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For Whom The Belle Tolls - Rewritten First Chapter (Patreon)

Published:
2024-03-01 02:51:32
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

I'm essentially gutting the first half of the book right now and writing it again from scratch, while simultaneously feeling heinously guilty for not delivering the promised Penny and Greg book to you yet. I'm going to be much more intentional about my time and budgeting some "Peggles" time to get their story started. 

Thank you for all your patience, and also welcome new Patrons! 

As always, I welcome your thoughts, comments and critiques. Please don't post this anywhere else, and do not put it into a Google Doc (Google Docs has been skimming things to teach AI how to write). 

Boop anyone or anything that would spark joy for you 

Jaysea 

Comments

Kristin

Peggles!!🤣🤣🤣 I love it!

Momo-chan

The first line hooks you like nothing else can in my opinion! It’s absolutely brilliant and the emotion in the whole first chapter is beautiful because it just draws you in!! I can’t wait for this to be officially published!!

Taryn L

Will have to take a wee break from A Court of Wings and Ruin to read this!! Squee

mia

this is so beautiful. so heartbreakingly beautiful. i can’t wait for the rest of the second draft!

Leah

I love it just as much as I did the first time! Thank you for sharing this with us all in real time as you work on it, try not to feel too guilty about not having Penny and Greg up yet, we’re all excited but I think we also understand you are unfortunately very human and cannot do it all. Looking forward to more when the time is right!

Crystal Sullivan

I absolutely adore your writing. I don't cry, really. Haven't in about six years. (Long story you don't need dumped on you. Just know that yes, it is possible to train a child to not cry.) Your writing makes my throat hurt and my eyes get damp. Same feeling I got watching episode 6 of Queen Charlotte - "You did not go over the wall." That feeling. Gut wrenching in the most beautiful way.

Makena Nail

Ooooo take your time! I’m not gonna read this until the weekend because just from the comments I know I’m gonna cry. But I’ll boop the cats and the leopard geckos for you!!! So proud of all the work you’re doing and please make sure to take some time for yourself. You’re doing a lot of creatives, make sure you’re filling your own creative needs so you don’t burn out!

Taryn L

I loved it the first time... even more so this time 💚💜💚💜💚💜

Kristiane Laucht

Page 1 preparing her for a fight *that* would never come Page 2 line 3 double space between 'and let' Also in the politest way possible, fuck you, now I'm crying. There is a reason I never reread this damn chapter. Playing our emotions like a damn ukulele.

Jenna B

Oh I love this! It is heartbreaking but amazing!!

Celine Parks

This was so good!!!! Loving the rewrite so far!!!!

Anna M Hill
>>131088123

I see your trauma. You are enough. Hope you find healing. Sending you love. (Went through some pretty heinous trauma myself as a kiddo. Sorry if this was intrusive, offensive, or unwelcome.)

Anna M Hill

I cannot wait to read it!

Kayla White

Take your time! As much as I'm looking forward to penny and Greg's story you take the time you need!

babzz Ricketts

No need to ever feel guilty. These books or your babies. So take as long as it takes till you feel its ready for its debut. I got to say i am thourolly enjoying the first book and cant wait to re read it.

Mackenzie Hiltz

Ohmygoodness yeeessssss! You could rewrite this one hundred times over and I would read it a thousand. One note, on the first page there is a word missing: "Preparing for a fight *that* would never come" Also, I will try to boop the one-eyed kitty for you but she does usually take to turning her head trying to follow the finger doing said bopping and therefore missing the snoot. Also may result in a finger nom. Not a bite, as in will literally take your finger in her mouth and just hold it there for a few seconds 😂 We do so love her quirks lol

William Lynds

Well written the first time, even better polished up. Only request is could you use a larger font. As someone who's internet use is 100% phone based the size font you're using makes it uncomfortable to read on a phone screen.

Chef Jeff

Thank you for all you do, from your lives to TikTok skits and your true calling as a storyteller. I'm back from Australia in purgatory in Ohio. Different kitchen, but the same story with each place the employees get worse with their one-directional thinking blinders on doing just what is expected nothing above and beyond. This is the true decline of society....bare minimum. I need a feral Sharkie or Angel to come and shake things up. Happy Leap Year 12 years have passed since the loss of my two twin sons Cody and Caleb.

Kat Y

I love this! Take your time with Penny and Greg’s story. No one is rushing you. Least of all me!

CryptidZone

I love the way you write so much and I'm so happy to see your story evolve through its drafts, I can't wait until I can hold the book myself. You are doing incredible and I am so excited to see what comes next

Steph the Bard

Editing is a BRUTAL process and often you lose quite a bit of Draft One. You'll get there.

C.D.

Please don't beat yourself up. Good art takes time and effort. Your work is amazing and while we are all eager to see it, you as a person needs to come first. You and your stories are awesome and are worth waiting for. We aren't going anywhere.

C.D.
>>131097471

(Also I booped my cat Penny for you and she says hi. I will boop the other cats later, when they are within reach. )

Kori

Take your time! The story telling you are able to do takes work to be amazing. We will continue to be here, excited for your work.

Gwyneth Wells

About to get really morbid here so TW. My younger brother tends to threaten (and sometimes partially act) the same thing that Penny died from and is doing so rn so this is actually a godsend of a distraction from my life rn. Which, btw, don't feel pressured by. I just mean that you make an impact by being you and I'm grateful. Thank you for all you've given us Jaysea but also, don't feel pressured. It's YOUR story, not ours. We're just witnesses. We are grateful for all you choose to share and ask for nothing more. Well. We ask but not in a demanding way? Point is: write at a pace You feel comfortable with, create the story You want to share, make it what You want it to be. Don't worry about any of us or our "expectations". We're content with what you've provided so far and fine with waiting for more -- or none if you so choose.

Peter Psareas

I’ll read what you wrote whenever you post. I said on your live write at your pace, delay P & G if you need to edit first. I and I’m sure anyone on here will wait and be happy. I (we) also want you to be happy and healthy

Van Brewer

I want to say this with all the love and sincerity my heart can muster: fuck your imposter syndrome. Sure, like any wise professional, you will seek out ways to improve your craft, but I consider this to be conclusive evidence that you just really need to rely on your instincts. They are spot on. Blessed be, Bard of the Beyond. This is a stretch, but do you remember the Churchill quote about when you get the strongest admiral, the bravest general, the staunchest Marine and most stalwart airman in a room together, what do you get? The sum of their fears. You can take counsel of your fears without being controlled by them. Trust your judgment!

Van Brewer
>>131088123

Love calls to love. May you both walk in the light, and your journey be blessed with joy as your companion. My apologies if I presumed too much here, but this really touched my heart.

Illana Navas

We get to read this for the first time again! What a gift you’re giving us! We will be happy and patient and gratefully accept all that you share with us 🩷 also my puppy came along and booped me as I was writing this, it’s like he knew!

Samantha Johnson

So, am I jonesing for Greg and Penny's story? A little yeah. But do I want you to burn yourself out? Absolutely not. I may joke (and please let me know if it makes you feel pressured rather than complimented which is my intent.) But I have always stated and meant that you and your stories are worth waiting for.

Michael Feeney

Great revamp of the first chapter. Loved the fleshed out details of Lily’s tattoos and “Bumper sticker on a Bentley” which had the perfect amount of humour and melancholily. Kind of low key missing that lily’s mum is “Momma” instead of “the mothership” But I know what editing is like.

melkay31

💚💚💚💚

Kage

I can already tell that this is going to be an amazing revamp of this story. I am so excited to read this, the first draft was already well written, but the addition of more details has already made it better. You take all the time you need on your work, you have everyone here to support you whole-heartedly.

someone random

If I was to write a hells bells fic, would you recommend drafting out side of Google docs

Troutwaxer

I draft mine in LibreOffice.

Troutwaxer

The big thing I've learned is even if you're writing a very long fic, don't start posting chapters until you're done!! Not done with the chapter, but done with the whole durned thing!!

Brooke Baker

I will reread and reread and reread revamped chapters because I just love this whole story!!! Am I excited about penny and Greg’s book? Yes but keep doing you and keep self care in mind!!

Luraa Lack

So on page one instead of the cool air went biting it should be the cool air became biting and it’s .. for a fight - that-would never come. You forgot the word that. Other than that I saw no more errors and I reread the first draft and this one and I love the changes they made the story more well rounded!!! Great job!!!

McKenna

THIS IS SO GOOD!! I can tell right now this will get better with everyone draft. (The only thing I would like to add is we need a physical description of Lily. We have her tattoos but nothing else so we just picture you seeing as that's all we have.)

Tabitha Adkins

This is awesome! Thanks for the info on Google docs, I'll be pulling my things from there now!

Kat Bechdol

Excited to see the updated chapters! On the 3rd and 4th page Lily says Gods. I know once she’s established in the afterlife she would make those references…but it feels like at this point she wouldn’t make it plural in her mind.

Starr Anderson
>>131408436

I dunno. I feel like she probably deconstructed a bit in life; the cancer/broke/helpless struggle probably contributed. Interesting catch though; off to read!

Keith Frederick

Well done. A lot of the issues with first drafts have been ironed out and it reads very well. I’ve done a lot of editing in my working life and I don’t know if I’d change maybe anything. I do wonder, however, about the pros and cons of revealing what type of cancer Lily succumbed to.

Zya Tyner

I'm so excited to get to read this edit. I finally had the extra money to support the Patreon, and have been waiting to read an update as I was initially reading it from the ao3 uploads last year(never did finish the last upload that happened there). I'm having minor surgery tomorrow and it's almost a 1.5-hour drive- I'm gonna read this the whole ride there!!!

Ian McCann

Finally got a chance to get on Patreon! Just started a new job and I can't do training for a week because the IT guy that was supposed to set my system access up went on vacation and is radio silent until next week. Excited to read this as I sit on my butt and get paid to do so!

Zelu

I know you said during the love you were actually trying to shorten the chapter but I love the extra details added. It really helps bring Lilys personality to life on page.

Caelaw

I love the first draft! Can’t wait to see what you do next. Please don’t cut too much!

Mellanie Sabino

I wanna spend just a moment inside your brain so i can experience your genius. Like i want to read literally anything you write. Youre ability to really world build and keep track of so many complex character arcs is astounding. Do you have any stories anywhere else?

William Lynds
>>131089648

I used to have a dog that would hold our wrist. Usually when he wanted to go outside but often just to make sure you didn't go anywhere.

Aaryin

This is something I wanted when I first read this story. This is beautiful.

Deaandtay

Is there a new Novel For Everyone’s back stories in the mix? I’m absolutely love the first one. Would LOVE rinse Even more. You’re so very talented

Sarah Bent

Love the changes- in particular thr references to Lily being a warrior that will tie beautifully in later.

Maddalena Alias

Ehm hey, im a native Italian speaker if you’ll ever be interested in translation to Italian I’d be happy to help and see come to life this story also here

Sorkabeth

Just read the first draft of chapter 1 and this one back to back. I LOVE the added detail and it definitely gives the emotional impact more intensity without losing any of the things I loved about the original. Beautifully done! I WANT to hope that all the chapters will get added detail and depth without losing anything we (your readers) loved in the first draft but as that would make the beefcake even beefcakier, I am bracing for the part of the editing process where we have to lose things to gain others. You're doing great! (I will, however, start a riot if we don't get to keep the part where Lily first meets Bel as a voice in a group computer game...though it doesn't HAVE to be Among Us if there's copyright or whatever reasons)

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

I know it's two months later and people have probably already said places where they've found something wrong but unless I say this it will bother me that I didn't, yay ASD 😝 In the first page it says "Her heart had started racing then, pumping blood and adrenaline through her system, preparing her for a fight would never come.", missing a "that" between "fight would". 😊

Lauren

I'm currently half way through the first draft of the book and struggling to put it down at night it's so good

Kim

I can’t wait for this to come out in print I’m going to try so hard to save up for this. I might have to dip into my special fund lol

ScaryMamaBear

I have just re-read the completed first draft for like the fifth time I love the story so much. I haven’t looked at any of the edits yet, but with the story haven’t gone the way it has in the videos and the twins being born after Ruggy (and now assuming Sharkie) comes back from reincarnation, please tell me at some point they come back and recognize Lily and remembers because some souls don’t always remember their previous life after they reincarnate right?

Nena

New Patreon member here. I LOVE this!! I am in tears. THANK YOU for writing this!! I patiently await the book. YOU RAWK!!!!