Selfportraits on film (Patreon)

Okay, clearing this up and closing the loop. Short and honest. This is that very first self-portrait shoot on medium format film. Not “one of”. Not “almost the first”. Not “technically the second”. This one. The one I once promised to show someday. The someday is here. I am not lying.

At that time, I did not have my own medium format film camera. I did not even know who I could borrow one from. And honestly, I was not sure if I needed it at all. I knew about mechanical timers, but I had never even heard of built-in self-timers in cameras like this.

And then a friend said: I have my dad’s old Soviet camera lying around somewhere, and I think it has a self-timer.

For me, that was a wow-level discovery. Seriously. No one had ever told me about that. He let me use the camera while I was in Ukraine. Just so I could understand: do I actually want to shoot film and medium format, is it worth buying a camera, or should I just drop this idea and stop overthinking it. And almost casually, he added that he had no idea if the camera even worked.

The plan was to shoot in a studio. Comfortable, no extra eyes, perfect conditions. I was very inspired and shot an entire roll. At least, I thought I did. In the end, it turned out the film had not even caught. I was clicking into literal emptiness. I was furious.

The time I could use the camera was limited. A trip to Europe was coming up, so there were no other options. I just took it with me to the village..... And this is what came out.

Honestly, I have no idea how. After the studio attempt, I had zero faith. I was preparing myself for at least black or completely overexposed scans. On top of that, I chose quite difficult light for a first time shooting film. But back then, I was not thinking about any of that.

I just wanted to know if the camera worked at all.

If the film actually caught.

If I was once again clicking into nothing.

And if maybe I had been running around all this time with a dead piece of metal and hope.

As you can see, the camera turned out to be alive after all 🙂