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As promised, despite the fact that this went way over my estimate, it counts as one installment for purposes of the commission schedule. 

Please let me know if I need to cut out the hissing s's and f's. The character in the videos you provided was notable for extending all of his sibilants, like one imagines a snake-person would, but I find that when I write it out, it looks distracting. I might possibly cut them before publishing anywhere but here.

Comments

Alethia Grace Cyrus

As far as the sibilants, you might try either using them the first couple lines and then not using them (leaving the reader to mentally substitute as desired), or using them only on some of the moments when the Mukhtar is stressing his words more, or you might drop the S's and only draw out the F's, which look to me to be far less common and would still have some of the same effect. Doesn't have to be exactly like the original. You might even drop them altogether and just note that the S's sound strange, like they're made in a different part of the mouth, or because the mouth is shaped differently from human mouths?

Alethia Grace Cyrus

Gleep! This is so very very good! I'm grinning ^_^ Man, you put all sorts of details into it that I never would've thought of, and connections between elements and the worldbuilding... I am so very thrilled that I asked you for this, instead of trying to write it myself (even setting aside how much other writing I've got on my plate right now). I'm eagerly looking forward to the point when you have it uploaded to AO3 or wherever, so I can link my friends to it too. Thank you so much!

Alethia Grace Cyrus

Hmm... another possibility comes to mind: elongated S's only at the start of a word if directly before a vowel. So "stop," "slip," "shape" (sh, not s), and "best," but "sssorry," "sssafe," "sssilent."