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DISCUSSION - What has been the toughest part of communicating kinks or sexual preferences with your partner or someone else? (Patreon)

Published:
2021-07-12 22:45:01
Edited:
2021-07-13 00:14:10
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hey girls,

Another topic that crossed my mind was what kink, fantasy or passion have you really wanted to explore with someone but had a hard time communicating it to them or asking them about it? 

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Comments

K.M.E

Being on the curvier/plus size side, I always worry about judgment. I fear that my partner will not be up to do what I like because of my size and then I fear that they will limit their interactions because they don't know or don't think they can be that way with me.

Skeletor

It seems to me that most people are up for anything. The only difficult is if they're not good at something, they might not want to hear about it, or even be positively guided, depending on their personality. They might just want to keep doing what they're doing, even if it's shit.

Ryth

Something that’s hard for me is explaining what I like sexually in general after telling my partner about the physical , mental and emotional abuse that I went through. They don’t understand why I would want to be in bdsm and light s/m situations if I have been hurt before , so on top of already feeling anxious or awkward , feeling like I’m going to be judged makes it worse .

Su

When i talked to him about things i like and would like to try with him he laughed or made jokes about it ( probably cause he was intimidated or unsure at the time). I’m fine if he didn’t want to try but by making fun of the stuff I like it makes me close off that part to him. When they do come around to it I’m not comfortable trying it with them anymore 😕And this has only happened once but it was in my last relationship and it was something I’ve never dealt with before in previous ones.

Oliviazandrite

My own personal insecurities. I know I am able to tell my partner anything and he loves me and finds me attractive matters what, but I feel like when I try to start the mood, I literally don't know how to be sexy about it so I just laugh and play it off

Beth

Mine is age play. Some people dont understand, will laugh or simply get grossed out. So I usually dont tell anyone.

Maria xoxo

For me at first it was very embarrassing to admit I was interested in bdsm or a dom and I can’t communicate it to my partner because we’ve been married for 8 years and I know he’s just not that type of man. It would be useless to try. He needs cuddling and constant reassurance he couldn’t harm a flea if he tried. The person I dream of isn’t him he is strong with a dark past he’s confident and a leader. And I don’t want someone to act for me that isn’t real I dream of meeting this person who really is strong dark and passionate I don’t want to teach a man how to please me. If I ever met my dream guy IRL I’d immediately sleep with him.

Venalcake

It's always been uncomfortable for me to talk about the fact that I like to be very submissive. In relationships I feel like I'm always the one who takes care of the other one and nurtures them so it has never come up naturally, and I feel so embarrassed about it. I honestly don't know what the relationship should be for me to be able to open up about it, cause if were too close and intimate I get really anxious about sex but if we don't know each other at all I might be able to say it but I definitely won't relax during sex or cum 🤷‍♀️

Lisa

Mine is my Daddy kink or desire to be called baby girl or sweet girl you're such a good little girl. I have to second guess what I want to say. And also will he be offended if I happen to call him daddy. So I keep hiding anything to do with my DDlg lifestyle. Have my little room Locked when I have a guy over. But I so desperately want to be open and honest with my lifestyle and have someone who can be invited into my world. All the fear and concerns and the panicky feelings would be gone. But I don't know if I can or should trust someone to come in that world and not get talked about behind my back.

Phoenix Fire

Besides initiating/ discussing in general to massive insecurity? Him being rough/ throwing me around/ degradation. He isn't built for it and he's tried but I can't communicate effectively exactly what I want

Bunnyluvsusagi

I need a sex therapist or a general therapist I can speak to before I move on with getting married to my partner. I was explaining to him that some of the sexual trauma I've experienced has "messed me up". For example, I'm afraid to tell him some of my sexual fantasies because I don't feel like being shamed. And how I asked him to abuse me sexually to get over my sexual trauma. But something like that.

Felicity Shields

I consider myself open and eager to explore I have a few hard limits but am adventurous. BUT I was raised by very very "Victorian" parents. I find it so damn hard to ask for what I want. Or to be open with lingerie or similar. Out here in the states I just hide behind "I'm British" but... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Abie

Well I'm kind of open with the fact that I'd be interested in bondage. I'm a switch but despite my chill personality, I see myself as slightly more dominant in bed. I've only had one sexual partner and I would've loved to use bondage on him...But we only ever went at it twice and it was in a one night period. Months later and the most that happened after was maybe a mini make out session and then a huge fight that ended with him cheating a month later. So I'm pretty insecure in my own performance at this point even though I was able to make him climax while the most I got was arousal.

Kezia Bottomley

My partner is a few years older than me, he’s also more sexually experienced than me and that has made communication about sexual desires lot easier, but I’m with Venalcake and Lisa👆🏻 it was difficult still to open up about wanting to be called babygirl and sweet girl and little one. It was a little shocking to him how completely under his control I want to be in sexual situations when I’m generally very nurturing and wanting to be the leader in day to day life.

Abby ✨

Getting over a traumatic experience is definitely the hardest part when communicating. You don’t know what you’re partner went through to be scared of sex, but it wa s enough to break them and hurt them. In order to get to having sex, discussing boundaries and talking about past experiences is key, because you don’t know what your partner has been through.

NutNutty

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now...we're still a very fresh couple, but because of my very first relationship, i wanted to do things differently this time around. My first boyfriend was emotionally abusive and we were together for 3 years. Communicating what i wanted sexually to him was difficult because when we did have sex, it was very bland and I tried telling him I was into bdsm but all he got out of that conversation was that I liked being choked, spanked, and degraded....nothing else. We had one more conversation about my kinks around a year later, but I dont think he was listening cuz he just kept doing the same things over and over. In hindsight, he was probably doing the same things over and over cuz it made him feel like he had control but he was the most difficult. My current boyfriend, however, is a completely better story.

Christina

I've been slowly introducing new kinks to my husband but there are some I'm too afraid to bring up yet. Role playing is one I really want to try, like bring claimed and bred by a warrior or like a huntsman. Maybe like a viking or a Celt. It probably sounds weird but I really have a thing for all consuming claiming then loving aftercare. The dynamic of it is just so irresistible to me.

Dame

I'm unsure how to ask for it, or even approach the topic with partners. I want something kinky, confident, and fully controlled but the men that I have seen are all kind of set in their ways. It makes me not even want to ask. I tried once and he was so angry that what he was already doing wasn't enough he yelled at me about it. It makes me afraid to ever bring anything up with anyone

LittleOne

I'm married, and we've been Vanilla the entire time. After research, I've been wanting to try DDlg. I identify with it in many areas. He's down for the sex part, but not much else 😒 It's really disappointing bc I just want to be intimately dominated.

Karma

The fear of judgment.