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Gathering QUESTIONS for If the Emperor had a Podcast EP1! (Patreon)

Published:
2017-08-06 23:12:33
Edited:
2017-08-06 23:13:22
Imported:
2026-06

Content

AY!

Once more, I am gathering more questions for If the Emperor had a Podcast!

For some context, the next episode is going to be concerning a short story that many have probably read called 'The Last Church' by Graham McNeill. It is a very divisive and interesting story concerning an old priest meeting a mysterious man called 'Revelation' who he then proceeds to have an argument about religion with. You can probably guess who this 'Revelation' actually is. You should totally read it or listen to it if you haven't already!

So, send questions about alcohol, religion, crusades or uh... actually, anything you want. Maybe more taco-questions, I dunno, update us on how the civil war is going.

We're currently working on the script for the podcast while I am editing the first episode of BRO TRIP 40,000 called 'Catachan Capers'!

In addition, we have gotten incredibly close to finishing the script for Episode 26 of TTS, and I am incredibly excited about it. It's currently under the working subtitle of "Fear and Loathing in Commorragh". So far I love it, its very contained and focused, and I really hope you'll enjoy it too whenever its done.

You can expect this podcast to be released inbetween BRO TRIP 40,000 EP1 and TTS EP26!

OH ALSO, I have now started to look around for an Editor Secundus. I am trying to find someone in or around my local city of Gävle who is adept at the usage of Adobe After Effects. If anyone, by some astronomical chance, happens to know someone who fills those criterias - please tell them Alfabus is on the hunt for help!

That is all for now. Thank you so much for sticking and I hope you have a good one!

EMPEROR BLESS <3

Comments

TheBeastIsBack

Ohh holy man emperor have mercy. The tuesdayians as they call themselves have split into there own Branch of malitia after your broadcast and are terorising the denisens of your most loyal planet of Ophelia VII claiming tuesday to be the rightful day of empror what should we do to straiten them on the rightful path?

TheBeastIsBack

Yours faithfuly ecleasarc desmondus articus the III

Samuel Araya

Oh most gracious Omnissiah, master of mankind, beloved by all. My loins seethe (that's where my cognis processor was installed, during my misspent youth in the twisted passages of the Noctis Labyrinth), my loins seethe with a burning question that would put the twin suns of Carcosa with shame, I must ask you, oh most splendorous aspect of the god machine, whatever the fuck happened to your right hand? I haven't seen it on Golden Throne™ for quite a while now.... Yours in every cog, Archmagos Reductor Samuel Aurelios Bosch.

Diego Flores

Why have the Astartes degenerated from how strong they were during their legion days?

Matteo

Dearest Emperor, What ever happened to them Ultramarine Captain Titus? He saved us on Forge World Graia from those vile Orks and from the dirty heretics that followed them. After that however, I heard that he vanished. I was hoping that I could thank him in person, or at least send a message. Your humble servant, Sargent Markus Aurelius

Zack Coggins

If you don't mind I'm going to ask the same question I had asked for the podcast.

Zack Coggins

It probably help if I include the question in the comment... To His Eternal Majesty the Emperor of Mankind, During may travels throughout time in the Ordo Chronos, I have witnessed countless great deeds and terrible tragedies. More often than not, my fellow Inquisitors and I found ourselves in the presence of your resplendence. Whether it is witnessing your birth (from a tasteful distance of course), your murder by Fucking Horus, and the innumerable adventures in between. However, I find myself confused by one of your actions. Or rather, one of your inactions. When you found Angron on the soil of Nuceria, his brain violated by the Butcher’s Nails, and his mind consumed by howling madness; why could you not or would you not restore your tortured son? Certainly you, the uncontested greatest of man, could have undone something so seemingly insignificant. You created the Primarchs, you created the STCs, and you not only mastered but pushed past the limits of perfection in the art of warpcraft. I simply cannot understand why the absolute master of genetics, technology, and psionics did not just undo the savage archeotech of the Nails. Please answer this question so I may be one step closer on the endless journey of understanding your immortal brilliance and infinite wisdom. I thank you for your time, Inquisitor Walker, Ordo Chronos

Ashbringer

Milord, the Man-Emperor Of Mankind, I come bearing a very simple question that has plagued me for years. If you did not want the Imperium to Worship you as a God or indeed have any religious connotations with your Empire...then why did you call your Expansion the Great Crusade? Surely from your time on ancient Terra you must have known that Crusades were purely religious terms and themes to justify war in the name of a God. It would seem that this is at odds with your Imperial Truth and while I am sure there is a good reason for this, I myself am unable to see it. If you could please enlighten us on your reasoning it would be incredibly helpful for my book I am writing. 'The History Of The Imperium, The Good, The Bad, And The Emperor.' P.S. My thanks for explaining how you were created and the Age Of Strife they were invaluable. Now I must go back to studying these old burnt out remains of a Church on Terra, the broken clock and book is particularly interesting it is amazing they survived whatever caused this fire. I thank you for your time and eagerly await your answer, Scribe Aias, Son of Uriah

Darest

Ohhh Great Emperor of Mankind, have your heard the news about Roboute Guilliman's resurrection and is it true that you wanted him "terminated"?

Austin Horner

Great emperor, what is your opinion on the black Templars chapter seeing as to how through their numerous "crusades" they in all likelihood are almost as strong as a legion from the days of the great crusade.

CasketCase

To my manliest-of-men, Man-Emperor: Tragedy has befallen our pitiful planet known as Nelson-420 since your glorious words reached our vox-casters. Seeking to settle the great Taco debate peacefully, we held a democratic vote (mandatory upon pain of death, of course) to determine which day would be deemed the most worthy of occasions to eat such a sacred meal. Alas, what were once hushed heretical whispers of rebellion among our society have become opened shouts of defiance. Calling themselves the "La Campana de Taco", these lunatics are led by she who calls herself Sister Beehive, as if to mock the very Adepta Sororitas she pits herself against. They preach encouragements to indulge in that which we hold to be the foulest of taboos; that the consumption of the sacred taco should be held on any day of one's choosing. Despite our attempts to combat this heretical revolution, I fear that our world may soon be beyond salvation. My only wish is for you and all of the Imperium to know of our plight so history need not repeat itself. Your most humble of servants, Lord-Governor Casket of Case

Kirk Rowe

Oh my Glorious Emperor, I do have a question for your most holy of minds. Have you ever met the Ommissiah? If so, what are they like? Your faithful servent, Amelia Zost - Potential Techpriest?

medhathobo

Hy Schelython Ghod! I wath jutht wunderin', if yuu culd twade one of yer loyalisth sons wif wun of yer traithor sons, whoo wuld ya pick? Loveeeeeee~!, Culthisth Chan <3 (do not include this next bit in the question to the emperor) Example: instead of rogal dorn being a loyalist and angron being a taitor, would the emperor swap rogal dorn to be a traitor and angron to be a loyalist?

l3loodKnight

I think timeline-wise Text-to-speech is before the 13th Black Crusade since in several episodes theirs been small hints of factions of Chaos meeting up with Abaddon for a 'event'. could be wrong.

Aidan

Oh my most splendid and beautiful Emperor, your most glorious presence has has inspired me to do good within the Imperium! and thus I have taken up on the craft of an artist as to express me love for you and all! please accept this newest piece of artwork that I have made for you my Emperor -secret admirer ;) <a href="http://imgur.com/a/8mg1g" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">http://imgur.com/a/8mg1g</a>

Scornful Egotist

Leadership of the Human Mon Keigh, I speak your tongue with the goal that you’ll listen, though towards Mon Keigh I keep my expectations reserved. As you may know, Isha, the Eldar goddess of healing, has survived the birth of She Who Thirsts. Her whereabouts have since remained unknown, though Isha remains as one of the only gods concerned with prosperity of mortals (alongside your emperor.) She even whispers to us of the cures to many great plagues. In ancient times she brought about boons of great health and kindness to those who entreated her, and I’m sure she still has no desire for the Rhana Dandra. Our spiritual stones are a signet of Her divine empathy, Her powers are more than grand enough to restore your emperor to health, it was Her who gave birth to the Eldar and all life, Her who granted you existence. Perhaps I have been marred by Seachrans, but I ask this, if she offered you her aid, would you take it? Perhaps would you even seek her out for such gifts? Lann Caihe Edgecus Taern

ArchMagos

To the most holy omnissiah . you have listed all of the flaws that you sons have. such as rogal's inability to lie (that was until the tuesday traitor lied to you about the turkey taco's) and corax being an edge lord . but surely all of your sons have there good points as well. im sure it whould renew the fighting spirits of all the space marine chapters to be reminded of there primarchs good points. yours faithfully enginseer desperles of the 8th cadian

l3loodKnight

Hope you like the idea, wanted to send a question/msg about what deamons think or are 'feeling' from the apparent 'Taco Heresy'. Location: Eye Of Terror Situation: Taco wars Due to some unknown force(or reason) Daemons have begun fighting each other over Tacos since the release of your Public message. Based on what has occurred several have taking there own side on whats happening. The Daemons of excess seem to agree with the Emperor with Tacos as the pleasure eating such as tasty treat after suffering for a week of work. The Daemons of Decay seem to think Taco Tuesday is right as it gives though who feel like there life is slipping to rejuvenate themselves. The Daemons of Tzeentch keep switching the day they like, more then likely to fuel the fighting, though many are also saying something about Pancake Mondays which hasn't changed since this started. The Khorne Daemons are attacking everyone while shouting 'Turkey Leg Tuesday' while slaughtering everyone, possible due to Turkey legs being both easy to eat and beat over someone head. For the Emperor! -Alpharius of the Alpha Legion I hope you like the idea I had(and maybe make it look more like a report of sorts ^.^;) Most of the Alpha Legion tend to greet people by saying "I am Alpharius" thought if the message came from 'Alpharius' might be funny, since they tend to confuse people on weather he's alive or dead.

Jim McGeehin

To Our Most Glorious Emperor: I have spoken with many of the more faithful elements amongst the civilian population and the Adeptus Militarum, and what strikes me about their faith is the profound psychological comfort it gives them, worthy of respect even by we in the Astartes. In a universe where they are doomed to die, faith in you helps given alleviate their fears and assigns them purpose. Seeing your creations such as we Astartes or the miracles of Saint Celestine make them belief there is hope for the better in an uncaring universe. For morale, few things are better. How can we get them to not worship you as a god, but still retain that sense of unity and purpose? Your servant, Apothecary Caius Io, Imperial Fists

DefterTuna

Glorious Emperor of Mankind: Whatever happened to The Alamo? I keep hearing these Agri-world Guardsmen rambling about it and shouting to remember it, and it's starting to irritate the Commissar.

SurlyPanda

To the gilded and unquestioned master of mankind;

Jack Ponder

To The Man Emperor of Mankind, This humble servant of yours has rejoiced in the return of your active rulership of the Imperium. But with the changes made to our religion following the revelations you have provided, it has occurred to me that there is one other mystery which you might well be able to shed some light upon. When is the date of your birth? Yours truly, Scribe Adam Thranus of Albus Six

SurlyPanda

To the gilded unquestioned master of mankind; I am rather surprised by your pragmatic view of xenos kind given the official stance of the ecclesiarchy in the past few millenniums. However, what is your stance toward humans that have deviated from the "standard" forms. A variety of them served in the guards such as ratlings and ogryn. Will you seek to return them back toward a more "standardized" form of man or allow them to continue to serve in the same capacity? Redshirt of the Nimbus 47th regiment

Drefsab

To the Most Holy Emperor of Mankind, Why has the Omnisiah seen fit to 'bless' us with such a bothersome caf maker? Of all the machine spirits this one is truly the most fickle, and I believe it may actually be a minor Chaos daemon. May we get a replacement? Gratefully, 01010100 01100101 01100011 01101000 00101101 01010000 01110010 01101001 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01010100 01100101 01110010 01100011 01101001 01110101 01110011

Oliver Saward

Oh, Glorious and Imperial Man-Emperor of Mankind. I have roamed these data-halls for many years, archiving and curating the boundless knowledge within. I have learned much in my time, absorbed passages deemed esoteric by many, forbidden by some. And yet a question has always hung over me. It haunts my nights of restless tossing, it gnaws, ever-present at the back of my mind. Now, as the blinded fools of the fridayists hammer at the door, I cannot stop my mind dwelling on this matter. In whatever time I have left, I have to know. What the heck happened to the II and XI legions? Seriously, why has no-one noticed the obvious gap in the generic charts of the 20 original legions? All my searching has yielded nought but redacted results, but I mean, come on. FUCKING HORUS busted through the walls of Terra and smacked your divine corporeal form into a wheelchair, but we still know his name. What did II and XI do to deserve obscurity? Yours faithfully, for whatever time I have left… Adept-Minoris Ollan Custodimar. Glory be to Taco Tuesday.

SexualYeti

Great and Mighty Emperor. Considering the fucked up nature of the galaxy right now, why don't you start making some thunder warriors to get everything sorted out for the moment. I mean I know they were supposedly unstable and insane like an army of teenagers, but they also don't live long so maybe they can fuck some shit up that is fucking our shit up and when they are dead we can send some astartes to fix everything up. I have heard that Archmagos Belisarius Cawl has "something awesome" in his labs, but I have a feeling that his idea won't catch on and certainly isn't involved with any of your loyal sons. Kindest Regards, SexualYeti, Pornoslate Artist

Ed130 The Vanguard

My glorious Emperor, thank you for having your guardian 'Custodisi?' read out my question, while you were rather vague simply having it spoken in your presence has proven to be a powerful weapon in the Cardinal Conclave ever since they forbid the use of bolters as debating tools. Now that Mankind Worship is now considered an acceptable form of worship of Yourself a new issue has sprung up, Heresy. This has always been an issue and ever since the 'Slaaneshmas' incident strange new 'Man-cults' have sprung up, such as the one which worships the human skull and desires large piles of them or modified pleasure covens. I must now ask of you, what constitutes Heresy in the Veneration of Mankind and Yourself? Your ever faithful servant: Cardinal Bucephelus XI of Gathalamor

Chordat

My Emperor, I hope this message reaches you. I can only pray that it does. As the Emperor of Mankind, I have no doubt that you have overseen our fair homeworld since time immemorial. I have no doubt that you know Holy Terra's magnificent hive spires were built over the ruins of the Age of Strife, and I have no doubt that you know better than any of us what horrors that era wrought. But I doubt you know some of those horrors still survive down here. I don't know where exactly I am. I was attempting to evade the heretics masquerading as the Inquisition when part of the Hive gave way beneath me. I don't know how I survived the fall. Maybe I didn't, and this is merely some hallucination as I wait for death, but if I do still live, you must be warned. I am not alone down here, My Emperor. I hear them, even as I send this message, I hear them lurking in this forsaken place beneath your great works. I don't know what they are, or why they are down here. I only know that they are here, and they are hunting me. I do not beseech you for rescue, My Emperor. Most likely by the time you receive this it will already be too late for that. Instead I beseech you vengeance, My Emperor. The thought of these misbegotten wretches crawling in the shadows of your home, defiling our species' sacred cradle with their very existence... it fills me with horror and rage in equal measure. I beg of you, My Emperor, cleanse this vile filth from the bowels of- *SIGNAL LOST*

Bomani Kernizan

Oh Mighty Emperor of Mankind, See as this podcast of yours is meant to educate the masses, it raises a question for me. How educated are the forces of imperium about the forces of chaos and traitor Horus? See as the average imperial citizen is forbidden knowledge of ruinous powers, do you have to education guards men and later space marines about the history and forces of chaos? Otherwise how could they effectively fight them? your loyal subject, Vancore of the Cosmic Seas, Rouge trader eternal.

R.Hayakawa

To our Great, Immortal Emperor: Have you heard of the vile fiend known as "Abaddon The Despoiler"? Ever since you vanquished the foul Arch-Traitor Horus, he has been the de-facto warlord of the traitor legions and have launched 13 offensives against us. We continue to hold the line, but Cadia has fallen and the traitor legions assail us from all fronts. On top of that, the Imperium faces growing numbers of Ork WAAGHs, Tyranid incursions, and Tau offensives into our territories. This also includes some of the newer-discovered xeno empires challenging us, like the Rak'gol and Q'Orl. Truly it seems that this is mankind's darkest hour. Do you have a plan to break the stalemate and bring us to victory like what the stories about you during the Great Crusade have told us? Tis truly a miracle you speak to us again, but the disillusioned war populace needs to have hope for a better tomorrow. From one of your eternally loyal servants: Inquisitor Hayakawa of the Ordo Hereticus.

Profe MacKnight

To Papa Gold-Emperor Have you ever heard of the Angry marines`? They are a space marine chapter that is based on the planet McRage. They serve the imperium in a... weird way. Almost borderline Renegade. When they arrive in a combat zone, they normaly drop pod into the enemy formation. Or use thunderhawks that have a tendensy to get thorn to pieces on the way down by the marines inside it. Its also rumoured that they frecvently ram their space ships into the enemies. Even when they are ON a planet. Their use of profanity and curses have thus far been turned ledgendary and made several Inquisitors and army leaders go def from the screaming and cursing. Its also known that they completely disregard the Codex Astartes, consider they number more then the 1000 limit of normal chapters, and the way they recruit their warriors from diffrent warzones acorss the imperium, even full grown Imperial Guard soliders. It's even gone so far that they have come to blows with the Ultramarines and other chapters on numerous occations and they even murdered the chapter master of another chapter once on the word of their chaplains. Which lead to said chaplain being executed by the Inqusition, who flip the bird to the firing squad while cursing and yelling on them to hurry up. What is your opinion on them? From your loyal Servant. Fleet Master of the Imperial Fists chapter. Profe Macknight

William Bird

Hey Emps! I was wondering if the Lamenters will ever get a break from being the Imperium's chew toy. They go through hell and back in your name yet the Imperium at large detests them for no real discernible reason. Despite holding the line and protecting your civilians despite mass casualties they receive nothing but scorn. I understand the penance crusade they were forced to take at the end of the Badab War but that was due in part to the Astral Claws being the first chapter to treat them like friends instead of giving them outright hatred. Will you call your loyal sons home so they may replenish their strength and continue to serve you and the people of the Imperium for millenniums more?

Hori

Dear Astropath Emperor from Adeptus Astra Telepathica, I have receive you contact details from Overlord Trazyn when i have inquired about specialist who would be able to assist us with enormous issue we have encountered. Would you mind providing us contact details to one named "Rogal Dorn, Primarch of Imperial Fist", I have heard he is an excellent specialist in construction of vast complexes from gold as such we would like to hire him (We are willing to provide him whatever he wishes as payment). My Crypteks have intercepted your latest transmission and we cannot wait to hear his absolutely stellar jokes! Though we would appreciate if Overlord Trazyn who im certain is listening to this message would stop broadcasting them to our Warriors as cleaning up the mess after they explode from attempts at laugh is rather frustrating. Praise The Silent King, Overlord Hori of Enarkh Dynasty

RiPpEr

To the Man-Emperor of Mankind, after learning about the many deeds and flaws of the Primarchs of the Adeptus Astartes, I have been left to wonder, although you may of once considered them nothing more than well crafted tools, did you not feel a slight twinge of disappointment that only a few of them had managed to create interstellar empires by the time that you found them, or that even less of them even thought of going and looking for you? Sincerely, a rather curious Remembrancer

Rossman

Dear Big-E After the Chinchare Invasion, what happened to the Dark Hands Space Marine Chapter? Also where what are up with the Hrud these days? Are they around either? Even though I detest the Xeno scum, I still find them as an interesting adversary in this bleak little galaxy. Sincerely, A humble Guardsman.

SheepFace2000

To The most Manly Man-peror Seriously. Tacos?! You've started a civil war on my planet over fucking tacos?! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU Sincerely, Governor Marbulah Sorum Gorpharo IV

Joshua Fogarty

Dear Emperor What are your thoughts on the Vlka Fenryka's honorable stance against the inquisition concerning the citizens of the Imperium that nearly sparked a civil war? Sincerely, A loyal citizen

no name for u

Hello my Emperor . Yesterday while I was marveling at the fact that I am still alive despite the ever looming threat of the foul Xenos, the chance that at any moment i could mutate into something outside the acceptable norm, the despicable forces of Chaos and the deplorable living conditions on the levels of the hive city in which I reside, I saw something that made me awfully concerned. A group of a hundred or so psykers were being rounded up,sedated and placed on ships by members of the inquisition.Usually I have no qualms with this. I have no problem with psykers being taken far away from me, i have enough to worry about without daemons materializing out of nowhere to poke me with spiky things. I have seen scenes like this countless times but that day I overheard members of the inquisition say that these psykers where to be shipped off to Terra immediately. I can only assume that the other groups of psykers were also on their way to Terra. I did try to ask, but the Inquisitor I approached simply punched my face in and left. My question is this. Why are so many psykers being sent to Terra? Surely this would put Terra at risk of daemon influence if not just flat out invasion? What is in Terra's name is happening to all these Psykers? Humbly your concerned servant Tibus Tibia.

Red Imp

Dear 'Man' Emperor, Your Imperial Fists appear to be trying to cook using flamers - you might want to stop that. While gold isn't flammable, it can melt. Assuming the Eldar ever regain the mythical 'common sense' and start sharing information which could be used to destroy enemies to both races, is an alliance possible? 'yours' Certainly not a Heretical Eldar PS. you might want to have your custodians sight and hearing checked, you may have a security problem.

Taylor Tilbury

(splattered slightly with blood and flem) To 'Boy', Why haven't you come home yet? you mother is very worried that you have died or haven't been taking your medication or not been eating. If you can, please come home soon so she will stop badgering me about it with a warhammer. With love, 'Father'

Jarreth Wolfgang Armstrong

MY GLORIOUS EMPEROR! I apologize for my questioning you but I must ask. What is your taste in the musical sense? Do you have an recommendations for me to listen to? Sincerely, some weirdo from Space Australia.

Grim

My Emperor, I must first thank you for the write of Warrant of Trade that you personally signed for my family as it has led my house to be able to server your great cause over all these millennia. Having heard your last broadcast about the White Scars it left me wondering what do space marines do for fun. That of course led me to wonder what the Emperor of Man did in his spare time before he was entombed upon that chair and what you will do once you are able to rise from it? Also my Lord, I must ask since I have been in an argument for some time, I am going to replace the Captain's chair in my great flagship but I must ask what type of Captains chair do you advise I get? Should it be made of dark wood and inlaid with gold? If you could give any advice in this as well I would forever be in your debt my lord. Humbly, Lord-Admiral Grim Temar, Rogue Trader

Fujishawa

(Written in a terrible, barely legible, handwriting.) My Empers! I'z wunderin wat happuns when we dies? Me in da gard, so I gunna die fightin 1 day N all. So wut go on win loyal pepole ded? - Galt "Tiny" Tehhick, Ogryn of Alpha Squad of the 247th Carrion Riders(The signature seems to actually be stamped onto the paper)

Kamendachi

I'm pretty sure to everyone else in the Imperium(outside the imperial palace) Rogal is hiding under the name of Adorable.

Bob Kyne

DEAR LIFE FORM, WE OF THE MAJOR LEAGUE NECRONS KINDLY REQUEST YOU TO CEASE AND DESIST YOUR GRIMDANK MEMES (AND ALSO TO STOP LIVING). WE ARE TRYING TO GET OUR 'ROBOT MUMMY' MEMES OFF THE GROUND, BUT YOUR GRIMDARK BULLSHIT KEEPS OVERSHADOWING IT. SO STAHP. SIGNED, AN OVERLORD THAT IS STILL TOTALLY SANE.

David Burton

Dear Emperor, everyone knows the ultimate answer is 42, but what is the ultimate question? -Inquisitor Lukas Hawkwood

WeedLovingUxion

To: Yo, God-Emperor of Mankind. I've been living here on Necromunda my whole life damn life, for fucking real, and I ain't heard much about you. But Papa G-cash said you were the Boss of the biggest Gang in the whole Galaxy and we all had to pay tribute. Now, my gang ain't too big, but even when we was part of the Orlocks we didn't pay up much, or heard about you too often. But eventually we heard 'bout these letters and stuff you've been taking. That's really cool of you boss, even MC Thunder, my boss, doesn't take questions too often. He just...smashes us...with his thunder stick thing. But, yeah, so I heard from a real old guy that one of your boys, Dorn, rolled up with his crew, them Imperial Fists, and dropped something here. Nobody knows what its, we just call it "Phanta Claws." cause...I dunno, we just do. And apparently your boy Dorn dropped it off a long time ago during that Great Crusade, you know, when you was pimping your way through all them xeno fuckers who wouldn't give your crew respect? And yeah, it's been here ever since. It just goes around, wearing this lil red and whitehat and killing lots and lots of gangers with its claws...except the ones it gives presents to. Likewhat the fuck is up with that shit? It goes around, with these great big claws, followed by these freaky fucking ratling things with pointy ears, and it kills tons of people. But some people it just...throws athing at and leaves. Like, Sometimes it's a rubber ball, sometimes it's this kick ass gun that blows up buildings. Boss has some kinda funky robo-armor and this big super hammer that is all electricy and stuff. Likethirty other people died though. I got fluffy thing like a big rat with long ears. The rest of us kinda died, mostly. But yeah, it just does this once a year. We call itFistmas, kinda like Sanguinala? 'Round the same time too. Like some kinda blender of hate andmurder and presents. And I just kinda want to know why? Like, why'd he drop this freaky murder thing with claws and weird midget things on here andhave it keep killing us and giving us weird stuff.  And...ermm..don't tell Thunder, Boss, but ah...you seem like a nicer Boss, can I come work for you instead? I'm a really good shot, and good atcooking rat, and I really, really don't wanna get fucked up by this Phanta Claws or anything. Itripped Jackknife into three pieces, smacked Grendla in the face with a cyber dong, and turnedFunko into rat meat before running away cackling. From:  Crulljawz Necromunda Underhive-etc.

Paul Calhoun

ForgeWorld Hej’Klippr Your Most Outrageously Mechanical Majesty, We in the Mechanicum appreciate your explanation as to the divine and very classy piece of holy technology which (because it is apparently unique) rests upon only one of your holy eye sockets. Glossing over the request to study it which will invariably result in you telling us to shove off and find our own entertainment system, we have a most vexing question. Your Imperial word has been that humanity destined to become perfect in form and function and that your will is for us to develop into this perfect form as swiftly as possible. However, though you are the blessed Omnissiah, you have always eschewed any enhancements mechanical or biological. Thus, your once radiant and magnificent fleshbag self must be the perfection we aspire to. Does this mean that we're barking up the wrong tech-tree by enhancing ourselves in the manner which has for millennia been our custom and holy charge? We have have long followed the teachings of a most ancient vod which though fragmentary suggests that if we eat two Men of Iron we will attain a perfect form. It uses the ancient term android but we believe the meaning is allegorical and so try to become twice as mechanically pure as the Men of Iron of our dark yet glorious height. Is your will to do otherwise? Some of our older members will have difficulty reversing the change. Perhaps there is a specific part of our body which is most in need of perfecting which we can leave when all other fleshbag components have been purged. Signed, Archimagos Lon Moer ForgeWorld Hej’Klippr

Paul Calhoun

"We wish you to fortify this monolith." "The monolith already has shielding and armor thicker than most of our tanks on all sides, as well as numerous turrets and a large main weapon. This will be ... a challenge."

TheBeastIsBack

O magnifisant emperor i was searching through old terran archives when i came across a tome of aientant legend that told the stroy of how during the age of strife a man Named mad max romed the lands of the apocalypse with his companion furiosa (fuckin shit name if you ask me and the priests) and there adventure fighting techno barberions and the such but we were wondering if you new of this man and his tales as the scribe has no mention of you and your o so magnisfisant armys, do you know of him and if so what could you tell us of your encountor with him and what happend to be his fate as this tires us day and night digging up anything about the man and his adventures.

Kirk Rowe

Oh Most Goldiest of Man, If you wanted to abolish all religions, why did you let the Techpriests keep doing their thing? Sincerely, A Humble Skeptic

Andrew Fahnholz

Oh our most Marvelous Manperor, Have you ever been drunk? Did you have a favorite drink before creating the Empire of Man? I am have a most difficult time imagining a beverage powerful enough to challenge your glorious golden livers. Respectfully, Guardsman #2124567421

Paul Calhoun

I'm imagining a time in the Dark Age of Technology when the Emperor gave up being a serious pants messiah and cruised around the old Galactic Empire showing people this really hoopy new drink he just invented called the Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster.