THE OVERDUE POST (Patreon)

Hello everyone, here’s a long overdue update! A long overdue long update.

There’s no reason this post has taken me so long to write. Well, no reason besides the usual. I guess the new full time job is part of it, but I also broke my drawing hand at the beginning of December and haven’t been able to do much with it since. Actually a lot has been going on recently, so maybe I should start with October.

In October I started a new job. I had only been working part time throughout the summer and I was doing my best to focus on my art during that time. I had big plans for October; I was going to rework my Patreon and finally post the new pages of Easy I had been working on. Then a sudden opportunity for a full time job came up and I really had no choice but to accept it. Working part time was great for my mental health and for my art but it wasn't sustainable. On one hand I was happy because for once I actually had the time to do the things I like to do, but on the other hand financially I was struggling, just barely keeping a step ahead of steadily rising debts.

One thing about me is that I hate work. I don’t hate working or like putting in effort, I hate having to work for other people. I could go on and on about capitalism and all that (the short version is that I am not a fan) but the more immediate concern relating to me in particular is that no matter the job —no matter how easy it is or how much I like it — typical work always hits directly on my biggest anxiety triggers. I won’t go into it too much but with those triggers, starting a new job is even worse. It pretty much led me to a nervous breakdown when I tried to switch careers a few years ago. Knowing this, I anticipated not being able to get much done while I got acclimated with the new job until I felt a little more comfortable.

There’s no excuse for me to not have made an update back then, except once again for the usual. The anxiety and overthinking that led me to start it plenty of times but never get it finished. The same thing that keeps me from finishing so much of what I set out to do, actually.

So I focused on my job and for a couple months things were going well. It was challenging but I was starting to grow into it quicker than I was expecting and by mid-November I was feeling pretty good and I was starting to get back into drawing regularly.

But thennnnnn…

There was some unpleasantness. It’s a lot to unpack here in public, but at the beginning of December a lot of things that had been weighing on me for a while finally got to be too much and and in a moment of frustration I punched something solid and fractured my drawing hand. Like I said, there's a lot to unpack, but it was part of what I would call a mental health crisis that lasted throughout the beginning of the month and when I was probably emotionally at the lowest point I have ever been in my life. I almost lost a lot, but it helped me remember and reprioritize the things that are most important.

It’s still fresh but I’ve already learned a lot from It. My mental and physical health need to take priority for once. The issues I've talked about over the years are more than I am capable of handling on my own. I've known this, but I need to be more serious about getting help so I can learn how to better cope with my emotions.

And what does it all mean for my art? Mostly just that I need to take a break until I am physically able to draw again. Art will always be one of the most important things in the world to me and during this time that has only become clearer. In the meantime I’ve been trying to focus more on my writing and also thinking more about how I approach art; not just how I physically approach it but how I mentally approach it as well. I've been thinking a lot about where I waste the most time and the results I want to start seeing. I've been thinking a lot about how if I can come at art from a healthier place and with a better set of habits, there will be so much more I can accomplish. I’m thinking about all this and getting very excited. You might even say optimistic!

Once again, I want to extend the purest and deepest and most sincere gratitude I can possibly invoke to everyone who has ever read of looked at anything I’ve done over the years, especially if you taken the time to send me a message or a comment. I won’t say that I wouldn’t be here without it because I’m always going to keep drawing no matter what, but the human connections that it creates are one of the most rewarding parts of sharing art. I’ve met so many wonderful people and those relationships are something I will always cherish.

The time table for my recovery seems to be about 3 weeks, after which it sounds like I’m in for some physical therapy. I’ll try to be better about posting and keeping you updated in the meantime but as long as everything works out then you can expect new art from me in mid-January (starting with those new pages of Easy!).

Patreon and twitter are usually where I post most often, so keep your eyes here or twitter.com/kodiakcountry for updates. Thanks again and see you soon!