Selfportraits on film (Patreon)

Lately, I’ve been feeling more and more inspired to photograph myself again — on everything: film and digital. The last time I took proper self-portraits was back in early April. Since then, the urge just disappeared. I wanted to shoot others, not myself. I traveled to Europe, then to Kyiv — kept shooting, sometimes even got photographed — but my hands just wouldn’t reach for the tripod. Now, as my editing backlog slowly shrinks, I feel the spark coming back. Yes, I’m a bit tired of repetition. It feels like I’m not making anything new, no masterpieces are being born. But I try not to squeeze it out of myself. I just shoot when it feels right, when I have the space and energy. And even if the result isn’t groundbreaking — I was in the process. That’s enough.

Lately, I’ve been craving something unusual for myself — something off-brand, playful. I bought red lipstick (!), flower-shaped earrings (also red), a bucket hat with tiny hearts, big and small rhinestones. You might ask: what’s all that for? You know those quirky film shoots with weird styling and bold characters? I want to play with that. Maybe I’ll draw red lines on my skin, or add freckles on my cheeks with lipstick. Maybe I’ll wear a wig. Maybe even a dress and heels (!). I want to go weird.

If you saw my recent story — a behind-the-scenes clip of a shoot I did with my friend Lolita in the studio — you’ll get the vibe. Strong lighting, red backdrop, topless, bold styling… (And yes, I’ll show you more of that once I finally edit the photos.) That shoot made me realize something: I’ve never shot myself like that. Why not? It’s still selfportraits. It can even be nude — but with a twist, more of a fashion edge, a constructed persona.

Why haven’t I tried expressing myself that way yet?

Before I fell in love with nude photography, I used to aim for fashion — trying to break into that distant, cold world of high style. But back then, I was trying to fit, to copy, to follow trends. And in doing so, I left out the most important part — self-expression. Once I found nude photography, that pressure faded. I felt free. But every now and then, the fashion fantasy knocks again — and I let it in, on my own terms. So now I want to try. To create something strange, maybe funny, maybe unsettling — or all of that at once.

Will you see the results soon? Who knows. But I defenetly try to be weird:)