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Poll

REWRITE: Amelia: Level Zero Hero Chapter 1

  • I prefer this new version 174
  • I prefer the previous old version 24
  • 2022-11-03
  • 198 votes
{'title': 'REWRITE: Amelia: Level Zero Hero Chapter 1', 'choices': [{'text': 'I prefer this new version', 'votes': 174}, {'text': 'I prefer the previous old version', 'votes': 24}], 'closes_at': None, 'created_at': datetime.datetime(2022, 11, 3, 23, 1, 34, tzinfo=datetime.timezone.utc), 'description': None, 'allow_multiple': False, 'total_votes': 198}

Content

If you read the previous Amelia Sneak Preview, please read this rewrite.

I rewrote significant portions of not just the chapter, but the entire premise entirely after hearing some of the critiques provided in the comments. Also, yes, there will be no Salvos chapter today because I spent time on the webcomic, editing Tian, then writing this. There will be two Salvos chapters tomorrow to make up for it.

Or three Salvos chapters tomorrow if at least 150 of you guys read this chapter and vote on the poll at the end.

Remember, I rewrote both the premise and the chapter. 

Synopsis:

Ten years ago, Amelia woke up alone in a broken world where she had to fight for her survival.

Now, after reaching the pinnacle of power and defeating the Void itself, she has finally escaped back into the real world. But instead of finding herself on Earth, she is in the land of Phantasia. A fantasy world with magic, monsters, Classes, and Levels. A world that is governed by a System just like in a video game.

And when rewarded with a Class befitting her accomplishments— to become a [Hero] that will forever dedicate her life to protecting this new world— she has only one response.

“Fuuuuuck no. I’m going to live a peaceful life now, thank you very much.”

Chapter 1:

“After ten thousand years, I have finally awoken. After ten thousand years, it is time for my revenge.”

An ethereal voice echoed down the lonely road at the stroke of midnight. It was followed by a cacophony of footsteps— the rattling of a thousand bones. An army marched down the gravel path as two figures led the way.

The first figure was adorned in an empurpled cloak. One that was torn short at its edges yet still dragged on the earth. A crown rested atop his head— a relatively distinct feature. But it was his skull of a face that drew the most attention.

“The great [Hero] Leon’s seal has been undone. The world shall tremble beneath my feet. All shall know my name. All shall suffer from my wrath.”

Two baleful red wisps of flame burned in his eye sockets, containing his fury. He spread his arm wide, and the army of skeletons behind him took a thunderous step forward all at once.

“Praise be, Lich King Ar’etith,” the second figure said.

He was the only living person amongst this sea of undead. A human man with raven-black hair and pupil-less eyes. He bowed as Ar’elith faced him approvingly.

“You did well heralding my return, Zolan. I shall ensure you are rewarded when my conquest is over.”

“It was my pleasure, my King.”

“Now onwards, my minions,” Ar’elith bellowed. “Bring this world to ruin—”

“Uh, excuse me,” a voice interrupted him.

Ar’elith’s flaming eyes flickered. He glanced down as a young woman stood just ahead of him. She was dressed in dirtied rags and had a rusty sword on her back. The Lich King stared at her quizzically.

“Skeleton people, huh? Well, it’s not the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen…” the girl murmured. She shrugged to herself and faced Ar’elith. “Whatever. Do you know the way to the nearest town?”

“Who is this?” Ar’elith stared at her uncertainly. He would’ve killed her right that instant, but she looked unusually calm despite his presence. In fact, she somehow even looked a little bored…

He quickly appraised her in case this was a trap, but the results proved otherwise.

[Human - Level 0]

“I just got here and I’m tired,” she continued. “I’ve been through… let’s say I’ve been through a lot.”

“Just a foolish girl, then,” Ar’elith snorted even with no lungs.

Zolan nodded. “Spare not your worries, my King. I shall deal with her.”

“Deal with it quickly.”

“Yes, Lich King Ar’elith.”

Stepping forward, the human man drew a rapier and aimed at the girl. He vanished mid-step and appeared next to her. As that happened, the Lich King turned his attention back to his army. He had other more important matters to attend to. For example, it was said that a [Hero] apparently existed in this day and age, one that could rival even the great [Hero] Leon’s strength back during Ar’elith’s time. It was a concern— one that he needed to be assuaged.

Ar’elith looked back when he heard a thud hit the ground. “Now, Zolan, tell me more about this new [Hero]—” he started.

And the Lich King paused. He stared, the flames in his eyes dimming as Zolan, his steward, lay in a puddle of blood. Standing next to him, the girl stood with her rusty sword drawn to the side. She wore the same bored expression on her face— just a tad bit more annoyed now.

“What…?”  Ar’elith tried to parse what he was seeing. Was his steward just killed by this Level 0 girl? That couldn’t be right…

Yet, the girl just looked at him expectantly. Almost mockingly. “I’m just lost, man. I don’t care about your revenge or whatever evil plot you have to take over the world. If you can’t help me, I’ll be on my way, alright?”

A trick. Ar’elith balled his skeletal hands into fists as he realized what had happened. She had used some sort of artifact to disguise her level. This had been a trick from the very start. The Lich King straightened and grew in size, looming over her as she stared up at him. His cloak lifted off the ground, barely fitting his body now as his burning eyes blazed into giant spheres of flame.

“Do you not know who I am, girl?” His voice boomed as the trees shook before rapidly decaying into dust.

“No, I actually don’t—”

A thin layer of sleet spread across the gravel road, and a thunder cracked in the distance. “I brought the Valeri Empire to its knees. I fought the great [Hero] Leon to a standstill. The world itself trembled at my name as I brought nations to ruin in my path of destruction.”

“...so you’re not going to help me, then?” she said flatly.

He brought his staff into the air. Dark clouds gathered above, and a misty aura coalesced at the staff’s crystalline tip.

“I am the Lich King Ar’elith! A puny girl like you is nothing to me!”

He swung his staff at her. A storm of ice and lightning blasted her way as her eyes flickered. The spell crackled, lighting up the night.

And she slashed up. The clouds parted. The lightning dissipated. The ice coating the road cracked. The Lich King tried to work his jaw, but it literally dropped to the ground with a clatter. His skeleton army perished, crumbling to dust as Ar’elith struggle to keep his hands up.

“W-what?” Once again, he tried to parse what was happening, but it was hard when his vision was slowly splitting in two. He collapsed, having been cut in perfect halves. His bones began to rapidly decompose as the girl just lowered her blade. “But I am the Lich King— a Level 75 [Archmage of Death]… how did a Level 0 girl like you…?”

“A Level 75 [Archmage of Death]?" She stared at the bones as they decayed to dust. "Are you stupid? Do you think this is a video game or something?” But she didn't get an answer.

And just like that, Lich King Ar’elith’s vengeance was ground to a halt only an hour after it began.

“...but I’m still lost,” Amelia sighed. “This sucks—”

And a blue screen flashed before her eyes as she recoiled.

—--

DING! a loud ringing reverberated in my ears.

[INITIATING INTEGRATION INTO THE SYSTEM…]

“Fuck— that’s loud.” I winced away from the blue screen. The words flickered and changed as I narrowed my eyes. “System? Integration? What is this? Am I going crazy too?”

I glanced back towards the pile of dust that had been the Lich King Ar’elith. He was the first person I met since arriving in this world, and I had thought he was just an insane idiot trying to kill me. But it seemed… he might not have been as insane as I thought.

[PROCESSING FEATS…]

“Did I really escape from the Fractured Realm to end up in a video game? God, that’d be so annoying.” I shook my head, and the words on the screen changed once again.

[You have defeated the Lich King Ar’elith and his army of death! For this feat, you have earned the title of Deathslayer!]

I rolled my eyes. “How original.”

There was a pause. The blue screen held still for a moment, flickering like it was glitched or broken. I cocked my head.

“Did something happen—” I started.

And a deluge of messages flashed before me.

[You have defeated a voidling! For this feat, you have earned the title of Phantasia’s Sentinel!]

[You have defeated a thousand voidlings! For this feat, you have earned the title of The Guardian of the Split Planes!]

[You have defeated ten thousand voidlings! For this feat, you have—]

…

There were rows of blue screens. Columns of what I had accomplished in the Fractured Realm— rewards for each individual feat, sorted by what I had done.

“Wait, wait, wait—”

[You have defeated a voidbeast—]

[You have defeated a thousand voidbeasts—]

…

[You have defeated a million voidbeasts—]

The blue screens formed a sphere around me. I spun around, dizzy from the constant flashing lights.

“This is too much—”

[You have defeated the Voidgod—]

[You have escaped the Fractured Realm—]

And the blue screens didn’t just list my feats, either. A second layer of blue screens appeared over the first— flickering into existence more rapidly and far more abundant in numbers. But they all said the same thing.

[You have leveled up!]

[You have leveled up!]

[You have leveled up!]

…

[You have leveled—]

“Stop.” I held my arms out, and the screens froze. The messages stopped coming as I exhaled deeply. Raising my head, I spoke in an annoyed voice. “That’s enough—”

But another screen flashed before me. I groaned.

“Fuck you too,” I murmurred.

If I were more spiteful, I’d have just ignored the screen even if it was right in front of my face. However, this screen was different. First of all, it didn’t have the same copy-and-pasted text as the others. And secondly, it was glowing red.

So, I looked up and read the words in front of me.

[SYSTEM ERROR:

LEVEL UPS AND TITLES REJECTED! 

INTEGRATION INTO THE SYSTEM FAILED!

Reason: You do not have a Class.]

“What?” I blinked.

And all the screens vanished, popping out of existence as quickly as they appeared. A new blue screen replaced them. One that was as large as the first.

[To integrate into the System, please choose one of the follow Classe(s):

[Worldwalker Hero of Phantasia] - An otherworlder who has arrived in Phantasia to save the world from destruction. As a unique Class, the [Worldwalker Hero of Phantasia] is unrivaled in strength, skill, or mastery of magic. Benevolent and full of grace, you will forever devote your life to protecting the System from the Void’s corruption.

Do you accept this Class?

There are no other Classes available for you to choose from.]

“...what?” I repeated myself.

This really was a lot to take in all at once. Actually, scratch that, it had been a lot to take in from the very first System message. My mind was reeling— my vision was spinning. I really didn’t quite understand what was going on.

I knew that there was… some sort of System? And that this world was like a video game with Classes and levels and other video game stuff? But other than that, I was utterly confused.

But this System refused to elaborate any further. My eyes flickered as another message appeared once more. A direct missive from the System.

[Please choose a Class to integrate into the System.]

While I didn’t know what was going on, I knew one thing— I had already unwittingly saved this world once. I had already slain the Voidgod threatening to end everything. Now, this System was asking me to save the world again.

No— it was asking me to forever dedicate my life to be this world’s hero. After all I’d done. My answer was obvious.

“Fuuuuuck no. I’m going to live a peaceful life now, thank you very much.”

I spun around and marched away from the blue screen.

Poll:

Do you prefer this new version or the old version? Click here to read the old one. Also, remember to like the chapter of you liked it!

Comments

MelasDelta

If you prefer the old version, let me know why!

JAZZEYENANO

I kind of liked it that her power existed outside the system, rather than being integrated

JustAUser

I'm not sure if I read it wrong, but in the old one it was as if she couldn't accept a class. Whereas in this she declines accepting a class. I prefer the former than the later, not for any particular reason.

SHADOUX9

I like her having more agency in fucking with the system, by actively choosing to reject it we get to see an important aspect of her character as well as not having the question of why she cant use the system constantly popping up.

Elaine

good chappie

Dap5

In the old version, I feel like it's a "bad things happen to good people" situation, which makes me curious as to what else her shitty luck will bring, while being looked down on by all the people in the world because of her status. This version kind of feels like a "I did my part, now leave me alone" vibe, and I feel like that would just get boring when the protagonist just wants to do some op shit to just nope the fuck out of every situation. Either way, I feel like both directions really have a limit before the plot gets stale.

Elli

I prefer this version because, in the older one when she didn't get a class, it just seemed so illogical and stupid, this version at least has a clear reasoning behind it. Although as with all op mc stories, it'll be hard to keep the plot interesting. But I guess that's the authors challenge to tackle.

Melone

Even better than the old one imo, for sure! The extra details really help the setting

Tyler MachadoDarth Bane

New version because we have a reason. We already have a reluctant hero savior in Salvos. Here she can travel the world and it can be a more slice of life. Her problem would be struggling to fit in after being isolated and not knowing anyone.

Peter Kiszler

I prefer the second version because in the first version its outside of the mc's control, in the new version not accepting the given role is more in human nature and I think it can make a better story. But in both case you need to make sure its not getting stale, many op mc stories that started good end up being boring if there is too many easy fights, but one of my favorite webnovels is Isekai Nonbiri Nouka where the mc don't realizes that he is op and only want to farm.

Captdeth

I love it My only complaint is that’s it shorter Good luck and I high hopes for this series

Stuporduck1

I like the new one, especially if she has enough power to cause the system to have an error then it makes sense for her to have the ability to stay outside of the system, that would also keep it in line with the title with the system being able to read only system values, also really like the concept

Brian Hopson

Better version already, Im hoping we can get a prologue of sorts or a recollection of events regarding the void and her survival in there pretty early on in the series.

Notcreepycreeper

This I would read! Instead of a glitch it's a choice which leaves so much room for good/funny character exploration/growth. I also now want to know more about the void. What is it? Why does she keep getting reincarnated to fight it? Finally I want to know the system more - unlike in Salvos, she had the option to turn down a class, a class specifically meant to protect the System. Making the system less omnipotent and humanized atleast in it's desire for survival. Will it keep pressuring her in different ways to take the class? Will it get sassy? Will there be penalties on her strength since the integration was rejected? I want to know...so I'll read!!

IdolTrust

This one is better than the original. It would be cool if the system becomes antagonist by evolving into a sentient being to force a class change on her

Rd Zg

A dozen more and an extra chappie come on vote.

Rd Zg

3 more votes

Rd Zg

We still have time since the second Salvos chapters haven't come out today yet.

Rd Zg

We only need 3 more votes so vote!

Lon

Mhm, I like new version more. She not being able to level up because she don't have a class and refuse to get a class dedicated to serve this world makes so much sense imo. I love it, wonder how she will live a peaceful life now.... this world already have a [Hero] which is probably because Amelia was hijacked into the Void maybe? Anyhow it looks nice and intriguing.

Rd Zg

We reached 150. We get extra chappie. YAY

Darkdragon

Both of these stories are good in my opinion you can take them in different directions as one could be her exploring and actively trying to restore the system as people look down or are ride to her. There are other opinions for that too, this one is good as she has the ability to accept it but also can mess around with the system that is trying to use her to keep itself alive

Sean Hibbitt

mmm I do like both, this one is slightly better, but I'm not sure how to feel about the the way she rejected the system... But i'm just one person, go with what you think is best and most people will like :)

Sunshine

Both are good. I might just like the 2nd one better because it’s more flushed out. There are some good ideas above about a foray into SOL and the system slowly becoming a character. It opens the door to the lore/mystery of why and how behind the system.