Life update? 😅🛼 (Patreon)

Hi patronites! I hope your week has started off well 🤗

So... apparently, my body has finally said "enough" 😅 To be honest, it had been giving me signs for a while, I just wasn’t listening. Over the past few months, I was definitely overtraining and pushing myself too hard, trying to do everything at once. But I didn’t believe it 😂 I really thought I could handle it all. After all, I’m disciplined, I’m focused, I’m used to doing hard things, right? Well... yes. But I’m not Wonder Woman 😅

I wanted to lose weight, become a better skater, build muscle, keep up with cardio, stay productive at work, deal with emotional stress, be present for my family, have my own life, and still look like I had it all together. And yeah, I was strong... but at some point, my body asked for help 🥺

The day I got injured, I was already feeling off the whole class. I knew I wasn’t at my best. I was feeling weaker, and even some basic moves were starting to feel more difficult than normal. But I kept going, out of pure stubbornness. And that’s when it happened 🫠 I made a full split, at full speed, without warming up properly (or being able to perform a full split yet), just being totally reckless. And I felt it riiiiight away 😵 Something snapped and it started to really hurt. What a normal person would do? Stop, respect its body and take a break. But me? I didn’t stop 🫠 Of course not. I had so many things to finish before my trip, so I just kept going like nothing happened. Then I traveled. I was already not feeling great before the flight. During the trip, I got worse 😶 Fever, sore throat, sinus infection, total exhaustion. And when I got back home? Oh lord 😂 That’s when my body completely shut down. It was like it said, “okay, now you’re safe, so here’s your breakdown.” I ended up even more sick and had to take ten full days of antibiotics and corticosteroids just to function again.

Last week, after the meds were over, I finally went to a physical therapist and she told me something that hit me hard 😅 she thinks I might have... a higher pain tolerance than normal 🫠 because my condition looked a lot more serious than I thought, in her words 🥲 She then referred me to an orthopedist, and after checking everything, the doctor said it could be a few things… but her main suspicion is an avulsion fracture of the ischial tuberosity. Which I don't really believe, but I have two MRIs scheduled for Friday to confirm it or to look up for another diagnosis. I’m really, reeeeeally hoping it’s not that thing, I’m praying it’s just a tendon or muscle injury and not anything involving the bone 😭 because if it is the fracture, the treatment could involve surgery and months of no physical activity at all. And I can’t even imagine going that long without exercising, especially without doing the one thing that makes me feel most alive: skating 😭

Life is wild, huh? 🫠 In July, I was genuinely happy with my progress (and that doesn’t happen so often 😅). I was improving, I felt proud, I finally felt like I belonged in the rink. And in August, I was supposed to celebrate my 1-year skating anniversary on the 6th... but on the 5th, I got injured 💔 I didn’t even get to celebrate. I had to miss a bunch of classes, knowing I’d already miss more because of the trip. So basically, I didn’t skate at all in August. Now, in September, I’ve come back much more fearful. It honestly feels like I’ve gone backwards. But unfortunately, that’s just how life goes sometimes.

But anyways... Right now, I’m still taking meds 🫠 Painkillers, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants, and none of them are working very well. And I've been trying to rest a bit more. Which is also why things might still be a little slower than usual around here. Just being transparent 😔

All of this chaos led me to a conclusion. I think I finally understood that it’s pointless to chase a goal while destroying everything that sustains it 🥺 I don’t want to perform exhaustion just to feel worthy of results. I don’t want fake health that hides burnout. And I don’t want success if it costs me my peace 😭 I’ve felt sooooo weak for needing help. Every time I take a break, I wonder if I’m just being lazy. Or if I’m less valuable for wanting a lighter life... It's crazy cuz I’m such an empathetic person with everyone around me, but when it comes to the way I treat myself… oh, you wouldn’t want to hear the things I think or tell myself 😅 But when I catch this behavior, I try to remember that any living being on this planet deserves to live with energy, joy, and a body that feels like home. Me included 🥺

Anyway… another life update / emotional rant. Just wanted to share it so you know what’s been going on behind the scenes 🤗

Oh, and by the way 🥺 this skating video I’m posting was filmed last Saturday. And yes, I was in a lot of pain. But what hurts the most isn’t the pain itself… it’s the feeling of going backwards after coming "so far". That’s what really breaks me 🥺 But... I keep trying to improve, no matter how long it takes 🙏