UH CH 21 (Patreon)

I nearly threw that shit away.

“What the hell is this?”

Zhou cackled under her mask, her amusement evident for all to see.

“Unicorn horn. Bound with a part of its soul still inside. It talks. Occasionally insults. But its effect against curses and mana poisons? Better than a squad of priests. The only problem is that only maidens and virgins can use it. Anyone else gets saddled with dozens of debuffs.”

“…It’s cursed?” Not even Iron Fist could stay silent at this point.

“Technically, it’s just opinionated. Also it glows when in contact with someone who fulfills the conditions. I initially wanted to sell it to the church but nearly caused a scandal.”

“Scandal as it glowed or scandal as it did not glow?” I asked unintentionally but the chuckle I received was an answer on its own.

I wondered which saintess or priestess got outed in such a humiliating way but decided to dwell too much on it.

I stared at the club.

Live unicorns were beasts that could only be found in B rank dungeons and above. I did not know much about them beyond the fact that only pure maidens could mount one.

And by pure, I mean virgin.

“Well, at least we all know you got laid.” Iron Fist patted my shoulder encouragingly.

But I was more focused on something else. I looked at my stats. One stat in particular.

[Resistance: SSS-159]

What was stronger? The curse of an unicorn or my mysteriously high resistance stats?

I was itching to try now but if she knew that I could use that thing without fearing any debuff, the possible price would most likely increase.

Better hide that fact.

“So, me buying this unicorn…”

“Unicorn’s rod.” She added teasingly.

My lips twitched and my desire to obtain this weapon greatly diminished.

{Unhand me! Your filthiness is seeping in my blood!}

Does that thing even have blood?

I cleared my road.

“Staff.”

“Rod.” She continued.

“Club.”

“Rod.”

“…”

“Unless you call it like I want, I will not sell it.”

I looked at Iron Fist for help but he simply looked away and so with helplessness, I released a sigh.

“Will you lower the price for this…Unicorn’s rod?”

{Virginless bastard! How dare barter!? Owning me should be an honor!}

“Pfft! But of course. I am sure you will use this new rod in the best way possible.”

After that short embarrassing episode, I found myself looking at the few choices I settled on.

Zhou Mei had shown me a few more weapons and gadgets but none of them were of particular interest in my eyes.

I was getting a little impatient since what I was truly here for still did not appear but I knew better than to show impatience.

Her teasing attitude and her light joke did not fool me.

Zhou Mei might be Iron Fist’s friend, but she was not mine. It was important to keep this distinction in mind.

“Well, it looks like this is it.” Zhou Mei nodded.

A shotgun, anti-mage grenades, a broken holy sword, and a sentient unicorn horn. I added a few healing ointments and a potion that could replenish mana to the lot.

This was not really what I imagined when I came to this place.

But beggars couldn’t be choosers.

The worst?

“I might not be able to afford all of this,” I muttered.

“You brought two bags of cash, didn’t you?” Zhou tilted her head. “I’ll take both.”

“For everything??”

“Hahaha…No. I like you boy. But not enough to sell at a loss like this. At most two and I am being generous. Consider it a gift for coming with Iron Fist.”

Translation: I would never deal with a penniless guy like you otherwise.

I understood. There was no need to argue against the simple reality.

“Now,” I said, leaning forward. “Where are the bombs?”

Everything else was a nice bonus and now that I knew where those things were, I could even potentially steal or rather borrow them later on.

But the bomb was different.

Technically, grenades were bombs. But we both knew that wasn’t what I wanted.

Zhou Mei tilted her head slightly. “I’ll be direct. You can’t afford a bomb. At least, not the kind you’re thinking of. And even if you could…”

She paused.

“I wouldn’t sell it to you. It’s bad for business,” she added, voice flat.

“This is the Black Market, isn’t it? I thought selling questionable stuff was the whole point.”

She leaned back in her chair, crossing one leg over the other. Her plague doctor mask hid her face, but her tone was crystal clear.

“Oh, it is. Selling questionable things is the foundation of this place. But not that questionable. There’s a line. I like to call it the fuck around and find out line.”

She held up a gloved hand and ticked off her fingers.

“Selling recreational drugs? No one cares if a few more junkies rot in the alleys. Selling looted hunter gear? They call that recycling. Even cursed artifacts? Eh. If someone’s dumb enough to touch one, that’s on them.”

She said this as she eyed the unicorn rod.

Her fingers lowered, and her voice dropped slightly.

“But a bomb? A mana bomb? That’s not shady. That’s a declaration. A direct challenge. The kind of thing that makes government dogs crawl out from their holes and start asking questions.”

She paused again.

“And they don’t like being challenged. Especially not by people like me. People who are supposed to stay quiet. The government knows they cannot eradicate crime. So they tolerate us. Sometimes even use us. But only until we cross the Fuck around and find out line.”

I leaned back.

“So you’re saying no because you are scared of the government?”

“Yes. I am just a small merchant making a living. If I sell you that and you get found using it, my name risks being in a folder on some agency desk less than 24h later and this whole district will become ash a week after. Why should I take this kind of risk for you? What makes you worth it?”

I didn’t respond right away.

Instead, I looked around the room—at the antique weapon cases, at the silent guards standing by the velvet curtains, at the air filters hissing faintly in the corners. Everything in this place screamed money. Power. Fear.

Zhou Mei didn’t flinch under my silence. She didn’t bluff. She didn’t negotiate.

She just waited.

Finally, I leaned forward, hands on the table. Though I was still hesitant to admit it, my chances of surviving the fight against the necromancer on the second try were extremely low.

Since that was the case, I needed to use everything at my disposal.

Even admitting big secrets or lying.

“I have a Cheat. An unique class. I believe this should greatly increase my worth.”

“What!? Is that true!?” Iron Fist finally lost his bearings. He knew very well how much I struggled in the past and while my stunt a few moments ago with the gunner should have clued him in, this was a direct confirmation.

Ideally, I did not wish for him to discover it in such a way. But this was one of the trump cards I could play.

Zhou Mei was visibly affected but much less so than Iron Fist.

“I suppose the teleportation skill you used earlier was related to this cheat? Impressive indeed. Space related skills are all extremely rare and valuable. An entire cheat class based on this definitely has great potential.”

I did not bother correcting her about the mistakes. Revealing some of my power was an inevitability. So I wanted to do it on my terms and make sure I spread the right misinformation.

Zhou Mei reached a conclusion. “Still, it’s not enough. Not all cheat users manage to become powerhouses. In fact, many die stupidly because they do insane things like trying to hunt down a necromancer. Unless you have a cheat like Immortal or Invincible, betting on you now is not worth it.”

I ignored the small quip. She was right in saying that not all Cheats were equal.

“Then what if I say, I will give you the chance to sell the elixir found in the Hell Difficulty? Is there any cheat user that wasn’t able to at least clear the tutorial?”

“…Never.”

She seemed intrigued. “The chance to sell it? Not to own it?”

I painted a picture for her.

“There is nothing here worth an elixir you know that much. But if you sell the elixir in, let’s say an auction, it would give you plenty of advantages, right? Furthermore the commission alone for such unprecedented sales would be enormous even for you.”

It was an object desired by all but with no market. I could already imagine how crazy people would go for something like this.

“Well… Now you have my attention.”

“And now I want my bomb.”

She let that hang in the air for a second before speaking again.

“There’s one thing I might offer,” she said slowly. “Technically speaking it’s not a bomb. So it can easily slip past most detectors.”

I raised an eyebrow.

She didn’t speak. Just reached under the table and pressed something.

A click.

One of her guards stepped forward and placed a long, black case on the table.

Zhou Mei looked at me through the blank stare of her plague doctor mask. “Ever heard of an etherium compression core?”

I shook my head. “No.” That seemed like some scifi mumbo jumbo.

“Of course not. A simple explanation is that it’s raw compressed mana. They were banned fifteen years ago. The initial goal was to create a pure inexhaustible source of energy that would simply absorb mana in the air to fuel itself. Half the labs that made them got shut down after the first half blew up.”

She tapped the case.

“This isn’t a bomb. Not until you hook it into a mana circuit, overload it, and point it at someone you really hate. Then? It’s close enough. What makes it interesting is that it only affects things or people that have mana. So its destructive power is very low unless in a place like a dungeon. But using it in a dungeon is pure suicide. So it’s just junk. Dangerous junk.”

I stared at it. This seemed far more dangerous than a simple bomb. At least far more insidious.

I also knew that replicating something like that in one go would be impossible. But now I had nothing but time on my side.

“How long does it take to detonate?”

“Near instantaneous. 2-3 seconds max. Perhaps less. But you have a teleportation skill, right? This is the only reason I decided to sell this one.”

“Seems like a suicide bomb.”

“Because it is. Heh. You activate it, you better not be standing nearby. Otherwise it will feed off your mana first. Still want it?”

I didn’t look away.

“How much?”

She was silent for a second.

Then finally, she slid the case toward me.

“Free of charge. What you choose is mostly junks I had no use for. It’s a cheap price to pay for the chance to sell an elixir.”

“What about a contract?”

She gave a look at Iron Fist and shook her head, “No need to sign anything. If you refuse to pay, Iron Fist will belong to me.”

This seemed like a very suspicious relationship.

“Just remember this, if you fuck around, your teleportation skill better be able to send you to another country.”

“Thank you.”

“No need for thanks. This is just an investment.”

I opened the case.

Inside was a cylindrical device about the length of my forearm. Coiled metal veins pulsed faintly with violet light. It was crude. Ugly. And terrifying.

Just what I needed. I gave her a slow nod.

“Deal.”

***

We left the way we came, and I was still carrying all my cash alongside a hardcase full of weapons behind me.

Zhou Mei waved us off with a lazy “good luck,” and only now did I understand why.

Eyes followed us. Some curious. Some greedy. None brave enough to test the two guards at our side.

Iron Fist walked beside me, arms crossed like always.

“If you’re planning to use that stuff in the city,” he said, voice low, “You better know your exit routes. Last thing you want is a police raid on top of a Necromancer hunt.”

He didn’t ask questions. Didn’t press for reasons. Just gave advice like he always did. In a way, he was a very loving man. But also very awkward when it came to acting nice.

“About my…”

“Don’t bother. I don’t need to know more. You know as well as me that half of what makes cheats so dangerous is their unpredictability. The less I know, the better.”

“Thank you.” This was all I could say.

“There is no need for that between us. Also, the night is far from over.”

We were close to the stairwell leading out. The guards gave a nod and left.

We were on our own now and soon reached the same rusted place we’d come through.

But standing at the top now… was someone new.

An old white man. Grey hair. Black coat. Fedora. And a sword cane resting against the ground like he didn’t have a care in the world.

I stopped walking.

Iron Fist did too.

The air shifted.

I stopped, tightening my grip on the case.

Iron Fist was right. This night wasn’t over yet.