Forced to become the boyfriend for a Dancer who buffs everybody Ch.17 (Patreon)

We didn’t get an answer right away, obviously.

First, Sana had to cast Healing Rhythm on all the guards, especially the badly injured ones. Then we scrounged together anything heavy enough to reinforce the gate, since the owlbear was still out there, trying to break in.

Only after that does the sergeant, whose name is Dante, start filling us in.

It was a normal day, dealing with monsters, hunting nests,looking for tracks, nothing out of the ordinary for a town guard. But right around the time the shift was changing, the owlbear came crashing straight out of the treeline, glowing yellow. It caught the group outside, tore two of them apart before they could even react. The rest formed up as they’d trained for, a pike wall with archers behind, but their spears and pikes broke or just did nothing against the monster’s hide, and the arrows bounced clean off its back. That’s when it snapped its beak around three more men and tore them to pieces. Whoever was left ran for the gate, catching two more swipes on the way that left them badly hurt, but they made it, barred the gate, and lit the signal fire.

That explains the smoke.

I mull it over for a while, especially the detail about the monster glowing yellow and every attack bouncing off its hide.

My sword also did nothing against it, including when I used my spell. But Sana’s chakram cut it and drew blood. And the pepperbomb also worked in blinding it for a moment.

I can’t help but shudder at the fresh memory of that monster still managing to break a bone in me with a single swipe. Sana’s healing really is a blessing in every sense of the word.

“Was that magic?” I ask the sergeant. “Things don’t just glow on their own. Sounds like it buffed itself.” I pause a moment, trying to figure out how to explain this further. “There are spells like Harden Skin or Stone Skin that basically make you immune to physical damage.”

At least that’s how it works in D&D and in games, well, until you do even greater damage than the armor rating that the spell gave.

“A beast, usin’ magic?” The sergeant grimaces. “That’s a horrifyin’ thing to imagine. But we all saw it glow, and then our weapons didn’t workin’ on it.”

So he’s not against the idea either. But then Sana did hurt it, and the thing noticed and got enraged, which shouldn’t have happened if the buff was working properly. That part makes me frown, trying to think it through harder.

Beasts can’t use magic, as far as I know. But what I know isn’t universal law, especially not in this world because it has changed so many things and has so many elements from different places too. As far as I understand from the bit of general lore, these monsters are failed magic experiments. Maybe that opens the door for something strange like this.

“Do you have a plan?” I ask.

The sergeant makes a hard expression, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re waitin’ on reinforcements. Ain’t nothin’ else we can do.”

“I don’t wanna end up like Aaron…” One of the guards mutters.

“Or Tristan.”

“Fuck, Roland...”

The rest go grim at that, naming the other dead guards.

Yeah, morale’s in the gutter, and I can’t really blame them. If even mercenaries were that clear about avoiding owlbears, it’s got to be worse for regular guards who never signed up expecting one at their front door.

Then the gate cracks audibly.

Everyone turns to stare at the wood. One guard shrieks and falls flat on his ass, scrambling backward.

Shit.

I look back at the rest. Every face has gone from troubled to outright panicked, color draining fast. Despite not being an expert, I can still tell that they’re picturing their own deaths right now.

I glance at Sana. Her ears are down, worry written all over her face.

Message

“Sana, you need to dance for them. If it doesn’t buff them, it should at least cheer and inspire them a little.”

If they fall fully into despair, they’ll become a massive burden, or worse, become our enemies out of sheer panic and try to use us as bait so they try to escape. This can’t go on.

And the fox girl seems to understand this as well, answering with a nod and gets back to her feet, walking to stand in the middle of everyone, and before anyone can ask what she’s doing, she strikes a beautiful pose and starts her dance.

The sergeant opens his mouth to complain, then just... stops, mesmerized mid-word.

Even with the gate still banging behind us, every single one of them watches my favorite dancer perform until she finishes, and the whole group’s expression lightens up, smiles cracking through the fear and as the final touch everyone’s glowing a faint shade of green.

Huh. Must be one of her skills triggering.

Color’s back in their faces too.

Probably her Inspiring Leader feat, or something like it. I’m just glad it worked, and we solved the immediate problem.

With the sergeant no longer spiraling into despair, I grab his attention fast. “Sergeant Dante, I need your help to put together a plan.”

He nods.

“Do you have boiling water? Or sand? And bring whatever ranged weapons you’ve got. Arrows, javelins, spears, anything heavy. I don’t care, as long as you can throw it.”

We need every bit of advantage for this fight.

“Ye heard him!” Dante barks, already turning on his heel. “Move yer arses! Get every pot in this outpost onto a fire, sand too, and someone raid the armory, I want every bow and javelin we got up on that platform yesterday!”

“Where in the nine hells do we get that much sand, sarge?” one guard calls back, already half running.

“Dig it up from the courtyard, I don’t care, just get it hot!”

“On it!”

Two of them break off toward the well and the fire pit, another pair sprint for a shed I assume is the armory, and the rest start hauling iron pots. It’s chaos for a minute, but it’s productive chaos, which is a lot better than the frozen panic from moments ago.

I head for the pots once they are placed and kneel down. “Hope this works. Burning Blade.”

I bury my flaming sword in the sand first. The pot beside it starts smoking almost immediately, a strange, sharp smell rising off it. Then I move to the pot of water and turn it into scalding, bubbling water. By the time I finished, there were more pots to heat up, which I also heated up.

“Listen,” I say, turning back to the sergeant. “The owlbear can be hurt, it’s not invincible. I’m pretty sure it’s using magic, somehow, but that spell’s flawed. Sana cut its face with her chakrams, so my guess is the buff only covers its back and legs. And before you object, my girl can also debuff it to counter that magic. I’ll be the tank, I’ll take the aggro and hold it in place while your men hit it with everything they’ve got, and dump that hot sand and water on it while it’s pinned at the gate. Won’t kill it, but it’ll hurt like hell and might slow it down. Or blind it for good, hopefully.“

Dante holds his chin in thought. “I see. With debuff magic on our side, fightin’ that beast might actually be doable...”

“We’re actually gonna fight THAT?” One guard goes pale again, raising a shaky hand.

“You got a better option? Besides waiting here to die?” I snap at him.

Nobody answers that.

“Better to fight than sit here and pray for salvation. I’ll be the frontline, obviously, none of you need to go toe to toe with it and risk your lives. That’s why I’m the adventurer here, I’m the dumbass who risks his life for others.” I point at myself with my thumb. “Besides, in case you’ve all forgotten, that thing’s an owlbear, and they can jump really fucking high. It probably forgot, or it’s too angry to think straight right now, otherwise, it would’ve jumped the wall and killed all of you already.”

“ANON!” Sana shouts, and yeah, fuck…. I probably just demoralized the entire group again with that last part.

‘You really are a dumbass, Anon…’

“BUT! That’s not gonna happen today. Not while I keep it busy, so don’t worry about it. I’ll cripple it for you all, just focus on skewering that beast from the walls.”

Everyone nods, which, thankfully, salvages the shitty moment.

Although Sana is giving me a disapproving frown.

Someone hauls another bucket of sand over, and I heat it fast with my sword.

“What’re ye all gawpin’ at?! Grab yer bows! Grab yer weapons!” Dante barks new orders, clapping his hands.

That snaps everyone into motion once more, and they scramble for whatever they’ve got around.

With everyone armed and ready, we climb the ladder up to the platform behind the palisade wall.

First, I look at the fox girl who smiles at me, which in turn also makes me smile.

Then I look at the sergeant. “When everyone’s ready, pour the sand on it, and we’ll jump down. Wait for my girlfriend’s debuffs before anyone shoots.”

He nods.

We go for a quick check up on the owlbear as it rams itself into the gate again, another section groaning and cracking under the pressure.

Yeah, that gate isn’t lasting a minute.

“ATTACK!” The sergeant yells the signal.

They pour the hot sand and boiling water down at the same, and the owlbear shrieks, thrashing wildly, trying to shake the burning grit out of its fur and feathers.

“Let’s go, Sana!”

“Yes!”

We jump the palisade together and land behind it, the dancer quickly positioning herself at my back.

I spin fast, aiming for the legs, but my sword just bounces off. The owlbear snaps its head fully around and lunges, and I get my shield up in time, meeting it head on and holding it there not moving an inch.

“SANA!”

At the signal, she starts dancing, and a moment later a purple glow washes over the monster, making it stumble.

“KEEP GOING!” I shout, because those debuffs should stack.

“Take this!”

More glow ripples across its body, and suddenly a lot of weight lifts off my shield. I shove it back, and right on cue, arrows start whistling in, and this time they don’t bounce or break, they actually punch into its back. A javelin catches it in the arm and gets a whine out of it.

It’s working!

Then the owlbear whips its head around toward the guards, who freeze up for a second.

“Over here, you mongrel!” I react first, swinging hard and causing a nasty gash on its front leg.

That yanks its attention right back onto me. It hisses, eyes flaring red again, and lets out a chilling roar.

But it wastes just enough time throwing that tantrum that I already have another pepper bomb lit and thrown at its face.

“Catch!”

Just like last time, it explodes right on its beak, and it cries out, clawing at its own face again.

“SHOOT! SHOOT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YE LAZY BASTARDS!” Dante frantically shouts from over the wall.

That shout increases the rate of fire, turning the beast into a walking porcupine of arrows and javelins.

The big monster rears up onto two legs, letting out another roar, and that’s when Sana’s chakrams sail past me, twisting mid-arc, and slam directly into its eyes.

Jackpot!

“Good job, Sana!”

I don’t charge recklessly this time. I circle it instead, watching the monster grow more desperate, its claws swiping wildly through empty air now, more flailing than fighting.

While circling quickly analyzes the situation, starting with the fact that it’s blind, pincushioned, dripping blood from a dozen places, severely weakened but it’s still standing. So it can can land a lucky attack and will get me which I don’t want.

“Sana! Debuffs, hit it again!”

“Trying! It’s resisting!” She shouts, chakrams already spinning back toward her hands.

So that means that there are diminishing returns after stacking debuffs.

The owlbear, blind and cornered, does the one thing I didn’t account for. It stops trying to find me and instead throws itself sideways, straight into the palisade wall itself, shoulder-first, wood splintering with a deafening crack.

“It’s tryin’ to break out!” Dante roars from above. “Don’t let it through, don’t let it through!”

“SAND HERE!”

I look over my shoulder. “Sana, aim for the face!”

“On it!”

I sprint to close the gap before it can hit the wall a second time.

“Burning Blade!”

I use the momentum to leap and plunge my sword into the owlbear’s ass. It roars in pain and tries to slam its haunches back to crush me, but I get my shield up in time to block it and stop it cold, and that’s when I realize it’s pinned against the wall now, no room left to maneuver.

“DANTE! MORE SAND!”

“Anon, wait!” Sana tries to stop me.

“DO IT!”

I brace myself, lowering my head as the guards pour the last of the sand and water down over both of us.

Some of it hits me, mostly across the arms, but my armor takes the worst of it, the sand just skittering off the plate, and only a splash of boiling water reaches my gauntlets. It’s a little hot, but the leather absorbs most of the sting.

I fucking love you, Esme. I will kiss you next time.

That’s when I finally yank my sword free.

“BURNING BLADE!”

My powered-up strike slices a good chunk out of its back leg this time.

Yes! If I do that again, I might...

“ANON, WATCH OUT!” Sana screams.

I barely get my gaze up in time to find ANOTHER freaking owlbear coming down from above, claws out and eyes glowing red.

I’m about to get crushed.

But that’s when a fluffy tail whips around my neck and yanks me backward, my back slamming into Sana.

“Oof!”

We both hit the ground.

“Shit... that was close. Thanks, Sana.”

She nods happily, but her ears perk up fast again, and I look back to find the second owlbear staring right at us, eyes fully red, feathers bristled and the most noticeable detail; it’s bigger than the first.

But... but why?! Why is there another fucking owlbear?!

Wait. The captain mentioned there was a pack…. No fucking way.

“ALAN, YOU FUCKIN’ COWARD!!”

That yell grabs my attention. I turn my head just in time to see one of the guards has jumped outside the wall and is running to the forest in sheer panic, only to get jumped by a pack of worgs the second he reaches the treeline. 

The poor bastard gets immediately tackled as despite wearing simple armor he gets torn to pieces, limb by limb and tear open his stomach all while screaming in pure agony as he is dragged into the darkness. 

Sana gasps in horror, and I just stare with my mouth hanging open.

“ALAN!” the sergeant yells.

That breaks my shocks and then something clicks into place.

Worgs are cowards, but cunning. That’s what the huntmaster, Phil, told me back in Millhaven.

They love to hunt not just for food but for sport, they enjoy hurting those weaker than them then…

Don’t tell me these mutts lured the owlbears here. No, actually, it makes a lot of sense. They won’t fight guards, they’d die unless they’re alone or backed by an alpha, but if they lure a much stronger monster into the fight instead, either the two kill each other and leave a feast behind, or the stronger monster wins and only eats its share before wandering off, leaving a mountain of corpses for the pack to pick clean afterward.

Motherfuckers.

“A-Anon, wh-what do we do?!” Sana asks with an horrified tone. I glance over to find her shaking, hugging her own tail to her chest and taking a step back.

I look back at the owlbear, which is licking its beak, saliva already dripping.

I narrow my eyes and gather my courage to take a step forward instead. We won’t be this mongrel’s meal. “Sana, buff me. Just focus on buffing me, as much as you can.”

“O-Okay, darling!” And she dances.

“DANTE! Focus on the other one!” I shout.

The sergeant nods, snatches a javelin, and hurls it into the already-wounded owlbear. The shaft sinks deep and the beast finally collapses with a long, pained cry.

That’s enough to snap the second monster’s attention toward the guards, but I roar and charge first, suddenly feeling a lot faster.

Its focus snaps back to me, and it lunges with the claws ready. I dodge the first swipe and slam my shield into its face with everything I’ve got, shattering its beak.

Yet my arm rattles from the impact and goes numb and my arm loses most of its strength.

I clench my teeth. “Heals!”

“Healing Rhythm!”

My arm fixes itself just in time, because the big bastard has already recovered and is charging again. I block that charge head on, and this time my feet stay rooted and after killing its momentum I shove it back with a sudden burst of strength. The moment it staggers I drive my sword into its front leg.

The owlbear roars and rears up onto two legs, unleashing a furious barrage of swipes. I catch them one after another on the shield, teeth gritted against the constant shockwave of force hammering through my arm.

“Healing Rhythm!”

And the pain is gone.

Even with the healing keeping me standing, the arm finally gives out. One last heavy swipe shatters my shield guard completely, leaving me wide open. The big monster doesn’t waste the opening.

Time seems to slow as the claws come in and my eyes go wide. Yet my feet move on pure instinct. I barely twist aside; enough that the blow only scores across my armor instead of punching through my ribs. However, a deep, ugly gouge is left on the plate.

Dammit. That’s going to cost a fortune to fix… but I fucking love this armor.

“Healing Rhythm!”

Yeah, that helps, and I quickly recover my guard and back away.

After that, we start circling each other, clash again, but end up repelling each other and go right back to circling.

We clash again, same result.

This is starting to feel like a stalemate.

I risk a glance at the first owlbear. It’s fully down now, only groaning on the ground while a couple of guards poke at it with spears that can’t quite reach anything vital. That can only mean that they’re out of ammo. Although I can see busted furniture scattered around the body; looks like they threw everything they had into taking the first one down. 

So that can only mean that we’re alone against the second.

This situation is bullshit.

“FIRE BOWL JUTSU!”

That’s all the warning I get before a stream of fire screams in from the left, slamming into the monster’s side, causing it to shriek and stumble sideways, feathers and fur blackening.

I snap my head around just as Fief comes sprinting in, a dagger in each hand. Lightning crackles around her feet before she vanishes for half a second; then reappears already on top of the owlbear, driving both blades straight into its neck.

I watch, stunned, as she blurs again, and the monster’s ragged noises cut off all at once. Its head slides slowly off its shoulders, and the body collapses, headless, into the ground.

“Oi, oi, don’t look so relieved yet.” Fief flicks blood off both daggers with a snap of her wrists, not even out of breath. “You two owe me big for this one.”

“...Where the hell… did you even come from?” I ask between pants.

“Was in the area, taking care of business.” She grins, sauntering over, stepping right over the corpse. “Saw the smoke and came to check, didn’t want a forest fire starting that close to one of my places. But imagine my surprise when I find you two duking it out with these mutts.”

She kicks the body.

“You actually killed it…” Sana comments in awe.

“‘Course I did. Ninja, remember?” She twirls a dagger once before sheathing it. “You lot really oughta be thankin’ me more enthusiastically. I did just save both your asses, and this one’s whole outpost while I was at it.”

She really is way too strong. I couldn’t even see her move. Just how high is her level?

“HEY, HEEEEEEEY! THIS ONE’S STILL ALIVE!” Dante yells, making all of us turn.

Right. The first owlbear.

I react on instinct, sprinting toward the downed monster, sword already coming up.

“Burning Blade!”

I drive the blade deep into its neck but it doesn’t so much as twitch.

[+750 EXP] x2

Wait. Weren’t there worgs out there?

I look up sharply, half expecting a pack to come pouring out of the treeline, but there’s only one, already sprinting away, vanishing into the trees before I can even raise my sword again.

Cowards, after all.

Only then does the adrenaline finally leave me. I let out a long breath, shoulders sagging, and just kind of dropped onto my ass right there in the mud, then flat onto my back, staring up at the blue sky.

“Darling! Darling!”

But Sana’s voice gets swallowed by a sudden roar of cheering from the other guards, several of them already hauling the gate open and pouring out into the yard.

Before I can even sit back up, I’m roughly hauled to my feet, more carried than helped honestly, a couple of them holding me up under each arm while the rest scream and shout and shake me by the shoulders like I just won them a war.

Which, fair, I kind of did.

“YOU’RE AN INSANE BASTARD, YOU KNOW THAT?!” One of them yells directly into my ear, way too close.

“That was the single dumbest, ballsiest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of dumb shit!” Another one crows, slapping my shoulder hard enough to sting. Shit, must be too tired or bruised to feel that.

“TWO OWLBEARS! TWO!”

“I thought we were done for!”

They half-drag, half-carry me back through the gate and into the outpost proper, still shouting over each other, someone already yelling about breaking out whatever alcohol’s left in storage.

Dante’s the one who finally gets me deposited into a chair.

Sana doesn’t wait for permission, immediately dropping down beside me and wrapping both arms and her tail around me at once, squeezing tight.

“You scared me so much,” she mumbles into my shoulder, the only thing I actually focus on out of all the noise.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” I reach up and pat her head, and she melts into it instantly, ears flattening happily, a giggle escaping her lips despite everything.

“Don’t do that again! I mean it, Anon, my heart can’t take it!” She pulls back just enough to look at me properly, eyes a little wet, though the pout softens the second I keep petting her ears. “...But you were also really cool. Like, super cool. Charging in like that.”

“Pick one…” I say, huffing out something close to a laugh. “Scared or impressed?”

“Both! Obviously both!”

That alone makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

“Someone get the man a drink, he earned it!” Dante bellows, already pressing a mug into my free hand before I can object.

“OI! Where’s mine?!” Fief calls out from her spot against the wall. “I killed one too, y’know!”

“Get your own, thief!” someone shoots back, which gets a round of laughter, and Fief just cackles along with it, entirely unbothered since she simply stole a mug without anyone noticing but me.

But I catch her still watching us, that same smirk in place until her eyes land on Sana. I decide to let it pass this time. She did help, after all, and I’m not in the mood to overthink anything tonight.

“To the newbies!” someone shouts, raising a mug.

We are not newbies anymore but whatever.

“TO THE NEWBIES!” the yard roars back, and Sana, still tucked against my side, lifts an imaginary mug of her own and clinks it against mine with a giggle.

Wait a fucking minute, these idiots have flammable liquid?!

Ah, no this is just ale.

-------------------------------------------

The reinforcements arrived an hour later, after the fight and the small celebration with the survivors. The reinforcements were composed by a small army, twenty-three guards marching fast, led by Captain Dorden. Surprisingly, he was carrying a flag standard on his back and a fancy-looking broadsword on his back.

Their arrival took way too long, considering what the outpost was facing, but they aren’t adventurers. Probably had to rally from all the other outposts before coming to help, which is tactically sound at least. And they did come, so maybe this is one of those situations where intent counts for something.

The captain quickly took control of the situation, and the guards started helping rebuild and collect the corpses, along with the owlbears’, which we obviously checked for cores before resting. Sana sneakily snatched a core, because yes, much to our incredible luck, the first owlbear dropped one, which I ate as soon as she handed it to me. 

From that core my STR went up by two and my CON up by one.

Which is a freaking lot. I couldn’t help but wonder how much stats gain would be from even stronger monsters.

However, Fief disappeared the second the captain showed up with the small army, not before telling us not to mention her involvement, which was a strange request but respected her wishes, nonetheless. 

After that, Sana and I talked with the man himself.

Surprisingly, he seemed seriously grateful, explaining how the outpost would’ve been wiped out without our timely intervention, then went on about the tragedy of losing so many men to monsters like this. Almost a small speech, one that got the attention of the other guards, who seemed genuinely moved by it.

One even teared up. It seemed too dramatic at first but seriously, that guy knew how to talk.

That moving moment stopped when Dorden leaked a killing intent so strong it made me sweat and took the air right out of my lungs. Meanwhile, Sana started shaking with fear all over again that I had to hold her hand to stop her from falling to the ground.

The guards backed away too.

The captain simply walked off, alone, deep into the forest, and nobody dared stop him. All we could do was wait around for a couple hours. Because that scared me more than the actual monsters that almost killed us.

By the time the sun started its descent, the captain returned with his sword bloodied and armor smeared with dried blood. 

He declared the owlbears wouldn’t be a threat anymore. But there was no celebration for that, or even cheering from the guards.

I didn’t dare comment on anything. Didn’t dare to ask why he hadn’t just dealt with them in the first place instead of letting things get this bad. 

But honestly? I was too tired and scared to think that hard about it, and I just wanted to head back to town and fall asleep between Sana’s breasts and fluffy tail.

After that, we all returned to town with the captain and half the army marching alongside us. But we didn’t use Sana's speed buff for that, hence we reached Heshbrawn when the sky turned orange.

Once we reached the barracks, the captain quickly wrote up a document for an emergency quest, which we signed, then paid us seven gold coins and 5 silver coins. After taking care of that part, he pulled out another scroll, a lot longer than the first, which he wrote surprisingly fast with the quill and had us both sign it too. But what caught my attention was that the man stamped it with a different seal. It was orange wax this time, the image pressed into it a giant eye inside a burning sun.

Pretty fancy looking.

“This scroll,” Dorden starts, tapping it once before handing it over, “you’re to show only to a guild master. Any branch, doesn’t matter which. Present it, and you’ll be compensated appropriately for services rendered to the Crown.”

The crown? Well, technically we did serve the crown since we are adventurers in this kingdom… which I don’t actually know the name yet.

I take it, a little confused. “Compensated how, exactly?”

“That’s between you and the guild master.” He says it plainly, yet that doesn’t answer my question. “But rest assured, it won’t be modest. It will be a very fighting reward for adventurers such as yourselves.”

I glance at the fancy seal again. 

Hey, more rewards are always a good thing, whatever the details end up being. So I should take it and be grateful.

So I carefully store the scroll and give him a nod.

Only then does he stand up from his chair and extend a hand, which I quickly take. He shakes it firmly. “Thank you both. Truly. Men like you are rare, and the kingdom of Westerlund owes you more than seven gold coins for what you did here today.”

So this kingdom is called Westerlund? Good to know, so I’m not caught off guard and look like a clueless idiot.

But... that was really strange. More out of place than anything, coming from the asshole we’ve been dealing with for two weeks. Where was that attitude from before?

Especially since he turns to Sana next. “And you, miss. Your healing kept several of my men breathing today. Don’t think that goes unnoticed, it’s a blessing from his highness to have a healer such as you in our beautiful kingdom.”

Sana blinks, clearly thrown by the sincerity of it. “O-Oh, um, you’re welcome, Mr. Captain!”

And thanks her too, without a single snide remark or slur attached. Seriously, why is this guy acting so differently?

Nonetheless, we left the barracks after that. I will take Sana to the bathhouse first though, and maybe have some steamy fun there, pretty sure she would love the idea. Then we will return to the inn to finally call it a day.

“Guys, over here!”

Or that WAS the plan.

We both turn to find Fief standing on a different street, beckoning us over.

Sana and I exchange a quick look.

“Come on, darling, she did help us out there today.” Sana says, already tugging at my arm. “It’d be rude not to at least say thanks properly.”

That’s still Fief… but.

“Fine, fine.” I sigh and let her drag me over.

“Follow me, this way.” Fief jerks her thumb down a side street the moment we’re close enough.

“Wait, why? Can’t you just talk here?”

“Trust me, you don’t want an audience for this.” She doesn’t slow down.

That’s a strange enough request that I decide to stay alert in case she tries anything funny. Yeah, I know that’d be pointless considering the gap between us, but still. Red flag raised right there.

After a while of walking, the thief stops on an empty street and turns to face us, with the difference that all the usual cockiness drained out of her expression.

“Okay. You two need to be very careful around that guy.”

“What?” Sana tilts her head.

“Yeah. That guy calling himself Captain ‘Dorden’.” She makes air quotes with her fingers.

“Why? What are you implying?”

Fief scoffs. “I’ve known Dorden for a couple years. Lazy fatso, liked to boast, had a pair of knights doing most of his actual work for him and to boss around. But that guy back there? That’s not him. I’d bet my life on it.”

“Huh? Try to explain there.”

That is just confusing.

“I followed the bastard after he left the outpost and saw him slaughter the two remaining owlbears, a full-grown adult and its cub. You thought those two you killed were scary? Don’t even get me started on how bad a mama bear gets when she’s protecting a pup, but that’s beside the point. This ‘captain’ killed both of them, more like eviscerated them without breaking a sweat. I had to run for my life after, because somehow he turned his head like he knew exactly where I was hiding.”

“Okay?” Sana ventures, ears flattening slightly.

“So yeah, again, I knew Dorden. Fat guy wasn’t exactly weak, but he wasn’t anywhere close to that either. This is an entirely different level of strength. I’m pretty sure he would’ve slit my throat right there if I’d stuck around a second longer.”

“So you’re saying he’s an impostor.” I bring out the answer in her stead.

“Yeah, and that’d explain a lot of stuff that’s been happening lately. My missing clan members for starters and the dead adventurers. Dorden wouldn’t mess with my people since he always got a cut” She rubs the back of her neck, looking almost sheepish for once. “Ugh, look, I thought it’d be a nice gesture of goodwill to warn you two, okay? Don’t trust the captain. Better not talk to him too much either.”

Sorry, you are way too late woman we did a little too much of that already. And also you just confessed a blatant crime too but whatever.

So I quickly decided not to mention the scroll with the strange seal. Or how differently the man spoke to us this time, I think that if I tell her she will drag us into a big mess and I don’t want that.

“I guess... thank you for the tip.” I say. “There’s way too many strange things happening lately. I honestly don’t even know what to do with this. I will probably forget about it after sleeping it off.”

Maybe it will be true.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a freebie, this one time.” Fief waves a hand. “Cause you got a cute girlfriend with you, so, y’know. I’m just that good of a person.”

“Awww, thanks!” The dancer beams, entirely missing the actual motive.

“What about me?” I cross my arms, rolling my eyes despite nobody can see me doing that gesture.

She barks out a laugh and snaps her fingers. “Oh right, that reminds me, you two owe me for saving your sorry butts earlier.”

“Haha, yeah, thanks again for the save. We would’ve managed though.” Sana sheepsily laughs.

“Sure you would’ve.”

“So what do you want? A cut of the reward?” I ask.

I’d give her two gold coins at most. My armor, shield, and sword all need repairs after today, and that’s going to eat most of our earnings today.

“Me? Money?” The ninja cackles. “Hahaha, nice one, dude. Nah, not really interested in something that simple. There’s actually one little thing I want instead.”

I can already tell what she wants, it’s about Sana. So I mentally brace myself for something along those lines, and preparing an answer along the lines of telling her to fuck off.

“Get to the point, Fief.”

“Take off your helmet.”

What?

“What?”

“Take it off, come on, not that hard, right? You’ve been teasing me with this dumb mystery game for over a week now, so I really wanna know what’s hiding under there.”

I merely blink and glance at my girlfriend, who blinks back, and we share a long look.

Sana eventually looks away, biting her lip, hesitant for a moment. “Ermmm, since you helped us, I guess I can allow it, just this once, darling.”

“Knew you’d cave, eventually.” The crocodile girl says, which earns a glare from the fox girl, who’s blushing despite herself. “Aww, isn’t that sweet? You’re totally jealous!” Fief adds, grinning wider.

“Shut it!” Sana snaps, tail bristling, which actually catches Fief off guard.

“Whoa, whoa, sorry, didn’t mean to push.” Fief raises both hands in surrender, although I can see a small smirk hiding there.

Nonetheless, that seems to work on Sana, who slowly relaxes.

I just sigh. Honestly, if this gets Fief off our backs for a while, I’m all for it.

So with the decision made, I reach up for my helmet, twist it gently and pull it off.

Then I take a deep breath of fresh air. Wearing the armor’s cool and comfortable enough on its own thanks to the enchantment, but nothing beats actual open air on your face and hair after too many hours sealed inside. And yes, lifting the visor is just a temporary solution.

“There. Happy now?” I look at Fief.

But the ninja just stares, mouth slightly open.

Don’t tell me….

“...Would.” 

“FIEF!”

“What?! I told you I would be willing to take a full course meal!” Fief throws her hands up, entirely unrepentant. “Sorry, foxy, priorities have shifted. I want my dessert now.”

“He is NOT a dessert!” Sana’s tail puffs up to nearly twice its size, and she plants herself directly between us like a very small, very fluffy wall.

I should put my helmet back on. But I didn’t know that Sana could do that with her tail… That actually explains why her tail sometimes looked so big and fluffy.

“Relax, relax, I’m not gonna steal him.” Fief smirks, clearly enjoying this far too much. “...Probably.”

But I have that morbid curiosity to know what happens next between these two.

“BACK OFF!”

My shoulders sag before a fluffy tail wraps itself firmly around my face. Ah, no she is actually becoming a Koala again.

---------------------------------------------

AN: Good luck Anon… Also yes, face reveal for more chaotic shenanigans for our dynamic duo. Now gotta go to sleep.