Countless Joyful Dawns - Chapter ?? - 16: Hiring Fair II (Patreon)

“Hello!” I waved Lisa and Bob - the enforcer’s name was actually Robert, but Bob it was - to the side. “What can I help you with? Interested in a job? The pay’s not super competitive, but it’s more of a ‘last resort’ kind of thing.”

“What kind of stuff would I be doing?” He asked, nervously glancing over his shoulder.

I slid over a job application to him, and teleported out a stack more. The printer was working hard!

“Well, that entirely depends on your skillset! To start with, we’re doing a citywide cleaning initiative. If you’ve got strong organizational, legal, or managerial skills, we might have you helping arrange and organize the entire thing. Otherwise, probably picking up garbage and cleaning graffiti to start with, while we get the logistics and supply lines set up for the furniture and garment lines. Once those are up, we’ll see if you’ve got skills that cross over well into the new businesses, otherwise we’ll have to cross train you in them. Pay works on a skill and time chart, standardized for everyone.”

He looked at me strangely.

“Wait… when you say ‘clean up the city’, that’s not a euphemism, is it? You’re talking about actually cleaning the city.” He said.

Lisa started cackling next to me. I tilted my head.

“Yeees?” I said “What did you - oh, for fuck’s sake.” I rolled my eyes. Thank you parallel thoughts, thank you superfast thinking speed. I got it. “No, I’m not starting a gang, criminal enterprise, antihero thing, hero organization, or anything like that. I’m trying to hire honest workers for an honest day’s wage.” 

The man hesitated, shrugged, then filled out the form.

“Better than nothing.” He said.

“Bye! Have a good day!” I waved to him.

A few of his buddies intercepted him once he was a modest distance away. Still within my sphere of perception, nevermind my ability to hear. 

All good things. Two of his friends came over and filled out their own application, and suddenly we were in business! A line formed, applications were handed out, and I started to get the seeds of my future businesses. Bob’s presence gave the thing legitimacy, and Lisa hung around because… I had no idea why she was hanging around, and not spending any of the money she brought with her. Maybe she was just frugal?

One of the women signing up had a question.

“So, like, I know this might be a bit offensive, but how do we know we’re getting paid? I don’t want to do all this just to get suckered in the end. I’ve had too many bosses refuse to pay me in the end, claiming they were broke or some shit.”

I shrugged.

“I’m going to start off doing daily payroll. Worse case, you’re out a day of work.”

And the associated costs. Which reminded me, I needed to get an employee daycare center going. The village was half-dead here, couldn’t just leave the kid at the neighbor’s place or at grandma’s, nor could they be brought along. Wasn’t how they did things here.

Oh Ciriel, I remembered why we did the large business thing once and called it a day. The stress and hassle was not worth it at all. Except… I wasn’t doing it for profit, I was doing it so I’d have a nice place to live with a solid population base that could help me with tech-based dimensional studies to try and get home. Which was worth it. I just had to remind myself of it now and then. 

“Hey!” A well-dressed man yelled from two spots back in the line. “I can help with that!”

“Yeah?” I called out.

“Yeah! You’re doing the Immortality thing, right? Am I the first?”

“Lisa, take over.” I said, shamelessly throwing my treacherous LT into the deep end. Well. Shallow end. The kiddy pool, really. I think I had a five year old manning a hiring booth once, but that was sorta special circumstances. Well. Not that special. Either way, I had faith in her! I waved the gentleman over.

“So! You want to live forever.” I asked him.

“Yes.” He confirmed. “If you can do it. How do I know it’s not a scam?”

I shrugged.

“That’s why the price is low. I know what Immortality is worth, and I can look after myself. You get the cheap price while I establish my credentials. Win-win!”

“I know this is going to sound nuts, but what if someone didn’t pay you after?” He asked.

I snorted.

“That’d be stupid.” I said. Nevermind that the guy was a head taller than me, he flinched at my tone. “We’d both be Immortal. Eternal. You want someone Immortal, someone who can grant Immortality, to hold a grudge against you? Over a few funds?” I shook my head. 

“Immortals and Immortality is the game of favors. Too many of us have unique skills and abilities, and you never know when one day you’ll need a hand, help that money can’t buy. You want to start 10,000 years of life… by screwing over the one person handing out Immortality?”

The guy whipped out a credit card.

“I hope you understand I don’t carry that much cash on me.” He said.

I stared at the card.

Fuuuck. 

I did not have a way to take payments yet. I didn’t think this all the way through.

“Numberman.” Lisa coughed unsubtly. 

“You ever hear of a Numberman?” I asked the guy.

“Sounds like some sort of cape, and I don’t follow the cape scene.” He said. “Not a Brockton cape, at the very least.”

I shot Lisa a pointed look, and she threw her hands up in exasperation.

“Yes! That’s because he’s a banker for villains! He doesn’t exactly put an ad in the classified papers! Some people, no trust at all.”

I continued to stare at Lisa, as she slowly sank into her chair.

“No trust at all.” She muttered to herself, properly interpreting my look.

“How’s this. I’ll make you Immortal now, and then we head over to the bank tomorrow for you to pay me. Sound like a plan?” I asked.

“Deal!” He said, offering me a hand. I shook it.

“Wait. Why does HE get the benefit of the doubt after the SKETCHIEST set of questions I’ve ever heard, but you’re giving me the 3rd degree!?” Lisa asked.

“Actions versus words, actions versus words.” I said. “Maybe in a few short years you’ll earn my trust.”

I decided to twist the knife a bit. And mostly bully my newest minion.

“In like, 20 or so. You know, a blink of the eye.”

Lisa groaned and banged her head against the table. I stacked up more hiring forms next to her.

“How old do you want to be?” I asked him.

“I got married at 27.” He said, with a familiar far-off look of old grief. “It was the best year of my life.”

People were starting to take out cellphones to record us. I activated the skill, focusing on the age he wanted.

The world faded away, replaced by a stunning shot of the Milky Way Galaxy. 200 billion points of light spun like a pinwheel in the wind, before the world returned to normal. 

“Tada!” I flourished my arms, like a magician revealing her trick.

There was the usual ‘oh my god I’m young again’ thing, a bunch of people with questions, the whole circus. I shooed them off to the side so the hiring fair could continue.

And… yikes. The economy here was shit. It should not be this easy to hire this many people on the first day. With basically no reputation at all. Last time we’d done this, we were well-known community figures, not a complete unknown.

Everything went well for about fifteen minutes or so, until I detected the next problem incoming. A pair of Wards - the kiddie division of the superheroes - were walking down the Boardwalk, clearly looking at me. Mostly - sometimes a fan would come up to them, and they’d pause, chat, and autograph something.

I’d done enough displays myself to value the activity. People had to know us, see us, and be comforted by the fact we existed. From gladiator matches to parades to skill displays over a city, there was value in showing off.

There was literally no winning against kids. Any amount of contact was going to cause issues. Well… okay, technically, it was possible to chat with them and have no problems, but I was self-aware enough to know it was never that easy for me, or turned out that way. If Iona was here I’d just sit back and let her silver tongue her way to victory. Heck, she could probably get them working for us!

Me? Best I could manage was a screaming match.

Against kids. Popular kids. That was a surefire way for things to go poor in Operation: Hearts and Minds. If it devolved into a fight, even worse. The sheer fact that I got into a fight meant my companies weren’t safe, and people would bail so hard. When I won, I was then the bully that beat up kids. I couldn’t throw the fight either, then I wasn’t able to keep people safe.

No, any amount of contact was bad. So how to prevent anything from happening? They’d be here in three minutes at their current pace. 

I thought about it for a moment, then grinned.

I was quite good at manipulating my shield skill, and while my range wasn’t epic, it wasn’t that close to me either. With shimmering fields, looking like a goddess had spilled a galaxy’s worth of stars into it, I created hundreds of little shields, mostly copy-pasting the same thing.

XXX NO MASK ZONE XXX

The words hovered and flashed in a line above everyone’s head along two sides of the Boardwalk, effectively creating a no superhero zone. I didn’t bother with masks at all - police forces that resorted to hiding their face and identity never ended well - but the culture here was super ingrained.

Some of the people strolling up and down the Boardwalk paused and looked at the signs. A few started running - good survival instincts - but most shrugged and went about their day. Everyone else didn’t even bother, not even blinking at the display of skills. 

It almost felt like home.

The two Wards in question - Gallant and Clockblocker, if I remembered correctly - paused at the flashing signs. Two people whipped out their cellphones and started recording.

“Should we just go through?” Clockblocker asked.

“Hang on.” Gallant said. “Gallant to Console, we’ve got a bit of a situation here. Flashing Parahuman signs say ‘No Mask Zone’ with X’s next to it. Please advise.”

There was a bunch of back and forth, then Gallant stepped over the line.

Well. I couldn’t have that.

I teleported his helmet off. The dude immediately slammed his hands over his face and stumbled back. I was going to teleport his helmet back on, but his hands were in the way. I teleported it into Clockblocker’s hands instead, and the two fussed around getting his head back in it.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, did they think I wouldn’t enforce the rule?

Then a kerfuffle started around the people with the phones recording the whole thing, and I let them be. The Wards were thoroughly defanged. Yeah, it was clear to anyone studying the thing that I was entirely responsible, but people were funny like that sometimes. It was entirely harmless - by my evaluation - and it happened far away enough from me that I ‘wasn’t’ responsible in most people’s minds. 

And the hiring fair continued on.