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Secret Ending chapter 48 (Patreon)

Published:
2025-05-09 18:51:21
Edited:
2025-05-19 16:54:43
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Secret Ending chapter 48

January 18th 2016, Mental Recovery Bay, The Watchtower, Space, 11:00 AM EST "So, the first thing you need to understand," my Aunt told Zee and M'gann as she directed them in restructuring the ritual circles. "Is that everything you tried to do here was absolutely the best possible approach you c...

Comments

Jordan Belmont

I didn't holy shit that was great writing. But damn is the grandpa an evil twisted mfer. I was thinking as the story went on. There's no way an evil bastard like that would just let his other son go and only target his daughter for abuse. Looks like he was plotting to mess with his happily married son too.

Lynxarius

The more they talked about how similar it was to silver banshee's magic, and how the dad abused his kids, the more sure I was that the mysterious dude with concussive psychic magic who abused kids were the same guy.

Noctus Tagaris

that was pretty spine chilling tbh. my only feedback for you here is to slow down the pace a little bit as you approach the reveal. it makes things spookier. like having him notice the figure out of the corner of his eyes. having a moment of dawning horror as he realizes exactly what is going on. but yeah great job! the pace is only slightly rushed however and could have used some more descriptive language or a paragraph break to slow down the reveal just a little bit. EDIT: to be more specific - the prts that need slowing down - The scene with her entering the room to find her dad sitting with a box in hand. The scene of him realizing that it isnt his aunt projecting this but the figure in the corner of his eyes. -----Like, having him slowly wonder why his aunt is projecting this only to notice something in the corner of his eye and realize this isn't his aunt's memory. Slowing these two scenes down a little bit would, IMO, increase the impact of this hitting the reader through the MC's eyes. This is something out of a horror flick and should be treated as such IMO. Great job ofc!

Malcolm Tent

I overdid it on the story lol. Got too wrapped up in the details and didn't have enough time left for the final reveal.