Chapter 674 - Bloopers (Patreon)

AN: Sorry this one's short - as I mentioned in my other post, my shoulder is KILLING me, and my energy levels are low. I pushed super hard to finish btdem, and now years of accumulated exhaustion are catching up with me. Also, I think bloopers that are short and sweet are funnier.

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Every eye on Pallos could see the ring circling the planet. The shattered remains of Erebus were circling the planet, chunks either stabilizing in orbit, or getting flung off in one direction or another. Rocks the size of mountain ranges collided with each other, breaking up into smaller chunks and continuing to orbit the planet. As Auri ascended, the remaining pieces ‘snapped into’ place, and the entire ring shuffled and turned golden. The great heat turned some of the gold black.

A voice rumbled across the world, an increasingly familiar refrain.

“Auri, Goddess of the Ring.”

A second voice joined in.

“One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.”

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“GENIE! I found you!” Criminal Explorer shouted, falling on his knees before the golden lamb. 

The lamb’s mouth opened up and the Genie floated up and out.

“Yo! You found me! You get three wishes! You know the rules, make em good.”

“Erebus is about to destroy all of Pallos! I wish for Erebus to not destroy Pallos.”Genie did a double-take and looked up into the sky, then snapped his fingers.

“Problem solved. Good wish. You still have three wishes left.”

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The smell of pork was eternal, haunting me, all the worse knowing it was my wife’s tasty, succulent flesh that was being cooked alive.

Mmmmm.

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Tarinak led Amber over to the closed chest, and started to dance around it. Amber’s eye of value was still broken at the sheer amount of wealth contained in Lun’Kat’s lair, but this had to be a treasure beyond compare!

Amber knelt down to open the chest, and the mimic ate her.

The dragon and the mimic high-fived. Another intruder down!

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The Inebitable Shluggoth paused as his target moved yet again.

But this time it wasn’t across the world in a blink. He didn’t need to resume tunneling to a pocket dimension.

No, his target had moved… beyond. He would have to level, he would have to ascend.

But he’d been hunting his target for almost 30,000 years, he wasn’t going to stop now.

He was Inevitable.

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“Dawn! Iona! Excellent, just the two [Adventurers] I wanted to see.” 

I was suspicious at how jovial and happy the [Guild Master] was. Usually I was busy spiking his blood pressure, careful not to give him an actual aneurysm… but it was a close thing. Seeing him this happy to see us was deeply suspicious.

“What can we do for you?” Iona asked.

“I’ve finally found worthy successors!” The man stood up and started to bustle around the office, taking down pictures and packing up trophies. His glee was starting to be deeply suspicious.

“And you’re telling us… why?” I asked, still not seeing the full picture.

Iona facepalmed and muttered something unflattering into her hand.

“Because the two of you are the next [Guild Masters]!” He practically shouted. “May every new adventurer give you half the headache the two of you gave me.”

He blew a skill and sprinted out of the room. Iona sat down at the desk with a swear.