Hacksaw J Hubbell (Patreon)

The things I do for Pride Month. Two words: never again.

Thank you my beloved Patrons for being patient with me, y'all are getting this edited/fancy video before everyone else along with a story.

This 45 second promo took THREE DAMN HOURS to produce. My head abuzz with delusions of grandeur I figured this would be a fitting, dramatic, and popular return to my "Nonbinary Ensemble" series.

First I had to transcribe Hacksaw Jim Duggan's Promo from 1989. Naturally I made some revisions to make it on theme, but otherwise tried to stay true to his exact words. Then I had to memorize the mother******

I practiced for a solid hour or so going over it again and again, before enlisting my beloved Alexandria to film the promo. Naturally when the camera started rolling I botched my lines over and over and over again until we finally got it.

We shot the promo using Clipomatic which automatically applies captions to videos. I wanted to be inclusive. Regrettably either the app or my phone (or both) messed it up. Not only did the app fail to capture all of my words (which flew by the screen so fast hardly anyone could read them) but it couldn't/wouldn't save the video. So we lost it.

We took a break for lunch, and tried again without Clipomatic. The post/final release will have alt text/transcripts. If we were thinking clearly we would've filmed on landscape mode, not portrait. But as it stands it was well over 80 degrees in the studio and perfection is not something I chase anymore.

Alexandria was incredibly patient with me. She shot the video, and spritzed me with water between takes to make it look like I was covered in sweat. Always helpful, Alex provided feedback every time I botched my lines. Every. Time. We've both agreed I'll use a tripod next next time. I was basically yelling the whole time.

The process had me blown up (wrestling terminology meaning "out of breath" or "out of shape" - decidedly unprofessional especially in the ring). Whereas I had a raise voice, you can tell that Hacksaw is actually screaming in the original. Very likely why his voice is giving out, I imagine he had to perform more than one take too.

Frankly it all elevates my respect for Wrestlers even more. I can't imagine having to do this day in and day out, for months at a time, over and over. Back in the day Professional Wrestlers would have a to cut a promo for each and every town they'd be appearing in. So imagine this promo, but 30 different times for all the towns, arenas, and venues across the country. HARD PASS!

Whereas I memorized the words, the old Pros would go unscripted. Very much a sink or swim process with some hilarious bloopers every now and then. If you weren't careful or "a good talker" you could effectively ruin your career by botching a promo.

A proper promo is spoken from the heart. So while I'm happy with the effort we put into this, I wouldn't consider it anything but a tribute. This is why I only refer to myself as an "Unprofessional Fake Wrestler."

The ONLY way I got through it was by following Terry Funk's advice. Slow down. And when you think you're going too slow, go even slower. The early takes I was going 100mph.

If I were to attempt another promo—and it's a BIG "if"—it'll probably be for a kickstarter campaign.

WOOF!