Chapter 37 - Acknowledged (Patreon)

Lukas woke up with a start, and found the familiar ceiling of his room in yokai territory.

He sighed. Guess it wasn’t a dream. Just like before, the Anomaly within him had overridden his commands, and opened a rift, sending him back to the Desert. Just like before, he had crashed into Solana’s office yet again. He had blurry memories of an annoyed skinwalker pulling him up. He thought he heard Tanya’s voice, before being laid down on a bed.

He blinked a couple of times before swinging his legs off the bed and sitting up. It was morning, if the bright light illuminating the room was any indication. He wasn’t sure of the technicalities but the yokai had employed the intense reflective powers of the crystal outgrowth within the subterranean territory to devastating effect, making it as clear as day. And when the light dimmed, the mossy layer on the walls emanated their usual greenish glow.

Groggily, he made his way to the bathroom, where he unceremoniously fell to his knees and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Flushing the unpleasantness down the drain, he stood up and walked to the single jagged piece of flat glass in the tiny room. The yokai had no need for mirrors, so Lukas had altered rock into glass to make do with it. The glass piece wasn’t particularly merciful with its reflection. Bloodshot eyes on a sunken, pale face stared back at him. He pointed his palm at the bathtub and filled it to the brim with a torrent of water from his hand, and modulated the temperature a bit to make it lukewarm.

Aquamancy was handy like that.

Stripping, he soaked himself in the tub, closing his eyes. As memories of the past day returned to him, an intense feeling of rage and disappointment surged through him. Once again, he had succeeded at activating the Divinity, but failed to resurrect her. Everything had been perfect, he had even begun forging her body, but then….

Lukas sighed.

“Screen. Display Prime Host Soul Architecture.”

Status - Prime Host

Type - Human

Constituent - Living Tissue

Deciphering Spiritual Constitution…

Decoding…

Rendering Complete

Nature - Amalgamation

Number of Skills - 12

Spiritual Core - Divine

Spiritual Core responding to █████ ███████████

Lukas fisted his hands and smashed it against the wall, puncturing a hole through it. Cursing, he quickly sealed it back with Earth Manipulation. He’d bet his arm and leg that the redacted thing his core was responding to was Inanna’s Truth. His eyes fell on the pendant, which was still glowing with an iridescent blue, just like it did when Inanna was —

His eyes widened, and he quickly grabbed the pendant.

“Inanna?”

Nothing happened.

“Inanna?”

Still nothing.

He tried running a Scan and Analyze, and tried connecting it with it.

Nothing worked.

And yet the glow didn’t fade.

He splashed the water with his left hand, feeling utterly impotent. The pendant was glowing, so he had done something right. But then why didn’t it work? What had he missed?

“No…” he told himself. “Stop reacting, and think. Something worked, so figure out what you did right. Focus on the problem, Lukas. You aren’t allowed to quit. You aren’t allowed to lose. You are only allowed to win, no matter how many tries it takes. Focus!”

He knew that Inanna’s divinity was acting like an autonomous system, with protocols fully capable of resisting his and the Omphalos’s attempts until he fulfilled certain criteria. The last time, it displayed nothing else but a prompt claiming that the information he was seeking was Redacted. This time, it was telling him that his core was reacting to something, but that ‘something’ was redacted from him.

It was like playing twenty thousand questions with the Screen all over again.

His theory had been right. So far. Those six components could resurrect Inanna, and maybe they would have, but he failed in establishing IDENTITY. Despite everything he knew of her, despite all his memories of her, the system had called it inadequate.

Why? He had no idea.

Even more confusing was the Anchor part. Inanna’s reflection had stayed in the pendant — a relic of its own, for who knew how many millennia. The pendant was literally an anchor of the ultimate, perfect quality, and even it had fallen short.

He was missing something. But what? A seventh element perhaps?

Unless he was wrong, Divinity was a complete set. An extremely defined, esoteric set, but a set nonetheless. And somehow, this fact had  been, for lack of a better term, emphasized exponentially to the point that it was almost a mystery in itself. The ‘set’ was somehow so important to ‘Divinity’ that even with the other factors being present, it did not count as anything worthwhile.

To use an analogy, it was like six different chemical constituents. He just needed to find the right stimuli that when applied to them in the right manner, could cause them to react in the right way. Whether that stimulus was a fifth variable, a condition or something else, was the question.

His fingers closed in on the pendant.

I’ll find it. He promised. I’ve come this close. I’ll definitely find a way to get you back, I swear.

As always, silence was his answer.

Closing his eyes, he relaxed into the tub. His thoughts went to Tanya, and he wondered how his little weapons were faring. Hopefully she’d give him some glowing reviews about their performance after she’d meet him. Knowing her, she was probably training with Solana right now.

Which was fine. For now, he just needed a long soak.

And of course, someone decided to walk into the bathroom right that moment.

“May I join you?” asked Tanya, closing the bathroom door behind herself while holding her towel in front of her body with the other. The cloth did little to conceal anything the way she was holding it.

Clearly, protecting her modesty was not among her list of top priorities.

For some reason, Lukas felt a little self-conscious. “Tanya? Uh, what are you doing? Wait, I’m almost finished. If you’d only give me a minute -bbwah!”

Tanya had thrown her towel right at his face, obscuring his vision and making him fall back down inside the tub. When he had finally gotten it off his face, she already had one leg into the tub.

“What are you doing?” He asked, but instead of answering, Tanya just turned her back on him and sat down between his spread legs, leaning against his chest.

“This feels nice,” she sighed, snuggling further against him. “I missed this.”

“And me?”

“Semantics,” she murmured. “So, memorable trip, I take it?”

“Memorable is one way of  putting it on, yes,” he said, as she grabbed his arms and put them on her belly, sighing as his fingers began crawling all over her front.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Fine,” she murmured. “Now that you’re back.”

“I’m glad to be back too,” he said. “But I didn’t expect this… welcome.”

Tanya turned to meet his eyes. “I thought you’d have gotten used to being with me like this by now.”

“There’s no way anyone could get used to something like that,” he admitted. “With someone like you.”

He didn’t actually mean it as a compliment. It was a simple fact.

Tanya giggled and kissed him on the lips, putting her arms around his neck, and cocooning herself against his chest. “I wouldn’t mind us being like this all the time.”

“In the bath? Or out in the room too?”

“The bath. Given how Solana and Maude keep popping in, they might get a free show if we do in the living room.”

“I don’t think they’d be surprised,” said Lukas, laughing. “Solana’s already paraded me around in my birthday suit the first time I was here. I think it’s sorta a tradition at this point.” He paused, a silly grin appearing on his face. “Maude would love it though.”

Tanya laughed. “That she would. Though, I have to admit I’m a bit jealous. You and Maude get along quite nicely. Even Solana has stopped being a bitch after you left. I’m not sure how you pulled off that miracle, but she’s… she seems almost nice.”

That, Lukas decided, was probably the best outcome he could aim for.

“I guess me and Maude just understand each other. Makes it easy to get along.”

She frowned. “It took us ages to understand each other and get along.”

“What can I say? You were being rather obstinate,” he teased. “Who knew a round of sex would make you an honest woman?”

“Dog!” She retorted, and bit him in his right earlobe.

Lukas hissed, and tried to grab her, but Tanya was already pulling away, squealing. He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her back, tickling her.

“Please!” She squealed, “Stop! I can’t— Oh, I can’t breathe!”

He stopped, and she relaxed on top of him.

“So….” he said at least. “What brought this on? Not that I’m complaining. It’s just unexpected.”

“Well, for all I know, you’re gonna plunge into whatever new craziness you’ve thought of. When else am I supposed to spend time alone with you? I mean, we had just gotten together, and then you decided to vanish into the Haze and leave me all lonely for another twenty-two whole days. Not that anyone’s counting.”

Twenty-two days. That was… surprisingly small, compared to the amount of time he had spent inside the Haze. It was also the reason behind his sudden reaction when Tanya had walked into the bath without a care in the world.

“I’m sorry,” said Lukas, tightening his hold over her. Tanya pushed herself into him and rested her head on his right shoulder.

“I’m not complaining, mind you. I knew what I was getting myself into, but you can’t blame me for capitalizing on every opportunity I’ve got.”

“Not blaming,” he said, “it’s just that it still doesn’t come naturally to me that you’d like to spend time with me.”

Tanya whirled around, coiling her hands around his neck as she glared at him. “We’re in your tub, wet and naked. We spent two entire weeks making out every single chance we got. And I’ve already promised to be on your side in whatever madness you decide to take part in. Take the fucking hint.”

She snorted. Their noses touched. Finally she spoke, almost apologetically. “Sorry. I’m just new to this kind of thing. All my life I’ve only had people use me or attack me. Sometimes I wake up and wonder if it's all going to go away tomorrow.”

“You know I’ll always acknowledge you.”

“I know, and you did. Right from the very first day. I’m not sure why but every time I looked at you, I had this urge to jump your bones. It didn’t help when you took my side against Zuken and the svartalfars and everyone else.”

That was probably Inanna’s doing. But there was no need to mention that.

“You’re welcome,” he said. “If it helps, I found you utterly captivating as well.”

Tanya gave him a mocking grin, before she shifted again, entwining her legs around him.

They stayed like that for some time, basking in the warmth of the water, and in each others’ bodies. As he sat there, more content than he had been in a long time, Lukas wondered that even this, the way he was now, was not a bad way to live at all.

It was almost a shame it wasn’t going to be his life.

“I visited Haviskali while you were gone. Me and Maude.”

He frowned. “Solana —”

“She arranged matters, and we went there as her representatives. You should’ve seen Olfric’s face when he saw us there.”

“Olfric,” Lukas pushed himself up, “he was there?”

“And Elena too. They had come to ask for help. I got to fuck with his head a bit, and even got to play with a little group of Shimizu abductors.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Tanya?”

She threw her head back and laughed.

Lukas raised an eyebrow, amused. “Guess those two took it like a champ?”

She giggled. “Maude was insistent we bring them here. Especially Elena. And we knew Olfric wouldn’t let her be alone with us.”

“Elena?” Lukas asked. The changeling had her own peculiar set of skills, but he didn’t know if she’d be of any particular use in getting Zuken back.

“Don’t ask,” said Tanya with a sigh. “Maude will probably explain it in her own time. Elena doesn’t trust me, which is natural, but she trusts Maude, which is weird. Olfric was being an obstinate ass, but then I gave him one of your metal balls, and he folded.” She giggled some more. “But I swear, that weapon he created out of it was magnificent. I swear that guy has it in him to become a real Water warlord, provided he gets his head out of his ass.”

“Wow,” he teased. “That’s high praise coming from you. Don’t tell me I’ve got competition for your affections now.”

“Drat!” She slapped him lightly on the shoulder, before kissing him. “I’m yours. Only yours.” The smile on her face faded, replaced by a strange melancholy. “If anything, I worry if I’m enough for you.”

“Tanya —”

“I know you’ve told me about your feelings for this goddess of yours. She sacrificed her life to save you, and you are on an impossible journey to resurrect her. That's why I asked you if you loved her.”

“I told you that what I and Inanna share is a —”

“Deal, yes, and I’ve accepted that.”

He cocked his head. “Then what’s the problem?”

She looked away. “You wouldn’t understand.”

He held her chin and made her face him. “Tell me.”

“It’s just…” she began, struggling for words. “I’ve seen how far you push when you’ve decided something. I remember what happened with Meynte, and what you did back then. You could’ve died, Lukas. You could’ve died several times. Meynte could have killed you several times over, but you didn’t care. All of that for me.”

“Which should tell you about how important you are to me.”

She frowned. “Yes. But I also remember what you said. You told her that you’d not fight for me, but for my freedom to choose.”

Lukas blinked. “Tanya —”

She shook her head. “You fought for my right to choose, because you’d fight for your own right to choose. And this goddess Inanna, it’s obvious she holds you in a great debt by sacrificing herself. And I understand that. But I’m afraid, I’m afraid you’ll go too far in trying to get her back and I’ll lose you, and I’m not sure I can bear that.”

Her eyes were glistening with tears now.

For once, Lukas felt short of words. He had never considered how it might have appeared from her perspective. “You’re angry with me for jumping into the Haze.”

“No,” she said, vehemently shaking her head. “I’m not. I can’t. I’d be a hypocrite if I tried to stop you from following your own desires, after you fought so hard to protect mine. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll lose you. Every time I leave you alone, I can’t help but wonder if it’s the last time I’m seeing you. You vanished into the Haze just like that, and none of us, not even Solana knew if you had a way to come back. You — you’ve no idea what you do to me, Lukas Aguilar. You’ve no idea how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night, dreaming about how it’s been years since you’ve left. Dreaming about how I’d never see you again. Dreaming about how the next time you saw me, you didn’t even recognize me.”

She pulled him tighter and began to sob.

Lukas felt bitter inside. He didn’t want to hurt Tanya, and he knew where she was coming from. But he also knew what he wanted, and why it was necessary. Maybe after all this was over, after they had solved this Shimizu mess, and he had resurrected Inanna, the two of them could spend some time together. Just the two of them. He had enough experience traversing the Haze to travel to distant lands. It would be a nice vacation.

But until then…

“Sorry,” he told her. “But I’m back, aren’t I? And I’m stronger than ever. I got myself a couple of Level Ups and my trip was mostly a success. And most importantly, I’m still me.”

“You’re still you?” Tanya wheezed. “Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? You’ve changed so much since I first saw you in the anomaly. Back then, you were this lean, pale thing with a bag of tricks. Now? Your body has gotten heavier, your eyes have gotten permanent flecks of green in them. Your skin’s got a darker tan. Don’t even hide the fact that you’ve practically regrown your organs several times over during the last six months. Even your soul is an eldritch abomination. You’ve changed from a lifeforce warrior to a world creating shit out of your bare hands. Even Solana’s scared shit of you. Am I missing anything on my list of horrible alterations that you’ve inflicted on yourself?”

Lukas swallowed heavily. Tanya was trying not to be emotional, but she had started to tear up again as she went through the list, leaning into his neck to the point that when she was done, she had a good portion of her own face hidden in his face’s shadow. Her voice was forceful, but her usual strength was lacking. It was clear that she didn’t have a peaceful night’s rest recently.

“I…umm, might have suffered from multiple aneurysms.”

The muscles on her neck stressed, revealing her inner thoughts clearly. “How many?”

“Three?” He hesitated. The only ones he remembered clearly were the ones he had when testing his eyes or fighting against Solana.

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“I don’t know, maybe? At least? It was hard to count when fighting Solana and Meynte together.”

“And in the Haze?”

“Uhm, many times? I did lose count while inside. But that was when I was connected to the Awareness and damn it! Tanya! They just don’t count alright?”

Tanya looked at him in exasperation.

“... Sorry?” he tried.

“No,” she said. “That’s just it, Lukas. You shouldn’t be sorry. You’re too messed up to be sorry. You’ve put yourself through too much for others’ benefit to be sorry. You shouldn’t have had to suffer through whatever Solana put you through. The Crypt  shouldn’t have been able to possess you. Using the memory of your destroyed world to kill the Crypt in a suicidal moment should not have happened either. The svartalfars, the borderland, facing those bylestyrs and muspels, the King, your impossible job about resurrecting your goddess and all the shit that Solana and Meynte made you go through — none of that was your fault. There was literally no reason for you to be forced into responsibility for what happened.”

She  touched his cheek with one hand.

“That’s not true,” Lukas said. “I did all of that because I —”

“Don’t,” she said, her viciousness shutting him up. “Just don’t.”

“Fine.”

“Hold me?” she asked.

“Always,” he said, and pulled her tighter. No words were exchanged after that.