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For Whom The Belle Tolls - Chapter 34. Feckless Cuddle Slut (Patreon)

Published:
2023-09-09 22:19:53
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2026-06
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Content

TRIGGER WARNING for discussions of battle, death, and survivors guilt

I did quite a bit of research on survivors guilt and read some interviews with former soldiers to try and get a feel for how to handle a bit of this. As always, I am completely open to any critiques or suggestions for how things need to be represented or discussed.

As a personal side note, it's my ten year high school reunion tonight (I know, I'm a baby, but still holy shit TEN YEARS?) and I'm going to roll up to it knowing that no one, not even me, could have predicted ten years ago that my life would look anything like it does now. 

Anywhoozle. Welcome all new people, and I hope you enjoy!

Jaysea


PLEASE DO NOT SHARE THIS ANYWHERE 

Comments

Vera and Onyx

Never have I ever been so prepared to cry. Best my emotions up. I’m ready.

Abbie E

Good luck tonight! Just know all of us are so proud of you!

S Davidson

Knock them dead at the HS reunion!

Ashley Poindexter

My 10 year reunion was a few weeks ago and the assholes didn’t tell me about it until the night of. I live 5 hours away from my hometown, so there was no goddamn way I could’ve made it with that short notice & I’m still mad about it.

Carrie Brooks

Glad you’re going to the reunion!!! Life is weird- I had no idea I’d be where I am now, either. 🤷🏼‍♀️ We want pics!!!!!!!!!!

Basil

I love this so much!!! thank you for the new chapter!!!!!

Devilcat

I. I think I’m Greg. I feel like I get him on so many levels and that’s probably why I like him on tik tok and the little bits I’ve seen here.

Nicole Ice

Yaaaay!! I love getting update emails! My 10 year reunion isn't until next year but that's still way too close 😅 have a great time!

Elle

I missed my 5, 10 & 15 year reunions, no regrets. Knock ‘em dead there, you’re amazing. Wear that shit like a mantle! On the book, the Lysistrata reference broke me. That was far too amusing. Loved this one. It was emotional but so so respectful! 💜💜

Lena Hanouna

I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to war and surviving it, but I believe you described it just like it would be for someone’s in Bel’s situation. I believe you could have gone a little bit more in the details but still, it doesn’t feel necessary. It just feels like we only have access to a small part of Bel’s pain, the part that Lily could guess during this moment, which I’m pretty content with. Absolutely love the new relationship with Greg et Lily, and absolutely can’t wait the moment when Sharkie’s gonna call Bel dad and luci papa. Amazing job ! <3

Kori

I should never read this at work… I keep doing it and bawling!

Ari Finnie

Great chapter, actually the only one recently that hasn't made me cry.

Mandy Karlin

I'm old... my 30 year was this year but I didn't get to go. Go and remember all the good memories and make lots of new ones. Cherish all of these wonderful experiences, expected and unexpected. Also, another amazing chapter... thank you for this small world you're creating ❤️

Thomas Forrest

Another great chapter!! I have no words, other than: I can’t wait to see the Greg Bel reunion!!! Keep up the amazing work Jaysea!!

Peter Psareas

Well, you certainly made me cry. This chapter is great. Bel’s vulnerability and strength were so powerful. Lily and Bel are great together. Seeing more of Greg is great, especially for Kat. Another great chapter. Thank you.

MzDivaShay

Amazing work on this chapter. Enjoy your reunion and the fun memories you’ll have from it. This year marks my 25th year and we do something every 5 years. 😊

StardustKyber

Greatest sin of all: Disturbing a restful peaceful cat. 😂

Caz

That was a beautiful chapter. Also, good luck with the reunion!

Pears

I haven’t read it yet but wanted to say have fun and remember who the fuck you are (and have become). I went to mine and mostly had fun but shifted occasionally into my then mindset. Who you are is not who you were and that won’t be the same for everyone! HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! I also skipped 15/20/25 but am considering 30.

Caitlin P

Beautifully done! Hope you have a great night!

JustSurvibing

Loved it ✨️💕 Great job glad Bel's awake now. Weekly Chapter Read ✅️ Weekly Comment that it was amazing ✅️ Weekly Sob Caused by Jaysea ✅️

Debra Cimabue

Hey I never went to a reunion. Actually never attended the grad ceremony. Do you! It will be 45 years next June.

Alexis Crespo

Well you did what you aimed to do. It made me cry within the first few pages. I think I love this chapter as one of the best. And have fun at your reunion. I did at my 20th a few years ago.

BaconVader

Got a little oniony around here. It was wonderful, as usual. When this becomes a book, I wanna copy.

Van Brewer

Masterful treatment of a very difficult subject, starting with how you gently handled our favorite characters through the mix of pain and grief and happiness and love. I don’t know if the empathy was within you or if it developed as you worked through your own experiences, or both, but only a very real and incredible amount of empathy could turn cold research into human, or demon, feelings, and do so very effectively. Hope you had a blast at the high school reunion! And, as always, thank you for sharing your creations with us. Priceless.

Dawn Shelly

So incredibly well done!!

A.C.

Again, the pictures that your words create, show an amazingly real world. I hope you continue to pursue writing. I look forward to these chapters every time.

Mark

I can't wait to crawl into bed, curl up, and devour this new chapter. Dress in your princess best and knock 'em dead tonight. You are a talented author, TikTok sensation, and absolutely gorgeous. Go and make EVERYBODY jealous!

Dezaree Denbraber

I really love the relationship that is Lily and Greg. I like learning and watching how the characters became the family we now know.

Trish Ramey

Beautifully written. The grief is poignant and real and true. Well done.

Ellie

You hit the nail on the head. It is harder to try to come back and be a civilian than most people know. It is hard to blend back in with people that have no idea or realization of how changed you feel or understanding of what you've been through.

Samantha Johnson

Beautiful and sad. This book is so fantastic 😍 have fun at the reunion!

Kelly Semon

Sidebar as I haven’t read the chapter yet- but I get a real kick out of the fact that we’re the same age. My HS grad class had an informal poll and decided not to bother with a 10 year reunion because too many of us still live too close for it to be worth the effort 😅 we’re going to reconsider at 15 years 😂

RubyRedDemise

Such a beautiful chapter as always. I truly love the conversation between her and Greg. And the fact that he clearly was planning to wait the kitty out. The trauma and survivors guilt is strong and very well represented.

LeAnne

I actually cried reading this one, you did such a good job on this chapter and can't wait to see when they realize she can give up reincarnation for a family.

Sherry Lorton

Thanks for the heads up ❤️, was glad I had the tissues at hand. Survivors guilt can be very hard to work through. After 8 years you are still thinking you could have changed things and saved them some how. 😢😢😢

Donna Haddaway

You are absolutely amazing in every way! Knock ‘em dead Princess!!

Kelly Semon

I was Totally fine and then the last line took me out!!! It was such an excellent delivery and also such a beautiful way of building Greg’s character over these last few chapters. The way I genuinely thought he was stopping himself from going in the room for the same reason he’d been waiting on the porch up until the moment Lily had to pick up the cat!! 😭 immediate crisis!! Great job. I’m a mess!!

Kristiane Laucht

Oh....okay, I didn't need to use my heart today, it's fine.

Kali Chamberlain

Oh the tears! 😭 great chapter nonetheless tho! My heart breaks for lily and bel so much in this one but knowing where they are now makes me happy. Have fun tonight!

Lawson harvey

Damon!! These are so good!! I want all of it now! It is a pleasure to see more of greg’s character, and his opening up to lily. Thank you for the warning. It helps. Reading this does dredge up feelings I thought I had dealt with. Apparently not though. Thank you for allowing us different methods of exploring ourselves, and our own pasts through your literature.

Sarah Erickson

Lovely and so well written. Great Job!

Embeth Arreyn

Well done as always. Enjoy your reunion!

melkay31

🥺🥺🥺💚💚💚💚💚💚

Veronica Gordon

Poor Bel 🥺🥺 I think your really gave the guilt a great voice. Go have fun and enjoy your reunion

Chandra

Awww Greggles!!! I loved this chapter so much! I’ve said it before but I love the way you write those tender moments of raw emotion between Lily and Bel. It allows us to be little empaths and truly understand the depth of emotions they’re carrying, it so real. Admittedly I’m a Greg stan, but the way you balance the tension of his big emotions vs. his persona is so dope. Those quiet moments of bonding with Lily were really something special, great work as always!

Jordan Yeager

I didn’t realize how much I missed Greg until you started putting him in more often!! We need more Greg! He’s a softie.. who tortures people!!!

Kat 💜

Sweet Greg 💜 He's friend shaped! Bel is going to struggle with this, but he'll get through it. I don't, however, think he'd get through it if he didn't have Lily and Sharkie. Powerful chapter, Jaysea. Survivor's guilt is absolutely a thing and is very hard to deal with, especially without the right support. Well done 💜

Kat 💜

P.s. I really hope you're enjoying your reunion.

Kat Waterflame

My 25 year high school reunion was canceled because not enough people bought tickets. LOL They keep trying to insist on having our reunions at a sports bar! (I don't drink, and don't want to be around drunks, so I won't be going...)

Kat Waterflame

Page 3: Was "numbs of his horns" supposed to be "nubs of his horns"?

Tabitha

This is so beautifully written! I can't wait until this is is finished as a novel. It is already a comfort read. It has been such a hard few weeks, these chapters and the videos give me something to look forward to. Thank you, Jaysea! Have a fantastic reunion!

Chef Jeff

Wonderful chapter very moving and believable. I hope you enjoy your reunion showing my age my 40th is next year. It's 5:20 pm Sunday, it is a balmy 67*F or let me be bloody non-Yank 19*C.

Tyler Davie

This is the second time in two chapters that a tail and a leg have nearly made me unable to continue reading (or even form coherent sounds).

Juliana

i didn’t think id be spending my night in emotional distress over fictional demons at 4 in the morning but it’s jaysea what did i expect. 😭

Tzwaenia.fox

Crying over some fictional demons on Sunday mornings seems to become normal for me... love the writing, Jaysea. Also the fact that Max picked Greg? Love that ♡ can't wait for Bel and Greg to be reunited.

_jackieeeee

Another great chapter ❤️

Anna Warren

Wonderful chapter! Hope went into the reunion feeling as amazing as we all think you are

Ben Brown

Skipped my 40 year reunion. Who wants to hang out with a bunch of old farts?

Melissa Singley

Loved it! Told in such a wonderful way to recognize the survivors guilt.

Em Kemper

Just went to my ten year in June and not a single person recognized me. Best compliment of my life so far. I hope your reunion is lovely 💕 can I just say how much I love Greg and Bel’s friendship? It makes me so happy. The comfort and pain in this chapter is palpable. Feeling this in my soul 💕

Kat Brown aka MamaKat

Navy brat with many vet friends. Spot on. And so well written. I can’t wait for the book. It’s one I’d buy in hardcover.

Cassie Tudor

You know it’s really hard to read when you are bawling! LOL. Beautifully written as always. I truly appreciate that you do your research and try to make it as respectful and accurate as possible. I don’t know much about survivors guilt but I think you didn’t a great job at displaying it.

Keith Frederick

God it’s so good, Jaysea. Seriously, wonderfully written.

Meg

Your chapters get me through soooo many book hangovers. Would it be ok if I print these out and put them in a binder so I can have a physical copy every time I need a breath of fresh air with characters you have made me love like real friends?

Louise Benjamin

Okay, it's the onion chopping ninjas and the allergies... That's it, I'm not all emotional, at all. There's no tears rolling, and definitely didn't snot all over or hickkkup. Thank You.

Dalton Quallen

Hey I just want to say thank you. Whenever I have a bad day and/or my brain’s a bit too heavy I read through these and it helps so much it can’t fit properly into words. Thank you

Kat

I knew the Greg and Lily family relationship build would be amazing but you started it perfectly!! I am begging for more!

G

This was beautifully written. I love the dynamic that’s building between Greg and Lily. I love the trust and depth that exists within Lily and Bel’s relationship. And of course Max knows who his good people are. He also knows how to keep them hostage. Maybe Lily will use him to keep Bel in bed lol

Gigi Newbern

So good and sad I am caught up. I missed something. In which chapter did Sharkie get her aquarium???

Monique

Sobbing right out the gate with this one. I like how you handled Bel’s first brush of grief and guilt, with the old vs new him and coming to grips with losing people. It’s really meaningful and well handled imo. I love that Greg respects not moving a cat and how he’s almost nervous about seeing his friend again. When Lily was described as holding the phantom beating of Bel’s heart??? That’s romance right there.

omnipotentbee

i couldn’t wait for him to wake up via ao3 so here we are

Kristen
>>118830524

Saaaaaaame. Literally read the entire thing on ao3 in a day and needed more so I figured it was time to bite the bullet and subscribe 😁

poopies12

this is literally my first and last ever Patreon subscription you’re a fucking goddess with this shit I wish I was a publisher to fucking sign you Luci bless u queen I'm excited to die and live this afterlife firsthand

Felicity Shields

More Greg back story too please ❤️💔❤️

Elflacobell
>>118215786

Sharkie didn't get her aquarium paradise yet the aquarium mention in this chapter is an aquarium she built on a game