A chapter in the dark. (Patreon)

• Drifting off 1
  

In the dark and the quiet, Jonah could tell that Frank was awake. His whole body was rigid with thought. But Jonah didn't push. It was better with Frank to let him start. He didn't respond well to being coaxed. So Jonah waited until his husband finally spoke.

"I lost my brother. I should be able to grieve."

"You are. You do."

"When? When I'm not raising her children for her, while she locks herself in her room doing god knows what? When I have a rare moment to myself? She said she's going to kill herself. What are we supposed to do with that? Take her to the hospital?"

"Tomorrow we will talk about that. Tonight it is quiet."

"Unless she-"

"This is a moment to yourself," Jonah said. "It is just you and me, in the dark. Warm and safe." He turned to face him. "She is her own woman. You can't fix her. Not right now. There are no sandwiches to be made for the children. There's no cribbage to cheer up your mother. It is you and me. This is when you grieve."

And then there was more silence. More rigid thinking in the bed beside Jonah. But he was used to this. To waiting. He liked it, actually. He loved that Frank thought before he spoke. That he would lay there and think and think, and only then speak. During the day was different. In front of other people it sometimes seemed that Frank needed to be jolly, to have a quick answer, a reassurance. To smooth it all over. But here with Jonah, he was a thoughtful and open heart.

"He was always so funny. Right to the end. I don't know why I let myself be angry for so long. He wasn't unkind. He didn't believe it really, when he said what he said. He was just - He didn't understand. But neither did mom, and I forgave her."

"You forgave him too."

"On his deathbed. I forgave mom years ago. But she didn't say the things he said. He- When he was dying in the hospital - He said he liked you very much, when he met you. He said you were handsome."

"You told me. It was a nice compliment."

"A handsome faggot."

There was a long pause.

"Sorry," Frank said. "It is so hard to let go of anger. He didn't say that. Obviously he didn't say that. He's not the man he - Well. I guess now he's not anything at all."

It was a different kind of silence now, and all Jonah wanted was to make things better, even just for a moment. To make things normal.

"A handsome faggot?" Jonah said, reaching out his hands in the dark to pull Frank close. "Come here and call me that again."