Lady in Wounds (Patreon)

June 18th, another date, another year, another Birthday for me. The one where I reached 30 years old.

It's easy to forget, but at the same time I can't stop thinking that number of years carries a lot of things with itself. Scars, mostly. Both physical and emotional. Very dark years of my adolescence, back when I hated myself and felt like I had no purpose, and so I couldn't stop inflicting cuts to my body that left me with scars on the skin.

Emotional scars from abuse. Of being the plaything of a cruel unstable woman who I thought was my best friend, but who turned against me out of jealously because I choose to start dating a boy. Emotional trauma after a violent adult man tried to kill me with his car when I was 8 years old. -It took me years and therapy to understand that I was a victim of a murder attempt-. Bullying at school. Abandonment from my mother at the age of 4. And anger issues. So much anger issues and social anxiety that  made me try to push away people that cared about me. I felt I didn't deserve anything. I was on a path of self-destruction that also made me try to quit art multiple times. Self-sabotage was easier than work for something that could improve my life.

But I got better from that. My scars are there and they tell a story, but they don't define me and I don't shy away from them anymore. I went to therapy, I worked hard to find motivations, reasons to enjoy life. I allowed myself to express love and let other people love me. It's been hard, and there are still days when I feel like everything is too hard and I can't keep going. But then I find strength again, and I keep moving forward, keep the fight, keep trying to be better. I look at the little community I have built and sometimes I don't believe it! I see drawings of mine from six, seven years ago and I see how much my style has changed and improved since then, to the point I can't recognize myself in them. It's crazy.

A new decade of my life starts now. That convoluted past will always be my past, my story. But this is my present. A new chapter of my life, and I'll continue creating my own path on it. Thank you all so much who have read this and continue to support me on my artistic projects! I may be older now, I may have some back problems and less energy than when I was in my 20's, but I couldn't be more happy doing what I do right now! Art is, and will always be one of the most important things I have in life :)