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ode to a faux grecian urn (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-02 13:59:49
Imported:
2026-06
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or: towards a theory of styrofoam gothic

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ode to a faux grecian urn

ode to a faux grecian urnHowdy everyone, Today's house, built in 2001, comes to you from, you guessed it, the Chicago suburbs. The house is a testimony to traditional craftsmanship and traditional...

Comments

Victor Eijkhout

"styrofoam gothic". That's a Homeric put-down.

Annie

First thought: "ooh I love when a house color is the same as the driveway". Is the line "The American mind desires clearly demarcated space, which, sadly, is verboten in our culture" a dig at the constant open-plan-ness of housing options? I know I love having actual ROOMS and PRIVACY and it drives me nuts that I'm seemingly alone in that!

WthinWthout

I wonder what rich people store in those armoires. Blankets? Their Blu Ray collection? Cartoonish bags of spare money?

allanfranta

I'm watching them build "The House of Many Gables" a couple miles from here. No wonder roofers have so many fatalities and injuries.

Edward Knigge

Giant bathroom mirror angled perfectly to blind you with reflected sun while you bathe

Jason Heimann

500 sf of foyer and not a got damn place to sit and change into your house-shoes. Filthy heathens. Also, no, I don't remember Raggedy Ann but yes, I'm hours from my first colonoscopy. Thanks.

Rachel Walker

Never mind the makeup hole that shower is a goddamn hallway.

Harry Teasley

It's like you took an already too-big McMansion in a 3d program and scaled it 250%.

Ben Oliver

These articles are the only thing that makes my cold internet-battered soul laugh out loud still.

Constantine Hannaher

The one time I saw a raised floor for the dining room it was a concrete slab so nothing would clink when people walked around.

Christoph Moench-Tegeder

Sometimes I think I could use some more floor space. Then I see what people do with more space and I'm very grateful for the acres I do not have.

Donald Barclay

Please, am not familiar of America. Entire village live in this construction , yes?

rtpoe

The tile floors are because they need roller skates to get around.....

Rose Lerner

Okay I will be honest I weirdly love the shower (or at least what I can see of it) but WHY does the pool look like a toilet with another, tinier toilet set into the seat? WHYYYYYY Also it was very generous of you to let them skate by with that mysteriously shaped basketball court slash parking lot. That has to be theirs, right?

Regina Randolph

I don't even wanna think about how much time and money goes into keeping all those windows clean

Mike Traynor

I got the willies from that makeup hole. No way I'd go in there except backwards facing the entrance. With a shotgun. And I do remember Raggedy Ann. My Mom made my sister and I Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy dolls when we were 3 or 4. And I've had several colonoscopies. All clear, so far, thanks for asking and get the hell off my lawn!

Mike Traynor
>>134127018

Maybe letting the windows get grimy is their way of avoiding spending millions on curtains?

Tim from New Hampshire

From now on when my boss asks me to work late I'm going to tell him, "GET IN THE MAKEUP HOLE UGGO"

kc

The mantle on top of the mantle in family room #2 (3?). What is that about?

Carol Avila

What I don’t get: they spent vast amounts of money on crap but can’t buy original art?

John W. Moore-Weiss

I do remember Raggity Ann and Andy, but I've also had multiple colonoscopies. Well done, there. However, my young children also have Raggity Anns and I'm not subjecting then to the probulator on that grounds alone. (My mother made the dolls for them, in case you're wondering.)

Lanth

Honestly I'm offended that a house that big only has 5 bedrooms. My friend's technically-not-mcmansion is half that size and has 7 bedrooms! Having a giant-ass house and not having enough rooms to invite everyone you know to stay at is the ultimate sign of sociopathy.

IdenticalOskar

Why does all the furniture look cheap? You've spend millions on the house, but then furnish it with what looks like plastic patio furniture and Marlo clearance items. Screams I spent all the money on the horrifying house.