad legs were pulled to their chest, their arms hugging them tightly, chin resting on their knees.

At first, Levi thought it was a child. They wore a hoodie tugged up to shadow their face. Levi narrowed his gaze, trying to make out any features that might give him a clue who he looked at. The person finally lifted their head, dark curls falling over their forehead, eyes almost black in the dim light of the security bulbs overhead. Levi’s heart shattered.

“Shiloh?” he gasped.

The boy’s face was almost unrecognizable. Cuts and bruises everywhere, all in various stages of healing. He looked like he’d taken a tumble, but Levi knew the truth. His brother. Shiloh’s monster of a brother had done that to him. Because of Levi? Was this the consequence of Shiloh failing in his mission?

Levi sucked in heavy breaths, his fury racing through him, leaving him hot. He clenched his jaw, hands curling into fists. That fucker needed to die. Who could do this to someone like Shiloh? He was so small, so pretty, so fragile…delicate. There was no way Shiloh could have protected himself against his much larger brother.

Levi should never have let Shiloh run off that night. He should have kept him there, safe with him. Levi took a deep breath and let it out, trying not to frighten Shiloh anymore than he already seemed.

He hunkered down beside him, balancing on the balls of his feet, keeping his tone soft. “Hey, are you okay?”

Of course, he’s not okay, idiot. He’d had the shit beat out of him, more than once it seemed.

Still, Shiloh just nodded, giving him a tremulous smile that almost immediately dissolved as tears pooled in his eyes, threatening to spill. Levi gently gripped his chin, turning his head to catalog the damage. The cuts were closed with glue but the edges had been approximated well, he likely wouldn’t have any jagged scars. Had his brother patched him up? Did he have people for that? Had some ER doctor just looked the other way when Shiloh had come in for help?

No matter how Levi turned Shiloh’s head, he refused to meet his gaze, his humiliation obvious.

Levi’s chest was tight, words choked as he asked, “What did he do to you, baby?”

Shiloh’s tears broke free as he pitched himself into Levi’s arms. He hugged him tight, bringing them both to their feet so he could pull him close. Shiloh clung to him, hands twisting the fabric of Levi’s work shirt tightly, desperately, like Levi was the lone life raft in a stormy sea.

Levi tucked Shiloh beneath his chin, crushing him against his chest as hot tears soaked through the fabric to his skin. Sobs racked through him, making Levi feel like loosening his grip might cause the boy to shake part entirely. Levi couldn’t remember the last time he cried. Years, maybe? Naomi said tears were a manipulation tactic. That Levi was manipulating her into feeling bad.

He shook thoughts of his mother away. There was no room for her there. Not now. Shiloh continued to bawl, heaving wails that caused him to hiccup and hyperventilate. “Shh. Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay now,” Levi crooned, swaying the boy in his arms,

Levi ached for him. Why was Shiloh out there alone in the dark? In the streets? How long had he waited for him? What if something had happened to him while he waited? Levi would never have even known.

“We can’t stay here, baby. It’s not safe,” Levi said, scanning the deserted streets.

Shiloh didn’t answer, only sobbed harder. An uneasy feeling settled over Levi as he studied his surroundings with a sharper eye. Was this a trap? Was Shiloh just bait? It didn’t matter. He wasn’t letting him go. Even if it meant eating a bullet. Levi had been willing to die for less. Once upon a time, he’d begged for death.

The streets were quiet. No movement. No sounds with the exception of the usual road noise from the highway running behind the garage. The air was thick, heavy. The smells of the city filtered in as he waited for Shiloh’s tears to slow. The sharp stench of rotting garbage mingled with that of rain and motor oil collected in the potholes from the rainstorm that happened earlier in the evening.

If Levi looked close enough he could see cardboard boxes stacked as a makeshift shelter for the unhoused. Some slept on ratty sleeping bags deeper in the alley, but they were harmless. Ever since the 4Loco crew had disappeared, crime had gone way down. The bar across the street had closed months ago. So had the bail bonds office.

Even so, Levi wanted to get Shiloh inside where it was safe…where he could keep him safe.

Levi rested his chin on the crown of Shiloh’s hair, listening to him sniffle and take in shuddering breaths. He dropped kisses on the crown of his head without thought. “Shh. Shh. Just breathe. It’s all gonna be alright.”

It was all meaningless platitudes, words whispered in the dark to try to soothe the boy somehow. But what else could he say? I’m sorry your brother beats the shit out of you and forces you to commit crimes? Talk about a useless sentiment.

Levi had never been any good at the feelings stuff. He was too blunt, too jaded. He’d closed himself off to anything that could hurt him years ago. It protected his heart, but made him shit at providing comfort. Nico said he lacked decorum, whatever the fuck that meant.

Levi was much better at the physical than he was at emotion. It’s why he kept his relationships all about sex. Why he’d convinced himself he’d had a crush on his friend, Arsen for ten years. It was far safer to crush on someone who would never reciprocate the feelings. When he was horny there was no shortage of guys willing to be his one night stand.

The thought of using Shiloh that way had his stomach churning. He wanted him. He couldn’t deny that. He was soft and sweet and smelled like cotton candy and laundry detergent. He wanted to help him somehow. Wanted to make him feel better. But Shiloh hadn’t come to Levi for sex, he’d come to him for…Levi honestly had no idea what he’d come to him for.

Protection? He’d love to protect him, to keep him safe, whatever that entailed. He’d happily murder Shiloh’s brother and bring the boy his head on a pike. Levi knew nothing about Shiloh. Not even his last name. But Levi had never wanted to protect someone the way he did the boy in his arms. If it was possible, he’d scoop him up and cage him behind his ribs so nobody could get to him without going through Levi first.

Shiloh’s tears seemed to have ebbed, but he continued to cling to Levi, his fingertips ghosting over the skin just above the waistband of his jeans, driving Levi crazy. There was no way Shiloh couldn’t feel that Levi was half hard just holding him. He probably thought he was some kind of pervert who got off on his tears. But he couldn’t stop the way his body reacted. Something in him recognized something in Shiloh and acted accordingly.  But if Shiloh noticed, he didn’t acknowledge it. He also didn’t pull away.

Finally, Levi took a small step back, cupping Shiloh’s face and tipping it up to meet his gaze. The tears had stopped, but his mouth was shaped into an adorable pout, his eyes puffy and bloodshot, his nose and cheeks bright red. He was sweaty and appeared as exhausted as Levi felt. But it didn’t stop Levi from wanting to taste him again. He wanted to kiss the frown from his lips.

“Now can you tell me why you’re here?” Levi asked. “Are you in trouble? Do you need help? I can help you.”

Shiloh’s gaze floated away, expression miserable. “I-” Shiloh cut himself off, pulling away, sniffling. “I need the gun back. Please,” he mumbled, almost as an afterthought, voice thick from tears.

Levi blinked at him, attempting to process his words. “What?” Shiloh trembled, but didn’t answer. “Look at me.”

Shiloh’s eyes met his, face crumpling once again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I need to get that gun back.” He started shaking his head, a fresh tide of tears flowing down his cheeks. “If I go back without it, Micah’s gonna…” He stepped away from Levi, pacing, his breaths coming harder and faster, eyes wild.“I just can’t go back without the gun. I can’t. I really can’t,” he said, voice frantic. “Do you have it? Here? Do you have it on you?”

Of course, Levi didn’t. He’d taken it back to his apartment. He couldn’t leave it there for the next shift to find. “You came back…for the gun?” Levi asked, not unkindly.

Shiloh dropped into a crouch, wrapping his arms around his knees, once more making himself small. “It wasn’t just for the gun. I wanted to come back two days ago…but I couldn’t. He wouldn’t let me. I…fucked up again.”

What the hell did that mean? Fucked up how? Levi stayed silent though watching the boy unravel before him. He was talking to himself, shaking his head, making these sort of low keening sounds as he dragged his nails over the thighs of his jeans.

Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He dragged him to his feet, hugging him once more. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t hurt yourself.”

Shiloh trembled in his arms, voice muffled against his chest. “I can’t go back without it. I can’t. I can’t, Levi. You don’t know what he’ll do to me. I can’t go back on the roof again.” He whimpered. “I just can’t.”

Levi? That was the second time he’d said his name. How did Shiloh know his name? He looked down to ask, then answered his own question when he remembered it was stitched onto his pocket.

Oh, right.

“You can’t go back to the roof…what does that mean, baby?” Levi asked.

Shiloh ignored the question, ignored Levi, completely closed off. He didn’t acknowledge Levi at all. Just stood there, limp, gaze fixed but unseeing. Shiloh was broken. He was so terribly broken. In every conceivable way.

Finally, he whispered. “Please let me have the gun. I’ll do anything you want.”

What the hell did that even mean? Why was he so eager to get the gun back? The serial numbers were burned off, Levi had wiped down the gun to make sure there were no more traces of Shiloh on the weapon. Why would Shiloh’s dickbag brother—Micah?— be so desperate to get the gun back? Unless it was another test. Another reason for Shiloh to fail so Micah could punish him, yet again.

Levi’s heart pinched. He couldn’t be the reason Shiloh gets hurt. Not again. He sighed, once more tipping his chin up to meet Levi’s gaze. “The gun’s at my apartment.”

Shiloh stared at him with pleading eyes, his hands petting over Levi’s chest, dropping kisses along his throat up to his ear in a way that smacked of desperation. “Can we go? Please? Can we please, please go get the gun? I swear I’ll do anything you want. Anything. Anything at all. I just can’t go home without that gun.” His voice faded to a whisper. “Please don’t make me go home without that gun.”

Levi's stomach churned at the way he said ‘anything you want’. “You don’t have to do anything. Let's go get the gun, okay?” The hope in Shiloh’s eyes clawed at him. “Okay?”

Shiloh nodded, his relief evident.

The walk to Levi’s apartment was only a few short blocks away. Shiloh stayed quiet, his small hand tucked into the crook of Levi’s arm like they were on a date. Once more, his heart clenched. There was something so…desolate about Shiloh. Looking at him made Levi physically ache. How was he supposed to let him go back to his brother? He just couldn’t. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t safe.

When they reached the apartment, they walked to the third floor then punched in the code to the door. Inside, Nico sat on the couch in his underwear, an entire pizza in his lap, one slice hovering halfway between the box and his mouth as he looked at them. His brows shot up when he saw Shiloh, probably wondering why Levi was bringing home a hookup who looked like he’d lost a prize fight.

“Uh, hi. Who’s this?” Nico asked.

Shiloh and Nico watched each other, unblinking. Levi wasn’t sure if this was some kind of display of dominance or an unofficial staring contest, but it was too weird to let it continue. “Shiloh, this is my roommate and best friend, Nico. Nico, this is Shiloh.”

Nico’s startled gaze jerked to Levi. He made his fingers into a gun shape and put it to his head. “That Shiloh?”

Levi shot him a nasty look. And he said Levi was the one who lacked the decorum. Right. “We’ll be in my room.”

Why was Nico up at two am? It could have been anything from anime to jerking off to amateur porn. With Nico, it was just better not to ask.

“What happened to your face?” Nico called, a second before Levi slammed his door shut.

Levi pushed a bunch of magazines and dirty clothes off the bed then gestured for Shiloh to sit. If he’d known he was going to have company, he would have at least stashed his dirty laundry in the closet.

“Sorry,” he muttered, skin hot. “I know it’s a mess but I wasn’t expecting company.”

Shiloh shrugged, squinting at the light like it was bothering his eyes. “It’s okay. It’s nice. Cozy.”

Levi turned on the LED lights that lined the floor and ceiling, bathing the room in green and blue before shutting off the jarring unflattering bulbs. He leaned against his computer desk, as far away from Shiloh as possible, trying to give him space.

Levi gestured towards him vaguely. “Do you…want to take your hoodie? You have to be sweating.”

Shiloh played with the drawstring of his hood. “I don’t think I should,” Shiloh mumbled.

“Why? Are you naked under there?” Levi teased.

Shiloh shook his head, the barest hint of a giggle escaping even as a blush crept from his neck to his cheeks. “No.”

Levi gave him what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “Then take it off. It’s hot in here.”

Shiloh’s face fell, shaking his head. “Really. I’m fine. I think it’s better if I leave it on.”

Dread settled over him, thick like syrup. What was he hiding? “Take off the hoodie,” he said, tone harsher than intended.

Was it a weapon? More injuries? He needed to know.

“O-Okay,” Shiloh said, giving a stilted nod as he jerked the zipper down and peeled it off, leaving him in only a sleeveless tank.

Guilt kicked him in the face when he realized Shiloh only complied out of fear. He thought Levi would hurt him if refused.

Fuck.

“Hey, I’m-I’m not going to do anything to you. You get that, right? I just wanted you to show me what you’re hiding.”

Shiloh’s look was guarded, like an abused animal caught in a trap. He swallowed audibly, then peeled the tank top off too. Levi hissed, stumbling forward and falling to his knees before him. “Jesus, Shi,” he whispered. “What did he do to you?”

Just like his face, there were dozens of bruises on his chest, his torso, his arms. It was hard to truly understand the full extent of them beneath the colored lights, but some looked a deep eggplant, while others an ugly mottled green. There were bruises the size of fingerprints on his upper arms, even around his neck.

The injuries on his stomach and ribs concerned him most. They were large and prominent, roughly the size of an orange. Levi reached up to trail his fingertips over the one along his side, watching, fascinated as Shiloh’s muscles quivered in response.

“What did he do to you?” he asked again, unable to stop himself from tracing each bruise.

Shiloh shivered, leaning into Levi’s touch, voice breathy as he said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can’t go back there,” Levi said, his other hand joining the first, watching fascinated as goosebumps erupted in their wake.

Shiloh gave him a sad smile, his hand cupping Levi’s cheek. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just…tired. It looks way worse than it feels. I promise. I know I lost it back there and everything but it wasn’t because of him. I swear. I’m-I’m used to—” he gestured to the bruises— “all this.”

“You shouldn’t be used to that,” Levi whispered.

Shiloh forced a laugh. “Since Mal went to jail, I just…haven’t been myself. I keep-I keep messing up. Usually I’m more careful. I know better, but lately…” He shook his head. “Really, I’m fine. Micah says I’m a bit of a drama queen, always looking for attention. I’m usually not this bad though.”

Levi seethed, watching Shiloh choke out his lies, his eyes begging Levi to just believe him. But he couldn’t. How many times had Levi made excuses for his mother’s behavior? How many times had he lied to cover up her abuse and neglect? Laughed it off.

Levi understood where Shiloh was coming from. He used to be him. Levi had let his mother gaslight him for years. Doing her best to convince him that every beating, every cruel word, every man she let touch him…was all Levi’s fault. Until Jericho rescued him.

Levi didn’t want to be one more thing Shiloh feared. He gave him a soft smile.  “You don’t have to defend him. I understand.”

Shiloh’s shoulders went back, jaw thrusting forward, the laugh that escaped his lips acidic. “Defend him? Who’s defending him? I’m just telling you how it is. I brought this all on myself.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “I was supposed to kill you.” He reached out, hesitantly cupping Levi’s cheek. “But I just couldn’t do it.

Levi brushed it away with his thumb, earning a startled look from Shiloh. “You don’t have to—”

Shiloh shook his head, dropping his hand as he cut him off. “Don’t say it. Don’t tell me I don’t have to go back, because I do. Don’t tell me you can save me, because you can’t. I can see in your eyes that you’re the hero type. But save it for someone who still has a shot at being a whole person.”

Levi swallowed the lump in his throat, choking on his name. “Shiloh. That’s not—”

Shiloh gave Levi a heartbreaking smile, one that told him he was resigned to his fate. “I’ll be okay, really. He always feels guilty after beatings like this. He’ll be nice to me for a few more days at least.” He looked away from Levi, voice trembling. “As long as I do as I’m told.”

Levi ran his fingertips over the bruises on Shiloh’s arms. “Doesn’t it hurt?” he asked, mystified at how Shiloh wasn’t writhing in pain.

Shiloh ignored the question, looking Levi in the eye. “I like when you touch me,” he confessed, breathlessly, taking Levi’s hand and pressing it to his chest, right over his heart.

Blood rushed from Levi’s brain to his dick so fast he grew lightheaded. “Yeah?” he asked, voice thick.

Shiloh slid Levi’s hand down his bare stomach. “Yeah.”

He was so warm and his skin was so soft. He watched Levi with this unbridled hunger that had his stomach dipping like he was on a rollercoaster. Levi opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say. Settling on finally just saying, “Oh.”

Shiloh let his knees fall open, making space for Levi to move closer. “I liked when you kissed me too.”

Levi licked his lower lip, his eyes falling to look at Shiloh’s pretty mouth. “Yeah?”

Shiloh nodded, drawing Levi closer to him. “Would you do it again? Now?”

There was a nagging voice in the back of his head screaming that this was wrong, that Shiloh was distracting him on purpose. “Are you seducing me?”

Shiloh watched him beneath hooded lids, raising his hand to kiss his palm, then rubbing the back of Levi’s hand over his cheek like a cat. “Could I?” he murmured. “Could someone like me seduce you?”

“I think we both know the answer to that,” he rasped, gently gripping his jaw, tugging gently at his chin. “Open up for me.”

Shiloh’s lips parted just as Levi’s mouth crashed into his, his tongue sweeping inside. Shiloh whimpered, dropping Levi’s hand to drag his body closer, melting into him, letting Levi take what he wanted.

He slipped his other hand into Shiloh’s curls, tilting his head this way and that, leisurely exploring his mouth while he whimpered and moaned, little breaths panting against him each time their lips parted for even a moment.

Heat rushed through him, Shiloh’s little noises driving him crazy. He was so responsive, his body pushing up into every touch, whining for more.

Levi’s heart pounded, his pants suddenly painfully tight. He’d never had someone wind him up this much this fast. Shiloh was just so sweet. He dragged Levi into another sloppy kiss, then scooted back, tugging on his shirt.

Levi got the message. Shiloh scooted up the bed, Levi crawling over him without even breaking the kiss. Shiloh’s legs fell open, his hands cupping Levi’s ass, dragging his hips down until they were flush against each other. Shiloh made a noise of frustration, trying to roll his hips up to meet Levi’s, both of them groaning at the friction.

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” Levi said, breaking the kiss to ghost his lips over Shiloh’s jaw, his cheekbone, the bruise beneath his eye. “I’ll give you the gun.”

Shiloh tilted his head to give Levi more access, winding his legs around his waist. “Please…”

Levi captured Shiloh’s mouth again, grinding their dicks together sending jolts of pure heat through him as they both groaned.

“Oh,” Shiloh whispered, voice sounding awestruck. “Do it again. Please do it again,” he begged sweetly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Levi said, mouth wandering once more, this time to his neck where he sucked at the salty skin there.

“You won’t, I promise,” Shiloh whispered, his whole body stiffening as he pushed at Levi until he moved to hover over him so he could meet his gaze. Shiloh suddenly looked horrified. “Unless you don’t want this…don’t want me?” Levi watched the boy’s head spin, seemingly telling himself all kinds of wild tales. “I-was the kiss just a way to get the gun away from me that night? Oh, God. It was. What else would it have been? Oh, my God. I’m such an idi-”

Levi dove back in, licking his way back between his lips even as he guided his legs back around his waist. “Hush.” he said between kisses.

Levi slipped both hands into Shiloh’s hair, holding him in place so he could kiss him again and again, until his hips started rolling against Shiloh’s rhythmically, already addicted to the soft gasps and pretty little whines he swallowed every time their cocks met again.

“You’re so fucking sweet. You know that?” Levi whispered against his mouth. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you for days.”

“Really?” Shiloh asked, sucking on Levi’s bottom lip.

“Really,” Levi promised, continuing to rock their hips together in a frustrating pantomime of sex. Shiloh’s heels dug into his ass cheeks, trying to spur him on, to make him move faster. “You’re being so good for me,” Levi said against his ear. “You’re so sweet. So pretty. Fuck. I want you so bad.”

Shiloh made a noise of frustration, his hands reaching for Levi’s zipper. He grabbed Shiloh’s wrists, capturing them gently over his head, gazing down at Shiloh’s owlish expression. “Uh-uh. Not yet,” Levi teased.

Shiloh’s hazel eyes were so dilated they appeared almost black. Was it wrong to play with him like this?

“Open up for me,” Levi said, making an approving noise when Shiloh did as he was told. He rubbed his index finger over his tongue, groaning when Shiloh’s lids slid shut and he began to suck. “Hm, that’s good. So good.”

Levi pulled his finger free, using it to trace Shiloh’s spit-slick lips with this finger. Levi couldn’t stop the praise that kept bubbling past his lips. “So pretty. So good. So sweet. I want you so fucking bad.”

Shiloh nodded frantically. “You can have me, have this. Whatever you want…just take it.”

Levi buried his face in Shiloh’s neck. “You’re fucking killing me.”

Chapter 6

Shiloh

Shiloh had only had sex twice, the first was a guy who’d dumped him before the wet spot was even gone after Micah wrote a check. The second, a guy who mocked and belittled him the whole time, bailed before sun up. Again, at Micah’s behest.

Not because Micah didn’t approve of the boy—not because of some innate need to protect Shiloh—but because he’d orchestrated the entire thing to humiliate him, to torment him, to make sure he drove home the point that Micah could never, ever trust anyone with his heart or his body.

He’d tried to have sex again. Mal had told him a million times that not all men would treat him like that, that he just had to take things slowly. But Shiloh never had a chance to take things slowly. Micah either chased them off with violence or bought them off with money, proving again and again that Shiloh would only ever have what Micah gave him.

In Shiloh’s head, sex was a minefield of anxiety and overthinking, of head games and sabotage. Trust was a luxury Shiloh couldn’t afford. Micah could get to anyone, anywhere. Except Levi. Except there. Here, alone in Levi’s tiny bedroom, on this too soft mattress, Micah couldn’t touch him, couldn’t touch them. At least not yet.

Shiloh just wanted to enjoy it. He wished he could quiet the voices in his head telling him that this wasn’t real, that Levi was never going to stay, that Micah would take this from him too or worse…Levi would realize Shiloh wasn’t worth any of this trouble.

Because he wasn’t. He so wasn’t. He wasn’t even a person; he was just like three mental health issues in a trench coat. Eventually everyone realized that and everyone left. Even friends. When was the last time Shiloh had even had a friend?

Panic welled up in his chest but he tried to force it back down, tried to concentrate on the way Levi kissed him so deeply, held him so tightly, moved against him like he was trying to merge them into one body. It felt so good. Levi’s lips were soft, his body heavy, crushing him in a way that made him feel small and safe.

Shiloh had never imagined a world where he could be half-naked in front of someone covered in bruises and they’d still want him anyway. He was trying not to waste this rare moment, but the deeper his kisses grew, the more frantic Shiloh’s movements became, the more terrified Shiloh grew that any second he was going to realize what he was doing and kick Shiloh out.

And who would blame him?

“Hey.”

Shiloh realized Levi was no longer kissing him but staring down at him with concern. “What?” Shiloh whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Levi tilted his head, studying him. “You tell me? You seemed to just float away from me.”

“You are literally pinning me to the bed right now?” Shiloh said weakly, trying for a joke.

“Exactly. And you were suddenly kissing me like you had somewhere else to be,” Levi said, tone teasing.

Shiloh gave a weak, “Hah.” Hardly. “Sorry. Just get lost in my own head sometimes.”

“Don’t apologize,” Levi said, poking the tip of Shiloh’s nose. “Do you want to stop? We can just sleep?”

“No!” Shiloh shouted, face flaming at the way Levi’s eyes widened. “I-I don’t want to stop. I-I like this. I like you. I’ll do better.”

Levi frowned at his statement, but Shiloh didn’t give him a chance to ask anymore questions, dragging him back down to fit their mouths together. Levi’s lips were unyielding, sending a bolt of panic through Shiloh. He’d already ruined this too.

But then Levi’s lips softened. He didn’t deepen the kiss though. Just brushed his mouth over Shiloh’s again and again, each time lingering a bit longer, a little more demanding until he felt sluggish and everything grew hazy, the world shrinking to just them. By the time Levi parted his lips to slide his tongue inside, Shiloh was pliant, letting him take what he wanted, his fears not getting the best of him for once.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Levi said into his mouth once again, almost like he couldn’t help himself. Or maybe its what he told the other people he slept with too. Shiloh’s heart started to break under the weight of that thought, so he shoved it away.

Shiloh fought the urge to tell him he didn’t need to say shit he didn’t mean. He just wanted to enjoy this for once. To lay there and be taken without having to overthink every single detail. This was nice. It was all so…nice.

Was that stupid? Was sex supposed to be ‘nice’. In the movies, people were tearing at each other and ripping each other’s clothes off, kissing like their lips were magnets too powerful to pull apart. Shiloh’s only real life experiences had just been bumbling…painful…awkward…and over so quickly.

There was nothing frantic about this. Levi kissed him like he was savoring him, touched him like he was memorizing every curve of his body. Shiloh could feel the hard length of Levi’s cock against his, so whatever they were doing was affecting him too. Shiloh just wished he didn’t feel so…inept.

Levi’s lips dragged away from Shiloh’s with a noisy smack, his lips trailing over the bruise on Shiloh’s jaw, the thumbprint behind his ear, lower… He couldn’t help the sigh that escaped as Levi placed a kiss against the side of his neck. His sigh became a whine when Levi scraped his teeth against that same tender spot, then sucked hard enough to sting, hopefully hard enough to mark. What would it be like to wear bruises from pleasure instead of pain?

Shiloh buried his fingers in Levi’s soft hair, held him in place, tilting his head to give more access, hoping it conveyed the words rattling in his head that refused to leave his mouth.

Yes. Fuck. Please. Mark me up. Let everyone know you were there. That I was yours for one night at least.

Would Levi think he was a freak for that? Did Shiloh care? It wasn’t like this could ever happen again. He might as well enjoy it. He tried to ignore the hollow ache in his chest at the thought. If this was his one and only chance with Levi, what did he want?

Shiloh wanted to feel, to taste, to explore like Levi was. He wanted to know what his skin tasted like, what it sounded like when Shiloh made him feel good. Could Shiloh even make him feel good? He had no experience at this…at all.

Just stop thinking.

When Levi’s lips found his Adam’s apple, then dipped his tongue into the dip in his throat, Shiloh finally gave up. He canted his hips, hoping to remind Levi that they’d been rubbing off on each other just minutes ago. He wanted to do it again. He wanted to feel that spike of pure pleasure again, wanted Levi to drag another desperate moan from him. As many as it took to make them both come.

Luckily, Levi seemed to get the point, whispering, “I got you, baby.”

Do you?

That was the last cohesive thought Shiloh had as Levi shifted, his hand caressing down Shiloh’s thigh to pull it up over Levi’s sharp hip. Before Shiloh could ask what he was doing, Levi’s mouth found his and his thoughts were carried away once more. Levi rolled his hips, grinding his cock against Shiloh’s aching one, punching a moan from him.

“Do that again,” he begged against his lips.

Levi gave a low laugh, but it didn’t sound mean, just satisfied, like he was happy he could drag those kinds of noises from him. Levi did it again and again, the sensation causing this delicious heat to pool low in Shiloh’s belly. Could he come from just this?

He slipped his hands up under Levi’s work short, marveling at the broad expanse of his shoulders, the heat of his skin, the way his muscles flexed beneath his fingertips. When Levi tore his mouth away once more, this time it was Shiloh who couldn’t stop himself from dipping his head, from pressing his lips to the skin of Levi’s throat. The sound he made emboldened Shiloh. He licked over the corded tendon there, whining at the salty tang of his skin exploding on his tongue.

Why did that taste so good? He did it again, just cause, then scraped his teeth just as Levi had, cock throbbing at the punched out breath Levi made right against his ear.

“You’re so good for me,” Levi murmured.

This time it was Shiloh’s turn to gasp, as much from the unanticipated praise as the teeth nipping at his earlobe. I am? Am I good for you? Is this good enough? Am I enough? Goosebumps erupted along Shiloh’s skin as Levi’s tongue traced the shell of his ear, fingertips skimming over his throat, before his thumb settled just over his pulse and stayed. Could he feel how hard Shiloh’s heart beat? Did he know what he was doing to him?

When Levi slotted their lips together this time, Shiloh opened up immediately, his tongue seeking Levi’s, sighing into his mouth when he found it. He rolled his hips upward, wrapping his other thigh around his hips too. Like this, he didn’t need Levi to control their movements, he could just grind himself against him.

He felt more than heard Levi’s breathy laugh. Before Shiloh could feel any type of way about it, Levi reached down and grabbed Shiloh’s thighs, repositioning him without making him unwrap his legs. Shiloh opened his mouth to ask what he was doing but then Levi rocked his hips and pleasure shocked through him, making his muscles twitch.

Shiloh whimpered. “Please…”

Then they were kissing once more, those deep, slow kisses like the one Shiloh had remembered from movies. As they kissed, Levi found a rhythm, grinding their cocks together catching Shiloh up in this euphoric wave, carrying him towards something more, something better. Was Levi going to make Shiloh come? He’d never done that with another person. Would Shiloh be able to make Levi come too?

Levi dipped his head to nose over Shiloh’s throat once more, his hair tickling Shiloh’s cheek as he noted, “Your heart's beating so fast.”

Shiloh couldn’t speak, as much from the constant pleasure of Levi’s thrusts as the fear of opening his mouth and bursting this cozy bubble surrounding them, making him feel safe, making him feel loved and warm and wanted. He needed this. He needed this illusion so badly. Just for one night. Didn’t he deserve one night? He’d endured years of pain, couldn’t he have one night.

Apparently not.

Levi stopped moving against him, pulling back enough to look into his eyes, gaze so sincere it stole Shiloh’s breath.  “Are you scared? You’re not afraid of me, right?”

Was he? Probably. But not in the way Levi meant. Shiloh was afraid of everything, but it was hard to form a coherent sentence with Levi gazing down at him, brown eyes full of concern. He let himself get lost looking at him for just a moment. Trying to commit every feature to memory.

Levi was even prettier up close. Smooth skin, sharp cheekbones and long inky lashes. He had two beauty marks on his cheek. He reached up without thought, brushing his thumb against them, heart tripping as Levi’s gaze turned greedy, his lips parting as he dropped to stare at Shiloh’s lips.

“Kiss me?” Shiloh asked, hating how needy and desperate he sounded when he added, “Please?”

Levi’s pupils blew wide at Shiloh’s plea.

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Levi breathed, running his nose along Shiloh’s cheek.  “Ask me again,” he rasped, the sound of his voice dragging along Shiloh’s nerve endings, stoking the desire already pooling in Shiloh’s belly, making him throb with need.

He could feel the flames of embarrassment race up his neck to the tips of his ears, but it didn’t stop him from doing as Levi asked. “Kiss me?”

One of Levi’s hands tangled in Shiloh’s curls, tugging until Shiloh was how he liked, before licking his way back into Shiloh’s mouth. He couldn’t stop the desperate sound that escaped from the back of his throat. Levi made his own noise of approval then began to lazily rock his hips once more, but this time with intent, slotting their dicks together in a way that scrambled Shiloh’s brain.

“Oh, God,” he managed between kisses.

“Feel good?” Levi asked against his lips as he went back in for another taste. “You can move too, baby. I promise it will feel even better when I’ve got you naked beneath me.”

On the next roll of Levi’s hips, Shiloh canted upwards to meet him, vision whiting out at the intensity of the pressure and friction. “Oh, my God,” he gasped.

“Mm,” Levi agreed, his tongue fucking into Shiloh’s mouth at the same leisurely pace as his hips.

Shiloh let himself have this, have Levi, have this bone melting, blissful feeling building deep within him with every roll of their hips. He stopped thinking, stopped worrying, Shiloh was dizzy with desire, overwhelmed in the best possible way. Until it wasn’t enough. Until he needed more. More speed, more friction, more something. Something that would quell this sudden desperation curling within him. He tried to move faster, tried to tighten his legs so Levi would get the hint, but then it all just stopped.

Shiloh couldn’t stop the sob of frustration he let out as Levi froze above him. When Shiloh continued to rub against him, Levi shifted, pressing a hand to Shiloh’s hip, holding him still.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked, biting at Shiloh’s lower lip. “Need more?”

Shiloh nodded rapidly, blushing at how easily Levi had turned him into this whiny, needy thing.

“I want to hear you say it,” Levi said, kissing the words into the skin on Shiloh’s jaw. “Tell me you need more.”

“I need more,” he said, hating how choked up he sounded.

“Say please,” Levi taunted, though not unkindly.

“Please?” Shiloh said, voice catching on a sob.

“You listen so well,” Levi praised. Shiloh’s face burned. He tucked it against Levi’s neck, hoping he couldn’t see the way he effected him. But of course he did. “You don’t have to be shy about it. It’s so fucking sexy. You’re so fucking sexy. So perfect.”

To Shiloh’s horror, tears pricked at his eyes, overwhelmed from the weight of Levi’s words. He tried to blink them away before Levi noticed.

Levi let him stay hidden, pressing kisses to Shiloh’s hair like he was a child he was putting to bed. His words were not nearly as innocent. “God, I really want to take my time with you,” Levi said, coaxing Shiloh out from his hiding spot to kiss his temple, the bruise around his eye, the one on his cheek. “Take you apart all night.”

Shiloh wanted that too. But they didn’t have all night. He couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how good this felt, or how sweet Levi appeared. He had to go back. Not that he would tell Levi that. He’d try to stop him and Shiloh couldn’t afford to be distracted. He needed to help Malachi.

Levi brushed Shiloh’s curls from his forehead as he studied him, his desire morphing into concern once more as he took in Shiloh’s unshed tears.  “Hey? Are you okay? Did I do something? Say something? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

Shiloh shook his head frantically. “I’m good. Fine,” he lied, forcing himself to smile.

Levi smiled in return and Shiloh was certain his heart stopped. Broody, sulking Levi was sexy, but smiley, happy Levi was breathtaking. He couldn’t handle how beautiful he was.

He curled his hand around Levi’s neck, tugging him back down, fitting their mouths together once more. Shiloh let himself absorb the feel of him, his blood humming in his veins.

When Levi’s weight disappeared, Shiloh made a sad sound, earning a soft laugh. But Levi wasn’t leaving. He sat up forcing Shiloh to drop his legs back to the mattress. He kneeled between Shiloh’s parted thighs, his gaze raking over Shiloh’s naked torso in a way that made him feel wanted…it made him feel owned.

Levi ran his hands up Shiloh’s thighs, then gripped his waist, the heat of his skin bleeding through the fabric of Shiloh’s now too tight jeans.

Levi’s gaze held him hostage as he slowly slid his fingers up Shiloh’s belly to his chest, then leaned down to press open mouth kisses to each bruise he encountered.

Shiloh felt like he had a piano on his chest. This feels so heavy. Like it meant more than it did. It’s just sex. It’s only sex. People do it every fucking day. With strangers even.

He whined when Levi folded over him, scraping his perfect teeth over one taut nipple, then teased it with his tongue.

Oh, God.

“I love your noises,” Levi said, sucking the sensitive peak between soft lips, Shiloh’s cock twitching with each pull from his lips.

“I don’t make noises,” Shiloh muttered, then bit back a moan as Levi’s thumb nail started tormenting his other nipple.

Levi pulled back to give him a smug look, then made enough room for him to drop his hand, tracing the ridge of Shiloh’s cock with his thumb. Shiloh's breath caught, eyes going wide. Levi palmed him, pressing the heel of his hand against his zipper. rubbing with purpose. Shiloh’s eyes rolled, lips parting as a desperate moan fell from his tongue.

“No noises, huh?” he teased, but there was no malice, only a strange sense of intimacy, of familiarity.

He stared down at Shiloh like he was a piece of art, or a book to be studied, so Shiloh took the opportunity to study him back. Shiloh felt a little better when he noted Levi looked a little wrecked too, his cheeks flushed, eyes shiny, lips swollen and kiss bitten.

He held Shiloh’s gaze as he squeezed his cock through the fabric, lips parting when Shiloh cried out, his hips canting off the bed. “Please…” he sobbed.

“Fuck, yeah, just like that,” Levi said, blanketing Shiloh to capture his mouth in a filthy kiss.

Shiloh let it happen, let Levi take what he wanted, another needy sound escaping when he fit their bodies together once more. This time there was really no ignoring the hard length of Levi’s cock resting against Shiloh’s hip. Fuck. He felt really big. Not freakishly huge, but definitely way bigger than the two people Shiloh had been with so long ago.

“I want to fuck you. Can I?” Levi asked against his lips, almost like he could read his mind.

“I-” Shiloh started then stopped, flushing.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Just say yes.

Levi pulled back, adding hastily, "You can say no.”

Shiloh didn't want to say no. He wanted Levi to erase the memories of the people before him, wanted to feel him working him open on his fingers, wanted to hear the pretty words and praise he knew would fall from Levi’s lips when Shiloh was good for him.

But what if he froze up? What if he was bad at it? He was probably going to be bad at it. How could he not be? Getting good at something involved practice, something Micah had ensured Shiloh would never have. Ugh, he didn’t want to think about him right now. He wanted one thing just for him, but even now Micah’s handprints were all over the situation. He was only there right now because of Micah’s actions, Micah’s wants.

But why did it matter? It was just sex. He could hear Micah’s voice echoing in his head. Don’t start acting like a baby now.

God, Micah was right. He was an embarrassment. And if he slept with Levi, he’d see it too. He’d see just how little Shiloh knew…about everything. Would he be disgusted with him too? Would he make fun of him, ridicule him, laugh at him? His heart said no, but his head was so much louder.

"I…"

Levi braced himself up on his forearms, studying him with kind eyes. “You…” he prompted.

Shiloh swallowed audibly, then his tongue darted out to lick over his lower lip. He dragged his gaze to stare at a water spot on Levi's ceiling. “I haven’t really done this a lot,” he blurted. “So if I’m bad at it, that’s why.”

Silence stretched like a wire pulled tighter and tighter, panic welling inside him until it felt like he couldn’t breathe. Still, Shiloh couldn’t bring himself to look at Levi’s face.

He had no idea why he’d just done that, other than to stave off Levi’s inevitable disappointment at how bad Shiloh was at sex. Better Shiloh say it first, than to hear it from Levi himself when it was over. It was always better to beat them to the punchline, that way he could pretend it hurt less.

When Shiloh couldn’t bear the silence one more second, he risked a peek. He found Levi still examining him patiently. Somehow that was worse. He pushed Shiloh’s stubborn curls off his forehead. “You’re so fucking cute.”

“I’m covered in bruises,” Shiloh muttered.

“You’re still cute. But that’s not what I mean. You’re just so…sweet.” Levi kissed him again, sweeping his tongue into Shiloh’s mouth in a way that made his toes curl. He couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped. “That,” Levi said against his lips. “That sound right there is what I mean. You’re so…eager…ready. It’s hot. You’re hot.”

Shiloh didn’t get why he was being so nice. Didn’t he see he didn’t deserve this? Any of it? At least those other guys had known he was trash from the start and acting accordingly. Shiloh was used to disgust. Disappointment. Hell, even pity. But this…this kindness and understanding, it clawed through him like razor wire. It was too much.

“You don’t have to be nice to me,” Shiloh blurted. “I’m not going to change my mind. I promise.”

Chapter 7

Levi

Levi froze, his heart doing something complicated in his chest. “What?”

Shiloh squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly looking miserable. “I’m just saying…like, you don’t have to seduce me or whatever. I’m still going to let you fuck me.”

Levi’s stomach churned. He jerked himself away from Shiloh. Had he been forcing himself on him this whole time? Pushing him into something he didn’t want just because he was so used to being abused and pushed around. Levi felt like he was going to throw up.

The only thing keeping him from letting self-hatred drag him into its coils was the absolute look of desolation on Shiloh’s face when Levi moved off of him. He looked small and lost and so…sad. Did he think he’d disappointed him? Fuck. Levi refused to be another bad thing that just happened to Shiloh.

He laid down beside him, their bodies still touching from shoulder to calf. He reached for Shiloh’s hand, taking it into his own. “I…don’t think we should do this, not tonight anyway.”

Shiloh’s hand stayed limp in his own, his sadness feeling like a black hole, sucking all the warmth from the room. “Oh. Okay, yeah.”

How could Levi fix this? How could he make it better? He wished for once he could read minds. He wished he was smart like Jericho, that he could just know the right thing to say. The right thing to do.

“ I should go,” Shiloh choked, wrenching his hand from Levi’s and swinging himself into a sitting position.

Fuck. He couldn't let him go like this. He needed to explain, needed Shiloh to understand that whatever he was thinking right now, wasn’t the truth. He needed to make him understand and quickly. He couldn’t let Shiloh go back to his brother. He couldn’t.

Levi didn’t think, just reacted, grabbing Shiloh’s arm and pulling him back onto the bed. He kept his voice soft, his tone neutral. He couldn’t have Shiloh thinking he was panicked or angry. “Uh-uh. Let’s talk, huh?”

Shiloh was trembling, pink from his neck to his ears. Levi had found his flushed cheeks adorable while he thought he was making him feel good. But even from this position, Levi could see him fighting back tears.

“There’s nothing to talk about. And I really have to go,” Shiloh managed, he choked out, words thick.

He tried to escape once more, sending a blind panic through Levi. Fuck. This is why they said two damaged people shouldn’t be together. Shiloh’s tendency to run and Levi’s fear of abandonment were at direct odds with each other. The more Shiloh fought his hold, the more fear tightened its hold on Levi, reminding him that whenever he truly loves something, it hurts him. It leaves him.

“Stop,” Levi said, dragging him back down and throwing an arm across him. “Don’t make me sit on you. It will be uncomfortable and embarrassing for both of us.”

Shiloh shook off Levi’s arm, giving him a nasty look as tears rolled down his cheeks. He threw his legs over the edge, and sat himself up. Relief flooded Levi when he realized he wasn’t making a run for it.

“Can you please lay back down?” he asked gently.

“No,” Shiloh grumbled.

Fine. Levi gave a long suffering sigh, then sat up, wrapping himself around him until Shiloh’s back was plastered against his chest and Levi’s thighs sandwiched his.  He hooked his head over Shiloh’s shoulder. “This works too,” he said against his ear, hands gripping Shiloh’s hips, giving him a little squeeze.

“Are you always this pushy?” he said, tone still grumpy.

Levi laughed. “Only with guys who give me blue balls then try to leave.”

Shiloh crossed his arms over his chest, with a snort. “I maintain you gave yourself blue balls,” Shiloh said. “I was perfectly on board with finishing what we started.”

“Were you, though?” Levi asked, breath puffing against Shiloh’s ear. “Cause you acted kind of like you were about to be martyred for your sacrifice,” He laughed softly. “And that’s not the usual response I get during sex.”

Shiloh shuddered against him. “It’s not nice to laugh at people,” he said, that sadness creeping back into his voice.

Levi’s heart squeezed. How was there someone on this planet who was so sexy and cute and sweet and funny all without trying? And what would it take for Levi to convince him it was true? He slipped his arms around his middle, giving him as big a hug as he could risk given his injuries.

“I’m not laughing at you,” he said. When Shiloh turned his head to glower at him, Levi gave him a lop-sided grin. “Okay, I am. Only a little, though. And not because I’m making fun of you. You’re just so…”

“So…” Shiloh huffed.

“Adorable? Sexy? Moody? Temperamental?” Levi said. “Take your pick.”

Shiloh studied his features closely, seemingly still suspicious. Of course, he was suspicious. Why wouldn’t he be? Nobody knew better than Levi what years of abuse did to someone’s mind.

After a moment, he seemed to acquiesce, turning to stare at the wall once more. Levi loosened his grip just the slightest bit, still worried about hurting him.

“I’m going home,” Shiloh said, shooting to his feet, hoping to catch Levi off-guard.

Levi’s arms shot out of their own volition, yanking Shiloh back down onto the bed hard enough to bounce. “Oh, my God. Do I have to tie you to the bed?”

Shiloh stiffened.

Shame soaked into every crevice of Levi’s brain. “I-I didn’t mean that. I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that. Okay? I wasn’t thinking.”

Shiloh tried to shake Levi off of him, but he held tightly. He had no right to hold him there against his will but what was he supposed to do? Send him home to be beaten…again? If Levi had the ability to keep Shiloh safe, but didn’t, wasn’t he just as culpable in whatever happened to him next?

“What do you want from me?” Shiloh cried, hunching in on himself, like maybe he could put some room between them. But Levi held tight.

Levi sighed. “I just want to talk about…what just happened.”

Shiloh shot him a mutinous look. “Doesn’t seem like anything happened from where I’m sitting,” he snapped.

Ouch. Someone’s feelings were hurt. Did he truly think that this was something against Shiloh? That Levi had changed his mind about sex and now just didn’t want him? That was crazy. Levi was still hard, still aching. But he couldn’t sleep with Shiloh knowing he felt the way he did. How many times had he given up his body because he thought it was…what? Expected of him?

He said he didn’t have much experience. Did that mean he had been taught that this was how he deserved to be treated? Levi just needed to understand how Shiloh could be hard and whining beneath him all while telling him he could treat him like shit if he wanted. It didn’t make sense. Something wasn’t adding up.

“Can you please just talk nicely to me?” Shiloh snapped his head towards him once more, eyes narrowed like he was about to tell Levi to fuck off. He couldn’t stop himself from taking advantage of Shiloh’s delicate little elf ear just inches from his lips. He nipped at it gently, then placed a kiss to the skin just beneath. “Please?” he crooned.

Shiloh shivered in his arms, leaning closer like he couldn’t help himself. He turned his head slightly, causing Levi’s lips to skim his cheek. A shock of pure heat went straight to Levi’s dick at Shiloh’s shuddery breath.

“Please,” Levi said again, not above begging.

Shiloh remained silent, so Levi occupied himself by placing wet kisses against whatever he could reach. Shiloh’s cheek, his temple, the hinge of his jaw, his nose, his hair. The hand still on Shiloh’s belly started to rub circles over the soft skin there. “So pretty,” Levi heard himself say again. “Please just…talk to me.”

Shiloh stiffened, moving to stare straight ahead again. Levi mourned the loss of the warmth against his lips. The tension in Shiloh’s muscles had Levi on full alert, waiting to see if he was going to make another run for it.

Shiloh swallowed audibly, words scratchy as he said, “Fine. Give me Micah’s gun and we can talk. I’ll answer your questions.”

There it was. Levi smiled. Shiloh was an opportunist. His smile faltered. Or had this been his plan all along? Or had he just been willing to sacrifice himself sexually in order to convince Levi to give him the gun? Did Shiloh want him at all?

Fine. Two could play at that game. “All my questions?”

Shiloh’s spine straightened, still staring straight ahead as he seemed to contemplate whether he could truly agree to such a thing.

“The ones I feel comfortable answering,” Shiloh finally hedged.

Levi huffed out a laugh through his nose. “Okay, fine. It’s a start. The gun is in the top drawer of my desk right there.”

He pointed to his desk where his computer glowed, the picture on the screen the same colors as the blue and green LED lights. When Shiloh made to stand, Levi reluctantly released him, watching him take the five or so steps to cross his room, sliding the drawer open and peering inside. He only hesitated for a moment before wrapping his hand around it and pulling the weapon free by the grip, looking just as uncomfortable holding it as he did the night they met.

After a cursory glance, he set it on the top of the desk between Levi’s headphones and his mouse.

“Satisfied?” Levi asked.

Shiloh’s gaze flicked to his, eyes even more haunted from a distance, his cuts and bruises looking even more painful in the glow of the computer screen. “Sure,” he said, voice dull.

“Then come back to me.” Levi held out his hand, waiting patiently as Shiloh studied it. Finally, he took it, shoulders sagging as he let himself be pulled back to his spot between Levi’s legs. It felt wrong to have a conversation like this, where he couldn’t even see Shiloh’s face. “Do you want to lay down?”

Shiloh gave a terse, “No.”

“Do you want to turn around, at least?” Levi offered.

Shiloh shook his head rapidly. “I don’t want to look at you and talk about this stuff.” Levi’s heart clenched. But before Shiloh’s painful words could reach their mark, he clarified, “I can’t look at you and talk about this stuff.”

Levi pressed his forehead to the back of Shiloh’s head, his room suddenly feeling like a confessional. “Can I still hold you though?”

Another loud swallow. Another jerky nod. “I-I guess. For now.”

Levi would take it. What choice did he have? He placed another soft kiss on Shiloh's hair, then pressed his cheek to Shiloh’s shoulder. “Ready?”

“Sure,” Shiloh managed.

“When you say you haven’t done ‘this’ a lot, what does that mean exactly?”

Silence stretched taut between them until Levi threaded his fingers with Shiloh’s on the boy’s lap, squeezing softly.

Shiloh’s sigh sounded very much like someone giving up. “Just what I said. I haven’t done it a lot.”

“It being sex?” Levi clarified.

“No, competitive dry humping,” Shiloh snapped. “Yes, sex.”

Levi had to bite his lip to keep the laugh bubbling up at bay. Shiloh was funny when he wasn’t miserable. “Are you a virgin?”

“Are you?” Shiloh shot back, scooting slightly forward like his body needed to physically distance himself from Levi, from this conversation.

“No. Definitely not. Haven’t been in a really long time,” Levi said, hating how quickly the bitterness seeped into his own words. “But let’s save my childhood trauma for our second date.”

Shiloh whipped his head around, round hazel eyes studying him like a slide under a microscope. Just that quickly, his past was on him, anvil heavy on his chest. Shame weighing him down, dragging him down the quicksand of his past, making him feel immediately unclean.

Levi tried to smile, but he suddenly felt too raw. The sharpness in Shiloh’s gaze softened. Like recognized like. Anyone who’d suffered at the hands of another understood that acidic humor, the biting jokes, that ate through the horrors enough to make them palatable. Levi silently pleaded with Shiloh to let this one thing go. He could ask him anything but not about that.

Shiloh gave him a sad smile, then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

This time when he turned back around, he let his head fall back onto Levi’s shoulder, threading their fingers together voluntarily. “Just ask your questions.”

“Are you a virgin?” Levi asked again, Shiloh’s cheek close enough to his for him to feel the heat of his skin.

“No, I’ve done stuff. Done it,” he clarified clumsily. “Just not a lot.”

Levi frowned. “What’s your definition of a lot?”

“The opposite of a little,” Shiloh mumbled.

Christ, he was stubborn. “Ballpark it for me.”

Shiloh rolled his head without lifting it off his shoulder, putting his lips almost against Levi’s cheek. “It’s rude to ask about someone’s body count,” Shiloh said.

“Depends on the type of body count you mean,” Levi teased. “Look, I don’t care if you’ve had sex with one person or a thousand. If we’re going to fuck—which we are, eventually, just so we’re clear—it would be nice to know exactly how careful I need to be with you.”

Shiloh squirmed in his hold, pulling his head from Levi’s shoulder. “Do I look like someone who can’t handle rough sex?” he snapped.

Levi freed one of his hands from Shiloh’s skimming upwards, over his bare arm, along his throat, burying his fingers in his hair, turning his head just enough to nuzzle him. . “That’s not what this is about, you stubborn little brat. I just don’t want to hurt you.?”

“I’m not a brat,” Shiloh said, tone pouty.

Levi snorted against Shiloh’s cheek, then placed another little kiss there. “Have you been with more than one person?”

“Yes,” Shiloh hissed.

He planted more kisses on his face. Below his eye, the side of his nose, the shell of his ear, keeping his voice a low murmur. “More than two?”

Shiloh stiffened. “No. Okay?”

“You’ve had sex twice or you’ve only dated two guys you’ve had sex with?”  Levi asked, massaging his fingers through Shiloh’s curls, watching his eyelids flutter and his lips part each time Levi scratched him just right.

“I-We-They weren’t my…” Shiloh cut himself off with a whimper, trying to hide it by clearing his throat. “Do we have to talk about this? It was a really long time ago.”

Levi’s hands froze. “What do you mean a really long time ago?”

Shiloh closed his eyes. “I was fourteen. It’s been forever since then. Why does it even matter anymore?”

Fourteen. Levi wishes he was shocked. He was younger than that the first time his mom handed him over, but still…where was his brother, the good one? Why hadn’t he protected Shiloh from these…predators. Unless these boys were also kids. But somehow Levi very much doubted it.

“How old were they?”

Shiloh shrugged, bumping his head up against Levi’s palm as if reminding him he was petting him. Levi returned to combing through his thick curls. “The first one? Old enough to drink. He was Mal’s friend. The other worked for Micah. He was probably in his mid-twenties.”

“Micah’s the one who hurts you?”

Shiloh nodded. “The first one, Mal’s friend…Micah caught us together and paid him off. He took it and ran before the ink was dry. The other one was a set-up from the jump. Another of Micah’s games. Another way to torment me. After that, I just…stopped trying.”

Levi swallowed the lump of sand in his throat, his jaw so tight it ached. Shiloh’s brother was the worst kind of sadist. It was clear he enjoyed treating Shiloh like a toy, a puppet he could make dance. Shiloh was the softest, gentlest creature Levi had ever met and Micah took advantage of that. Who could Shiloh have become if raised with gentler hands?

It didn’t matter now. They couldn’t reverse time. But Levi could right a wrong. He met the code. Jericho would green-light Micah’s execution in a minute if Levi just showed him the photos of his injuries. Yeah, that was the only solution. Micah had to die…preferably screaming.

But Levi kept that to himself. “Is Mal your brother in jail?”

Shiloh nodded. “Yeah.”

How could Mal let his friend assault his brother? “How did he handle his friend assaulting his minor sibling then breaking his heart?”

Levi watched as Shiloh began to chew on his bottom lip. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

Levi shook his head. “It does matter. You were a little kid and that guy was an adult.”

“Was being the operative word,” Shiloh mumbled. “He’s not anything anymore.”

He’s not anything anymore. Was he saying he’s dead? There was an ominous inflection behind those words. Like Shiloh knew far more than he should. He waited to see if he would continue but he seemed content to leave it at that. Levi wasn’t.

“What does that mean, Shiloh?”

He turned sideways, craning his head to meet Levi’s gaze. “He…had an accident.”

“An accident?” Levi repeated.

Shiloh nodded, dry swallowing loudly. “Mm. He ‘fell’ off his balcony,” Shiloh said.

“Micah?” Levi asked.

Shiloh shook his head. “Micah forgot about him the minute he paid him off. It was Mal.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he seemed to panic. Holding his hands up. “I mean, I think it was. I don’t know that it was. I can’t, like, prove it or anything.”

“Good,” Levi muttered. “I hope he died screaming.”

Shiloh turned startled eyes towards him, mouth softening. “It was him. Malachi. I know it was. He’s really…protective of me.” He shook his head before Levi could even say anything. “But he’s not like Micah,” he swore. “He wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. Please don’t think of him like that. He’s not bad, he’s just…wired wrong.”

“Wired wrong?” Levi repeated, he knew a few guys like that.

Shiloh nodded. “Malachi’s brain just doesn’t work the same as others. He says it’s like those old skits where there’s an operator that’s just pulling cords from one hole and sticking them into another connecting random people together. That’s what he says his head is like, just someone pulling a thought from one part and plugging it into another. He says it’s why he’s so…weird.”

“Weird enough to kill?” Levi asked.

Shiloh shrugged once more. “What about you?”

Levi gave him an amused look. “I assure you, you don’t need to worry about my level of experience. If there were rankings, I’m pretty sure I’d be at expert level by now.”

Shiloh snorted. “Aren’t you full of yourself?” He shook his head. “I meant killing. Have you killed people before? My brother said you’re part of Jericho’s hit squad. That he uses you and your friends to run off competition so that Jericho can keep all the action for himself.”

Levi barked out a laugh. “Jericho? He thinks Jericho is a…what? Criminal mastermind?”

“I guess.”

Levi shook his head. “Jericho’s married to a Mulvaney. He has so much money at his disposal, he’d have to start burning it in giant piles every day just to even make it through the interest that money earns. He’s not a criminal. He’s a mechanic with a fussy doctor husband, an equally prissy cat, and two preschoolers.”

“So he’s not making you guys kill people?” Shiloh asked, not turning around this time, just sort of slumping against him to tuck his head up under Levi’s chin.

Levi wrapped his arms around him again, resting his chin on the top of his head. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t lie to Shiloh, not after he’d just asked him to bare his soul. “He doesn’t make us do anything,” Levi said carefully.

Shiloh was quiet for a long moment. “But you do kill people?”

Levi swallowed, then nodded, his chin flexing against Shiloh’s curls. “Yeah, we kill people. We kill really bad people. The people who hurt other people.”

Shiloh nodded,but made no move to run. “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?” Levi asked, relieved.

“I believe you.”

Three simple words had Levi wrapping his arms around him to squeeze him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Shiloh said, then sucked in a breath that broke into a jaw cracking yawn.

Levi smiled. “Why don’t we get some sleep? We can revisit our kissing situation in the morning.”

For the first time since the conversation started, Shiloh’s lips twitched in an aborted smile. “Kissing situation?”

Levi fell backwards, high-kicking over Shiloh’s head so he could lay down flat, dragging Shiloh down with him and rearranging him like a doll until they were face to face. “Yes, the kissing situation,” he said, dropping a kiss on Shiloh’s nose as if to make a point.

Shiloh blinked rapidly at him. “There doesn’t have to be a kissing situation. I’m not a charity case.”

Levi snorted. “You were the one acting like you were falling on your sword.” Levi broke into a smile. “Or my sword, I guess.”

Shiloh’s mouth twitched, cheeks quivering as he tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t hold it. Giggles erupted from his pretty swollen lips, his eyes sparkling. This was the first time he’d heard Shiloh truly laugh, the first time he’d even gotten a genuine smile. Levi’s eyes roamed his face, trying to commit every feature to memory.

That’s when Levi saw them. Whatever face Levi was making stopped Shiloh in his tracks. “What?” he asked, pressing a hand to his face.

“You…you have dimples,” Levi said, his hand reaching of its own accord to poke at one of them.

Shiloh frowned. “O-kay?”

Levi flushed, giving a nervous chuckle. “Nothing. They’re just…I just never noticed.”

“Is that bad?” Shiloh asked, his palm cupping the place where Levi had just poked him.

Levi wrapped a hand around the back of Shiloh’s neck, drawing him in. Their mouths fit together like puzzle pieces, Shiloh’s plush top lip fitting perfectly between Levi’s. He let himself have this, have him, their mouths moving together lazily, his tongue licking inside. Shiloh gripped Levi’s shirt, as he swallowed his tiny little moan. Finally he forced himself to pull back, the sound of their lips parting loud.

He cupped Shiloh’s cheek. “No, it’s not bad. It’s good. We’re good. You’re just so fucking pretty.” Shiloh started to protest but Levi cut him off with another kiss. “Bruises and all.”

Shiloh fell silent, cheeks pink. “Oh.”

Levi smacked one final kiss to his lips. “Get some sleep, dimples. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Okay,” Shiloh nodded, eyelids fluttering shut.

Levi didn’t sleep until Shiloh’s breathing slowed, evening out. He just laid there, drinking him in.

Levi needed to tell Shiloh about his own fucked up family. If anyone would understand, it would be Shiloh. He scooted a bit closer, but not close enough to touch. He closed his eyes, letting the fog of sleep start to creep in on him.

He’d tell Shiloh tomorrow. Maybe that would help Shiloh see that they were equals in every way. He needed him to understand him. He needed him to see all flaws and baggage and want him anyway. It felt like Shiloh could be that for him.

When consciousness faded, he had a smile on his face.