Back in Therapy Week 3 (Patreon)

This post was delayed by two days since Monday was Labor Day and Tuesday was my 3rd year anniversary with Alex. <3

Last week I chose to honor the raw feelings in these comics and withheld my commentary. This week I'll be a bit more descriptive so as not to leave you in the dark.

This sheet was from June. There's a real imbalance of emotional and physical pain. Early 2018 I began feeling pain from a Repetitive Stress Injury in my drawing hand and forearm. It got worse and worse and I'm still recovering now.

I had to stop playing games. Stop wood carving. Stop weight lifting.

I am a workaholic, which is one of the most acceptable/celebrated states of addiction one can have. I will absolutely sacrifice my health and wellness so as to complete a task. In America, nobody will stop you from doing that. America loves workaholics.

So yeah. Just try telling a workaholic to stop or slow down. See how it goes!

When I described my work routine to my physical therapist she made sure our eyes met when she said:

"You're going to have to completely change your lifestyle."

She was right! But the thing is, I didn't.

I stopped doing my physical therapy. I replaced gaming with phone use. I replaced wood carving with fanatic house cleaning. I replaced weight lifting with landscaping and sculpture. I relapsed into a routine of pushing myself too hard. I had a book out, and book campaigns don't run themselves!

Physical pain is a hard thing to manage but especially when it doesn't go away. It's a slippery slope, it's easy to turn that pain inwards. You start tearing down your own dreams because nothing exists outside of the hurting.

Healing. Recovery. Wellness. 

These are all comforting, nice sounding words, but they are difficult to pursue. Almost none of us are actually prepared to prioritize our own health. We aren't trained for the task, we might not even know what it looks like (I didn't!) And better yet, mental health resources are not actually all that plentiful in the states.

The silver lining here is I made it through this week. Looking back on it all now from a better place is a bit strange. It's like looking at the diary of another person.

There's more to write and say, but I think I've said enough for now.

Thanks for reading! ^_^