Update + Thoughts (Patreon)

TLDR: i'm showing many signs of depression and i've been unable to enjoy things and be productive for a while. that's why i'm most likely gonna take a break during the whole december and pause patreon billing so you won't be charged.

this year's october and november i have struggled with work like i never have before. i'm struggling with falling asleep and getting out of bed, i'm moving slower than ever and i'm unable to focus. drawing has been feeling awkward and unpleasant to the point where i can't even create something personal that reflects my emotions.
nothing feels right atm.

a lot of the feelings i experience right now have come up in 2-5 day long bursts over the last 5-7 years. my persistent sad mood, pessimism, feelings of worthlessness, loss of interest in games and movies, insomnia, restlessness and irritablity are things i've been familiar with at varying levels for many years, but for a few months now i noticed how it impacts my art endeavors and that those feelings have become more intense and last longer.

figuring out the causes for those symptoms is surprisingly easy when i look at my situation objectively from above. i doubt though that listing those causes here now is a clever move and i also dont want to flood this nsfw art patreon page with sadness and venting. i make this update primarily to let you guys know what is happening, to be transparent and to minimize confusion about why there's a month with less and sometimes lazy art and overall unpredictable commission openings.

a side of me hopes that it's just seasonal and i will of course still upload the things i did manage to finish this month.

i will also probably make another post at the end of december to update you.

thank you as usual for the continuous support, i greatly appreciate it! <3