How My Dad's Doing (Patreon)

[Note: I'm continuing to make Patreon content these days but I'm also dealing with a lot in my personal life right now. There's a lot I can't really discuss but the situation below is one that's been on my mind and I thought others might find it instructive so I'm sharing it with you here. Thanks, as always, for your support.]

The Call

Six week ago, I got a call from my mom telling me my dad was in the hospital. He'd had a stroke.

Dad had been experiencing issues with his vision and movement for a few days but he'd also started some new meds recently so he figured it might've just been side effects. But the vision issues persisted for days to the point where they were impeding my dad's daily activities. My parents are really fortunate to have an extensive social network here in the Washington state (mostly through their local church), so my dad reached out to an eye doctor friend who agreed to see him for an urgent appointment on a Sunday. 

The eye doctor found nothing wrong with dad's eyes. Instead, he told him, "Go to the ER because you might be having a stroke."

Indeed, it was the case. When my mom called to tell me the news, she was calm and didn't seem particularly frazzled. I spoke with my dad over the phone and he seemed fine too. No issues with his speech or cognition. Given how little it seemed to impact him, I think we all thought it was a "ministroke" and dad would probably be fine. 

I offered to go and visit and bring supplies to the hospital but my parents are fiercely independent and didn't want to trouble me.  Dad stayed overnight in the hospital and went home the next day. He got put on a battery of blood thinners and other meds and took several weeks off of work to recover. 

Still, I was mystified but what had actually happened to dad. Was it actually a stroke? If so, it seemed like his symptoms should've been more serious. What was his prognosis? My parents are proficient in English but when it comes to complex medical terminology, they are at a loss. They couldn't really explain what had happened to dad because they themselves didn't fully understand. I asked dad to share the medical charts/documents with me but I couldn't make heads or tails of it. (Does anyone else know what a "Small acute R PCA territory infracts" is?)

Fortunately, my dad had a follow-up appointment with a neurologist. We thought about getting him a translator (which the hospital is legally required to provide) but instead, I decided to just go with him myself to make the entire process simpler.

The Follow-Up 

Yesterday, I went to the hospital with my dad for the follow-up. This was my dad's first visit with this particular neurologist and it's always a bit nerve-wracking. Questions swirl, such as: Will the person be knowledgeable? Will they be kind? Will they be generous with their time? 

Fortunately for us, the Dr. O'Donnell was all three. He pulled up an MRI image of my dad's brain and calmly explained that yes, my dad had a full-blown stroke. A stroke is when brain tissue is deprived of blood/oxygen. The tissue dies off and is then permanently damaged. It is distinct from a "ministroke" or "transient ischemic attack," which does not necessarily inflict permanent damage (but is nevertheless still a cause for concern). 

It's hard to hear this news about a parent. 

Over the course of the next 40 minutes, Dr. O'Donnell explained that the brain can actually re-form itself to find new pathways to do the things it used to do -- which is actually pretty incredible when you think about it! That said, some damage is permanent. My dad will likely never recover his full eyesight again (small patches of his peripheral vision continue to be blurry). His memory and recall will also be impacted.

All of a sudden, a lot of my dad's weird remarks over the past month started to make a lot more sense. He'd had issues while taking his usual daily walks and then finding that he "didn't recognize" the place that he was in. He originally thought this was because of the vision but it might've been because of how the stroke affected his ability to recall things. 

Dr. O'Donnell also speculated on how the stroke might have occurred. High cholesterol and high blood pressure are risk factors that can impact the arteries that carry blood to the brain. It's possible that some combination of these factors in my dad, plus plain old genetics/bad luck, resulted in the stroke.

But it was also possible a clot might've occurred elsewhere in my dad's body that then traveled up to his brain. If my dad had an irregular heartbeat, even for just some of the time, it might've caused a small amount of blood to pool and then clot. The doctor suggested my dad wear a heart monitor for two weeks. In the instance of an irregular heartbeat, more strokes might be coming and thus more aggressive action will be necessary to prevent them. 

We'll see what happens.

The Takeaways

The appointment was a lot of information to take in.  Writing this all out has helped me to process it.

My biggest takeaway is that my family has been very lucky. The doctor predicts my dad will recover 80-90% of his physical capacity, likely on the higher end of that range because by all accounts this stroke was a small one. The doctor performed some extremely basic tests on my dad and found that his vision is mostly pretty good. Recently, dad has been taking 10,000 steps per day and he's already back working full-time (despite my mom's protestations). In short: It could've been way, way worse. 

That said, it will be a long road ahead to recovery for my dad and will likely take 6-12 months until he feels close to the "normal" that he used to before the stroke. This whole incident has made me realize how scary and plausible strokes are, and how much they can disrupt your life and the lives of those around you once they occur.

[I also wonder if the outcome might've been different if my dad had sought assistance more quickly. It was days between when my dad first started experiencing symptoms and when he finally made it to the ER. I feel like the US medical system has conditioned many of us to be self-sufficient but I do wish my parents sought help earlier and more often.]

On that note, hearing the doctor talk about my dad's risk factors made me re-consider my own health. I'm getting older myself and need to start watching out for my own cholesterol and blood pressure in a more serious way. It's much easier to solve for these things when you're younger and healthier than when you've already had a major incident and are looking down the barrel of a long and protracted recovery. This whole thing has been a wake-up call for me personally.

But finally, if you've read this far, I just want to encourage you: if you're on good terms with your parents, reach out and check in on them. Give them a call. Send a text. Invite them to dinner. My parents and I have a complex relationship but learning about my dad's health issues made me realize how little time we all truly have with those we love. Cherish it while you have it.