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I’m standing in my bedroom, my heart hammering, my body unraveling in ways that defy every ounce of logic I’ve ever clung to.

This morning, I cracked the “haunted” dairy farm case—another Scooby-Doo mystery solved. It was Old Man Jenkins, rigging flickering lights and eerie moos to scare off developers eyeing his land. Shaggy and Scooby were useless, cowering behind bales of hay, while I pieced it together: wires, speakers, a cheap projector. But as we unmasked him, one of his cows—agitated, wild-eyed—lunged and bit my hand. Its teeth broke skin, and a strange, burning tingle spread. I brushed it off, drove home, but now… now I’m changing, and I’m terrified.

The full moon is blasting through my window. My backside’s swelling, fattening, my skirt riding up, straining against my thighs. Between my two massive ass cheeks, my anus is expanding, swelling larger by the second, a throbbing, hypersensitive ring that pulses with intensity. Coarse fur is sprouting all over my body.

My nose turns pink and moist and broadens into a cow’s snout, snorting frantically, amplifying every smell—my dirty sheets, my own damp fur. A tail sprouts above my swollen anus, probing and twitching, each flick intensifying my panic. I’m burning, my mind screaming for answers, but the pain and terror is making it hard to think.

I stagger, clutching the dresser, my glasses fogging as I gasp, “Jinkies, no, please!” It comes out as a desperate, bovine moo. My ass sways, so massive it’s hard to stand up. My giant anus spasms again.

I’m Velma Dinkley, I solve mysteries! But I don’t know how I’m going to solve this one.

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