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DOME - Short Story (Patreon)

Published:
2021-04-18 14:30:40
Edited:
2021-04-18 16:50:23
Imported:
2026-11

Downloads

Content

If I'm not writing every day, then I'll never write the book I want to write.

I'm savoring the process of exploring ATW concept art, but I still gotta write! ...Right?

Last night I had a nightmare so vivid I had to get it out first thing.

 Attached is the five page (okay, five and some change) science fiction short. I proofread it once and made some edits. I'm sure it could use more work but I haven't eaten breakfast yet.

CONTENT WARNING: it is grim grim grim grim grim 

[NOTE: I ate and the third draft is attached]

Files

Comments

Revel Bikil and Alixe

Oh wow, yeah, that's grim, but very good. Thank you for sharing it!

J

Any stand out moments for you? Anything—from a reader's perspective—rub you the wrong way with regard to pacing, structure etc? Be curious to hear criticism.

Revel Bikil and Alixe

The big thing I was wondering the whole time (and is probably something you would develop eventually if it were something longer) is why is it this way? I mean it seemed obvious that there were haves and there were have nots, but why were they separated and how did it get this way? I felt like the pacing was good, I was mildly confused at the beginning but I am often mildly confused at the beginning of stories that dive right in, so the mild confusion is pleasing as long as it resolves enough. And I do think it resolved enough to satisfy my curiosity about what was going on. I think one of the moments that really stood out to me was when they stopped to drink the water despite the danger they knew would be coming. That clean good water was something they had really not known so it was something they could not pass up. That action alone said a lot about their history and what they had been through even more than descriptions could. Overall it was a great creepy horrifying look at what happens when shit gets really bad.

J

Thank you for that. Sincerely. You didn't have to but—as usual—you delivered! Fun fact I tend to dislike stories that just plunge you right in. I'm easily confused, and confusion doesn't sit well with me. Any movie people refer to as "a mind fuck" is of ZERO interest to me. Thank you again. Y'all are THE BEST <3

Revel Bikil and Alixe

Yeah, same here, I often can't get over the confusion enough to pay attention to anything else! In this case, I wasn't confused for long before I just let the story take me along, and so it worked fine! You are VERY welcome! I enjoyed reading it, so thank YOU!