Shooting with (Patreon)

Andrew Skorohod

I always thought that people who run marathons are deeply wounded souls, people running away from their own problems, trying to escape themselves but failing — so they just keep increasing the mileage they plan to conquer…

I was never the sporty girl. My body shape and fat ratio were always fine, and I can survive a hike up pretty much any mountain — yes, I’ll need frequent breaks, or I’ll just settle into my slow and steady rhythm — but I can go on for hours. The only thing I was really bad at was stretching. I’m not flexible at all. Back in my teenage years, I once pulled a ligament on the inner side of my thigh, and since then — tree mode. Even though before that I could at least do a split on my right leg.

And now the time has come for me to start working out too))))) I realized that you can’t actually run away from your traumas. You need to do the inner work, to work with a therapist — to train your brain, so to speak, break old neural pathways…

And I’ve been doing that for quite a while now, but my body is still stuck in the past. I started noticing how and where my muscles lock up, where they don’t let me breathe freely, where they restrict movement, where they just cannot relax. And even though I know that my shoulders, shoulder blades, and chest area are connected to my fears — even if I’ve already released those fears mentally — my body still needs time to let go. It can’t do it on its own. You need to teach it, the same way you train your mind in therapy.

Strange that it took me so long to realize this.

Me — the person who doesn’t like yoga, not a fan of running or healthy eating — I’ve now been working out every day at home for more than a month, plus stretching every morning… Because for some reason I decided I want to be able to do the splits again.

And you know what? I can see the results. To be honest — at first, I started doing all of this simply because I was unhappy with my body, my shape, my skin, and with how I felt physically. I didn’t feel my body at all — only tightness, no strength… But after just two weeks I started noticing not only phisical changes but also psychological. I feel more energy, more desires, more inspiration… And most importantly, I feel more open to new things. I no longer want to spend all day lying on the couch playing PlayStation, eating chips, drinking beer, binge-watching all the seasons of Game of Thrones… I feel inspired to try something new.

It’s such a nice feeling. And now I feel lighter with my fears, it’s easier to breathe, to feel, to explore.

And then — dancing. You all know I love dancing. But no one has ever seen my real dances… the ones I do when I’m completely alone. They’re strange, unpredictable, wild, not beautiful at all, but very emotional. I often cry when I dance. In those moments I don’t think at all. The music just moves me, with my eyes closed, and suddenly the flow of tears comes. It’s my personal way of cleansing myself from the things I didn’t say out loud, didn’t fully feel, didn’t allow myself to live through.

So basically — if you’re struggling mentally or emotionally right now, I really recommend starting with your body. It holds so much more than we realize.