Never have I ever (Patreon)

I hope you get this letter soon. I haven't been to bed. I had a hot dog at 4am. I thought it would cheer me up, but it was kind of sad, sitting in the kitchen eating a hot dog alone in the quiet.

I spend a lot of time lately thinking about how to find community again. I think I need it in my life, and when I hear about your weeks, about your saturday afternoons and sunday mornings I'm jealous. Do you have tips? Or even just ideas? How do I get back to where you are? I've turned my back on so much, out of fear. How do I get back? I'm less afraid now, but just as alone.

So I spent an hour looking at military style cots last night, with the idea to have one in my room. To make my current bed, sheets and quilts pristine, and the fantasy is that I will act like everything is normal, and at night unfold and construct my cot. And sleep against the wall, alone and safe. And it won't be sad, it will be spartan. It won't be lonely, because it will be a choice.

Joey