As long as I am useful, I am safe. (Patreon)

Before I die, I genuinely intend to bite a cop. It is an intrusive and recurring thought. An obsession. I have no fear or even real understanding of repercussions. I've never properly understood danger.

I have fallen from rooftops downtown, jumped into the harbour, stolen boats from yacht clubs, climbed cranes in the dead of night. I jumped out of a moving car when I was 17. But I can’t deal with the unhappiness of others. If they want money, or a favour, or sex, I have trouble saying no. Because I know with absolute certainty - If the people around me are happy, I am safe.  As long as I am useful, I am safe.

After I went mute, I kept hoping it would last forever. Think how much safer I would be. 

Think how much quieter I would be, sneaking up on that cop.

But it didn't last forever. My words came back. All of them except the word, "no."

And "unctuous."

Joey